still dont know how i feel about this

anonymous asked:

Hi! I wanted to ask you kinda about your experience of being a lesbian. I've always identified as ace and aro but I've been questioning if I'm lesbian romantic, still ace tho I know you've said you have a similar alignment, I wanted to know about your experiences with it and if you could tell me kind of how you figured it out

i just know that im very ace and that girls are just wowzers and great. I dont have any attraction towards men other then the occasional aesthetic attraction. Im also not really one for relationships because personally i never feel like I could give back the amount of vulnerability that they would give me and so I dont want to enter a relationship unless its 100% mutual affection yaknow? I identify as an ace lesbian but theres some aro tendencies in there so I just find it easier to say ‘I like girls’ in shorthand lol

Actually

The question I get the most is how I write characters that feel like real people. 

Generally when I’m designing a human being, I deconstruct them into 7 major categories:

1. Primary Drive
2. Fear: Major and Secondary
3. Physical Desires
4. Style of self expression
5. How they express affection
6. What controls them (what they are weak for)
7. What part of them will change.

1. Primary Drive: This is generally related to the plot. What are their plot related goals? How are they pulling the plot forward? how do they make decisions? What do they think they’re doing and how do they justify doing it.

2. Fear: First, what is their deep fear? Abandonment? being consumed by power? etc. Second: tiny fears. Spiders. someone licking their neck. Small things that bother them. At least 4.

3. Physical desires. How they feel about touch. What is their perceived sexual/romantic orientation. Do their physical desires match up with their psychological desires.

4. Style of self expression: How they talk. Are they shy? Do they like to joke around and if so, how? Are they anxious or confident internally and how do they express that externally. What do words mean to them? More or less than actions? Does their socioeconomic background affect the way they present themselves socially? 

5. How they express affection: Do they express affection through actions or words. Is expressing affection easy for them or not. How quickly do they open up to someone they like. Does their affection match up with their physical desires. how does the way they show their friends that they love them differ from how they show a potential love interest that they love them. is affection something they struggle with?

6. What controls them (what they are weak for): what are they almost entirely helpless against. What is something that influences them regardless of their own moral code. What– if driven to the end of the wire— would they reject sacrificing. What/who would they cut off their own finger for.  What would they kill for, if pushed. What makes them want to curl up and never go outside again from pain. What makes them sink to their knees from weakness or relief. What would make them weep tears of joy regardless where they were and who they were in front of. 

7. WHAT PART OF THEM WILL CHANGE: people develop over time. At least two of the above six categories will be altered by the storyline–either to an extreme or whittled down to nothing. When a person experiences trauma, their primary fear may change, or how they express affection may change, etc. By the time your book is over, they should have developed. And its important to decide which parts of them will be the ones that slowly get altered so you can work on monitoring it as you write. making it congruent with the plot instead of just a reaction to the plot. 

That’s it.

But most of all, you have to treat this like you’re developing a human being. Not a “character” a living breathing person. When you talk, you use their voice. If you want them to say something and it doesn’t seem like (based on the seven characteristics above) that they would say it, what would they say instead?

If they must do something that’s forced by the plot, that they wouldn’t do based on their seven options, they can still do the thing, but how would they feel internally about doing it?

How do their seven characteristics meet/ meld with someone else’s seven and how will they change each other?

Once you can come up with all the answers to all of these questions, you begin to know your character like you’d know one of your friends. When you can place them in any AU and know how they would react.

They start to breathe.

mhmmmmmm i cant shake the feeling that the quintessence keith absorbed at the end of s1 has more significance than just galra!keith foreshadowing, like in s3 we saw that even a little drop of quintessence could become an infinite power source, keep a cat alive for 10,000 years, turn zarkon and haggar into literal zombies and look how much keith came in contact with???

he’s covered in it???? (obviously its not anywhere near to how much zarkon +haggar came in contact with but still, ) will it effect him past the obvious “galra” patches of skin on his hands???? (also we have seen much of galra keith’s significance past the BOM–maybe this and galra keith are related???) i just feel like now that we’ve seen what quintessence can really do, that this scene possibly holds more significance than we originally thought/keith’s exposure may prove helpful in unexpected ways 

I won't draw anymore?-

Today… My mom saw me using the new tablet. We talked and she started questioning about what I do and what type social media I use…. Then she told me.. That soon, I won’t be drawing anymore. I asked why. She said I have to grow old of it sooner or later because I’m supposed think about my future, and who I’ll be when I grow up.

I said I wanted to be an artist. To grow up and keep drawing because that’s my passion. But then again.. She said I had to stop all of this… Because she thinks what I’m doing is a sin/not allowed..

For now I can draw. She allowed me to draw for now but soon she’ll take all of it away. And I don’t know how to respond to that. Because I never went against my mother and I don’t know what to do. She said Islam forbids drawing. Drawing a living being to be exact. And… That’s what I do here..

My father doesn’t care if I want to be an artist. As long as I can get a job. Or get money out of the things I do. I promised him one day I will be able to get money out of my drawings… I thought everything would be ok. But now my mother is against me. Not yet but will.. And I don’t know when..

But then I thought…. Why would then they support me in the first place..? Why would they buy me a tablet and give me hope and then telling me that drawing is not allowed in my religion. Why didn’t they just take all of my hope away and let me think only about studying.

It’s not that I don’t study… I just don’t want to be anyone else other than an artist… I just feel my heart being crushed suddenly. Knowing soon all of the things I did is for nothing…

And even if I do find a reason to convince my mom…. What will it be??…. And I don’t even know if one day I can even make money out of this. To keep the promise for my father. I’m still young.. I thought I had enough time.. But my family is struggling with some things rn.. And they’re trying to convince me to stop and focus on one thing. Getting a proper job. So when I grow I can only rely on myself. Like that, I won’t ever be in a problem like I and my family r in rn.

what can I do?

i love my personality disorder and how it just [clenches fist] takes the fact that one person can have said something negative about me and makes me believe literally everyone hates me…. and once i feel like literally everyone hates me i fall into an instant crashing depression that disconnects me from any ounce of identity i have because apparently im still constantly balancing on the opinions of those who see me, despite spending only about 7% of my time outside of my house

Cuddling With Astro

Requested
Note: this is all just my own opinion, i have no actual proof that they’d be like this

Masterlists

Myungjun (MJ):

Cuddling with Myungjun is absolute perfection. People would expect this time to be really energetic but (in my opinion) it’d be the one time of day where he could just calm down and relax. He loves spooning you, the feeling of having your right up against his chest would make him feel all warm and giddy. Holding hands is a must too, it makes him feel like he’s really connected with you. He’d probably like to talk with you about his day and about yours. In all, cuddling with Myungjun would be really relaxing and warm.

“Tell me about your day, jagi.”

Originally posted by carpelunam

Originally posted by jinwooh

Jinwoo (Jinjin):

Cuddling with Jinwoo is just really cute. He’d rather be facing you, whether it be the two of you on your sides or you laying on top of him, he likes being able to be face to face [to admire your perfect self ;)]. His arm would definitely be around you, pulling you flush against his chest. Expect a few cheeky kisses here and there, but nothing too extreme. The two of you would probably talk about the most random things. Cuddling with this man boy would just be really soft and fluffy.

“Do you think cacti have feelings?”

Originally posted by relationshipaims

Originally posted by whosrocky

Dongmin (Eunwoo):

Good luck surviving cuddle sessions with Dongmin. You could literally be reading a book and he’ll suddenly come in and start hugging the shite out of you. His hands would be on your skin; even if you’re wearing pants and a long sleeve he will find warmth no matter what. He’d whisper random compliments about you, your hair, your eyes, etc. If you did the same to him, he’d definitely be a blushy baby. Random kisses on the eyes, nose, lips, etc. would be the norm when you’re cuddling. Basically he’d be worshiping you and if youre not worshiping him what are you doing hes lee dongmin

“You’re really attractive, did you know that?”

Originally posted by pleasingpics

Originally posted by starnightingle

Bin (Moonbin):

You know how he’s known as a puppycat? Yeah, he becomes an actual puppy during cuddling sessions. Spooning or hugging is a must. Tbh it’d probably be hella warm and comfortable, so it’d be normal for the two of you to fall asleep while cuddling. His voice omg kill me now would sound really slurred because cuddling makes him tired (in a good way ofc.) and your voice would probably be the same. He would really like hiding his face in your shoulder.

“[Y/N]… I lobe you…” *omg imagine his tired voice i–*

Originally posted by sensuous

Originally posted by starryeunwoo

Minhyuk (Rocky):

Cuddling with Minhyuk would either be really quiet or kind of loud, there’s no in between. If he’s tired or if you’re tired, you just enjoy to be in each other’s arms. He’d probably be tracing random shapes on your body or kissing your shoulders. On the other hand… If you’re not really that tired, cuddling with Minhyuk would be fun. He’d randomly tickle you without warning or attack you with kisses. The two of you would probably talk about the future or the past or about how idiotic the boys were being that day (he loves them tho.)

“Remember when you asked me out-” “[y/N] let mE LIVE”

Originally posted by kissing-pleasure

Originally posted by rockybin

Sanha:

Oh my Gods cute shy babyy. Cuddling with Sanha would be awkward at first. You wouldn’t know what to do and he wouldn’t know what to do– it’d be a mess. Over time, it’d get more natural, but Sanha would probably still be a bit shy about cuddling. Unlike the others, you and Sanha would probably just lay side by side, holding hands. Your head would be on his shoulder though, but that’s about it. The two of you would talk about whatever came to mind and you’d let each other rant if either of you were feeling frustrated.

“Hey, [Y/N]? … I love you–” *intense blushing*

Originally posted by loveviral

Originally posted by binsblush


I dont think you realize how weak this made me omff– this group is going to be the death of me

2

Um! I’ve worked with sigils before but this is the first time I’ve made my own…and I think it’s important that try! I’m still getting a feel for a method to contemplate design, but these came pretty easily since I designed them with two beloved characters of mine in mind. 

They felt utterly relaxing to draw, so I think I’m doing something right.

anonymous asked:

hi! i really liked your meta on the recent chapter and i wanted to know your opinion on why levi chose armin instead of erwin? im not trying to start drama but i just keep thinking about what flock said on chapter 90 and i dont know how i feel about it still. what are your thoughts on the subject??

Ahh. I understand, anon. I’ve given my thoughts on this before but, not since the original spoilers came out. After rereading the entire arc, I definitely have a few things to add. So, get comfy because this answer will be a really long one, and also best read on a computer because this will contain a lot of images.

DISCLAIMER:

This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is entirely canon or completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, that’s perfectly fine! Everyone has a different point of view, but if you are going to send me messages trying to argue point of views with me, tell me I’m wrong, or send me hate messages; do us both a favor and please just don’t even bother.

Let me start this out by saying that I’m positive a lot of people will not agree or even like my opinion on this but, I will be completely honest in my statements on the matter. 

Flocke’s little speech made a lot of sense to me. Especially when it comes to Erwin but, it also pissed me off for a couple of reasons, and no, not because of his tone. It’s because of his ignorance. However, I am fully aware that I, as a reader of the story, get a first hand view of everything that happens. Flocke is a new recruit who was, up until recently, completely unaware of a lot that has gone on with the Survey Corps. 

Regardless though, he still slightly pissed me off and you asked so therefor, I will answer lol. The first thing I want to touch on is how he complains about being a coward who didn’t understand the dangers of the role he was playing in the Wall Maria reclaiming mission because people weren’t honest with him. 

BRUH…

For seventy years it has been no secret that at least 60% of all Survey Corps soldiers die on missions. Erwin point blank stated this when the 104th took to their ranks during his little joining speech. The dangers of fighting titans wasn’t something anyone tried to hide or keep tucked away in the hopes that soldiers would ignorantly join their ranks, and I doubt VERY highly that the dangers of the BIGGEST MISSION THE SURVEY CORPS HAD EVER PLANNED TO ATTEMPT was some massive smoke screen.

This dude knew his chances of survival were slim, and he also knew that his chances of having to sacrifice his life was very, very high. Especially since he originally refused to join to SC in the first place! Truthfully, this part right here just read off as someone who joined their ranks in the hopes of gaining some glory to me, and that made me salty. 

I did agree highly with his last question though. They all have every right to know how much their sacrifice is worth. I had this feeling deep in my gut the first time I saw the female titan arc. No one knew the dangers they were actually being put in, save for the veteran soldiers in the legion. Granted, it’s entirely understandable as to why but, at the same time, hundreds were lost without knowing why. That was a sad, and unfair thought, and a move I didn’t entirely agree with. So, I can understand Flocke’s viewpoint here. However, as I stated above, IT WAS NO SECRET PEOPLE DIED ON MISSIONS. 

Which leads me to the second and final reason his speech pissed me off:

That statement right there made me want to strangle this dude because he just outright undermined Levi to a severe degree. Not just Levi but, his bond with Erwin as well. As if Erwin wasn’t important to Levi too. Like Levi didn’t threaten to break this mans legs to try and keep him alive. Plus, he undermined how hard it was for Levi to ultimately make the choice he made. He shat on all of that in one sentence, and to make it worse, he called the choice an irrational one when he point blank states just one panel above this that he doesn’t know Armin well at all. 

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT’S AN IRRATIONAL CHOICE IF YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE PERSON YOU’RE BITCHING ABOUT?! 

Ugh, anywayssssss, let me lower my salt intake here and get to the point. 

I understand why people would question Armin’s survival over Erwin’s. I get it. Erwin was The Fucking MAN™ . He got shit done. Changed things in the walls for the better. He was the man with a plan and someone who sacrificed everything he had to learn the truth of the world. This leads me to why I think Levi ended up ultimately choosing Armin. 

Let me start off with this panel here and then work my way up.

Some of Kenny’s parting words to Levi. These words played a massive factor in Levi’s final decision. 

Erwin’s main goal, his dream, was to learn the truth of the world. He wanted to know what was beyond the walls and where the titans came from, and he wanted to learn all of this for the sake of his father. His goal was a worthy one and I am sad that he did not get to see it through but, his dream would have ended in Shiganshina one way or another. Whether he died, or whether he saw the basement; that was as far as his dream reached as far as Levi was aware at the time. [

Then we have Armin. 

Armin’s dreams would start outside of the walls. They stretched far beyond one end goal and one thing to fight for, and his dreams were ones he wanted to share with close friends. Much like how Levi had a dream he wished to share with his close friends back in the day too. Armin wanted to see the world. To explore and learn everything their was to know about life and land outside of their walled prison. This was Armin’s reason for becoming a Scout. 

So here we have two different people with different goals. Both of which Levi cares about and doesn’t want to see die. Both could help humanity. Both were brilliant and extremely intelligent. So, why Armin and not the seasoned commander?

Levi’s last words to Erwin are for him to let that dream go and to trust him to carry it out instead. I’m sure that Erwin was full aware that Levi had every intention of saving him if it was at all possible but, even knowing the risk towards his own life; Erwin accepted Levi’s order’s full on and with a relieved smile. Thankful to not have to burden himself under the guilt of wanting to abandon his post as Commander simply to learn the truth. For no longer having the chance to consider betraying all of those that were lost for a selfish goal. 

In the end, Erwin was absolutely selfless. and rid of the desire plaguing his heart. He was at peace with the position he was in and chose to ride with his men into the fray. All because Levi took the burden of their lives onto his own shoulders - something he never does - and because he trusted Levi to succeed. 

So, after this is said and done, we are left with Levi having to make a choice and duking it out with Eren and Mikasa on a rooftop for who will get the serum. Levi seems entirely hell bent on saving Erwin but, I believe what shook his firm resolve was this moment right here:

Ironic that Flocke is so quick to shit talk Levi’s choice when his comment right here is most likely one of the reasons Levi ended up choosing Armin.

Levi’s expression says a million different things in this one panel. The idea of reviving Erwin as a titan, to still lead and sacrifice people for a goal that Levi isn’t even sure exists at all breaks his determination. As far as he could see, Erwin just wanted to learn the truth. What Erwin would do after that was a mystery, even to Erwin himself. So, would it have been fair, after choosing to take his burden from him, to bring him back into the hell they scrounged in? All so he could continue to live as a “demon” even after achieving what he set out to accomplish? 

Levi still seemed to think so to some degree. Though, his intensity on the subject wanes just a bit after Flocke’s comment here, and a lot more after what Eren had to say:

Eren speaks of the dreams Armin lives and fights for. The very same dreams Levi had overheard the young boy ranting and glowing about the night before. Armin had something left to fight for, Eren was sure of it. Levi was too because he saw it for himself. 

Would Erwin have something left to live and fight for once he cleared his goal? Once he saw what was inside that basement and finally learned the truth? 

Would he have something to be drunk on to keep him going?

Would he make Erwin remain a slave to his inner demons in the hopes that he could continue on torturing himself?

The answer was no. In the end, Levi chose to let Erwin have his peace. Just like Kenny chose to finally lay down his desires and trust them to Levi for the sake of peace with a smile, Erwin did exactly the same and thanked Levi for doing so. Instead of betraying that trust, and possibly breaking his friend in the process; Levi let the “Demon Commander” rest, and gave the boy with so many dreams left to live and fight for a chance at making his dreams a reality. Levi made his choice out of care, experience, and what knowledge he had. Just like he always does. At least that is my opinion on that matter. 

Thank you for the ask, anon. I hope this answer is satisfactory for you. I apologize for the length and the lack of a Read More but, for whatever reason, that feature isn’t working on my laptop right now TT_TT

This isn’t a simple Elentori repost.

This is me, showing you how sometimes, artists can let themselves be influenced by a peer too heavily. And that simple inspiration can become near-plagiarism.

I’m not putting credit, even if none of these examples are from the same person. I’ve made that decision so no one gets shit over this– though I’m sorry because they are all great pieces, and I know a lot of time and work were put into all of them. I’m not here to bash, or to try and lessen anyone’s worth and talent. Plus– this could have happened with anyone. These are simply the examples I have collected over the past few months.

Last disclaimer: All of the artists above have not repeated this very often, if at all, of what I’ve seen. In fact, it’s not always copying. Just being inspired very heavily (as seen above). And I can see how good they are: Their potential, and, above all, their obvious talent. All in all, I simply want to point out one last time that this is not against them at all. They have simply provided me with the examples I need to make a point.

And who would I be showing other pieces without calling myself out: I’ve done it too, and I include myself in everything I’m saying. It is because I’ve done it, actually, that I take it to heart so much.

Which is fucking embarassing to admit so bear with me.

In fact, even if you do recognize any other of these pieces, don’t give anyone trouble. Please just– don’t ever send good-willed artists hate. Chances are, they were having a nice day before you showed up.

So… it’s well-known there are many ways for artists to learn. To become better: And one of these methods is to copy others.

But usually, these studies remain in your personal folders. They are not to post and claim as your own. Or if you do post them: you’d share it for what it is, I’m assuming.

And this is where this trend gets a little dismaying. In neither of the original posts was there a mention that Elentori was the inspiration. Even though it is obvious to any onlooker. Not even hidden in the tags. And I’ve checked all of these blogs’ archives just to make sure that I was not mistaking the copying and the copied.

I’m not diminishing Elentori’s work either: She’s a great reference, and I don’t know a soul who dislikes her work or doubts her talent. She’s actually made a brand for herslelf and that’s why her style lifts from the masses.

But that’s exactly it: she has found her own style, and it’s working out great for her. And that’s what I wish upon every other artist out there.

There is no reason to purposely put yourself in someone’s shadow, just because you admire them so much.

So like Noah Bradley says in his art camp:

Study art from masters. The older, the better. And if they’re dead, that’s the best. There’s nothing else they could’ve taught you.

(This isn’t an actual quote, it’s just very much the message he gives from what I remember.)

I would change that a little: Copy masters (Master painters, Disney illustrators… and there are more) as well, and especially. Don’t just copy trends or trendsetters, guys. Find your own signature. Something that others will want to copy as well. Something that’ll be uniquely yours. Try different things. Dwelve in cartoons even when you’re into realistic things. Just to better yourself.

And here’s a thought:

Can we make it socially acceptable to be comfortable, as artists, to cite our inspiration? To say;; hey, I tried this artist’s style today. Here’s how it turned out!! Because there must be a reason why we don’t do it. And maybe it’s some untold social construct?

I don’t know. I just think we should move past it.

I’ve been trying to fucking form words since yesterday but I don’t know???? how to fucking….. explain what I’m feeling about this man who’s wanted to do this since the age of 16 and now 7 years later after being through all kinds of overwhelming journeys he’s HERE ON HIS OWN PERFORMING HIS MUSIC FOR HIS SOLD OUT TOUR!!!!?? I can’t fucking imagine how he must be feeling. I just… hope Harry has the fucking time of his life during this and it’s better than he expected and he’s happier than he imagined, so fucking happy that he can’t believe it’s actually happening. I hope everyone of you who’s seeing him on tour show him the love and have fun. All the luck and best wishes in the world for Harry Styles 💕

rg97  asked:

I dont know how old the post about how stupid exo ls and army fanwars are. I dont know if you still feel that way but Im glad that for that post. As someone who likes both I constantly see hate on my dash and I was so happy when I read that post

Hi! I’m glad you brought this up. So that post about fanwars is actually a few months old, but I believe that it is still completely relevant. I do still feel that this constant feud between exo-ls and armys is completely unnecessary and is only bringing both fans and the groups themselves down. I’ve seen many cases where someone doesn’t want to stan a group just because of how badly their fans act, and it’s honestly very sad to watch. Exo and bts get along great with each other- I love seeing their interactions- both groups are very close, and I know that neither of them would want this, they expect better of us as their fans. Both are so talented and unique in their own ways and we just need to learn to appreciate them without hating on one or the other. Both exo-ls and armys have the worst reputation because of this and it really needs to stop.

Anyways, thanks for letting me rant and i’m glad that post made you happy! Here are some pics and gifs that will maybe bring people to their senses~

(∩˃o˂∩)♡

on advice for those with mental illness

so inb4 i get slapped with “we cant all be neurotypical KAREN” ill preface this with the fact that i have severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, moderate to severe OCD (more along the hoarder spectrum), and ADHD. all diagnosed. i deal with childhood sexual trauma as well. my experience is not universal, but it is not in the slightest neurotypical.

so learning how to grow and start healing fucking sucks. it really does. at a certain point it gets easier to just stay in your downward spiral. i get it, i totally do. ive been there for over 10 years (im 21 at the time im making this) and its taken me years of therapy and personal work to get to where i am now. i would consider myself stable at best, but its leagues better than where i used to be. part of that is just being lucky with recent life events, but much of it is me actively working on my mental illness.

cognitive behavioral therapy helps a fuckton. part of that is exposure therapy. it starts with little things. FORCE urself to go outside sometimes. FORCE urself to let something be “clean enough” or “good enough.” you dont have to personally handwash dishes you want to use to know theyre clean. let something be imperect, but start small. FORCE urself to look into someones eyes when u talk to them, or at least look at their mouth. a lot of the early work is about breaking out of your habits, your spiral. and it is work, absolutely. i know executive disfunction and lack of spoons/energy very well. starting small and succeeding tells your brain that you CAN do it.

i also have impulsive, intrusive thoughts. that sort of this is common but for me, its nearly every second of the day. when you start to understand that these thoughts ARENT yours, that obsessions have a cause you can point to, it starts to get easier. often i get thoughts of screaming nasty, racist, homophobic, transphobic things and it used to terrify me!! i used to think that those thoughts defined me or were some sort of “secret personality” of who i actually am. theyre not. theyre just shitty things that you hear and see from other people and your brain KNOWS you dont like them. but things that you KNOW are wrong are very often subjects of intrusive thoughts, especially for OCD. these thoughts arent who i am, and even tho i have to fight to not let that impulse take over, its much easier when you know WHY things happen.

ive been in therapy for years and i only recently told my psychiatrist about my ocd spectrum symptoms. that shit happens. it can be hard to trust someone until youve known them for YEARS. i never even told anyone about that facet of my mental illness until about a month before i told him during a session. my parents dont even know yet (unless they still check out my blog in which case HEY MOM i have ocd but im working on it real good also sorry about all the furries ily)

i have control issues. pretty bad ones. ones where i feel the need to control every aspect of my own life and those of people close to me. ive learned how to talk to people to get what i want from them. ive spent years working on not acting on them. i give people free reign to do what they need to do and offer to help when i can. i make a point to feel the mood of a room and go along with it. i make a point to involve other people in teaching me abt things that they like. being supportive and patient is hard for me, but it makes other ppl feel welcome around me. its probably for an ultimate selfish reason (i feel good that people like me and feel safe around me) but who cares!!! everything in life is selfish. being alive and continuing to live is a selfish act. but its not bad.

its been commonly said that your initial thoughts dont define who you are, but what your words/actions end up being (barring certain mental illnesses that prevent that ofc). the moment my therapist told me that theres things in my life that i cannot control, that there doesnt HAVE to be a reason for everything, it kickstarted the best, healthiest moment of my life. and im definitely not saying that you NEED a therapist/psych to start healing. honestly, that shit he told
me is really simple in basic. but you need to learn how to reach out and ask for help. ask anybody you feel comfortable with for help. getting help does not make me weak, it means i have the capacity for growth.

HEALTHY coping mechanisms will overcome unhealthy ones. youve probably been learning and using healthy ways to cope since you were young and just didnt realize it. think about the way you currently deal with your illness and be proud of it! good and bad! youve survived, and youre still surviving! youre not lazy, or difficult, or a bad person; you just have much more work and effort to put in to do the seemingly basic things that neurotypicals do. you and i work so hard to get to the bare minimum that its exhausting. you have to keep pushing your limits, and i dont mean you have to start yoga (fuck that my brain doesnt slow down enough for that) or run every week (im not there yet either) but just start working on one thing. even if that one, tiny thing takes a month, guess the fuck what!! you did it! you improved, you grew, you started HEALING. the words grow and heal might seem a little cliche and overused, but thats exactly what it feels like.

drink more water, being hydrated makes you feel better. try to eat healthier (mashed potatoes are suuuper easy to make btw u dont even need exact proportions to make delicious tates that YOU made. hmu if u wanna know what i do), youll feel less lethargic over time. stand up a few minutes every 1-3 hours, youll be surprised how much it helps. yes, these sound like neurotypical points of advice, but im there with you. these things DO help. they dont cure you, but they can help expand the base of things you fine yourself able to do.

TL;DR for other ADHD folks: growing as a person is hard. it takes work, actually difficult work. start small. you can do it. eat a potato. thank you.

remember my tablet pen that was wrecked and I couldn’t find a replacement? So I went and arranged buying a new one and already put in a payment for it? WellI figured ‘hey I’m getting a new one might as well take this old sucker apart!’

i

fixed it

somehow

“And then he called me a stupid cactus! Would you believe that?”
“…”
“I know right?! Just because I’m a succulent doesn’t mean I’m some stupid cactus!”

Ochara likes to associate himself with roses because of having thorns and feeling important and gets angry really fast when someone points out the truth. Then again pretty much everything makes him angry, he’s worse than an angsty teenager and just complains about everything ever. Others like to make fun of him because of how easy is to make him angry :>

Ewoqi is mute, so he can’t exactly talk back, but for some reason still tolerates Ochara and enjoys his very undemanding company.

Let’s start by saying that I love all these chapters about Tanaka because, in my humble opinion, we needed to see more of him because Tanaka is one of the greatest Haikyuu characters, and I’ll tell you why.

Before anyone starts saying shit about my son, let me say that yes, it’s true that he’s not a volleyball genius like some players. No, he’s not a genius like Kageyama or Nishinoya. No, he does not have Hinata’s kind of abilities. No, he doesn’t have his seniors’ experience. But he IS as strong as the others, even stronger (and, to be honest with all of you, seeing him go through all these stuff is killing me).

Tanaka isn’t as skilled as his teammates, yes, but I think that’s what makes him even more endearing. Tanaka is your “normal guy”. That guy who isn’t particularly fast, nor physically strong like Asahi, but he’s that kind of guy who you’ll always be able to count on, even when times are hard, and even when he’s down (Tanaka may have done a lot of mistakes, but he still called for Tsukishima’s toss, and GUYS, THAT TAKES A LOT).

I have deep respect for characters like Tanaka Ryunosuke. He’s the only second year who STAYED when practices were too much. He’s that one character who always always always encourages his teammates. And you know what? It takes a lot to admit to yourself that some of the guys in your team are just on another level, and maybe you’ll never get to be like them. Making some mistakes is normal, but the pressure you go through, especially when you’re at Nationals - I dont’ know you, but I wouldn’t be able to bear that. I’d probably pull a Bokuto, and it’d be understandable, but Tanaka.

Tanaka doesn’t. He doesn’t break down (it’s partly Hinata’s merit). He’s proven to be so strong. And I feel so sorry every single time Tanaka compares himself to others and calls himself mediocre, because he’s actually great. He’s so effing great.


edit. Yoh, yes it’s still me. After reading chapter 264 I can’t help but add some more things to this already long ass post that nobody asked for.

Can we talk about the second years and how none of them is worried that Tanaka will break down? Can we? No one thinks he will. Because in their eyes Tanaka is this one guy who tries and tries and tries until things are okay again. He never gives up. In their eyes, Tanaka is that guy who can always pull himself together after a fall down. All the second years think this: “it’s Tanaka. He’s amazing.” They have no doubt that he will be able to score, that he won’t let them down, because they KNOW that Tanaka’s great. He does well. There’s no way he won’t on this particular match.

Also, Tanaka is the simple and earnest guy. That simple, earnest guy, who’s straightforward and Ennoshita admires him for that, you can tell. He doesn’t admire him just as a player, but even as a person too. Tanaka is truly amazing. He’s that guy who’s funny, but takes “things” like feelings very seriously. Find me another guy like that. 

So, again, “what’s so good about that guy?” Everything. Tanaka senpai is perfect. End of the long ass post.