Summary: You and Negan seem to be back to square one, but bigger problems come to you when you go out on a run with Arat.
Warnings: Things are about to start taking a violent turn, and some material may get darker. If this could be triggering for you, read with caution.
“But, with time, one has encountered many of the monsters, and one is increasingly less terrified of those still to be met.” - Kay Redfield Jamison
When morning finally came, you were already up, having only gotten a few hours of sleep here and there, you were exhausted.
But deciding you didn’t want to lay in bed anymore, you got up and got dressed, collecting your gear and sliding on your boots on before exiting the room.
You still felt pretty shitty from what had transpired the night before, you were determined to not let it overtake you.
you were never the type to wallow in your own misery and you didn’t plan on starting now.
As you left you glanced over to Negan’s door.
It was closed, as it usually was, but it crossed your mind whether he was inside or not.
It even crossed your mind to just walk in, but of course you didnt.
Hell, you wouldn’t even know what the next move would be if you were to go in.
You shook your head at the thought and headed downstairs to start the day.
As you made your way into the yard, you could tell that some of the Saviors were getting ready to go out on a run, they had brought some of the trucks around and were waiting at the gates for further instruction.
You walked up to everyone, you wanted to go, getting out of here for a while is exactly what you needed.
There was a firm tap on your shoulder from behind and you turned quickly with a less than cheerful expression across your face.
“Jesus, what’s wrong with you.” You heard Arat say as she stood behind you.
The smile she had on her face faded as she saw you.
Your hard expression softened as you saw that it was only her, “Sorry, Arat. I thought you were someone else.”
You nodded, “Trouble in paradise, huh?”
“I think you mean the seven circles of hell.” You sighed and rolled your eyes.
She snickered at your wisecrack and shook her head, “God, you sound like him.”
You shrugged your shoulders.
Maybe you were more like Negan than you realized, but you didn’t see why it mattered and frankly, you didn’t care.
“What are you doing today?” You asked, wanting to change the subject from him.
Arat began walking over to one of the trucks and you followed beside her.
“I’ll probably go out and just check out surrounding areas, maybe pick up a few small things if it’s worth bringing back.” She answered.
“Do you mind having some company?” You asked, almost desperately.
You really wanted to get out for the day.
She looked over to you, seeing the look in your eyes and nodded, “Sure. I don’t mind it, I can tell you need it.”
“You have no idea.” You breathed.
You hoped to make it out of the compound without seeing Negan, but of course that wasn’t possible.
He was already out walking around, looking over everyone, giving them one reason to make him angry today.
You could tell he was still pissed.
The scowl on his face looked like it was set in stone.
The only time it looked like it softened a bit was when you saw Sherry walk up to him, they whispered something to eachother and you already knew what it was probably about and you didn’t wanna think about it.
But you did think about how accurate your aim would be from across the yard if you decided to shoot just her, you shook your head at that thought, too.
It seemed like you really were like Negan after all.
You tried to pretend like you didn’t see it when he leaned down to kiss her, grabbing her ass.
“He’s just trying to rattle your cage.” Arat said as she noticed you staring.
You were glad she interrupted you, because time she did, Negan looked over to the both of you with a smug grin spreading across his face as he walked toward the both of you, you turned your head away from his gaze.
“What’s the word, Arat?” He said in his deep tone as he adjusted Lucille on his shoulder.
He barely looked at you, but ocassionally glanced in your direction without a whole lot of interest.
“I’m going to check the surrounding areas, the usual stuff. And bring back anything useful.” She said plainly as she stood in front of him, like a solider waiting for orders.
He nodded, “Cool. Get the the fuck to it.”
Negan took a few steps to stand in front of you and you looked at him through the corner of your eye, not wanting to fully look at him.
Negan noticed Arat was still there and shook his head.
“Do you need a goddamn invitation to leave, Arat? This isn’t Sunday afternoon at the fuckin’ country club.” He snapped at her.
“No. No, sir, but (Y/N) was gonna-”
“She’s gonna fuckin’ go with you, huh?” He cut in.
She nodded back.
“Well, I’m gonna need to have a fuckin’ talk with her, because this is the fuckin’ first I’ve heard of it.” He said with an annoying smile.
You didn’t think that it was that he really cared, he just needed another way to control you.
You looked over to Arat and gave her a slow nod, she walked away quickly over to the group of men who were all waiting for their own orders.
“So what? You’re fuckin’ going out without me now, babydoll?” He said in a demeaning tone.
“Why does it matter to you? I mean, really?” You said, getting frustrated with him.
He sucked his teeth and his expression hardened again, “It fuckin’ doesn’t. Go ahead and make yourself goddamn useful, my lovely-fuckin-wife.”
You clenched your jaw, not wanting to make a scene out in front of everyone, “Don’t worry, I will. So, stay here with Sherry.” You said cutting your eyes to the building.
Negan cleared his throat calmly and before you could say anything else he had you pinned against the stone wall of the storage building, his pupils burning into yours.
“Darlin’, who in the actual fuck do you think you’re talking to?” He growled back into your ear.
“I’m talking to you.. Daddy.” You snapped back in a smart tone as you put emphasis on the word “Daddy”.
He pulled his head back to stare at you, but his expression was calm and that’s when Negan scared you, when he reached the point of anger to where his expression turned into a calm one.
He made an “o” shape with his lips.
“Jesus.. Nothing fuckin’ scares you anymore, does it?” He said as if he was almost impressed with you.
“No. Some things still do.” You said looking from him, to Lucille, then back to him.
He chuckled softly as he leaned up a bit, “Scared of me fuckin’ hurting you, doll?”
“In more ways than one.” You said bluntly, turnimg from him.
He grabbed your face and turned it to meet his eyes.
“Look at me when I’m fuckin’ talkin’ to you, babydoll. You don’t wanna be disrespectful, do you?” He growled sternly.
“No.” You said in a dull tone, keeping eye contact with him this time.
“You think I’d hurt you?” He asked, loosening his grip on your face.
“I don’t know, maybe you could.” You answered back, his eyes burning into yours.
“I wouldn’t do that.” He said in a firm tone.
“But you already fucking have.” You clenched your jaw tightly.
“Then go out with Arat if that’s what you fuckin’ want.” He said motioning over his head to Arat as she stood across the yard, waiting on you, “Clear your goddamn head.”
“I plan to.” You said back angrily.
He smirked at your expression of anger, now he was beginning to get really frustrated with your attitude and apparent “lack of respect”.
He licked his lips and leaned down to you, “Good. And maybe.. When you get back, I’ll let you do my fuckin’ laundry, darlin’.”
Your blood began to boil and the adrenaline started as the words escaped his lips, you fists were in a tight ball as you tried to compose yourself, and in that moment, you understood why Olivia had lost her cool and slapped him.
It took every ounce of strength to control yourself and not slap him in the same way she had, especially with Lucille propped on his fucking shoulder.
You took in a deep breathe closing your eyes and moved away from him before turning back around to face him.
He stood there, grinning smugly seeing at how much he really got to you.
“Of course, Negan. I mean, it’s your world after all, right? We’re all just fucking living in it.” You said with a fake smile, but with a growl in your tone.
You walked off slowly, not even bothering to glance back at him.
You met back up with Arat and you both headed off out into the world, leaving the sanctuary behind.
But of course you wanted to come back, you just needed to get away, even if it was only for a couple of hours.
You just needed to regain some dignity before Negan berated you even more over stupid shit to rip it away from you.
You had went out atleast a mile from the sanctuary, all while passing by abandoned buildings and a few walkers here and there.
Once the car finally came to a stop, you and Arat both exited it, preparing your weapons just in case of trouble and started walking down the long stretch of road to scavenge in a building that she spotted up ahead.
It was one that hadn’t been looted by the Saviors yet.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Negan?” She asked curiously.
You sighed, not really wanting to talk about it, but knew that talking about it was what needed to be done.
“Well, I told him I loved him last night, I just blurted the shit out and that turned out to be a fucking mistake on my part.” You said rolling your eyes.
You looked around to the woods covering the entire surrounding area and an eerie feeling crept into you, but you ignored it as best you could.
Arat shook her head, “Yeah, kinda figured that would happen if he found out.”
“I can see why you didn’t become a wife.” You shook your head.
Arat scoffed, “I didn’t take him up on it, because I don’t need him to take care of me. Especially when you add the fact that I’d be more inclined to take a run at you than him.”
You looked at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment, sort of confused.
She shifted her eyes to you and rolled them, “I’m gay, if you want me to be blunt.”
You nodded and turned your head back to the road, “You’re lucky then. Atleast you’re not head over heels for someone who doesn’t give a shit.”
“I think Negan gives a shit, (Y/N). But he’s a man, you know how some men are. He’s isn’t a romantic that’s for sure. But what can you expect nowadays?”
“Yeah, I know. It just fucking sucks, I have no idea how he truly feels.”
Arat shook her head and laughed, “If you haven’t noticed, the world we live in now fucking sucks. Honestly, fuck feeling emotions, they don’t hold any use in this world. They just complicate things and get people killed.”
You nodded back in agreeance with her, but not really wanting to talk about any of this anymore.
“I’ve tried turning them off, Arat.” You said plainly.
“Look, If you want my opinion, you and him were made for eachother.” She turning her head to you.
“How do you figure that?” You said, raising an eyebrow.
“Well let’s see.. You’re both stubborn, prideful and homicidal. So, that’s a fucking start and not to mention, severely jealous.” She said, giving you a serious look.
You smirked back and nodded, “Mm, sounds like my kinda date. The jealousy on my part doesn’t matter though, the other wives are still there.”
“Well, it’s like I said - fuck emotions - there’s no place for them in this world.”
“Easier said than done.” You said back calmy.
You both looked at eachother for a moment before dropping your eyes and continued walking in silence.
But that eerie feeling kept creeping up on you and Arat must have began to get some sort of feeling as well as you both slowed your pace.
You looked over to the woods to hear cracking nosies, like dry branches being stepped on.
You looked back to Arat and she gave you a nod as she pulled out a gun and you pulled yours out too.
You slowly walked to the source of the sound.
Your hands outstretched, ready to shoot.
The woods were dense and it was hard to see exactly where the source of the sound was coming from, but it got louder and just as you were about to go in deeper a horde of walkers came up.
You both backed up quickly.
“Shit. We need to take them out quietly.” Arat said in panic as she put away the gun and took a knife out.
“You can’t fucking kill them all with a knife.” You said urgently.
“I can atleast try.” She said in a determined voice.
She ran up to one of them, stabbing it in the skull and it fell to the ground with a loud THUD.
You kept your gun out and and held it up firmly, aiming at the heads of the corpses advancing towards you.
Arat stabbed another two, but there was no way she could do it all herself, that was made clear when one of them suddenly caught her by the side, trying to drag her to the ground.
“Arat!” You screamed, running towards her.
She yelped in fear as she tried stabbing at it and during a moment of struggle, she finally making contact with the knife as it collapsed ontop of her, pinning her to the ground.
You couldn’t wait, so you began shooting at the walkers immediately, hitting some of them perfectly and missing others.
Suddenly there was a barrage of gunshots that wasn’t yours or hers, hitting the corpses making them fall like dominoes one after the other.
“Jesus.” You growled to yourself as you dropped to the ground where she was, pushing the dead one off of her, and grabbing ahold of her shoulder and you both receded to cover behind an abandoned vehicle.
The shots went on for a few more seconds as all of the walkers now laid on the ground unmoving.
You both breathed heavily and looked around, trying to find the source of the shots.
“What the fuck was that?” She said in a low, but fierce tone.
You shook your head frantically, “I don’t know. No fucking clue..” You trailed off as you peeked over the abandoned car you had sought safety behind.
You both sat there for a minute more, not wanting to move out of fear of being shot.
But you both began to crawl out and as you did you were met at gunpoint by atleast 20 or so men.
“Ladies.” One of the men said, holding a machine gun to your head.
He had short, dirty blonde hair and a beard.
You both dropped your heads and knew that this was the worst possible position to be in right now.
The crowd of men parted and you looked up to see another man approaching.
It wasn’t until he was in front of you that you recognized that it was Randy.
“Shit, never thought I’d see you two again.” He said as he smiled at both of you.
You dropped your head again and let out a sigh, trying your best to creep your hand up to your gun.
Afyer seconds of a quick debate within yourself, you tried to go for it, but before you could even get it out of the holster your arms were taken and you were being subdued by Randy’s men.
They slammed you up against the car holding you back and they got Arat too, taking her weapons.
Randy came up to you as he handed his gun over to one of the other men, “I was hoping I’d see you though. Are you still mad about what happened?”
“Fuck you.” You growled, narrowing your eyes at him.
He nodded, “Apparently so. I should probably be the one that should be pissed though. You did kill my girlfriend.”
“You fucking attacked me. Both of you did. You should have stayed around, you could be with her now.”
“Now why would I do that? How would I take over Negan’s place every if I was dead?” He said with a sinister smile spreading across his face.
“You’re not taking over.” You growled back.
“I will when he’s dead.” He laughed.
That made you snap and as quickly as he had said it, you spat in his face, licking your lips, smiling after you did.
Randy’s face changed as he wiped it, then looked back to you, “You goddamn bitch.”
He grabbed you by your shirt collar and threw you to the ground, giving you a swift kick, but it didn’t phase you, you tried your best to fight him back.
“She’s a fucking crazy one fellas. I think I’ll keep her for a while. Load her up, she’ll come with us.” He said calmly, as he rolled his shoulders.
“No!” Arat bellowed as she tried to fight her way out of the arms of the other men.
“What about this one?” Another man called out as he smiled, holding Arat back.
Randy took his gun back and without warning, let out a shot and it hit
Arat. She let out a pained grunt as she slid to the ground.
She had gotten hit somewhere in the chest.
You tried lunging out at Randy, cursing and crying as you did, trying to get ahold of him, you wanted to kill him more than ever.
“You motherfucker!” You yelled out as the rage coursed through you violently.
The men pulled you up before you could accomplish anything though, and no matter how much you fought, they were stronger than you.
All you could do is look back to Arat’s body as you were being drug away, with no idea where you were going to be taken, or if you were going to come back out alive.
Next thing you knew, you were handcuffed and thrown into the back of a van, you jerked your hands violently against the metal cuffs, tying your best to slip out of them.
You felt the dig in your skin as they began to cut into your flesh from pulling so hard, one of the men noticed and pushed you back into the side of the van wall, keeping an eye on you.
“The more you fight the worse it’s gonna be on you, bitch.” He growled as he pulled out a cigarette to light it.
You leaned back against the wall, knowing that there was nothing else you could do at that moment, you had to sit there as you were being taken away to who knows where.
You were stuck here with these fucking people and right now, you just wanted to be with Negan, atleast that way you’d be safe.
You should have never left that morning.
And with the way it was looking now, you weren’t going to see him again, and you might not even make it out alive if Randy decided to kill you.
There was no way you could defend yourself against his small army.
After a while, everything finally came to a stop as the man who was sitting in the back of the van finally opened up the back doors and hopped out, only to reach back in to drag you out of the truck, not even giving you a chance to get to your feet and with your hands cuffed you fell to the ground outside as he yanked you out.
“C'mon, keep the fuck up!” He said in a smart tone.
“You know that I fucking cant.” You growled back as you tried to get to your feet.
He grabbed you by the face suddenly and you tried pulling back, he looked you in the eye and you kept trying to pull back.
It reminded you too much of the way Negan would grab you when you caught an attitude and it was only okay when Negan didn’t it.
“Get your hands off me.” You growled.
“You got quite a damn mouth on you. I could think of a couple ways to fix it.” He said digging his hands into your cheeks.
You tried pulling back even harder from him.
Before anything else could happen, Randy appeared from around the van, he gave a loud whistle and the man immediately dropped your face from his grip.
“That’s enough, Mark.” Randy said, eyeing him intensely.
You glared back at Randy.
“But she’s being a bitch.” The man name Mark protested.
“So? Most females are.” Randy said, putting his hand on Mark’s shoulder to shoo him away from you.
He rolled his eyes and walked away before disappearing with everyone else.
Randy grabbed ahold of your cuffs and started to lead you to a small building.
It looked like you were at an old warehouse, it wasn’t very big, so that made you think maybe he didn’t have that many people behind him, which was good if it was the truth.
There was silence as he led you into a small shed like building next to the warehouse.
It was dark and had no windows.
He flipped a switched to turn on the lights inside.
There were bare stone walls on the inside and tile on the floor, he pushed you inside as he closed the door behind him, and leaned back against it.
You took in a breathe, “When are you gonna kill me?”
He snorted and shook his head, “Not right now, that’s for sure. What’s the point in outright killing you without making you suffer a little?”
You clenched your jaw and dropped your head, “How long have you been planning it?”
“Well, kidnapping you wasn’t the fucking plan, that’s for sure. I just wanted to outright attack the sanctuary, but I needed manpower for that.”
“Alexandria.” You said calmly.
“Yep. But I ended up just trading some guns with this weird fucker that was there. But how do you know about it?”
“Because I know.” You said plainly.
“And how the fuck do you know?”
You gave him an evil smile, “Because Negan and I killed off your old group. Vernon is the only one left and he’s suffering too, we kept him alive.”
“Too bad, but it really doesn’t make a difference now. I have you and once your ‘husband’ starts looking for you, I’ll have something to threaten him with: you.” He smiled, squinting his eyes to you.
“And what the fuck makes you think Negan would go for that?” You growled, balling your fists up in the cuffs.
Randy prowled over to you slowly, you back yourself into the wall as he got closer.
He put his face down next to yours and you turned away.
“Because (Y/N), you know Negan can’t stand to see someone else having playtime with one of his bitches.” He said moving a strand of hair from your face.
You snapped and head butted him as hard as you could, making him stumble back as he held onto his head, but caught himself before he fell.
“I’m getting real fucking tired of you, you fucking cunt!” He shouted venomously as he grabbed you by the throat and slammed you down into the ground.
You kicked at him as hard as you could, but we’re restricted greatly since you hands were still unusable.
He held onto your throat and squeezed.
“Stop, or I swear to God I’ll choke the fucking life out of you right here, right now.” He said, gritting his teeth as he pressed harder into your throat.
It reminded you of the first time he had tried to kill you with Amber, he had nearly choked you to death then, and with great protest, you decided to calm yourself and stop fighting back.
You laid there and panted as you looked up at him dangerously, wanting so desperately to be free and get your hands around his throat, wanting to choke him until you saw the light leave his eyes.
He brushed his hair back angrily as he stood up, his face was dripping sweat at the struggle you were putting up.
“Maybe you need some solitary. I was gonna be nice and take the cuffs off, but you can keep them on now.. Fucking bitch.” He said in a sharp tone as he opened the door to the outside and slammed it hard as he left.
You could hear him lock it from the outside as you slide yourself up against the wall and curled into the fetal postion.
Tears were trying to well up in your eyes and as much as you wanted to cry, you didnt.
You knew that now more than ever you had to stay strong if you were going to survive this.
Arat said there was no room for emotions and she was right.
You had to put all of that behind now and focus on surviving and how you could possibly get the hell out of here, or either die trying.
Either way, you weren’t going to give up, you weren’t going to let Randy win.
And no matter what Negan had done or said, you were still loyal to him and you knew you’d die before you let Randy have a shot at him.