still experimenting with textures


“…don’t ever change.”
“I don’t exist…in anyone’s heart.”
“…what would it take for me to be like you?”

Loved, but lonely on an island in the sea.

Okay, this is what depersonalization/derealization feels like. This is as much as I can try to describe it!

It’s like looking at a word for a long time and it loses meaning, instead you’re just looking at life and thinking about it and you don’t know if what you’re looking at is actually reality.

Things lose their depth. You’re looking up at the starry night and it looks so fake. You suddenly feel like something is hugging you, it’s uncomfortable.

You’re having a conversation with a loved one and you become hyper aware of that last thing you just did, thinking, “Did I really just say/do that?” At the same time, your head feels odd, you feel like you’re falling.

You’re looking at yourself in the mirror too long and you start to think if that’s really your self. Sometimes your face will look like it’s melting.

You think about time a lot. Sometimes, a few minutes feels like a year went by. You remember things from a couple of minutes ago, like getting a hug, and you can still feel the texture surrounding you. It’s a disturbing experience.

Trying to relax is a joke. You can’t stop being aware of everything. Your mind won’t stop thinking about the past, present, and future.

Sometimes your eyesight gets foggy. Everything has a gray tint. At the same time, you feel like you’re going to fall into a dream state. Your vivid imagination feels like it will take over. Anything seems possible at this time.

You’re in a bedroom, and suddenly the walls behind you feel like they’re not there anymore. The room feels 5 times bigger and you’re scared to turn around to check if anything has really changed.

Sometimes you’ll feel out of body. You have this gut feeling that you can predict what’s going to happen next and it will last for minutes at a time.

You will feel scared for no reason. The only thing you can do is close your eyes, if you can, and take deep breaths.

Sometimes you’ll feel confused about your loved ones. Look at photos of them and you will just forget what your connections with them are. A sibling doesn’t look the way you remembered them to be five minutes ago.

You meet a new friend and forget what they look like. It will take weeks for you to get your mental image of them correct.


here is a new collection of succulent plants. i have moved away from glass bowls and other vessels without drainage holes, and gone for the highly recommended terracotta. terracotta is good for succulents because the air can circulate round the roots, and it doesn’t hold water (which is better for succulent plants)

  Still experimenting,but very much loving the range of colours and textures and shapes of succulent plants, and that i haven’t seemed to have killed any yet!

Took some time to work on Petunia this weekend while I waited for primer to dry.  I’ve been wanting to make a monster BJD for a while.  I’m still experimenting with different kinds of textures and anatomy.  :/

christmas gifts giveaway: allydia picspam for scottskiras

I believe you. After everything we’ve been through, I believe you.

Pansy (purple). You occupy my thoughts.

Honeysuckle. Bonds of love, rustic beauty and inconsistency.

Jean missing his bf in the wild, i wanted to experiment a little bit with textures ( i still need to practice more)…

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Pensamiento. Tu ocupas mis pensamientos.

Madreselva. Lazos de amor, belleza rústica e inconsistencia.