As promised – not Kansas City OTRA, but very much inspired by it. I’ve had this as a WIP since April or so, so it’s nice to have it out. That said: I’M NERVOUS AS ALL GET OUT cause they kind of… are… there’s a crude topic in this. They’re just having a go at each other, though. ACK *flips tables* Enjoy, everybody, I’m gonna hide now. x
It’s the last song when security finds you and escorts you
from your seat and through the crowd. You’re a little disappointed that you
don’t get to see the show finish, but knots of excitement are twisting in your
belly as you are herded past barricades where no one else is allowed to go.
Music and fireworks, almost obnoxiously loud, are muffled backstage, and you
hear voices, familiar by this point and one more so than the rest, saying
earnest goodnights and wishes of love and safe returns home to the crowd that
so worships them. Preparation to tear down and packup equipment has already
started around you, and you pause in the wings, shaking your head when security
tries to usher you to move.
He’ll be there. He’ll find you.
Sure enough, he’s all legs and hair when he appears at last,
leaping over a thick wire before it can catch his boot and twist his ankle.
He’s got a towel in his hand, but it’s useless on his long, wet, curly hair.
He’s all but drenched from head to toe, with most of his grey t-shirt stained
with sweat and clinging to his body, and while the heat is mainly to blame for
that, the water he’d been spitting and throwing hadn’t helped (although, it had
probably cooled him off).
He’s tanner than you remember him being last, but that’s
what months of outdoor shows and sightseeing on off days will do to him. The
muscles on his slick arms look just a little bigger and more defined, too, and
even the most casual twist or bend of his heavily tattooed left arm makes ink
practically jump every time.
His eyes, though, are most striking, and they’re only for
you as he continues his beeline in your direction.
“You’re soaked, love,” he teases you through a cheeky grin
and popping dimples with a voice like honey and sandpaper.
You won’t give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his
“Some twat kept spitting water at me the whole night,” you
inform him, opening your arms for him.
Harry grins wider – a cocky, satisfied grin. “Yeah?” His
hand slides possessively around your waist for the first time in ages and you
fold your hands behing his neck. “Tell me his name an’ I’ll get him.”
Here’s the thing, I’m the first one to say Mickey deserved better. But think about what that really entails. What we actually mean when we say he deserved better, is that he deserves to be happy. Ergo: He deserves Ian. Because, Ian made him happy.
I’ve seen a lot of commentary about how Mickey loved Ian more. Some weird internet pissing contest because, let’s face it, Mickey is love goals isn’t he? He’s a man who went from this scared shitless, self-hating, insecure child and grew into a strong, caring, and passionate man. One you’d kill to have fight for you. He came out of the closet for Ian.
Let me emphasize that point. In a homophobic upbringing, environment, in front of the man that literally beat the shit out of him for being gay, (before having him raped by a prostitute to “fuck the faggot” out of him); Mickey Milkovich came out as gay, in a dive bar on the Southside, for Ian Gallagher. Whether you love or hate Mickey, that is goddamn significant.
Now, possible domestic abuse issues aside, cuz, let’s face it folks: we’re cutting both Ian and Mickey a lot of slack when it comes to the fact that there was physical abuse in their relationship. But that’s what makes it so beautifully real. It’s not that the writers are glorifying an unhealthy relationship, or even that the fans are. It’s real. This is EXACTLY what it would look like if two, fucked up, Southside thugs, fell in love against the societal expectations of their socioeconomic status and environment. And to quote Tupac, their love is a rose that grew from the concrete.
THAT is what is so beautiful about this pairing. Again, I am not advocating or condoning IPV (Intimate Partner Violence), which is actually a problem in the LGBT community; what I am saying is the reason there’s an inordinate amount of people who ship Ian and Mickey is because they were a light at the end of a dark and dismal tunnel. Well, they were until reality literally bitchslapped both of them.
But I think there’s something pretty damn important we are all forgetting: and that’s the hell Mickey put Ian through in the beginning. I’m not trying to justify the shit Ian pulled after Mickey had his personal epiphany that made him into the man we have all grown to adore. But here’s the thing:
Ian was falling for Mickey when shit was still raw and relatively unrequited.
Ian loved Mickey when he was still just a filthy thug. Ian loved Mickey, despite his refusal to kiss him. Ian loved Mickey, despite the serious internalized homophobia. Ian loved Mickey when he knew he shouldn’t, when Mickey made it clear that Ian was nothing more than a warm mouth to him.
So, here’s the thing. Mickey deserved better… but so did Ian. They both deserved better. And what I mean by that, is not that Mickey deserved better than Ian, or Ian deserved better than Mickey. No. They both deserved to be happy. And honestly? They were their happiest together. Whatever bullshit aside, what their relationship represented was a love that managed to bloom from a dark and hopeless place. And if they could find love, couldn’t we all?
Do you want to share a list of fics that have made you cry? I'm in need of them. Thank you!
Oh anon, I love you. Thank you for giving me something to do. LOL! YES! I would LOVE to. I’m going to preface this with the fact that I cry VERY easily and for many reasons, but I don’t do well with SUPER heavy angsty fics (like the brain cancer fic) so, read this list with that in mind. And read the tags, just in case!
There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.
Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground.
Louis’ husband dies suddenly and he is left with nothing. Well, not really nothing. He has Harry. And a St. Bernard puppy named Link, whom his late husband left behind for him. Louis takes care of Link and Harry takes care of Louis. Everything is okay until suddenly, it isn’t.
An incredibly shameless vampire!AU filled with stupid jokes, endless dates, flappy bird, a bro man dude pal sleepover thing and there also might be some sex in strange places.
Also known as the one where everyone is a vampire, Louis is oblivious and somewhere along the way it becomes a bit too much like Twilight.
Then a string of thoughts make themselves clear in Louis’ head. First, Harry is a vampire. Second, Louis is a dumbass. Third, Louis is also unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Fourth, he’s pretty sure he just quoted the back of the Twilight book.
Louis sets off to Barbados to oversee the massive resort his family owns known as Sandy Hill. For years, he’s been looking for a change in the monotony of his life, seeking adventure and perhaps love too. What he doesn’t expect is the bright eyed boy who spills a milkshake on his shoes.
The year is 1881 and if you’re alone in this world you might as well be dead, because starving dogs have no mercy.
Or: Wherein Louis and Harry are on the opposite ends of the social ladder, but their paths still cross on the filthy streets Louis calls his home. The odds are staked against them from the beginning, and even more when Louis’ past finally catches up with him.
“What’s got your panties in a twist, then, pop star?” the man finally asked, his gaze returning to Louis’ face.
Something pressed against Louis’ chest and for a moment Louis let himself wonder what it would be like to let all his secret spill out. To fall into the space between them and be devoured by this stranger. Terror mingled with bliss, tangling into a sharp throb he had to swallow hard against.
“Absolutely nothing,” Louis said instead. “Happy days, yeah?”
The man clicked his tongue once, a disappointed, wet tetch that Louis felt. Actually felt.
Louis turned desperate eyes on him, blinking too fast. He could see his own lashes flutter. “I’m living the dream, mate” he said and even he could hear the way his voice cracked along the edges. “What would I have to be upset about?”
Or the one where Louis is a pop star who has lost his voice and Harry helps him find it.
The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that’s exactly what he did.
I really want to include Where Your Heart Is, because it’s one of my favorite fics, but it’s been deleted. I haven’t read Fire for A Heart because it’s TOO much for me to read MCD, but I’m sure it would make you cry. It’s also been deleted, but if anyone wants either of them, you can download them from here.