still trying to fill up this book so i can feel some sort of accomplishment in my life

2

Debunking the Triangle Myth

It’s very hard to find ways to keep up with all your college work and still keep a balanced life. Many people say that when you get into college, you need to choose from two vertices of the first triangle while sacrificing the third one. Well, I need to tell you that that’s completely not true!

If you plan and organize your life, you will be able to manage your sleep schedule, your studying sessions and your night-outs without sacrificing one of them.

The first thing you need to do is being realistic. Instead of sleeping 9 hours a day, perhaps you will need to cut back to seven hours a day, which will probably provide enough energy throughout the day without letting your feel the burnout. On the other hand, you need to ration the time you spend with your friends and family. The best way to do so is scheduling a fixed schedule to be with them and dedicate yourself 100% during that time. It’s not how much time you have available that matters. What matters is what you do with the time you have available. Cutting back on fundamental aspects of your life will really hurt your grades – and if it doesn’t hurt your grades right away, it will hurt your body and state of mind sooner than you think. Sleepless nights have a mark on your body. On the other hand, depriving yourself of time spent with your loved ones can hurt and destroy relationships and in the end of the day, you’ll find out that those grades aren’t as worth as much as that.

Another thing I recommend is finding some sort of physical activity that helps you manage energy levels. Even running 10 minutes a day will do wonders for your physical and mental health, letting you cope with high stress levels and the feeling of burnout. Try to unplug from your college activities, listen to some music and concentrate on your body rather than on your brain.

You also need to prioritize. Choosing tons of classes just to feel productive is a waste of time. Having a heavily crowded schedule just for the sake of it will result in lower grades and a lower ability to focus on those classes. Pick classes that you think you can personally enjoy but can also help you on your chosen career path. Try to keep both of those aspects in mind when you’re picking subjects for the next semester, or else risking signing up for classes that are just filling you with stress and won’t even matter when you get your diploma.

Find a way to get help. You are not alone in this path and many of your classmates are probably feeling the same way. Try to get together and find a way to share some tasks or somehow trade notes and materials to help each other. If you can attend a lecture for any reason, don’t hesitate to ask for the class notes and assignments. If one of your classmates skips a lecture because they are sick, don’t hold back and hand them those notes. Finding a reading group is great to divide huge books into manageable chunks and distribute them between the members, so you have less reading to do and are able to summarize your part in a better way and then share your summary with your colleagues.

Schedule some “me-time”. Don’t look at your personal space as a failure towards your productivity goals. Try to incorporate at least half-an-hour with yourself in your busy schedule, and stick to it religiously. I always read a novel from 10 p.m to 10.30. Even if I reach that hour without finishing all the tasks for college that I had set out for myself to accomplish, I will just close my laptop, put away my notes and I will just allow myself to be relaxed for that half an hour.

anonymous asked:

Any good Vampire AU ? 😘

Hi ! This is not really my kind of fav fic so I haven’t read a lot, sorry !

- finding you was so hard (but loving you is easy)       : An incredibly shameless vampire!AU filled with stupid jokes, endless dates, flappy bird, a bro man dude pal sleepover thing and there also might be some sex in strange places.Also known as the one where everyone is a vampire, Louis is oblivious and somewhere along the way it becomes a bit too much like Twilight.   Then a string of thoughts make themselves clear in Louis’ head. First, Harry is a vampire. Second, Louis is a dumbass. Third, Louis is also unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Fourth, he’s pretty sure he just quoted the back of the Twilight book.  (66k)

- Take A Bite Outta Me       : Louis truly resents the implication that he is basically Harry’s own version of Bella goddamn Swan, because seriously, no. Just no. But the issue is that even this stupid Meyeresque revelation has done absolutely nothing to dampen his attraction to this weirdly charming vampire man who dresses in 8000 pound coats and hangs around in dilapidated buildings with his merry band of ethical bloodsuckers. Louis is a slightly inept vampire hunter. Harry is a slightly unique vampire. They meet. (4k)

- blood bank  : be my vampire, baby, i’ll be your boy. (or, in the middle of a snowstorm, their car breaks down and harry’s stuck with louis, a vampire).  (8.5k)

- let me outshine the moon : Fuck,” echoes Liam, shaking his head at them with a small smile on his face.  “Just don’t get yourselves killed.”“You can come too, if you want,” says Niall, standing up.“I wouldn’t be caught dead at a vampire bar,” Liam scoffs, standing up as well.  “Wait.  Fuck.”…or, boarding school students Niall and Harry chance a trip to the local vampire bar. (10k)

- come on, jump out at me  : (Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren’t exactly what they seem…) (7k)

- a moth to your flame  : Harry attends a Halloween party with his vampire boyfriend Louis and gets more than he bargained for.(9.4k)

- Run and I’ll Give Chase  :  “You go out every night and maybe you’re able to drink without hurting anyone, but you’re still thirsty, aren’t you? Still have an itch you can’t scratch. A need you can’t put a name to. You desire a companion.”  “You mean a keeper?” Harry corrects with venom in his voice. “Someone to put a leash on me.”  “Wouldn’t need a leash, love.” Louis whispers sensually, and he is suddenly behind Harry, too fast for his eyes to keep track of. “You’re practically pliant just by being in my presence. Of course, if you’re into that sort of thing, I could always get you a lovely collar with a matching leash once you decide to take me up on my offer.”  Or, Harry is a fledgling vampire without a maker. Louis is graciously offering to fill that role.  (24k)

Update (under the cut) on May 7th 2017

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anonymous asked:

Have you ever written a fic where shinichi is the ace one?

Do you know I don’t think I have?  I’ll see what I can do!  ;D  Under the readmore as always!


Shinichi froze up, eyes wide and dread closing his throat.  Kaito was holding his hand, and he looked like he… like he wanted to…

“Shinichi, I’m in love with you.”

He looked away, chest tight with anxiety.  This was bad.  He was going to have to tell Kaito, and then their relationship would be ruined.  One of the people Shinichi liked the most, the first person he’d loved since Ran, gone forever.

“Shinichi, Shinichi, are you okay?”  Kaito sounded like he’d been trying to get his attention more than just the twice.  “Hey, what’s wrong?  It’s not–I mean, you approve of Ran and Sera, so I thought…?”

“It’s not you,” Shinichi blurted.  “It’s not–I don’t mind, that is…  It’s not that you like boys, that’s not it.”

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Are You Trying to Make Me Hate You? (Loki x reader)

childishheart said: 19 (Are you trying to make me hate you?) with Loki

snooper1 said: aaa i love the prompts there’s so many i wanna choose but i think 20 (I don’t think I can stop thinking about you) with loki would be gr8

Sequel to Kneel Before Me

“(Y/N)?” Thor called out, peeking his head into the library but getting no reply.  He moved on to the gym, the kitchen, the lounge, and finally to the balcony where you were sitting quietly and reading on your one day off from the team.  “(Y/N), might I join you for a moment?”

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Confessions

Originally posted by mayfifolle

It’s Mark’s 18th birthday and you have just the right gift for him. 

Warnings: Fluff

Pairings: Mark Lee x reader

Word Count: 1.4 K

Requested: Everyone loving and supporting Mark for the cutie he is (AND HE IS A CUTIE OML LOOK AT HIM).


Mark Lee was the sweetest person you knew. When you first met him, it was a gloomy, rainy, school night and you were umbrella-less in the pouring rain. He offered his to you, putting it into your hands, insisting that you take it, then without another word, ran under the umbrella of his friend, (who you now know as Jeno). You thought he was crazy for doing so, but his simple gesture made you smile the entire walk home. 

He also had this aura around him. When you looked at him, his eyes held a strength to them, never seeming to lose focus. His hands never rested, feet never stood still and mind never ran out of words to say. He had this innate ability to make others put their trust into him, and no one so far has regretted that decision. 

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Second Chances

Summary: Zoom sends you to World 1, knowing that The Flash had been involved with your doppelgänger, hoping that you would be enough to distract him from his next attack. 

Warnings: Mentions of death

Barry felt like there was trouble everywhere he turned. It was like wherever he went, he could feel at least one pair of eyes burning into him.

It was like he couldn’t trust anyone since it was impossible to tell someone apart from their doppelgänger. After the whole encounter with Dr. Light, he had realized just how dangerous this issue could become.

He thought it would be impossible to imprison someone if there were to look exactly like someone he knew. He could not imagine locking up Cisco’s doppelgänger or Iris’ or anyone who be personally knew. Seeing someone he loved—though everyone knew it wasn’t actually them it would still look like them and that would be weird—locked up in prison was too much to handle. He had already spent too much time visiting his father in prison and he assumed if he were to see Henry’s double locked up would arise some unwanted emotions again.

And if there was one person he was never expecting to see again, it would definitely be you. Standing only twenty feet away, he froze as he watched you wander alone on the street.

A cruel flashback appeared in his mind of this being exactly how it was when he first met you. The sun setting, him just getting out of work as he decided to stop at check up on Iris at her job when he noticed an unknown girl wandering around. People didn’t wander in Central City. There wasn’t much here to see so there wasn’t much to wander off to so Barry had instantly become intrigued by you.  Visitors were rare in Central City so it was reasonable that you had first caught his attention

His heart ached when he snapped out of the daydream. Was he hallucinating? Or was the world just playing some cruel trick on him and making him regret his actions? Part of him thought that maybe he had somehow ran back in time and undid his past mistakes without him being aware of it but he always remembered those alternate timelines. This situation was too parallel to your first meeting to be a coincidence. Something sketchy was happening.

Was this the second chance he had been praying for since the accident? If he ignored this would he lose his second chance? He wasn’t willing to risk this passing him by.

In that moment, Barry decided that if this was some kind of joke, at least he’d be able to spend another moment with you. Even if it was just a dream he would still be able to apologize to you, something he hadn’t had the chance to do previously. Either it would be a second chance or some closure.

“Excuse me, miss?” He opted for the clueless introduction, as if he didn’t know anything about you. As if he was asked what you favorite book was, he wouldn’t be able to explain what it was and why. As if he had known nothing about your weekly, mandatory Saturday nights reality TV marathons. As if he couldn’t tell you where you two shared your first kiss or where you were when he asked you to move in with him. He was going to do this the same as the first time—though he still wasn’t sure if this was the universe repaying him for all his good deeds or a twisted joke meant to break him apart all over again.

You lifted your head to get a better look at the man talking to you and you froze. Nothing made sense anymore.

“Are you lost or are you just counting at the cracks in the sidewalk?” He let out a relieved sign when he saw you laugh lightly at his awful joke. It was the same joke from last time and though Barry remembered you telling him at your engagement party about how cheesy you had thought that was and only laughed in pity, he heart began to believe that this was his second chance. He could fix it all. He would fix it all.

Unbeknownst to him, you were facing the exact same issue as he was. A second chance.

“I actually am pretty lost. Everything is different from where I’m from, yet strangely similar.” It was much colder in this Central City than it was at your own home. Flurries of snow fell from the dark clouds above, making you wish you had worn something warmer that a thin hoodie.

“Well where are you going to, y/n?” Barry hadn’t even noticed the slip up, but you froze as soon as you heard it.

“How do you know my name?”

“Um, I’ve just seen you around before.” He wasn’t too quick on his feet with the lie but he had hoped he didn’t give anything away. Barry hadn’t thought it would be so hard to act like total strangers to a girl he was ready to marry.

His answer was sketchy but you chose to look past it. You had a mission to accomplish. You needed answers. “Well I’m looking for Star labs. Ever heard of it?”

Barry paled, this definitely was a perfect second chance but he still couldn’t lose the hope that this could be a second chance—second or not. “Yeah, I could take you there.”


The walk there made Barry so nostalgic. His heart ached at every witty remark you made yet he couldn’t think of the most recent time that he had smiled this much. Before the accident probably.

He made sure to text Cisco of what was going on—or rather what he perceived was going on—so that they didn’t think they were seeing some sort of ghost.

Caitlin was clearly uncomfortable in your presence but Cisco seemed to be very welcoming and hoped that this would lighten the situation a bit.

You sat at Cisco’s spinny chair, in turn making him steal Caitlin’s but she was too nervous to fight him over a chair at the moment. Barry was within arm’s reach, very unwilling to leave your side as you waited for someone else to join you before the questioning began.

An awkward silence filled the room as you waited but you took that time to steal glances at Barry, only to notice that his eyes were shamelessly locked on you. You hadn’t felt his stare leave you even when you glanced away but, luckily, it wasn’t an uncomfortable stare.

“Sorry I’m late,” Jay Garrick said as he tugged off his coat when he entered the room. “What’s up with the impromptu meeting? I thought…” His words trailed off when he looked up to see you staring at him with a surprised look. “Y/n?”

“You two know each other?” Cisco spoke up, waving his pen between you two.

“Y/n has always been a close friend of mine. She—along with a friend of ours—are some of the few people who know that I was the Crimson Comet.” He was shocked to see you again, let alone to be seeing you on this world.  This could not have been a good thing.

You were in shock of seeing him again. You had done so much mourning these past months that you weren’t sure if you could handle anyone else mysteriously reappearing back into your life. “Everyone thought you died, Jay. Have you been here all along?”

Jay sighed, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to relax a bit. “We can discuss this later. What the hell is going on here? Why are you here? How did you even get here?”

Your hands started to shake and you quickly hid them in your pockets to hide your moment of weakness. You’re a strong girl but that doesn’t mean you’re fearless. “Zoom found me, Jay.”

His eyes nearly popped out of his head at your revelation. You were like his little sister and he hated the thought of what you went through during his absence. When he was around he would always try to shield you and your boyfriend from the horrors that he saw on a day to day basis but his absence had clearly defeated those attempts.

“He found me.” You continued, feeling all the eyes in the room on you. “Zoom was going to kill me. But instead he decided to bargain with me.”

Jay sent you an inquisitive look. “But Zoom doesn’t bargain.”

“I know which is why I don’t understand why he did.” Zoom had to be your biggest fear and it was dreadful to be revisiting your near death experience with him—one of them at least.

“What exactly were the terms of this bargain?” Caitlin spoke up. She was still clearly uncomfortable but Jay’s presence made her relax a bit—not too much but enough.

“All that he told me was to come here and find The Flash.” You sighed. You weren’t even aware that there were multiple universes but, all in one day, this had been sprung onto you. The worst, yet best, part would have to be seeing Barry again—despite the fact that it wasn’t the Barry you had grown to know and love. It was still nice to see him, alive and well. “And I had assumed he meant Jay since he had been missing for almost a month but now I guess he was talking about Barry…”

Cisco spoke up this time, chewing on the end of his pen while he talked. That was always a bad habit of his, especially when he was thinking hard. “Just find him? He didn’t tell you to kill him or anything?”

You shook your head. You’re not a killer. No situation would change that and Zoom knew that. So if he wanted The Flash dead he would have sent someone else but it was clear that there was reasoning behind his actions, you just had to figure this out. Zoom wasn’t one to do something without a purpose.

“I think I know part of the reason.” This was the first time Barry had talked since he brought you back to star labs. Throughout this entire conversation, Barry couldn’t take his eyes off of you—you looked just like her. You even acted like her. He visibly saw no difference between you on your doppelgänger who lived on world one only two months ago. He hardly could even locate a difference between your personalities and it confused him to no end. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. A part of him wanted to rekindle with you what he had with her, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to open up those wounds again and start all over.

She had died only two months ago in a fire. Barry wasn’t even aware that she had been there—if so then she would have been the first person out of that building. He had tried so very hard but the fire wouldn’t stop. Only two people didn’t make it that night. The first was Jake Calling, who was the one who purposely started the fire for his own entertainment, who died almost instantly since he underestimated the flames power. His death was instant. But hers was slow and painful. Barry swore it was a night that she wasn’t working—he was even at Jitters with Iris when he had gotten the call from Cisco about a fire. He was relaxing while she was spending her final moments in immense pain.

He could never forgive himself for not saving her. He had promised to always protect her when he had proposed only months before she died but he let her down in every way he possibly could have. This was probably the worst thing Zoom could have done to him—and that was counting when he had beaten Barry to a pulp in front of his own city.

“You’re my ex-fiancé’s doppelgänger. Zoom must have found this out and sent you here to hurt me.”


Barry left not long after he made that announcement, shocking you and Jay with the news. You had quickly caught up with Jay while Barry spent some time along. It was clear he needed the space and you weren’t going to intrude yet.

Barry was sitting near the metahuman prison when you found him almost half an hour later. He was sat on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring blankly ahead.

You sat down next to him, sitting in silence for a few moments before you deemed it appropriate to speak up. “I’m not her, Barry. I’m sorry that you had to go through that pain of losing her and I understand if you can’t bear to be around me. Having me show up can’t be helping with that grief. Loss is a hard thing to cope with when your wounds won’t heal, I would know.”

He didn’t respond, just continued to stare off into space. This wasn’t the second chance he had in mind.

“I can tell that you loved her. She meant the world to you.”

Once again, silence. This was definitely going to be harder than you thought. So you debated for a few minutes on your next step before you decided to ask the question that had been pestering you since you found out about his relationship with your doppelgänger.

“How did she die?”

He stiffed at the question, debating whether or not it he should actually answer this, but he had no reason to push you away. You were reaching out to him; making sure he was alright. That had to count for something. “There was an arsonist who set the building she worked at on fire. I didn’t know she was there and I thought I had saved everybody but in reality I had just lost the person who had made me feel whole.” He didn’t elaborate much but it was a start.

You shivered at the mental image he gave you. It was eerily familiar to you and you desperately wanted to lock away the thoughts that arose with it but you couldn’t. It took so much of Barry to talk about this—though his reasoning was brief—so you may as well share your story too. You wanted his trust and honesty seemed like a good place to start.

“I almost died on my world once.” You sighed. Here goes nothing. “I just started working at Central City News and it was a huge building. So the company’s manager sent the Barry from my world, who was the best journalist in the company, to show me around. And it was like I instantaneously harbored some sort of a crush on you—him, sorry. We even went on a few dates here and there and we really hit it off. We were official within weeks and were instantly inseparable. He and Jay were my closest friends. One day, a guy came in our building, higher than a kite with a fully loaded gun. He shot four people before he had made his way towards where I was hiding under my desk. He pulled me out from hiding and by that time I had tears streaming down face because I was terrified. I wasn’t ready to die. He was about to shoot me when you—Barry from my world—called out to him, effectively distracting him from me. He took your life that day instead of mine and ever since that day I’ve been questioning why my life was traded for yours.” You paused for a moment, trying to rid yourself of the melancholy feelings that those thoughts had aroused. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. “So if it helps, in another world, you did save her and sacrificed your life in place of hers. It just wasn’t meant to be in this world.”

You both had loved and lost and just those encounters still haunt of you. But maybe, this was your second chance. You were sent here to distract him, even hurt him further by bring up those depressing nightmare that haunted him but maybe Zoom’s plan backfired this time. Maybe this would end up being the world where things would fall into place; it just wouldn’t be how anyone at all had expected.

I just have to vent about something for a minute, before I can write tonight’s thing. I have to get it out. I have to get it on paper, because I know that sometimes when I write I can get to the heart of what’s bothering me, even if I might be…afraid to say it out loud, even to admit it to myself. 

My anxiety is bad again. 

Which should come as no surprise. But…I have this problem. And this problem is that I’m too attached to the characters. 

People ask me why I’m so obsessed with my anxiety and all I can say is that it hurt me in so many different ways, for years, and I didn’t even realize it. I’m still pulling apart the pieces, still picking apart what’s rational and irrational. Like it is irrational to think that it’s okay if I never find close friendships in my own life and I can write other stories and adventures and that’s just as good. Now I don’t believe that. But for the last four years, until about this past March, I did. And of course now I think that and I wonder how I ever could have believed it, but I did. 

And it encouraged what should have been a hobby to become a full blown coping mechanism-to become my life. Maybe it was just a coincidence that I started writing at about the same time my best friend started picking another friend over me for the first time. I’d always been introverted. Nothing seemed wrong with spending three hours in my room at night writing in notebooks until my hands cramped so badly they could barely hold a pen. I was discovering characters. I was writing stories and adventures that I could never have in my own life and in a way it felt like I was living them. I was happy. Right? 

Who needs real friends when you can make them up yourself? Friends that are always free and will never abandon you, who will love you unconditionally always and you can trust more than you trust yourself-created with a clicking of keyboard keys or a few strokes of a pen. 

So I wrote more and more and more. I didn’t meet any of my friends that summer; none of them set anything up and I wasn’t particularly interested. By the next year it was a routine-I brought notebooks to school. Life happened in the periphery. The story was what mattered. Everything else was just background noise. It doesn’t matter that you’re not like them, that you don’t go to the malls on weekends or that no one ever reaches out to you to do anything. You create worlds. You don’t need them. And I accomplished things that I knew others didn’t-twenty five notebooks, fifty, a 500 page story in three volumes, fanfictions and entirely original books, books 80,000 words long, 100,000 words long, 200,000 words long. Adult authors didn’t write as much as I did and they didn’t have school and homework. I was a writer. The stories were my calling, the characters my friends. I quelled any dissent, any sense that this wasn’t right, that this happiness wasn’t pure. I was productive. The stories gave me a purpose. 

So I told myself I didn’t need anyone else, because everyone else had friends and my peers terrified me because I was always subconsciously comparing myself, finding myself falling short-and I ran back to my writing. I threw myself into books and movies and TV shows so that I often could think about little else. The characters became friends to me, closer than the people I went to school with. Sometimes in my head I would even talk to them, compare jokes, rationalize with myself (because someone had to) and let them tell me the things that deep down I knew-that I was worth it and there was a purpose for me outside of writing. Writing didn’t have to be everything.

But after a while I wanted it to be because it felt like I didn’t have anything else. 

Especially when I got to high school and I didn’t know anyone but everyone already knew each other and there were cliques and I was so anxious around them that I (still) have a hard time feeling comfortable around them, have a hard time believing that the group that I hang out with likes me for who I am and isn’t just hanging out with me for pity. And I tried. I tried to talk to people and I joined a couple of clubs and I had conversations with nice people but I still felt isolated, even around others. Nothing really seemed to make a difference. Lonely was lonely, and the only way I could fill it was with words. 

I could write ten thousand words in a night and it felt like that was all that mattered. And that made me withdraw more, because it felt like writing was all that I wanted to do. No one else cared, so I didn’t either. Easy. 

And Dany was the best friend I ever made. 

So last year I decided to try a new approach-I would use magical realism. I would pretend that I was at Hogwarts, give each of my classes a magical equivalent, Sort myself into a House, and imagine I was in a castle instead of a school, a dormitory instead of a single bedroom. Together instead of alone. I imagined myself a group of friends. And it worked. It felt wonderful, because for the first time I actually felt like I could be normal. 

And then in February, my therapist said that was not a helpful coping strategy and I had to stop that. So I did. But I couldn’t quit cold turkey, and I called Dany back. One friend would be okay; one friend was not imagining a group or a world. Dany was easy, because book Dany was thirteen when I was thirteen and we could just age together. 

A friend was good, for classes and going to see movies and going book shopping and sounding writing ideas. A close friend. A best friend. 

It was wonderful, but it was also terrible. Because happiness like that is only ever half fulfilled; there’s always something that feels like it’s missing, that feels like it’s empty. But the only one I could ever imagine truly calling my ‘best’ friend was a fictional character because of all the history, because of everything I’d written and imagined. We don’t write characters the way that their authors write them; we always bring our own interpretation. And after a while, I fleshed my interpretation out very well. 

A friend who was imaginary. And I knew it could only be temporary. But it hasn’t stopped being necessary. Not yet. Every time I think about stopping, about even just letting these characters become characters, about not writing as much as I do, interacting with them as characters and not intrinsic parts of my life…I panic. There’s no one that knows me like she does and I can’t imagine abandoning my closest friendship and being so lonely. 

I know it sounds weird and you can absolutely feel free to think that I’m crazy or overdramatic, but that’s how it feels. 

I did that to a lesser extent this summer. Around the time we hit August I started feeling depressed about school starting and I wrote a lot more. I had lots of prompts, I settled into a routine…and I loved writing and I wanted to do it more and more because I love Jonerys and I genuinely wish that I could write 24/7. It was like I could write away the anxiety and I began to resent anything that took me away from writing, even just to get coffee with a friend. What did it matter if I was happy, when I was writing? I was making people happy, no matter what my parents said or that they thought I was being a slug and not doing anything. But it was only temporary. Now the season’s over and who knows when season 8 will be on.

So I have to let it go, to some extent. I can’t say that I’ll stop writing or that I’ll even stop writing as much as I do, but it has to be that. Writing. Not coping. I have to want to hang out with my friends, without looking forward to that smut scene I’ll be writing later or just wanting to imagine conversations.  

And that terrifies me. I’m not there yet. And yet I know I can’t really move forward until I do-until I can stomach the idea of having more balance in my life, until I don’t need to write, until I can put building friendships over the pressure of reaching story one hundred before I turn eighteen (though I’ve probably passed that milestone by now). 

It’s not like I can suddenly just stop it. It’s too ingrained. I can’t just give it up because I don’t want to. After so many years of telling myself that ‘normal’ teenagers are tied up in their own drama and I’m glad not to be a part of it, that it’s fine if I write other people’s stories without making my own…but I know it’s yet another fabrication. I’m so good at pretending that I can pretend even to myself. 

My mom is always telling me to write a story of my own (and never seems to realize that I do, I just haven’t had time because I have so many prompts). And this is it. But I can’t write it just yet because it’s not over. I haven’t figured out how to fix myself. And for once I can’t look to books for help because they all have love interests and I’m not naive enough to think that *really* happens to real people. This princess (khaleesi) saves herself, thanks. 

And it’s funny because even though Dany makes me just want to write all the time, she’s making me so much stronger. She’s helping me figure things out, giving me confidence, making me want to be something better. I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet, but I’m getting there. 

So no, I’m not in the same place that I was at the beginning of last year. Yes, I’m still anxious and worried and I have to confront this head on and I decide to get better. I can’t just survive this school year by getting through school and then writing fanfiction and original stuff and reading thirteen books a month. I have to text people and set things up and do a whole bunch of stuff that I don’t want to do and it all seems terrifying right now.

It was supposed to be temporary. Time to make it temporary. 

But it’s going to take a while to undo all of these thought patterns. And I’m still going to be writing because I love it…but it can’t be everything. High school isn’t meant to be this big of an ordeal. I shouldn’t be getting nervous breakdowns every time I think about it. And eventually I’ll find stuff that’s better than the fictional stuff. It’s not coming immediately though. 

This year is going to be another fight. But when isn’t it? Dany’s on an upward trend and I’m happy to say that I am too. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this, much less posting it. I’ll probably delete it after a little while. But I have to do something to cement this and put it out there that yes, I’m really doing this. Writing a book in a month is not the end all be all. Having friends is good too. 

Hopefully I can write now. It’s hard fluff and such when heavy stuff like this is clogging the writing pipes. 

Book 2: The Visitor, Chapters 13-14

(Previously on WTF is an Animorph?: Fluffer McKitty goes exploring)

Chapter 13

We pick up right where we left off: Visser Three wants AP Chapman (who, yes, is technically I266 but I’m never going to remember that, so we’re just calling him Chapman unless otherwise necessary) to kill Cat!Rachel.

Rachel realizes that her only hope is to act exactly like a real cat would, that is, not to react in any way to her imminent death.  So she just stays where she is and doesn’t twitch.

Chapman and V3 stare at her.  She stares back. Cat Staring Contest is on.  (Cat staring contests are hard. I lose to my cats constantly.)

Cat Staring Contest ends when Rachel decides to shake things up by meowing.  And then V3 decides to shake things up further by attacking her.  Rachel’s cat instincts make her duck and slash, which does no good at all because V3 continues to be a hologram and not actually there in the flesh.

What she does accomplish is to make V3 laugh and decide that he approves of cats, as ferocious and entertaining little beasts.  (Oh, V3, my dude, that is how cat lady-ness begins, RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN).  But he still wants her killed because he still thinks she might be a morphed Andalite pretending to be a cat. Chapman is concerned that Melissa will be upset if he kills her cat (you think so, buddy????), and V3 decides that it’s more important to save Chapman’s cover than to kill a cat.  So he more or less dismisses Rachel and gets on to the evening’s main topic: Where are the damn Andalites, and why hasn’t Chapman brought them yet, and would killing Melissa move things along any?

Apparently when you are Visser Three, every problem looks like a nail, and every solution looks like “morph into a giant terrifying creature and threaten to eat the nail”, and… okay, so I fucked up that analogy really badly.  But V3 is reaching into his bag of morphing tricks for a new form.

This time he decides to be a translucent purple tube with a slime-filled sucker-filled mouth at the end. Lovely.

He puts on a charming little holographic show, so Chapman can see a video of his terrible purple tube-mouth sucking on a human so hard that the Yeerk in her brain pops out of her ear and then the purple tube eats the Yeerk.  I just… I feel like V3 jumped several steps in the “employee motivation” chart here. There ought to be some intermediate level between “telling the employee they are performing poorly and are getting put on an improvement plan” and “telling the employee you are going to literally eat him alive.”  But what do I know, there’s a reason I’m not management material.

At any rate, V3 decides he’s done enough employee pep-talking and peaces out, leaving Chapman and Cat!Rachel both sort of shellshocked by the experience of the last five minutes.

I like to think that back in his spaceship, V3 nods approvingly and thinks to himself, I am such a good manager! and gives himself a little checkmark on his to-do list for the day.  Possibly he also writes himself a note for a follow-up action item: Investigate “cat” life-form, consider acquiring an example for study.

Chapter 14

Chapman and Rachel exit the basement for a chat with Ms. Chapman.  We learn a few things:

  • The purple tube thing is called a “Vanarx” and apparently is also known as “Yeerkbane”, which seems like a useful thing to know.  
  • Chapman is not a fan of V3 and hopes he gets in trouble with his own higher-ups and goes the hell away
  • Ms. Chapman, the practical one, is like, “that’s nice, honey, but realistically if that happens we’re both gonna get eaten by his purple tube-mouth before that can occur, so maybe don’t wish for that.”

They’re interrupted by Melissa coming downstairs to ask for math help.  She gets summarily blown off by both parents, in a way that Rachel finds particularly cold and inhuman.  Apparently Melissa does too, since she goes running back to her room and starts crying.

Rachel follows her up, and decides she needs to try to do something for her sad friend.  So she does what any Good Cat would do, and climbs up onto the bed with Melissa to start purring at her.   Melissa gives her ear and chins scratches and starts talking to her, asking what she did wrong to make her parents stop loving her.  Aww.  Poor kid.

Tobias can communicate with Rachel again now that she’s up from the basement, and he starts trying to get her out of the house before her time runs out and/or Fluffer comes back into the house and meets his doppelganger.  But Rachel is feeling pretty strongly about Melissa’s shitty life and trying to comfort her, and she’s having a bunch of feelings about all the other kids out there whose parents have been taken over by aliens and who don’t understand what’s going on in their homes. Rachel is mad as hell about the whole thing, really.  

She stays until Melissa falls asleep, and then squirms her way out of Melissa’s grip and out to the yard, to morph back and debrief everyone on the whole “AP Chapman has some sort of communication pod set up in his basement and also V3 really digs cats” situation.

(Next time on WTF is an Animorph?: V3 and a cat meet cute)

...But You Can Sleep Here

No, I’m not obsessed with Kabby. What?

And because I’m too lazy to set up an AO3 account, this story is the sequel to this: http://100foreverfiles.tumblr.com/post/117822488713/you-cant-sleep-there

It’s all tagged “kabby fic” on this blog, too. I’m so organized now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abby’s first thought when she woke up the next morning was not of the pain in her legs, but instead the warmth of having someone beside her - an unusual feeling after all those years alone. Although she couldn’t yet turn over on her side because of her injuries, she found herself somehow wrapped up in Marcus’s arms anyway - one of his arms was behind her and served as something of a pillow, while the other lay casually draped over her stomach.

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nebankh-deactivated20150414  asked:

I wonder if I should simply ask this through an ask .. Oh I think it's fine! Um, I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to write down the story for a (web)comic! I mean, I have a main plot in my head, but I'm not quite sure how to write it down to make it into a comic after! (And to put parts like a puzzle together since the story is only 75% done to me.) [I cant get more detailed in what I mean now, the ask is almost at it's limit! oAo;; So I hope you understand ^^;;]

Hey, it’s okay! :D Tumblr asks are terrible. If you want to get more detailed in what you mean, send me a fanmail!

PUTTING THIS BELOW A READMORE BECAUSE I TALK A LOT.

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put the stars in our eyes

word count: 1.8k

genre: fluff, so much fluff

warnings: none

summary: On two separate occasions, six years apart, Dan and Phil hold hands and look up at the stars. The second is thanks to a stray cat.

a/n: i don’t really know what this is i just haven’t published a fic in a while and i had some inspiration!! hope this is enjoyable??

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an introduction

it seems like it’s about time to explain who I am and what the hell I’m doing here. 

First some facts: I’m Leah.  I’m twenty one years old, in my third year of university, and a sociology major.  Sagittarius, music enthusiast, requiring a lot of coffee to make it through the day.  

This blog is old, but me being online is new… so I really need some new blogs to follow.  Please give this a like and I’ll check you out!

Below is the very long and rambly account of how I ended up here.  I don’t expect any of you to read it, I just… want it to be here somewhere.

Sending love and good vibes to you all!!

-Leah

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All that’s Best of Dark and Bright
Chapter 2/?

~3,700 words, rated M (eventually—T  this part)

Summary: Emma grew up with her family in the Enchanted Forest, but found her way to the Darkness all the same. Killian was stuck in Neverland a few decades longer than he’d expected, but eventually he won his way out and prepared to face his old enemy—only to find that a new Dark One had taken the crocodile’s place. An Enchanted Forest AU.

Note: I’m not really letting any Dark Swan spoilers influence this. I’m just doing my own take on it. Hope you like it. Thanks for reading. I forgot to mention in chapter 1—the title is derived from the Byron poem, “She Walks in Beauty.”

All chapters on Tumblr

Or read on Ao3

-

Emma’s eyes follow the drop of sweat that rolls down the side of Hook’s face, trails down his neck, and vanishes behind the deep v of his shirt—left open to expose far too much of his chest.

The hot summer sun beats down on the castle courtyard this afternoon as Hook teaches Henry some new attacks. He has Henry using a short cutlass, of the type favored by many sailors and pirates for close-quarters fighting. It’s hardly a blade her father would approve of, but Emma doesn’t mind—the weight and length are just right for a boy Henry’s size.

She watches how Henry handles himself while defending against a blow from Hook. It’s been just under a week of lessons, but he’s already improved by leaps and bounds. She’s proud of him.

Soon enough her eyes are drawn back to Hook—to the curve of his legs into a well-formed backside. To the strength of his arms, and the careful way he delivers his blows—just strong enough to test Henry’s skills, but without the force of a true attack. The way his face lights up in a grin when Henry successfully counters him. He looks like a different person when he smiles in true happiness—a person Emma wants to get to know better.

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