i’m honestly at a loss for words right now to describe for how my birthday went for me this year. in all honesty, due to some personal issues, the beginning of it was…tough. it was hard to enjoy, and because it was hard to enjoy, the pressure to enjoy my one and only 21st birthday when i felt like crap made everything feel infinitely worse. i went from starting out okay to waiting for the day to end (because i knew i’d feel better tomorrow).
but then, after our dinner out, i came home to a house filled with people i love, screaming “surprise!!!” as i walked through the door. my mouth dropped right open, and this time, i started crying for joy. they could all only stay for so long, being a tuesday night and all and there being young babies (my nieces) all over the place), but…i felt so much love and happiness in seeing all the people i love gather to celebrate, even if it was just for a couple hours.
and it meant even more to me after having such a crappy day. after struggling with out-of-nowhere thoughts about how worthless and disposable I was, stemming from the general crappy feelings I had. and then, to suddenly be surprised by those I loved, to be overwhelmed with how many people loved me and cared about me…
it couldn’t have been a better way to redeem and make memorable my 21st birthday