still the best book out there

for school stress :)

school can be extremely stressful this time of year! take some deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

close that book,

stop thinking about that project,

sit still and be quiet. 

even if for a minute,

just sit, clear your mind of any worries. 

it is going to be OK. you are going to do great no matter what!! one failure is but a raindrop in the ocean over the course of the school years. do your best, your best is enough. do what you can and do it with love, and i promise, it will all come back to you in ways you could never had imagined :) good luck friend! you got this.

Guys, guys, holy shit.

You need to read Dreadnought.

It’s about a 15 year old trans girl who gets superpowers.  It’s fucking incredible.

Danny Tozer has a problem: she just inherited the powers of Dreadnought, the world’s greatest superhero. Until Dreadnought fell out of the sky and died right in front of her, Danny was trying to keep people from finding out she’s transgender. But before he expired, Dreadnought passed his mantle to her, and those secondhand superpowers transformed Danny’s body into what she’s always thought it should be. Now there’s no hiding that she’s a girl.

It should be the happiest time of her life, but Danny’s first weeks finally living in a body that fits her are more difficult and complicated than she could have imagined. Between her father’s dangerous obsession with “curing” her girlhood, her best friend suddenly acting like he’s entitled to date her, and her fellow superheroes arguing over her place in their ranks, Danny feels like she’s in over her head.

She doesn’t have time to adjust. Dreadnought’s murderer—a cyborg named Utopia—still haunts the streets of New Port City, threatening destruction. If Danny can’t sort through the confusion of coming out, master her powers, and stop Utopia in time, humanity faces extinction.

I admittedly don’t normally read YA.  But this is the first time I’ve ever seen a book like this.  I have never in my 29 years, ever seen a trans lesbian superhero. It’s incredible.

The opening chapter, where still-in-closet Danny is almost guiltily painting her toenails, because it’s the only thing she can do to feel normal (but still hide from her parents), or when Danny is talking about being in sex-ed, learning about female reproductive systems and her body feeling that it’s missing something…  I just… I read a lot of books, and I cry really easily.  I have never cried so quickly and so easily at something.  I related to this so, so hard.  It was like the author pulled my own memories to the page. The book was written by a trans woman, which is why these experiences feel so real.

It’s fun and funny and heartwarming and angsty and powerful.

It’s just a damn good book, man.

anonymous asked:

If you have the time and if you don't mind, what are some books you really recommend? Doesn't have to be all time faves, but anything that pops into mind that you want more ppl to read and love, Extra points if lgbt+ , i got the whole summer with little to do and i wanna spend it reading some good quality writing and honestly so far your recs have introduced me to so many faves its unbelievable

[blushes profusely] oh wow, thank you!!!  i’m so glad you’ve trusted me enough to check out some of the stuff i reblog; that is like the ultimate compliment, i can’t even???  i don’t mind at all(!), fair warning though: i only started recording what i read partway through last year and my mind is like a sieve so i’ll do my absolute best to remember what’s sang to me in the recent past.  warning number two: i’m in an open relationship with absolutely every genre out there so i’ll try to note which belongs where so you can avoid those that hold no interest for you.

LGBT+

  • i’ll give you the sun.  i loved this book, the writing is fucking transformative and all the characters are so damn likable, while still being realistically flawed human beings.
  • the raven cycle (tetralogy).  definitely my favorite series since harry potter.  the writing, the world-building, the characters, it’s all on top-form.  i wrote a little, mini non-spoilery review of it: here, back when i was better (worse?) wordly-wise and my feels were brand new.
  • more happy than not.  i’m still not sure how i feel about this book.  it was hard, but it felt very true to the characters and the lingo and style matched the ages of the players and i have a lot of respect for that.
  • the watchmaker of filigree street.  woooow i loved this book.  i admit ‘historical fiction’ kind of makes me cringe.  it never precludes me from reading a book but it does knock it down the list by a book or five because they’re often very dense and very clunky and end up taking me ages to get through.  but this one was gorgeous.  i loved the plot, the attention lovingly placed on every character and the historical elements.  the surprise gay in an already brilliant book felt like winning the lottery honestly.
  • captive prince (trilogy).  okay, truthfully, i’m only putting this on here because the second book is such a high point for me.  it was never bad at any point but it had unfortunately been hyped far too much for it to live up to my, admittedly, very high expectations.  hopefully it’ll fare better with you?
  • everything i never told you.  i go back and forth on this one.  i like the writing a lot, i like the LGBT aspect a lot, and i like the mystery aspect a lot but there are definitely characters i would cut out entirely for sheer predictability if i could and that killed a lot of my enjoyment at the time (but i think much more highly of it in retrospect?).  so, take that as you like.
  • aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe.  if there’s a book that handles its characters with more care or respect or consideration then i haven’t run into it.  i love the way this is written and the people it’s populated with.
  • flying lessons & other stories.  a bunch of uber talented authors writing a bunch of uber diverse and LGBT-focused stories and, yes, that is exactly as awesome as it sounds.
  • the song of achilles.  it is utterly heart-breaking but so rich, honestly.

FANTASY

  • the diviners.  (also has a minor LGBT character, who may play a bigger role in the sequel?)  fair warning, i have not read the sequel, lair of dreams, because it is somehow still not out in paperback (yes, i read physical books, yes, i pretty exclusively read paperbacks so i can lug them everywhere with me, YES, I PRE-ORDERED THIS ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO AND IT’S STILL NOT OUT, NOT THAT I’M BITTER ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING) so i can’t speak to that one finishing on a high note as i don’t know.  but this was the first historical novel i managed to like in a long while.  it does such a good job of fusing in 1920s lingo and dress and aspects that i couldn’t help but love it.  add in the fantasy elements and i can admit i’m the perfect sucker for it.
  • the scorpio races.  i’m not sure why but it took me a long-ass time to get into this book, i wasn’t flipping pages with gusto until well towards the end but - especially as i was reading so much YA at the time - i really appreciated coming across a romance that lets both people come into it as themselves and stay themselves, neither puck nor sean were ever smashed or crumpled or shaved away to fit into their relationship, which was so refreshing.  plus the water horses were fucking cool.
  • the night circus.  the writing, the atmosphere, the circus.  just… it is all very whoa.
  • all the birds in the sky.  i loved this writing style and these characters and the magical elements.

CONTEMPORARY

  • i’ll meet you there.  there was something about this and i just… ended up liking it way more than i expected to.  i might’ve just read it at exactly the right time, i’m not sure, but i really enjoyed it.
  • the invoice.  this is honestly just hella cute and so freaking surreal.  swedes, man.

NON-FICTION

  • why not me?  i like mindy kaling a lot.  i make no apologies for that.  plus you can read both her books in about five seconds, haha.

SCIENCE FICTION

  • station eleven.  i loved this book.  the way the narrative is woven is so refreshing and i wish the comic book miranda was writing in this book was a real thing more than anything else in the woooorld.
  • illuminae.  hot DAMN this book was cool.  the plot was rock solid, the characters were hilarious and badass and the graphics made out of text and spiraling words and just the way this thing is put together?  shit, it’s worth your money and then some.
  • a robot in the garden.  okay this is just cute as hell.  i can’t even with tang, he’s the most adorable robot to ever adorable.
  • annihilation (southern reach trilogy).  (LGBT minor characters.)  okay, honestly?  i don’t know.  this was freaking zany but i was invested as fuck in all the kookiness for reasons i can’t articulately elaborate on.
  • the martian.  hilarious, engaging, SPACE.  what more do you want?

HORROR

  • things we lost in the fire.  this is more atmospheric than anything but, damn, could this get me wishing i wasn’t reading this in the dark or looking over my shoulder to make absolutely sure no one was standing behind me.  it’s a book of short stories (by the way, i love books of short stories and i definitely realize that is not true for everyone) and each one is so well-delivered and stylized.  i really enjoyed reading this.
  • let the right one in.  okay, this is legit horror so definitely stay away if you’re easily squicked out but it is harrrrrd to find good horror (at least in my opinion) and this definitely, definitely qualifies.
  • horrorstör.  i honestly had such low expectations for this, a horror story set in a wannabe-ikea, but it ended up being so ridiculous and strange and funny that i was won over by the finish.
  • the girl with all the gifts.  holy unique and well-executed zombie idea, batman!

SHORT STORIES

  • the bigness of the world.  there were definitely ones here that hit better than others but the ones i liked, i really liked!

GRAPHIC NOVELS (i read a lot of these so, um, prepare yourself)

  • saga.  (LGBT minor characters as well.)  this is world-building to a degree that i’m convinced did not exist before.  just, i can’t say enough amazing things about this series and the staggering amount of imagination that regularly goes into it.
  • ms. marvel.  heart-warming as fuck.  it’s definitely really easy to lose faith in the world these days, luckily kamala is there to remind you that people are primarily and genuinely good.
  • black science.  this is another one that took just an insane amount of imagination to cook up.  i got off to kind of a rocky start with this one but the gray-ness of all the characters really speaks to me, and that doesn’t really blossom until later in the series.
  • spider-man/deadpool.  this was very satisfying for my super duper spideypool-shipping mind.  joe and ed did us so good, and joe basically said in his sign-off: i made it absolutely as gay as they would let me, haha.
  • the wicked + the divine.  (LGBT minor characters that you’re going to get way too attached to, and retroactively.  it’s awful [sobs].)  the concept for this, gods reincarnating into teenagers before they burn up their hosts after a predetermined set of time, is so fucking cool.  the humor and the characters and the plot is all just aces.
  • iceman (LGBT MAIN CHARACTER).  okay, so this just started.  like issue #2 was only released days ago but 1) i am liking it so far and 2) marvel did it so dirty and barely advertised bobby - an openly homosexual superhero - was getting his own series, like, i found out about it the day before it went on sale and i keep my ear fairly close to the ground (not as close as some BY A LOT, but closer than the lay person i’d say) so if you can support it, please do!  pre-orders mean a lot in terms of numbers. :))))
  • descender.  admittedly, this starts out rooough.  because the main character, TIM-21 (and his little dog too), are annoying as hell.  he’s an android so there’s no dimension to him so he’s booooring as all get out but i am so glad i stuck with it through to the next trade because, probably picking up on the unsustainability of him as a main character, he gets shuffled off and the side characters get the stage and they rock so hard.
  • paper girls. (LGBT main characters.)  i’m kind of just convinced that brian k. vaughan can do no wrong at this point.  his plots are so tight and mind-blowing and badass.
  • monstress.  here’s a little tid-bit about me: female comic book writers are 100% more likely to get my money and my time because they are so damn rare and this series is unique, badass, and eye-opening.
  • black monday murders.  i’m a little premature with this since there’s only one volume and i usually try to wait until there are at least two but i check up on a volume two a lot so that definitely means something intrigued me!
  • nailbiter.  okay, i haven’t read the final volume yet ‘cause i’m reluctant to let it go but, so far, a series about multiple serial killers all being from the same town has me VERY HOOKED.

i wish i could remember more but this is honestly way better than i expected to do, haha.  they’re definitely not all my all-time faves but they’re ones that have stuck with me for one reason or another and that i didn’t feel i wasted my time on, so that’s something, right?  i hope this helps get you started and that you don’t think too awfully of me when you inevitably run across ones that aren’t your cup of tea!

What Sarah said at her book signing

- Rhys’s last name is Hotpants (then she retracted and said his name might be revealed in future novels).

- She doesn’t think Aelin and Rhys would fight if they met, they have to much in common. If they met Aelin would be like “I’m too distracted by how attractive you are.” If they got into a verbal fight Aelin would win. Her mean streak runs deeper than Rhys’s. Then she’d feel guilty because “he’s too pretty to cry.”

- If Amren and Manon were tapped in an elevator they’d have a stare off until they both got too hungry to continue. Manon would tear off the elevator’s ceiling panels with her claws and Amren would climb the wires. Then they’d go get a cup of blood together.

- Sarah likes to write “not nice” female characters like Amren and Nesta because she doesn’t think she was always the nicest person in high school. She also believes that no one is ever completely sweet and kind all the time, we’re all a mix of good and bad (except her sister-in-law who is apparently the nicest person in the world). 

- She wrote 20 000 words of Tower of Dawn her first day sitting down to write it. 

- Tower of Dawn will be told from the perspectives of Chaol, Nesryn and Yrene.

- If her characters order Starbucks Amren would be super strong expresso, Rhys would get a latte with pretty foam art and Feyre wouldn’t drink coffee but she’d get English breakfast tea.

- If she could bring her characters anywhere in our world she would bring Feyre to the Louvre. She would just watch Feyre look at the art for hours. She would bring Aelin to the Metropolitan Opera House, which is her favorite place in the world.

- Page 666 of ACOWAR was completely coincidental. When she was reading the version with numbered pages for the first time she burst out laughing when she saw what happened on that page.

- She refused to answer who has the longest wingspan but says she might throw it in at the end of the very last novel. Until then we can choose for ourselves who has the longest ‘wingspan’ and the best ‘flying skills’.

- It upsets her that people feel like they need to apologize for reading fantasy or romance novels. She gained most of her knowledge of healthy romantic and sexual relationships from those kinds of books.

- She still has her copy of Pride and Prejudice from ninth grade where she drew hearts and wrote Sarah Darcy in gel pen.

- Throne of Glass wasn’t a huge success right away. If Crown of Midnight hadn’t sold well she only would have gotten three books.

- She went off on a really long but super sweet tangent about how much she loves her husband. She says that despite common fandom belief he is not the inspiration for Rhys (their only similarities are that they have dark hair and are tall) but their relationship did inspire the tone of Feysand’s relationship, especially the importance placed on equality and partnership. Josh was smiling like crazy the entire time to the point where Sarah had to stop because she kept laughing at his “goofy grin.”

- The very first scene of ACOTAR was inspired by the first song of the Princess Mononoke soundtrack while the last scene of ACOWAR was inspired by the last song on the soundtrack. This was a coincidence.

- Her dog sleeps in Sarah’s office while she writes. She goes there after her walk every morning like she’s going to work.

- She gets inspiration for her female characters through music. She gets inspiration for her male characters by trying to figure our how to get their shirts off in a rainstorm.

2

Harry Potter best book moments - Order of the Phoenix, p. 824

“I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?” 

“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human —”    “THEN — I — DON’T — WANT — TO — BE — HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments from the spindle legged table beside him and flung it across the room. It shattered into a hundred tiny pieces against the wall. Several of the pictures let out yells of anger and fright, and the portrait of Armando Dippet said, “Really!”

anonymous asked:

"crazy detention stories"...go

They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:

  • So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
  • So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
  • Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
  • Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
  • The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
  • Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
  • It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
  • It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
  • Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
  • Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
  • One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
  • One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
  • As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
  • It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
  • Guys: It was me.
  • One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
  • There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
  • Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
  • One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
  • One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
  • One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
  • Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
  • One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
  • He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
  • One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
  • One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
  • It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
  • Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
  • Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
  • Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
  • So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
  • But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
  • So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
  • This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT
  • he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
  • The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
  • We never saw her in detention again😂
  • My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
  • This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
  • One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
  • Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
  • One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
  • I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
  • I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao

anonymous asked:

hey would you ever do a "what if harry potter had been a girl" story? or a trans girl? i don't know how much gender would change things except other people's perceptions but...

Hermione went to the library, when Harry first confided in her. Whatever the faculty, the administration, or the Ministry believed or didn’t believe, the Hogwarts library gave the children what they needed and always would.

Hermione came back with books and books on gender in wizarding history, on the spells and words wizards had used for centuries or decades or mere years, and she and Harry bent their heads together and figured out what words Harry felt best told her story. From her hometown library, after that first summer, Hermione brought back memoirs and brightly-colored pamphlets that Harry read through instead of finishing her Potions homework.

When Harry looked in the Mirror of Erised, she still saw her mother, her father, all her gathered, lost kin. The specter of her father gathered up her hands in his. Her mother pushed back the long dark hair Petunia had always made her cut short and she called her beautiful.

When she looked into it again, after Devil’s Snare and winged keys, giant chess and Ron lying prone on the floor, Hermione wringing her eleven year old hands in the potion riddle room– When Harry looked into the Mirror again, she saw herself, just herself. The girl in the mirror winked and smiled and slipped the Stone in Harry’s pocket. No matter what other wishes and want laid on her narrow shoulders, at the end of the day the thing Harry wanted most was to help. Harry brushed one hand over the lump of rock in her robe pocket, and then brushed her other over her mess of hair, which was feet shorter than the girl in the mirror’s.

She woke up in the hospital wing, bedside table piled high with candy.

Once Harry and Hermione had sussed out between them what the words were for what was going on here, they had explained it to Ron. Harry didn’t come out to anyone else until partway through second year, though, at the height of the Heir of Slytherin nonsense.

She was fed up, then. She just wanted to be left alone, and this wouldn’t help with that, but they were all already staring. Keeping this to herself felt like a vice around her chest. Hogwarts was supposed to be better.

After, Ron came almost to blows with anyone who goggled or sniffed or rolled their eyes. Seamas learned to swallow his tongue. Draco Malfoy didn’t. Hermione wrote up an explanatory note about appropriate pronouns in her best penmanship and then copied it with flicks of her wand. With Harry’s embarrassed permission, she gave it to every professor Harry had or would ever have.

Colin Creevey stopped her in the Great Hall with a tug on her sleeve. She turned, shoulders rising, and the kid said in his piping voice, “You’re still my hero.”

That was better than it could have been, but she wasn’t sure she liked the “still.”

Peeves, though he was nasty about everything else–ickle firsties and orphan girls–got it immediately. For all six years of her Hogwarts tenure, he dropped water balloons on the heads of anyone who misgendered her. Professor Binns never quite figured it out, but he didn’t know any student’s name. Nearly Headless Nick gallantly and somewhat awkwardly called her lady and tried to hold open doors for her, despite the fact that he couldn’t open them.

Snape called Harry “Mr. Potter” for all seven years that he was in Harry’s life. Around year three, Ron stopped counting the detentions he got for his increasingly sarcastic responses to this.

The whispers about the Heir of Slytherin grew louder and louder, keeping pace with “Uh, I thought it was the Boy Who Lived?” Fred and George Weasley took it upon themselves to walk Harry to and from class when they could, talking loudly enough to drown everything out.

Then Hermione got Petrified and the Heir whispers stopped abruptly. Harry, if she hadn’t been busy with Ron trading off reading their assigned textbooks aloud to Hermione in the infirmary, might have felt gratified that the whole school knew how much this bushy-haired kid meant to her. Alright, so they thought she might murder Muggleborns with a mysterious monster, or sic a snake on her opponent in a dueling club? But they knew she wouldn’t hurt Hermione for anything.

In the Chamber, she met Tom Riddle. He was supposed to be her mirror, though she didn’t quite know that yet. He was supposed to be her shadow, the chain around her ankle, the other half (or another eighth) of her story and his soul.

Ginny had been trying to speak for months– to tell someone, to open the diary and the bag under her bed full of chicken-blood-stained robes and to thrust them into the light. But Percy had shushed her, all his assumptions orbiting his own importance to her story. The teachers had patted her on the head. She had been frightened, eleven years old with Tom whispering in her ear, guiding her hands.

Harry had been trying to speak for years– to explain to someone the way she did not feel like Dudley, like Vernon, like the boys in the locker room at school. Hermione had listened. Hermione had given her books and books of people who felt like her. Ron had listened, and taught her wizard’s chess, and kicked Draco in the shins.

But here Harry was, standing alone– a red-haired lump at her feet, dark robes sodden with moldy water. Hermione was frozen. Ron was trapped behind a rock fall and Tom was pacing, gloating, glowing. Ginny was breathing. Ginny had to be breathing. Harry was going to save her. She had to, because no one had listened to the kid, not even Harry.

The phoenix tears left no scars on Harry’s arm. Riddle, the Chamber, the life going out of her, everything that had happened in that long year– none of it left scars on Ginny, or at least none that anyone could see.

When Harry got back to 4 Privet Drive that summer, she suffered through Aunt Petunia’s annual hair cut and then she curled up with Hedwig and wrote a letter. She wrote about the Muggle candies she missed when at Hogwarts, and how her cousin thought she was weird for being excited about summer homework. She asked Ginny how she was.

Ginny wrote back after a long week. She didn’t answer the question, but she wrote about helping Dad on the car, about the apple harvest coming, and Fred and George playing pranks on the ghoul in the attic.

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Harry Potter House Aesthetics

Gryffindor: fast decisions, impulsivity, temperament. A sparkle in the eyes. The will to fight for everything you want. Ambition. Bonfires and drunk words. Dragons and knights and swords. Loud voices in a hallway. Always saying what they’re thinking. Laying outside with the sun shining on their face. Heavily breathing. Running. Wide grins. Falling in love not easily, but when they do, they’re falling hard and love deeply and fiercely. Making other people laugh so hard their sides hurt. Long car rides and singing along loudly with the windows down. Peace signs for a photo. Fierce eyeliner and red lipstick combined with colourful clothing and golden accessories.

Ravenclaw: overthinking things. Worrying. Not handing in homework because they were to busy working on their latest project. Not finishing something and already starting something new. Ink stained fingertips. Instrumental music. Posting a quote under every picture. Creativity. Self-made birthday gifts. Staring at the rain pouring down the windowpane. Sitting in the car and acting like a movie star when a sad song is playing. Earphones on the table. Holding a hot cup of tea. Art journals. Notebooks with half the words stroked. Messy hair. Bringing books to school. Hugging someone when they’re upset without saying a word. Bucket lists full of things they didn’t do yet. Bronze eyeshadow. Dark lipstick.

Hufflepuff: always trying to smile even though they might not be feeling well. Long hugs when they see their friends. The smell of freshly baked cakes and muffins. Sandcastles. Trusting. Understanding. Running home under an umbrella when it’s raining but still smiling. Holding hands with your best friend in public. Laughs in the middle of the night on a sleepover. Daisy chains in your hair. Always sending a good night message to the people they love. Wool socks. Rubber boots. Making compliments. Decorating notebooks with stickers. Marshmallows. Rosé and orange lipstick.

Slytherin: mysterious, reserved. Competitive. Silent whispers in the hallway. Black coffee. Planning out things. Always afraid they’re not who they’re supposed to be. High expectations for themselves. Clean rooms. Emo lyrics on exercise book papers. City lights. Watching the stars appear with a glass of red wine. Smirks, raising one eyebrow. Being careful not to leave marks in the books they read. Moonlight through a window. Sharp retorts. The smell of cologne and brand new books. Dark chocolate. Black and white photography. Mint leaves in a cup of hot tea. Keeping a diary. Winged eyeliner and silver bracelets and necklaces.

My Reward System

Okay. So. Whether you’re a little without a CG or a CG who has no idea how to care for a little, odds are you’ve at some point had trouble figuring out a point system that works! This is the one I used when I was a little and may use again when I find a little!

There are a few categories. Each category allows you to earn a certain number of points.

Sleeping:
8+ hours = 10 points
7-6 hours = 8 points
5 hours = 5 points
4 hours = 2 points
-4 = 0 points

Eating: (Note: To be considered a meal there has to be some sort of veggie, grain, and protein!)
Ate 3 meals = 10 points
Ate 2 meals = 5 points
Ate 1 meal = 2 points

Drinking Water
8 glasses = 10 points
7-6 glasses = 8 points
5 glasses = 5 points
4 glasses = 2 points
-4 glasses = 1 point
0 glasses = 0 points

Other: (This category should be tailored to fit you individually! I’ll include mine as an example though.)
Did homework = 8 points
Room was clean at the end of the day = 5 points
Showered = 1 point
Washed face twice = 3 points
Brushed teeth twice = 3 points
Exercised or danced = 3 points
Read a chapter of a book = 1 point per chapter

You’re supposed to aim for a certain number of points a day. Like, 30 points is good, but 40 points is great! If you reach that, you can cash it in for small treats, or you can go the extra mile and get 250-300 points total for the week!

Rewards:
Extra desert = 40 points
Pack of stickers = 40 points
New stuffie = 100 points
New coloring book = 100 points
New onsie/diaper/binkie= 300 points

The points for the rewards are set really high so that rewards still feel special, and you don’t have to break the bank, haha.

I hope this helps someone out there! Best wishes!

Even if you find
someone new,
to talk to every night,
to hang out with every day,
to share the giggles and
laughter at some
secret jokes,
to walk with and tell
wonderful stories,
I am still here,
waiting for you
to knock at my door
and sit beside me,
like we never missed
each other,
I am still here,
even if you’re not asking.
I am still here,
even if you weren’t
going to be there
for me anymore.
—  ma.c.a // A Promise
✨Stay afraid but do it anyway.✨

And perhaps I’m a little touchy on the subject and maybe I hold Carrie a little too dear to my heart, but the reason I do is because Carrie Fisher helped me realize I was mentally ill.

Oh I knew I was crazy, in the same vague way you worry that you’ve left the stove on at home, despite not having cooked yourself a meal in weeks because you’re too depressed to eat a proper meal. (Except you don’t call it that, you call it “laziness” and maybe try and convince yourself it’s a new diet called “whatever requires the least amount of effort to put calories into my face”.)

Something was “off” inside my head, but no one seemed to care about it too much. Even when they threw me into eating rehab for a perceived eating disorder—despite lacking several of the vital criteria on the checklist to have typical eating disordered behavior—no one gave too much of a shit. I was just a girl who was “too nervous”, “too in touch with my emotions”, “too fragile”, I was “attention seeking”. And their remedy to this was ignore me and wonder why I crashed and burned at regular intervals, blame me for being selfish, then go back to not giving a fuck until it inconvenienced their life again.

I was crazy. But maybe I wasn’t. Maybe if I just tried harder…so I learned to cope. I became the one who Coped. I was There For Everyone. I became Reliable and above all else, I learned to be Funny and make It funny.

My mother still hates that. She thinks it’s crass for women to be funny. Personally I think I’m fucking hysterical, but then what do I know, I’m fucking nuts.

Later, now with hindsight and being able to look at my life from a safe(-r) mindset surrounded by people who care and want to help, I realize that what I was going through was (and is) untreated PTSD. Whether or not the PTSD caused the other issues, like the depression, the anxiety, the compulsive behaviors or the ADHD I think I might have, I don’t know. I likely will never know, because the Thing happened and shot my still developing child brain into a million tiny fragmented pieces of unparalleled terror and poor coping mechanisms. It doesn’t really matter at this point, all that matters is dealing with all of it as best as I can, however I can. But there’s a very real chance I might never have gotten to this stage if I hadn’t found out that Princess Leia, my childhood icon who helped me feel brave and strong while my world was ending, had written a book about living with mental health issues.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from it to be honest. I knew vaguely, that Carrie Fisher had issues. The word “junkie” had been used by my father—while unironically taking a drink from his self-medicating poison of choice and my mother tutted and tisked about how some people just ought to pull themselves together

Ten, maybe twelve minutes into the book locked away in my room, I can’t even tell you anymore whether I was crying because I was laughing so hard or if I was laughing because I was crying my heart out, but I was having a fucking revelation.

This was me, holy shit this was me, this was me, this was me, an unboken mantra in my head pounding to the beat of my heart, this was me, this is me—I do exist.

That’s a weird thought to have, right? I do exist. 

It wasn’t, “I’m normal”, because normal is not this. It’s not feeling like your mind is running a million miles a second in circles while simultaneously wading uphill through treacle and juggling chainsaws while trying to keep all your Life Plates spinning and oh gods someone just handed you a kitten to look after. What it is however, is fairly common, and suffered with varying degrees of severity by a rather sizable chunk of the world’s population. I mean, who knew? I sure as shit didn’t. I thought it was all in my head.

You know what I mean.

I’m told some people get up in the mornings and go through their entire day without once having an intrusive thought or struggling to do basic shit like take a shower and manage to remember to feed themselves. I know, seems fake right? It certainly does to me.

And here was Carrie, my Princess Leia, laying out her issues past, present and probable future, in what remains one of the funniest, most brutal attempts at self-lobotomy on paper I have ever had the privilege to read. I consumed that book in mere hours, I devoured her words and breathed them in like inhaling steam in a sauna and breathing out fire in their wake and moved onto her next book, then her next, then her next, and by then there was this blessed thing called Twitter and it should be impossible to be hilarious and poignant through 140 emojis or less, but that was the kind of brilliant she was. And this was me, this was someone like me. And she was witty and brilliant and funny and yes, things were difficult for her and yes, some parts of her life were an absolute clusterfuck of mistakes, addiction and general all round fuckery leading up to that point…but she was still there, y’know? She was still there.

And it breaks my heart a little every day, knowing that I’ll never be able to tell her how important that was to me. And to thank her for it.

So instead I try to pay it forward. Every day, from one day to the next, I try to be a little kinder, a little brighter—a little more like Our Lady Carrie—and throw two loving sparkly middle fingers up at the world that tries to stamp out and demonize the notion that mentally ill people like me, like you, exist. 

And we deserve to exist, and more than that, we deserve to be treated with human fucking decency.

And if you are of a mind that the latest news surrounding Carrie’s death means that she was any lesser of a vital energy force in this world, that she mattered less, that her words were less important or that she “deserved” to die because they found drugs in her autopsy report, it is with my profound and heartfelt best wishes, that I invite you to cordially:

✨🖕✨🖕✨🖕✨ Go Fuck Yourself ✨🖕✨🖕✨🖕✨

Don’t bother to RSVP.

Hey, so, remember how I wrote a book about an autistic girl who fights demons?

This one?

Well, it got featured in an author friend’s Best of British showcase and it’s currently sitting at #26 in YA urban fantasy on Amazon.

Unlike Lady Ruth - which is always in the steampunk #20 because not that many people write steampunk - HUNT is almost never close to the top #20!

So, if you haven’t picked it up, now would be the best time because it might actually get somewhere in the genre chart.

Oh, and for anyone who doesn’t know, it’s free!

So, here’s the download link! Go get your awesome urban fantasy book!

What? You’re still not convinced? Okay fine, more reasons:

  • It’s an #OwnVoices title
  • It’s the first book in a long-running series, so there is plenty to catch up on if you like it
  • The main character is also bisexual
  • Every single review from an autistic person is positive
  • (Ableists and biphobes are another story and are why I want to bleach my eyes…)
  • The main character gets attacked by a demon and finds out she has magic powers!
  • And one of her teachers turns out to be a ghost who was sent to help her out
  • She’s just, like, possessing someone
  • And there’s a new kid at school and he’s all mysterious
  • Bonus points if you figure out where that’s going
  • And the MC gets a crush on him but she’s all angst central and all I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS FEELINGS ARE STUPID
  • But then it’s like, no, you have to use your feelings to learn how to use your magic
  • And it’s like a whole thing about emotional maturity and friendships and MAGIC FRIENDSHIP SWORDS
  • Okay, I’m saying too much
  • Just go read it! It’s free!

immajustkeepsleeping  asked:

Yoooo, because I always wanted to see more of him in the books, what are your head canons on Charlie Weasley??

huh, let’s see

  • him and hagrid were the best buds during charlie’s hogwarts years, charlie probably used to hang out at hagrid’s hut quite often, just like the golden trio years later after him
  • percy calls him “an outdoor type” at some point in the books which gave me a mental image of charlie barely spending any time at home and instead exploring the wilds surrounding their village, looking for all kind of creatures, magical and not, keeping a little journal of his researches, interesting herbs and flowers pressed between the pages, doodles scattered across the notes
  • not perfectly fluent in romanian, but still can speak it
  • like twice a month gets owls from oliver wood who keeps begging him to ditch his sodding dragons and join professional quidditch (wood’s team, obviously)
  • he was in the same year as tonks at hogwarts, so naturally i imagine them being friends during their school years; tonks was probably the first one to join him in any secret shenanigans (like sneaking into the forbidden forest when charlie became obsessed with an idea to confirm rumours about an acromantula colony being established there. they were shortly caught by hagrid though)
  • i really like the idea of him and harry hanging out together, maybe it’s because they’re both among my favs and i always want my favourite characters to hang out with each other. anyway, there’s this one scenario i enjoy, where harry sets off to travel for a bit after the war to take a break from everything and to see what wizarding communities in other countries are like. at that point of his travels where he starts to miss familiar faces, he visits charlie. they get to know each other better, bond over their fascination for dragons and quidditch and after a while charlie becomes the third closest weasley to him (after ron and ginny, obviously) 
  • i also wonder if the place in romania where he went to study dragons is something like an alma mater for draconologists from all over the world. like, if you want to study dragons, that’s where you go. if so, then i like to imagine it’s a very interesting multinational and multilingual community there 
love letters ❥ peter parker

summary : peter, hopeless romantic that he is, has a cache of love letters, all addressed to you, hidden under his bed and expertly crafted. he never anticipated them being read, or the feelings he has for you being returned.

word count : 3.1k (holy fucking hell i’m sorry)

   Peter couldn’t help it, the way that he was. He was a romantic at a heart, though the awkwardness of him had a tendency to prevail rather than the confident, smooth talking, small part of him that had a desperate desire to reveal itself. Spider-man was as suave as a fifteen year old boy could be; Peter Parker was awkward, inept at participating in normal, human conversation and often incapable of forming coherent sentences more often than not. He wasn’t the best at talking to people besides Ned and Aunt May and- on occasion- Tony Stark. Especially not you. If there was one person that he turned into an absolute bumbling, ridiculous mess around, it was you. He loathed himself for it, sure that you thought that he was weird, annoying, the same way that anyone who didn’t know him assumed he was. 

   Ned, however, continuously insisted that you found Peter to be a sweetheart, like anyone who got to know him well enough did, and that you liked him very much- perhaps more than a friend, though Peter had immediately scoffed at the notion. It was out of the question, downright ludicrous. But, of course, Ned had implanted the idea in Peter’s head, and now the boy’s ever creative mind refused to stop constructing various scenarios in which you were Peter’s girlfriend and he was as happy as he had ever been. 

    While he had been a perfectly charming boyfriend in each and every one of those little dream sequences of his, he was hopelessly lost for words whenever you approached him, unable to even ask what class you had next, let alone reveal the pure adoration he had been holding on to ever since you had been placed beside him in Bio in your freshman year. You had always been the one to stick up for him and smile at him and treat him like a decent human being, and so of course he fell for you, and now he could barely look you in the eye without his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. So, he bottled his feelings and let them out in a way he had never known could help him.

    He wrote. 

    He wrote to you every single day and poured his heart out in every single letter and expressed every thought he knew, in his heart, he would never be able to say out loud. Writing what he felt was so much simpler than saying the words out loud. That was what he assumed, anyhow. He took his pen and placed it down on the paper, starting it the same way he always did. 

   Dear Y/N… As always, the words spilled over from his mind to the paper as if he wasn’t thinking, just writing and writing and writing until he had filled two pages without lifting his curly head from the paper once. When he finally finished, a yawn stretching across his mouth, he noticed Aunt May standing outside his door. He turned his chair around, raising his eyebrows at her. 

   “Writing to that pretty girl again?” She asked, hand on her hip but wearing a knowing, soft grin. Peter, not bothering to feign shock, nodded solemnly and placed his pen down the paper. “You should think about maybe, oh I don’t know, actually giving her one of the letters you’ve written?” 

    Adamantly, Peter shook his head. “May, I could never. You don’t get it.” He swiveled around in the chair, spinning it until he was dizzy. “These letters are embarrassing. They’re practically my whole heart and soul on a piece of paper. She’d scream and run away if she read how I felt about her.” He sighed, placing his elbow on the edge of the desk and resting his cheek in his hand. He stared up at his aunt, still craving her sage advice. May stared back at him thoughtfully. 

   “Well, in my personal experience,” she came over and gave Peter’s shoulder a squeeze, eyeing the letter that was signed with Peter’s name, “girls are suckers for love letters. And you Parker men write the best ones out there. Trust me.” 

   Peter bit his lip. “Yeah, sure, I’m not an awful writer. But, I still can’t give them to her. I just can’t.” Before she could say anything else, he was folding it up and placing it on top of the shelf on his desk next to his books for English. “Uncle Ben was different. He was charming. You know that.” 

    May smiled wistfully. “I do.” 

    “And that’s one thing that I didn’t get from him,” Peter finished, shrugging his shoulders as he stood up from his swivel chair. “It’s fine.” He waved it off. “I’m happy suffering in silence. I’m gonna go to bed. Big English project starts tomorrow. Love you,” he kissed May on the cheek as she left his bedroom, switching the light off in her departure. He stared at the wall once he was situated in bed, mulling the conversation over in his head. Maybe May’s right. Maybe telling Y/N wouldn’t be as bad as I’m thinking. Maybe I’m overreacting. Actually, never mind. She probably hates me. Ugh. Life sucks. 


    That morning, when he arrived in his English class, you were sitting in the seat that had been previously occupied by Ned pretty much every class since the beginning of the school year. Sucking in a breath, Peter took his first step into the classroom. He knew he was a little late to today’s lesson, but he hadn’t realized he was a full fifteen minutes behind schedule. Ned was in the back with Michelle, giving Peter an encouraging thumbs up when he noticed his best friend finally arrive on the scene. Peter gave him the finger. 

   “Mr. Parker, lovely for you to join us!” Ms. Matthews declared when he decided to shove himself through the door, his heart jackhammering away in his chest and making its way up to his throat. He kind of wanted to throw up. 

   “Um, yeah, well, you know, sleep and whatnot- overslept, haha,” he coughed out a laugh, scratching the back of his neck. The teacher nodded with faux sympathy, though he could tell she didn’t care that much for his explanation. “I’ll just, um, sit. Down.” 

    “Next to Y/N, please,” She instructed, waving her hand in your direction. “Since you were late and unable to choose your own partner, surprising since usually Ned is so eager to work with you, Y/N offered to be your partner.” The teacher gave you a fond smile, as every teacher did. “She can explain the details of the assignment.” 

    Peter gave her a stiff nod before sliding into his chair, and you noticed how rigid he was as he turned toward you with a slight frown. He seemed extremely upset to be working with you, but you wouldn’t let that get in the way. You liked Peter. Really, truly liked him. He was a sweetie whenever he actually talked to and different than the rest of the guys at Midtown. He was genuine.  

    Giving him your full attention, you beamed at him. “Hey, Peter,” you said cheerfully. He gave you a small smile in return, wringing his hands under the desk. He couldn’t stop fidgeting. Your own smile dropped, which he noticed immediately and felt awful about. “Sorry you didn’t get paired up with Ned,” you continued, taking your books out of your shoulder bag. “I know you would’ve preferred it that way-” 

    “No!” He interrupted quickly, practically slamming his hands down on the desk so hard you jumped in your seat, eyes wide. “Sorry, sorry, I just, um,” he laughed a little, his cheeks burning, “I’m, um, happy to have you as a partner. Really, I am,” he added as an afterthought, just to make sure you knew. 

   Your shoulders relaxed as you looked at him. “You’re not just saying that, right? You seem awfully stiff,” you teased, poking his uncomfortably positioned arm as you quirked a brow. 

    “Do I?” He was practically sweating. 

     “I was just joking, Pete. It’s cute, anyway.” Peter’s eyes, a shade of brown that you had come to think of as warm as honey, went wide and he gaped at you, but you pretended not to notice. “So, for the assignment we have to write a short story based on one of the assigned reading books this year.” 

   She called me cute

   “Shit… I think I forgot all of mine,” you were mumbling, your head practically stuck in your bag. “Did your bring yours, Peter?” 

   Oh my god, she thinks I’m cute. She thinks I’m cute. I’m going to faint

   You snapped your fingers in front of his cherry red face, trying not to appear as amused as you felt. He blinked owlishly, an apologetic half smile, half grimace on his face. He was cute most of the time, but especially when he smiled, even if it was only a forced, awkward one. “Do you have your books, Peter?” You repeated kindly. 

    “Um, sorry, I’ll check,” he answered, embarrassed about his utterly obvious staring that had just occurred. He rummaged around in his backpack before realizing he had forgotten them, as well. He popped back up, curls in disarray as his head brushed against the fabric of his bag. “I forgot them, sorry,” he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. It was kind of adorable.

   “You need to stop apologizing for everything, Pete,” you laughed. “It’s fine. We can get started after school. My place or yours?” You were already packing your things, and before he could think about what he was about to do, he said, “Mine.”   

    “Cool,” you grinned again, a grin that made him want to smile for the rest of his life. “Which one of is doing the writing? Or do you want to split it?” 

    “You’re a, um, fantastic writer,” he told you, having read your submissions to the school newspaper more times than he could count. “If you wanna take over, you can. I can edit and stuff.” 

    “Aw, I’m not that good,” you shook your head abashedly, looking down at your lap. “But thank you, Peter. I’m sure you’re great, too, though. Are you sure you don’t wanna write some of it?”

    “I’m not much of a writer.”


    So, you were in Peter Parker’s room. He was having his third heart attack of the day, and was incredibly grateful that he had managed to keep his wits about him for majority of the day. He had only tripped over his words five times, tripped literally twice, and dropped his Metro card once, but it was fine. You helped him back each time he fell with your usual grace, barely acknowledging his multiple social faux pas and only laughing once because he fell over a small dog- which even he would admit was pretty funny. 

   Still, his palms were sweaty around you and he didn’t know how he was going to survive working so close to you for the next week while the English assignment was occurring. He lead you into his apartment and you noticed that his hands were shaking slightly as he twisted the keys in the lock. You walked into the apartment, the first thing crossing your mind was how cozy and homelike it was. You liked it very much. 

   “It’s really cute in here,” you said, smiling around the room as Peter busied himself with a glass of water. He downed it quickly. “Where’s your aunt?” 

   “Work,” he replied, catching his breath after the gulping down of his water. “Here, let’s go to my room.” He placed his glass of water on the counter and motioned for you to follow him, opening the door to his room and wincing at the mess in there. “It’s a mess, sorry about that.”  

   You rolled your eyes at him playfully. “Didn’t I say stop apologizing?” You entered his room as if you had been there many times before, taking your shoes off and setting them by the door. You threw your bag on his bed and took a seat in his swivel chair, and he liked how natural it seemed for you to be in his room. He liked how comfortable you were, sitting there. Something about it made him happy. 

   “Yeah, my bad,” he shrugged. You tilted your head, pointing your finger at him while he raised his hands defensively. “It wasn’t technically an apology!” He took a step out of the room. He was finally being normal around you, he realized delightedly. He would still need more water, though. He could feel his mouth getting dry. “I’m gonna get more water. Want anything?” You shook your head, spinning around in the chair as he left. 

   Your eyes scanned over his desk, taking in every inch of Peter Parker’s life. He had bad books stacked everywhere, his desk was a mess, there were clothes thrown about the room. Star Wars posters, Avengers posters, notes scattered across the desk. You admired the artful messiness of it all. You leaned up to where his English books were, spotting the one you were most interested in and yanking it off the shelf. As you did, a folded piece of paper fluttered down off the shelf, just when Peter was walking back into the room. 

   “I thought you said you weren’t a writer, Pete,” you raised your eyebrows at him, holding the letter in your hand and waving it at him. 

   He almost threw up right there. “Um, I’m not, please give that back,” he reached for it, but you jumped out of the chair, raising the letter high in the air. “Y/N!” He whined, grabbing for it again. “C’mon, please,” he pleaded desperately, pouting at you with such intensity it almost made you want to give it to him. 

    “Can’t I just read a sentence, Peter?” You pushed out your bottom lip, batting your eyelashes at him. 

     He almost gave in. “No, Y/N. Seriously, give it back.” He sounded scared now, upset as well. You pursed your lips, handing it back to him. He was so anxious about you reading it that it dropped on the floor, opening far enough so that you could see your name scrawled across the top in Peter’s defining chicken scratch handwriting. 

    “That says my name, so now I have to read it.” You stood directly in front of Peter, hands pressed together in a pleading motion, the expression on your face so genuinely interested that he had to give it to you. He picked it back up with a lump in his throat and handed it over, scared as ever. But this was what May had advised. Maybe she’d be right. 

    “Dear Y/N,” you read aloud in a loud, terrible accent, glancing back up at Peter as you read the line after that. He was staring down at the floor, preparing himself for what you were going to say when you read the letter, read his heart. You sat in his chair, realizing it’d be better if you didn’t read it so publicly. He sat down on his bed, waiting. 

   Dear Y/N. This is maybe the tenth letter I’ve written to you, and each time I say the same thing, so if one day you are reading this in proper succession, I’m sorry for being so utterly repetitive. You’ll probably never read this, though. And that’s why it’s so easy for me to write. I think you’re the only person to ever truly be interested in me when I’m talking about science. Not even Ned has an attention span that long. But you do. And you don’t know how much I want to thank you for that. You make it really difficult to not like you, to not be in love with you. I think that’s what it is… love. And if I’m not in love with you yet, then I’m certainly falling for you. Who wouldn’t? You’re a wonderful person without trying, you’re a beautiful hurricane, a sunset on the horizon of my bleakest hours, and you make me feel as if I’ve been standing in the sunshine for my entire life. 

   You put the letter down, smoothing it over your lap. You didn’t need to read the rest. That was enough. Peter gazed at you now, the way you’ve yearned to be looked at before, and you shamed yourself for being so blind these past two years. He wasn’t simply just staring. He was looking. Admiring. You slid next to Peter, placing the letter behind you. He moved his hand, curling his fingers around yours tentative as ever. Your free hand grazed up the side of his face, toying with the hair on the back of his neck before resting on his cheek. He shut his eyes. When he opened them again, you were so close that he was able to count each individual eyelash that you had, every single fleck of pure beauty in your deep eyes. 

   “I like you very much, Peter Parker,” you murmured. He felt his heart soar, and then, he felt himself kiss you. It was an out of body experience. He was there, he was the one kissing you, the one who had initiated it, but it felt like he wasn’t. He was up in the clouds, too far lost in the way it felt to run his hands through your hair as he had always dreamed of to notice Aunt May sneaking past the door, overjoyed to see Peter finally with the girl he had been loving in silence for far too long. You pulled away from each other, eyes opening slowly and hesitantly and your lips practically still connected. 

   He wanted to tell her that he adored her, but Aunt May’s voice flowed from the kitchen too loud to overpower his thoughts. “You read her the letter, didn’t you? I told you it’d work! Worked for your Uncle Ben and I was right as I always am!”

   He jumped up from the bed, sticking his head out of the doorway and pressing his finger to his lips. “Maaaayyyy, you’re embarrassing me,” he whispered-yelled, practically whined. “You were right, okay? Thank you, let me go get a girlfriend now. The girlfriend.” She beamed at him, but no one’s smile could shine brighter than Peter’s. 

    He retreated back into the room, and you were clutching the letter in your hands. You looked up at him hopefully. “I was thinking that maybe you could read me the other nine letters. If you’re up for it.” 

    Peter couldn’t possibly say no, taking a page out of his Uncle Ben’s book the way he should have done in the first place as he found the hiding spot for the stack of letters he had been writing for the past few months, sliding them over to you and feeling confident for the first time in a long time.

Book Rec List

I’m bored, home alone, and packing all my books. So here, have a list of book recommendations from yours truly!

Fantasy

  • Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbit
    • A young girl meets a family that gained eternal life after drinking from an enchanted spring, and is left to wonder whether living forever is a blessing or a curse. It’s a fantastic book that hurts your heart in 139 pages.
  • Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
    • Six morally horrible people plan an impossible heist for selfish motivations. But the romances between the morally horrible people are somehow still very pure and wonderful. The plot also keeps you on the edge of your seat because you never have all of the information until the last possible second. And if you love fantasy worlds that include POC main characters and LGBTQ representation, this is the duology for you!
  • The Last Dragonlord by Joanne Bertin
    • Human/dragon shapeshifter romance with political intrigue. And really fun worldbuilding, too.
  • Green Rider by Kristen Britain
    • One of my favorite series. The overarching plot is wonderful, you genuinely care about all the characters, and this is one of those stories where “strong female characters” means both “well-rounded, well-developed females with agency” AND “kicks some serious ass”.
  • Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer
    • The protagonist is the villain. I wrote that correctly. Artemis Fowl is the villain. The entire series is about his personal journey from villain to hero, with all the beautiful and human mistakes throughout.
    • Also, it’s got fairies. With guns.
  • Dragon’s Milk by Susan Fletcher
    • A super fun (and quick-read) series about people smuggling dragons to safety in a world that is determined to destroy them. Also, lots of baby dragons. And dragons being dragons, and neither morally good nor evil. It’s wonderful.
  • Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
    • The funniest fucking book I’ve ever read. God’s starting the apocalypse, but they’ve somehow managed to misplace the AntiChrist. And it just gets more insane.
  • Seraphina by Rachel Hartman
    • One of my favorite books of all time. It has a fascinating new take on dragons, genuinely fun political intrigue, romances you root for but aren’t the focus of the plot, and a half-dragon heroine that you absolutely fall in love with. And, if you make it to the second book, Shadow Scales, there is massive LGBTQ representation. I’m talking gay and bi characters, I’m talking trans characters, I’m talking people asking “How may I pronoun you?” and strongly-implied polyamorous relationships. And dragons. And plot twists.
  • Castaways of the Flying Dutchman by Brian Jacques
    • When the Flying Dutchman was cursed to roam the sea forever, a boy and his dog who were on board are spared from the curse due to their pure hearts, are washed ashore and granted eternal life and youth. Now they roam the world helping people and getting into adventures. Don’t let the fun fool you, though, it’s fucking heartbreaking. They really don’t skimp on the “we’re immortal so everyone we love dies” angle, and the “wow, this kid looks like he’s seen some shit”. Also the first book feels much more YA than the other two.
  • The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
    • I know it’s pretty much only known as middle-school assigned reading, but this book is clever, insightful, and absolutely fantastic. I definitely stood in line to get this book autographed in high school. A boy with no imagination is sent to a crazy world of unique perspectives and interesting insights to rescue Rhyme and Reason.
  • A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
    • That book they made us all read in 5th grade that is actually all it’s cracked up to be. It’s absolutely trippy fantasy with a sci-fi edge to it, and the characters are so utterly endearing. Personally, my favorite is A Wind in the Door, but that’s book 2.
  • The Onion Girl by Charles de Lint
    • Contemporary fantasy at its absolute best. It’s modern urban fantasy that puts the fantastic in our world in such a wonderful and beautiful way. The best part is it’s also a story about dealing with physical disabilities, trauma, past abuse, self-healing, the complexity of forging and rekindling relationships with others when one is hurting, etc. Honestly, it’s just fucking awesome.
  • Dreams Underfoot by Charles de Lint
    • A book of short stories (all contemporary urban fantasy), and the best way to be introduced to Charles de Lint’s writing. So, if you want to read The Onion Girl but aren’t sure you’re ready for it yet. This is the first book I ever took a highlighter to.
  • Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
    • Do you want to crush your heart and destroy your soul and cry like a baby in 128 pages? You’ll be happy you did.
  • Elantris by Brandon Sanderson
    • This is a standalone novel, and the best way to be introduced to Sanderson’s work. This book has phenomenal and complex worldbuilding, three-dimensional characters with agency you will fall in love with, and a book-long mystery that just blows you away when you figure out the answer. If you enjoy this book, you have to read Mistborn next.
  • Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson
    • Elantris on steroids. This is, without a doubt, the most fascinating worldbuilding I have ever encountered in literature. It’s so complicated, but completely logical, and the plot is so bewitching. And Sanderson can leave you as many clues as he wants - he will still blow your fucking mind when all the pieces come together at the end. The book takes a while to pick up the pace, but I swear to you it’s worth it.
  • Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede
    • A princess gets bored, and decides to volunteer to be a dragon’s captive. Then she gets into a ton of adventures and ends up discovering a plot to overthrow the dragon government. It’s a lighthearted, quick and fun read, and Cimorene is my fucking hero.

Classics

  • Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
    • Oh God, read Pride and Prejudice. It’s my absolute favorite book.
  • Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
    • If you can, read the abridged copy. It’s kind of hard to find, so look for the one that was translated by Charles Wilbour and abridged by Paul Bénichou. It’s all the meat of the story and barely a third of the size.
  • Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
    • I mostly like it because it’s written from the rather limiting perspective of Raoul, which means you’re in the dark about the goings-on of the book until someone bothers to tell Raoul what’s happening. It’s actually a lot of fun.
  • Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
    • A grim mystery wrapped up like a romance, where the second Mrs. de Winter is trying to discover what truly happened to her husband’s first wife. It’s by the woman who wrote The Birds (which you may know as the famous Hitchcock movie), if that clues you in to the vibe of the book.

  • I don’t really have enough classics on this list

I tried so hard.

I tried to be pretty and funny and spontaneous. I tried to be better for you.

I know you’re not supposed to change yourself for someone, but I honestly feel like you were bringing out the best in me.

You didn’t make me change myself. I chose to. So it hurts that I still wasn’t good enough for you.

You didn’t try very hard. You didn’t have to.

I was head over heels for you, and you knew it. You abused it.

Now you’re gone, and I can’t even recognize myself.

—  you changed me.
Earned It- Loki One Shot

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Prompt: When Thor brings Loki to stay with the Avengers, the team decides to prove just how much the God of Mischief has changed by assigning you to earn his trust; but you end up earning more than that. NO RAGNAROK SPOILERS!

Word Count: 3700

A/N: Ok so I saw Thor Ragnarok when it first came out and I absolutely loved it. For some reason, I fell in love with Loki. Not gonna lie, I feel like Loki deserves redemption and the MCU is not giving him that at all (which is why I disliked him in previous movies). Before Ragnarok, I only liked Loki because he was funny and Tom Hiddleston is beautiful. So, yeah, with this new found love for Loki, I have decided to expand my characters by adding him to the list of people I will write of. Fair warning: this is not a good imagine at all.

~~~

“But why me?” You let out an exasperated whine, “He knows me the least.”

“It’s not just that.” Steve nodded, “You weren’t there when he tried taking over the world, so you’re the best candidate.”

“So what? I’m chosen just because he’s never tried to kill me directly before?”

“Basically. Plus, you’re a hot, young girl that Loki would totally mess with.” Tony added, making Natasha hit him over the back of his head and you roll your eyes. “I’m just saying that you have more assets than I do when it comes to gaining the God of Mischief’s trust.”

“Thanks, Tony.” You replied in a flat tone.

“Will you do it, Y/N? It’s the best way to see if he has changed and if we can actually trust him.” Steve said.

“If I’m our only hope, then sure, but, I swear, if Loki tries anything on me, Thor, you will no longer have a brother.”

“Get in line.” Clint laughed dryly.

“Yeah, you’ll have to wait your turn for that.” Bruce said.

“Hey, now, no one will be killing my brother. He has changed.” Thor said. When the mighty God of Thunder first approached the Avengers about his brother staying in the compound with them, they were all quick to say no. Thor then went into detail about Loki’s redeeming actions while his brother walked into the room. After putting away their drawn weapons, Tony locked Loki in one of the cells, so that the team could discuss the issue at hand. That’s when Tony, Natasha, and Steve came up with the brilliant idea of using you as bait. You, the newest Avenger that has never even formally met Loki before, were chosen as the person to draw him out. You would somehow gain his trust and learn whether or not he has truly changed. If he never trusted you, then he was the same Loki as years ago; if he trusted you, then he had changed.

With your decision made, the Avengers left their meeting room to the cells. You all stood before Loki as he beamed mischievously at the sight before him. Tony opened the cell up and allowed the God to step out.

“Alright, reindeer games, we’ve got some rules that you must comply to- if you are to stay here.” Tony stated.

“Ah, rules- don’t you just love them and the chaos they bring?” Loki replied and Steve scolded Natasha as she began to curl her fists.

“Look,” Steve said, stepping up, “You’re not allowed to leave the compound unless one of us agrees to go with you; you cannot create any chaos inside or outside of the compound; you’re not allowed anywhere near the ships or weaponry-”

“I get it. I’m under house arrest. I’ve been in trouble before.” He stated, “Now, where is my bedroom? I’d like to catch up on some sleep.”

“Follow me, brother.” Thor said, leading Loki up the stairs as everyone dismantled from their protective stances. You watched as the two brother headed up the spiral staircase and you caught how Loki peered over his shoulder at you. You were quick to turn your head and invest yourself in a conversation with Steve.

~~~

That night, Loki did not come downstairs for dinner. Thor offered to take him a plate, but you insisted on doing it- that way, you could introduce yourself properly to him. Thor, knowing your intentions well, allowed you to take his place in serving his brother. You stood outside of Loki’s room and knocked lightly on the door, holding his plate of food with the other hand.

“Come in.” Loki said dryly. You slowly opened the door to find him sitting on his bed with a disinterested look in his eyes.

“I brought you dinner.” You gestured to the plate of steak and potatoes.

“I’m not hungry.” He replied and you shook your head with a laugh.

“You haven’t eaten all day. Please, eat this. Sam makes the best steaks.” You held it out to him and placed the book in his hands on his lap, before taking the plate.

“Sam?”

“Yeah, Sam, he’s the Falcon. He’s super cool and there are no steaks that compare to his- well, actually there’s a really nice restaurant in Upper Manhattan that has the best steaks. Sam’s are still amazing.”

“I’m dying to try it.” Loki replied sarcastically as he poked it with his fork.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.” You said, holding a hand out to him.

“Loki, but you already knew that.” He shook your hand almost timidly. He felt that there was something off about you- why were you so kind compared to the others? He expected Thor to be the only one to treat him as a normal person- not some random Midgardian that he’s never met.

“What book are you reading?”

“Excuse me?” Loki asked and you nodded toward the stray book on his bed. “It’s just a story my mother used to tell me. It’s a part of Norse mythology, as you humans call it.”

“It sounds interesting. I’ve always enjoyed learning about mythology.” You said, genuinely.

“Well, as good of a book it is, it does get boring after a while. I should have brought more books with me.”

“You know, Loki, we’ve got a library.”

“A library?” Loki asked, his whole stance perking up at the word.

“Yeah, I’d offer to show you it tonight, but I’ve got dishes to do. I’ll show it to you tomorrow.” You paused and then nodded, “I’ll see you later then. Good night, Loki.”

“Good night, YN.” Loki replied as you quickly retreated from his room. He looked at the plate in his hands and set it on his bedside table. He picked up his book and began to read it once more. He couldn’t help but think about you and how you were so intriguing to him. As much as he’d appreciate you showing him the library tomorrow, Loki got up and made it his mission to find the library on his own.

~~~

The next day, you went to find Loki in his room, but found that it was empty. You then decided that the library would be the next best place to look, knowing that he had shown a level of interest in it. You found him as expected; he was comfortably lounging in a chair with his nose stuck in a different book.

“I see you found Steve’s Shakespeare.” You said with a short laugh. Loki jumped, startled at your sudden presence. He lowered the book and looked over at you as you stood in between two shelves.

“It is quite entertaining to read.” He replied, glancing down at Macbeth in his hands.

“I know. It’s one of my favorite Shakespeare plays.” You nodded.

“If you’ll forgive me, I’d like to continue it.”

“I’ll be quiet, but I want to do some reading of my own.” You replied. You searched in the shelves for a book as Loki continued his reading.

This happened once everyday for the next two weeks. You would enter the library to read in peace, and Loki would already be sitting at a chair by the fire with a different book in his hand than the day before. You would both make small talk for a few minutes when you arrived. You felt, over this time period, that your feelings for the God were growing, and growing romantic. You also felt that there had been no progress on your part- Loki still treated you as if you were just another Avenger, as if you were on the same level as his brother for trust.

“Just give it some more time.” Natasha told you as you complained to her in her room.

“Time won’t do anything, Nat. Nothing is working. We just sit in a library and read as communication.” You let out an exasperated sigh and she shrugged. You watched as she focused on painting her toenails a light shade of purple almost more than she focused on your complaints.

“At least he bears being in the same room as you. He makes every meal incredibly awkward.” She replied. You remembered back to just this morning- Loki was silent, like he always was, and, as soon as he finished eating, he left the room. His presence filled the entire room with tension.

“That’s one thing, though.” You huffed.

“Aren’t you usually reading by now?” Natasha asked, peering at the clock on her wall.

“I’m quitting this mission. It’s stupid and it’s pointless. The guy has been here for two weeks and he’s done nothing. Isn’t that reason enough to trust him?”

“Look who you’re talking to and think who you’re talking about- guess again.” Natasha laughed. She had been on so many missions where she was undercovers for weeks, and Loki most likely had no problem with committing to fooling someone for long periods of time.

“That doesn’t matter. What I mean to say is this whole idea is corrupt and I’m done with it.”

“Corrupt? As in it isn’t good on Loki?”

“That’s not what I-”

“Ohhhh,” Natasha let out sinister laugh followed by a knowing smirk, “You like him, don’t you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You tried to defend yourself.

“Sweetheart, you can lie to yourself and to him all you want, but you cannot lie to me. You are totally into him!”

“Fine, so what if I am? Why are you so happy about it?” You asked, referring to her blatant hatred of him.

“I don’t agree with you, but I think you liking him is cute. Maybe you could end up changing him.” She shrugged hopefully, “Plus, if he hurts you, it gives me even more motivation to kill him.”

“Like you need anymore of that.” You said, making her chuckle.

“Fine, if you’re giving up this mission, then you can go make me a sandwich. I’m starving.” Natasha said and you playfully rolled your eyes at her.

“Turkey or ham?” You asked as you headed towards her bedroom door.

“Turkey please!” She called from her spot.

You left her room and went straight to the kitchen to make up her snack. You finished her sandwich and then decided to make one for yourself. Just as you were about to top off your own with the final piece of bread, you heard a voice, announcing the presence of someone else in the room.

“Could you make me one too, please?” It was Loki and the sincerity in his voice was something almost unusual. He seemed quieter and mellower in his demeanor today.

“Would you like turkey or ham?” You asked as he stepped into the kitchen completely and began to watch you work.

“Either will be fine.” He said, “You didn’t come to the library today.”

“Oh, you noticed that.” You stated, awkwardly fumbling with the sliced meat before you.

“Why, yes, I did.” Loki stated, taking a cautious step towards you, “I do notice when the one person who does not alienate me leaves me alone.” You turned to him to see him being completely genuine- his soft eyes telling you everything. He looked away and took the sandwich from your hands, “Pardon my directness.” He left the room with the sandwich and without another word.

You sighed at his retreating figure. Maybe you shouldn’t quit- at least not yet. He had shown some feeling in that moment; he had shown that he cared about you. You wouldn’t jump to saying he thought of you in a romantic way like you thought of him, but you could conclude that he felt connected to you.

You took the last two sandwiches to Natasha’s room. You dared not speak of the recent events to her. She munched happily on her sandwich as you two watched reality shows and as he toes dried.

~~~

The next day was completely lovely. The sky was blue and the leaves were in the middle of changing colors. You absolutely loved it and you figured Loli would too. You quietly entered the library and saw him exactly where you had planned to: sitting in that same arm chair with yet another book.

“Loki,” You said, making your presence known to him. He peered over his book at you and offered a smile, “I was wondering if you’d like to go outside- since, you know, you’ve kind of lived in this room for the past couple of weeks.”

“Outside? You would accompany me outside?” He asked, completely thrown off by your question.

“Yes. It’s a beautiful day. I was going to visit the park and I thought that you might like to join me.” You explained yourself.

“I would like that.” Loki said. He set the book on the table and stood up. Using his magic, he changed his clothes from Asgardian wear to Midgardian casual attire. You smiled at him, admiring his change.

You took Loki to the nearest park, much to the dismay of some of your fellow teammates. Thor offered to tag along, but Natasha quickly shut that down. Thor was far too recognizable and anyone could recognize Loki if they had seen his brother. You were pleased about introducing Loki to feeding the ducks with the few pieces of bread that you had smuggled from the compound. From what you could tell, he enjoyed it. It was the simplest thing, yet it displayed Loki’s humaneness in such a strong way. He never really stopped genuinely smiling while at the park and all of it was because of you.

~~~

Loki was pacing around in his room the next day, rehearsing how he should ask you out. He wanted to take you to that restaurant that served the steak you loved, but he didn’t know how Midgardian dating worked.

“Brother!” Thor greeted, walking into Loki’s room unannounced and startling him.

“Thor, have you forgotten how to knock?” He asked with a sigh.

“I heard you pacing. Is anything on your mind?”

“Why would anything be on my mind? I’m fine.” His reply was defensive as he attempted to conceal his emotions. As the God of Mischief, he is normally much better at it, but his feelings for you had grown too great for him to easily cope with.

“Does this have anything to do with Lady Y/N?” Thor inquired.

“What are you on about, brother? This has nothing to do with her. Nothing is wrong.” Loki stated.

“Whatever you say, I shall believe, but I do think you should ask her sooner than later. Unlike us, Lady Y/N does not have thousands of years.” He spoke with a calm smile.

“Is that all?”

“Well, I was originally sent to ask if you were joining us for dinner, so will you?”

“It depends if I am hungry or not. You can leave now, Thor.” Loki said and his brother exited with his hands up in surrender. Loki looked at himself in the mirror and cast an illusion so that he was in casual clothing for the second day in a row. He left his room and headed straight to yours. As he was about to knock, he realized your door was cracked open and that you were speaking to someone in your room.

“I’m actually glad I didn’t quit.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, too.” Natasha said, “It seems to be working.”

“I learned from the best.” You laughed, referring to your best friend before you.

“Do you think he’s changed?”

“I think Loki has.” He froze hearing you mention his name. His heart hammered in his chest, “He seems kinder and gentler. I still feel bad though. A part of me wishes I gave up, but a part of me is proud that I’m going through with this mission.”

‘Mission?’ Loki thought. He felt a stinging pain build up in his heart. No, it couldn’t be. He was the God of Mischief. There was no way you, a mere Midgardian, could have tricked him- and there was no way you could have tricked him into falling in love with you.

“Going undercover is hard, but you have done it well, even if your target was the God of Mischief.” Natasha replied proudly. Loki heard you two come closer to the door, but he wasn’t quick enough to move. His feet were planted in that moment- replaying your words in his head. As you opened the door to reveal him, he used his magic to transform him back to his Asgardian self.

“Loki-“ you started. Natasha looked at you with concern, knowing fully well that he had heard the two of you.

“Don’t.” Loki spoke with a firm shake of his head. The smile that you had grown fond of over the past few weeks was completely gone. “Congratulations, you succeeded in fooling the God of Mischief.” He sarcastically raised his hands and did a partial bow for you, before he left without another word.

You watched his retreating figure in pain. You had never wanted to hurt him- that was never the plan, but, yet again, falling in love with the trickster was never a part of the plan either. You started to walk in the direction of his room when Natasha caught your hand.

“Y/N,” she sighed, “Leave him be for a bit. C’mon, we should tell the others.” Agreeing with her, you quietly followed her down the hall to the lab, opposite of Loki’s direction.

~~~

“Well, this is-“ Tony started after taking a deep breath, but was cut off by Steve.

“Bad. This is bad.” He stated. You could feel all of their eyes watching you, as you kept your eyes focused on the ground beneath you. “Thor, what do you suggest we do?”

“I do not know.” The God replied, “I have never seen my brother act the way he was with Y/N before. He showed a whole different level of respect and compassion for her-“

“Could it be that he was playing her as well?” Clint asked.

“No.” Thor shook his head, “Loki is mischievous and he is great at pretending, but not like this. I have never seen him so vulnerable.”

“You think he actually loves her?”

“I don’t know if I would call it love quite yet, but I do believe it could have become that.”

“Should I talk to him?” You asked quietly. Guilt and pain was all you could feel. Loki was upset with you, and, now, Thor believed you to have broken his heart.

“Maybe I shall speak with him first, Lady Y/N.” Thor said. “I know my brother best and I fear he is too unpredictable at the moment.”

“Very well then. Thor, go see him.” Natasha stated and he nodded. The room was silent as all of you watched Thor leave the room.

Thor entered Loki’s room to find his brother casually sitting on his bed, a book in his hand. Loki lowered the book and looked at the other God. He answered, “Yes?”

“Do you love her?” Thor asked.

“That mortal? Please.” Loki said, rolling his eyes lightly.

“Loki, drop this act. Do you love her?” He asked again. Thor stepped into the room and a bright gold burst came from the room as Loki’s magic disappeared. The seemingly normal bedroom was an illusion and shifted into the remains of a bedroom. The bed was torn apart with the mattress falling into the wall; the opposite wall had a few fist holes in it; and the bedside table was smashed, bits of it splattered around the room. Loki sat in the far corner and lifted his head from hands.

“See for yourself, brother.” Loki said, slowly looking up at the other God. His eyes were red and his hair was a mess from his recent angry motions.

“Loki-“ Thor was speechless. He had never seen his brother so broken and hurt. The last time Thor walked in on Loki in a state like this was when their mother died; and, now, Loki was broken once more.

“Surprised? This is what one look like when they are upset.” He stated.

“This is far more than upset.”

“It’s against my nature to call myself heartbroken.”

“Y/N would like to speak with you.”

“And I would not like to speak with her, or anyone for that matter, so, brother, you may leave now.”

“I will not leave you here to swallow yourself into a hole of despair.” Thor said as Loki stood.

“Despair? How would you feel if the mortal you loved betrayed you? How would you feel if you loved her and she had been lying to you this whole time?” His voice raised in anger.

“You have it all wrong, brother. Y/N has not betrayed you.”

“Leave! You know nothing of her lies!” He stepped towards his brother and Thor straightened up to his full height, preparing for any violence that may come.

“Loki,” You spoke from the doorway. Both Gods turned to you in surprise and Loki’s heavy breathing seemed to calm.

“Lady Y/N-” Thor started.

“I’d like to speak to Loki alone.” You said. The blond looked between the two of you and then left the room without another word.

“I do not wish to speak to you right now.” Loki turned his back to you and you took in his destroyed room. You sighed softly and stepped towards him.

“Please, allow me to explain myself.”

“I don’t need any further explanation. I understand your actions- you don’t trust me, none of you do.” He stated with a firm shake of his head, making you stop in your tracks.

“Loki, I can’t speak for the others, but I trust you. What I did was wrong, but I was doing what was best for the team. They wanted me to earn your trust-”

“Well, you earned more than that. Congratulations.” He said.

“If it is love that you’re speaking of, then I feel it too.” You replied and he slowly turned to you.

“Pardon me?” Loki questioned and you continued your walk to him until you were directly in front of the God.

“I love you, Loki, and I’m so sorry that I made you feel betrayed. It was never my intentions.”

“Is this the truth?” He asked and you delicately took his hands in yours. You nodded, causing a grin to form on his face. He leaned down to kiss you softly. He pulled away and whispered to you, “Good. I love you too, and it frightens me.”

“I’ll never lie to you again.”

A few years ago, I started doing this thing where I take care of myself from a third-person perspective. It started when I got diagnosed with my neurological condition, as a way to remember and embrace that I had a handicap, and that my life would improve if I observed proper care of it. For example, when I started to get overloaded I taught myself to step outside of the situation and say, “Self, hey, I think we need to get out of here. Remember that you’re sick, and it’s okay that you’re sick. I know you’re still working, and I’m sorry, but it’s time to take us home.” A big step in my life happened when, on one of those days where just nothing worked at all, I just put myself to bed with a book and glass of milk at 4:00 in the afternoon, saying, “We did our best, but I think we need to shut this day down. This is your job right now; I need you to get a lot of rest, because there’s a lot to do tomorrow.” Everything feels so much better when someone understands and accepts what’s up with you, even if it IS you. Even the tough-love aspect through the worst of times that says, “I know this is breaking you down into little pieces, and I’m so, so sorry to do this, but I need you to keep going. I’m going to get us out of this, but in order to that I need you to keep going” makes everything so much easier. 

It’s turned into this major thing in my life. I can already state that this is the most important thing for success in grad school. When you can look at yourself objectively and feel a need to care for that good, hardworking little human as best you can, it makes it easy to put your health and safety first. It’s second nature to celebrate even the smallest victories of that person, because you work so hard to take care of them, and you see that hard work paying off in countless ways. Standing up for yourself if easy when that voice in your head rears up at once, unable to just sit by and let your person get kicked around. It’s hard for me to think, ‘Hey, please don’t say those mean things to me,’ but when I look at the situation from the outside I immediately start going, ‘Woah, buckarooni, you think I am gonna just sit here, let you talk at my human that way? Bouta get my foot in your face is what’s bouta happen, friend.’

This practice has made me more compassionate, more patient, and less tolerant of mistreatment of those around me in any form. The saying, ‘treat others as you treat yourself’ goes a long way when you treat yourself really, really well. I strongly recommend this practice to you student types. Be your own mom/big brother or sister. Or date yourself, be a healthy relationship. Put your own name on the list of people in your support system.