still on hiatus though because i don't feel much like blogging

300+ followers to celebrate! I never have been one to care for keeping track but there are just too many of you that I appreciate for any of you to go unnoticed. I thank you all so much for sticking with me and my muse for Tamaki as we venture through Tumblr together. Now let us celebrate with a few notable shoutouts to my baes! 

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netflix-and-anxiety  asked:

Hi, I have a question. If I'm a trans guy who passes in society, don't I have the same male privilege as cis dudes? Because you can safely assume that the Starbucks barista or some cashier doesn't know what's in my pants, and will most likely treat me as the man I am. Also, what is your opinion on trans men who like men calling themselves gay? If someone who doesn't know I'm trans asks, why would I out myself? I'd rather just say I'm gay and like men, don't you think?

Please know two things before I answer this: First, this blog is in semi-hiatus and if this is an old ask I apologize for not getting to it before now. Secondly, this is not a personal or discussion-type blog. I’ll answer this, but I won’t respond to further inquiries; don’t worry, I’m sure someone else will offer perspective. OK.

If I’m a trans guy who passes in society, don’t I have the same male privilege as cis dudes? Because you can safely assume that the Starbucks barista or some cashier doesn’t know what’s in my pants, and will most likely treat me as the man I am.

No, you wouldn’t. Lets forget appearances for a second. I mean, hell, I’m a woman who’s gnc sometimes and when I get mistaken for male on public transportation, I feel safer. All that male privilege, right? Yet I’m still biologically female. I can still be forcibly impregnated though rape. Many medications aren’t tested on biological females so I have no clue how they might affect me. I’m a 25 year old woman who’s been telling her obgyn that I don’t want children for 6 years and I still can’t get my tubes tied, while my male friends can get vasectomies much younger. Biology does matter, and occasional treatment as male doesn’t erase misogyny. People who see you in passing may treat you as male. Others will treat you like the biological female that you are. 

Also, what is your opinion on trans men who like men calling themselves gay? If someone who doesn’t know I’m trans asks, why would I out myself? I’d rather just say I’m gay and like men, don’t you think?

No. Just no. Picture this: A gay man is discovering his sexuality in an era where AIDs is called GRIDS. He is terrified by the supposed consequences of his sexuality. No one is doing anything. People are dying in spades. He grows up and starts to accept that he’s attracted to males and tries to feel that it’s ok. There are conversion therapy camps that would force him to try and be sexually  attracted to biological females. Depending on who he is, they may be part of his life or not. Then one day the time comes where he means someone he likes, someone he perceives as male, and when things get heated he find that the person is in fact, female. He’s not attracted to that person anymore. 

Is he:

1. A transphobe

2. A bisexual man

3. A gay man 

Is this situation not ok because he’s the way he is? Or because someone lied about being biologically male? 

EDIT:

Per the words of a lesbian woman:  It’s not the responsibility of gay people to dissolve the definition of who we are to make another group comfortable

anonymous asked:

So my partner is ace and aro. We make love, hang out, are monogamous, and talk about very serious topics. He says he loves me, but not in the romantic way. Can you describe that kind of love for me? I am romantic and I don't understand.

Hey allonon, you came to the right place c: I’ll also link you to other blogs you can check out to look more into this stuff if you want to, but that’ll be at the end.

Some people say that even though aromantics don’t experience romantic attraction, they can still love someone romantically. Since he specifically said he doesn’t love you in a romantic fashion, then my next guess is he loves you in a platonic fashion. This might not fit, though, because he may feel something that isn’t platonic or romantic.

Personally, I believe there’s a love that is different from platonic love but isn’t necessarily romantic love either. There’s kind of a restriction when it comes to how we talk about love. Love is very difficult to define because it’s present in so many ways and there are so many types of love. There tends to be the three examples “how you love your family, how you love your friends, and how you love your romantic partner” but that isn’t all there is either. There’s a spectrum of love, just like gender and orientation. You can love one friend a certain way and then love another friend a different way, but you still love them equally.

Take a look at this:

External image

[ Image description: a green equilateral triangle with the points labeled “Liking - Intimacy”, “Infatuation - Passion”, “Empty Love - Commitment” and the sides labeled respectively “Romantic Love - Passion + Intimacy”, “Companionate - Intimacy + Commitment”, and “Fatuous Love - Passion + Commitment”, as well as the middle of the triangle labeled “Consummate Love - Intimacy + Passion + Commitment” ]

This is based off of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, from this article. You’re free to read the article itself but it can come off as super amatonormative so read with caution (esp aro followers who are reading this).

For the most part I’ll talk about what the article says here, but hopefully in a way that isn’t as amatonormative.

There are three main components of love, which are…

  • Intimacy – The feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, trust, and bondedness
  • Passion – The excitement of the relationship, which is often connected to limerence (infatuation), attraction, and arousal
  • Commitment – The decision to stay with this person and continue investing in the relationship by sharing decisions, experiences, and adjustments

These are the points of the triangle in the picture above. Depending on which components are included in your love for someone, it can be called different things. The article I linked above contains a list of labels for the different combinations, but I would say it’s up to debate what they should be named. These names are the labels on the triangle sides and middle.

Your partner may love you in a fashion that does not possess the arousal or limerence of the passion component of love, but does contain the commitment and intimacy components. This is still extremely valid and as much of love as any other combination is, unlike how the article makes it sound.

For less “technical” ways of talking about this: consider the type of love felt toward a best friend. While there is no romantic or sexual attraction to them, you still are pulled toward them in affectionate and emotional ways. You may express your feelings in different ways, some even traditionally romantic-coded ways such as cuddles and hugs or loving tones and consideration for them. 

Now imagine wanting to step up and commit to being with that best friend and making it a special relationship that you do not share with others. You may have at first felt platonic attraction toward them, but now that you’re already this close it’s replaced by this warm emotion that reads as love. You are not romantic, you are not just platonic either. You love each other in a way that you don’t love other friends.

I’m not saying you do not have a romantic relationship with your partner, but this is my best way around explaining it to you and avoiding romantic attraction.

For more resources, here are some other places to check out:

And more blogs:

This is about as much as I can do to help you understand, allonon. I’m really glad you came to us to ask this, and I hope I’ve helped at all. If not, you can always keep asking us about this on or off anon, or you can contact one of the above blogs for more information as well.

~ Tabs

it’s that time of year, folks! i apologize in advance if i miss you, because i follow about 500 people, and, well… that’s a lot of people. i feel like i should trim that number down. hm.

my most special friends

thelightinthepizzeria: allie, you get on my nerves. constantly. but then i remember what a great person you are, and how funny you can be, and how fucking weird you are and how you love ted allen and broadway and how you throw your heart into everything and then i forget you were on my nerves. sometimes. 

argent1x1s: liv, you can also get on my nerves when you get really blunt or something and i just don’t understand why you’re being that mean (even though i can be worse). then you say something really funny and i forgive you and laugh a lot. you made me say “same” and “my tiny son” and a lot of stuff and even though sometimes i feel like you can be too much of a social justice warrior you’re the best.

faithlethane: isabella, bruh, i miss you! i miss you and your weirdness and passion for weird things and talking about doctor who and sherlock constantly. i miss you mashing potatoes up and calling it “mashed potatoes” and eating a “mashed potato” sandwich. also, hungarian goulash. good times. come back.

holahydra: 80% sure you were my first real tumblr friend and even though you haven’t responded to the tWO messages i just sent you, it’s okay because you are still the best and funniest and even though we disagree on some stuff like steven moffat we both agree that steve rogers is the best and fili and kili and thorin all have to live and generally i love you lots. bye.

thrandildo: honestly i have absolutely no idea how we started talking but i just about cried when we did because i had worshipped your blog for a long time. you are amazing and adorable and yes, i will ship my nephew to canada just for you, because you are the best. be nice to him, he’s just a wee lil boy.

lordstark: again, i had stalked/worshipped your blog for an age and a half and then we started talking and i almost fainted because wow? wow. you are my source for all marvel news and information and i know that if i am rewatching winter soldier then i can come talk to you and we can cry together over dumb super soldiers. keep on rocking.

queersif: you are one of the sweetest people i’ve met. you always ask about my day and remember what’s been going on in my life (but in a totally non-creepy way). you’re so thoughtful and wonderful and even though tumblr eats your messages about 90% of the time, i still consider you a friend, and i’m lucky to know you. i mean, i don't know know you because i haven’t seen you in real life, but you know what i mean.

explvring: you were another one of my first tumblr friends, and honestly you and your blog have taught me a lot about social justice while making me smile all the time. also, you ride horses. that’s the bomb diggity. my life goal is to become more like you tbh, because you are [beyonce voice] ***flawless.

lovelornpoet: farrah, i haven’t talked to you in ages! you are such an inspiring person. your commitment to your faith is really great, and you always strive to make the world a better place, even when you’re feeling sad. it’s something to aspire to for me, because i sometimes like to be lethargic and not do anything, but i really think you can change the world.

scmpai: IRIS, I HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN FOREVER! I AM SO SORRY! i love you so much, you are the best. i love lamenting over unattainable boys and fictional characters. you are incredible and soon one of two things will happen: 1) andre will realize this, or 2) you will find someone better than andre.

scottsmmers: okay you know i haven’t actually talked to you that many times i think maybe twice but we are fellow scott/emma trash and you are very cool. so. you are friend. also, you make pretty gifs. 

lydiamartln: hello we have basically only talked a couple of times but. you are cool. since we haven’t talked a whole lot i cannot write a whole paragraph about you but. you are cool.

my most special mutuals who should talk to me more

americanmarys | arthurpratdragon | biglittleblueboxbilbosgrief | billiepiiper | billieplpercapisicledajo42 | dearpadfoot | durinswrathfelicitysss | firearchersfjnnick | foxtrotmulder | frankunderwoodsfreewinchestersfy-nghariad-fy-emrysgallifreystands | gambihtghostrogersgrantdouglasvvard | impurecas | ircnpatriot | itssplashbitchjamesmcavoy | jennalouisa | joanwatxonkillianhjoneslehnsure | lukeevens | marleydowntherabbitholemenoutoftime | merlinsbluebutterflymithrandihr | nataliedomersnataliedromernotgingcr | ohcaptainrurn | p-eterquill | pitchpipestarkidradianthannah | reeroyrogvrsroyalsammy | samwilsun | samwincheistersbstnstan | sebastiinstansimonmonrou | sittythingsnowykiersnowystuckyspoken-not-written | starlcrde | steverogders | stuckky | superboyothehiddlerontheroofthillbothorinoakeshield | ultrvon | waldosbestfriendwaytoochipperwearyvoiceswintcrsoldier | x-maspond

and a special shout-out to markruffalo, just because.