- Craig: keep your eye on the ball but for God's sake, if you see the ball coming toward you don't catch it with your eye.
- Brian: Don't force your love on a dog. Love can't be forced. A dog will love you anyway, but still.
- Robert: It's only illegal if you get caught. Just pretend that the guy ran into your knife sixteen times.
- Joseph: Label your jars and shakers. No one wants salty cookies. *flashbacks*
- Mat: You're not a real man if you drink decaf! But I'm not going to demean women by saying you're not a man..women aren't weak if they happen to prefer decaf...and I'm not gonna let the type of coffee you drink determine your manhood and masculinity. Down with sexism. I'm sorry, what was I saying?
- Hugo: All your teachers lie to you about what the next grade will be like.
- Damien: If you want to wear a dress, then wear a dress. If you want to wear that dress with crocs then by all means. I can't tell you how to dress, but you should know that you will have lost all my respect.