stiles pickup lines

hollowistheworld  asked:

So, I just reblogged a post in which Stiles says 'Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up' to Derek, and I don't even care what pairing but I really want fanfiction with Stiles using that pickup line now. Pretty please?

Stiles is—Well, drunk might be too kind of a word. 

“I—“ Stiles laughs, leaning heavily against Scott’s side.  “I am fifty shades of faded, dude.”

Scott nods.  “Yeah.  That’s true.”

“And horny as hell,” Stiles adds with a hum, smile going dopey. 

“That is also true,” Scott agrees, smiling over at Allison as she hides her laughter in her own drink.

Stiles babbles a bit, leaning back against Scott while also dangling precariously out of their booth.  The bar is busy but not loud, and Scott is startled when Stiles whistles loudly and clearly through the den. 

He looks the direction Stiles is, a hand resting at the back of Stiles’ neck as his friend perks up as if to stand on legs that definitely cannot hold him right now.  When he spots Lydia entering, her friend from New York in tow, Scott sighs.

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.” Stiles chirps.

Before they’re even at the table, Stiles is waggling his brows at the tall stranger at Lydia’s side.  Lydia’s lips are thin, like she’s biting back her amusement, and her arms cross over her chest as Stiles clucks his tongue.

“Hey there, hottie.”  Stiles slurs, swaying and only kept steady by the firm hand at the back of his neck.

“Jackson,” Lydia corrects, voice strained in her bemusement. 

Jackson is scowling.

“Jackson.”  Stiles breathes, like he’s in love already, and pats his knee.  “Well, Jackson.  Why don’t you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?”

Allison almost spits up her drink.

Ears going pink, Jackson stiffens.  “Excuse me?”

Holding up a hand, Lydia clears her throat past the giggle.  “Jackson, this is Stiles.  He’s going through a bad breakup.”

“And?” Jackson sneers.

“And he’s a very close friend of mine,” Lydia frowns up at him.  “So be nice, or find yourself a hotel to stay at for the week.”

Jackson sighs, eyeing Stiles like he might have some kind of disease.  “Fine.”

He slides into the booth right next to Stiles, and Stiles is elated.  He beams, and Jackson’s jaw flexes, but there is something like interest in his eyes as Stiles starts babbling again—thankfully, with no more pickup lines. 

By the end of the night, Jackson is the one carrying Stiles out the door, nearly as drunk as they lament about dick exes on the way to Lydia’s car.   In the back seat, they pass out, and Lydia doesn’t miss her chance to take as many pictures as possible of them sleeping curled up together.  

Imagine Stiles trying cheesy pickup lines you

Originally posted by findmeplease

Originally posted by gurl

“Hey Y/N.” Stiles leans on the locker next to yours and smirks at you. “Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.”


“Nice one, Stiles.” you applaud sarcastically. “That’s the best one yet.”


“Wait, I have a better one!” Stiles exclaims as you start to walk away. You pause and turn to face him, eyebrows raised. 


“Let’s hear it.”


“You wanna play Catwoman? I’ll be your Batman.” he offers. “How was that?”


“No, no, no! Honey, no!” you exclaim, shaking your head. “If you wanna use pickup lines like that, you need to use a much deeper voice, and you need to look at them with hooded eyes, you know? More like this.” You tilt your head down, and look up at him through your lashes with a smile. “I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?”


“Wow.” Stiles says, clapping with a laugh. “That is amazing. Okay, I have one. Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”


“Nicely done, Stilinski.” you grin proudly. “I think you’re finally ready. I hereby deem you ready to go talk to your mystery girl and ask her out on a date.”


“Thanks, you’re the best.” he smiles nervously. “I’m learning about important dates in history. Want to be one of them?”


“Good, just like that.” you nod, heading towards your next class.


“No, Y/N, I’m asking you out.” he says, pulling you back. “You’re the mystery dream girl.”


“Oh.” you reply, eyes wide. “Wow.” You pause, taken aback and shocked that Stiles asked you out. “Yeah. I’d love to go out with you.”

This Is It

rip me honestly 

word count: 2.7k like roughly 

summary: um you and stiles have the hots for each other and everyday is you both trying to convince them self to tell the other. its mildly fluffly

Originally posted by itsyoungbeliever

“This is it. This is the day, Scott. I can feel it. This day is the day I have a conversation with y/n y/l/n. Remember this day, Scotty boy because it will be a good story to tell the kids.” 

Keep reading

  • Stiles: *hands Derek a pink valentines day card* *runs away*
  • Derek: *reading aloud* Charmanders are red, mudkips are blue, if you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you.
  • Derek: *blushes* *Chases after Stiles*

anonymous asked:

28 stydia

Speed dating after being single for a while AU

“Absolutely not, Allison.”

Lydia had been perfectly happy to accept Allison’s invitation to dinner, until they got to the restaurant and she’d seen the large ‘Speed Dating’ sign draped lazily across the front door. 

Staring up at her friend, she narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. Allison did nothing but smile a little wider. Lydia sighed, knowing that  even her stubbornness was no match for Allison’s dimples.

“It’s just for fun, Lyds. Besides, Kira promised that there’s a screening process for the guys. It’s not going to be a room full of weirdos.”

Lydia chose not to respond, hoping that her silence would let Allison know just how angry she was about the situation. 

As Allison walked to the sign in table, Lydia crossed her arms even tighter around her, making a silent promise to herself that she’d be exuding no effort during what was sure to be a special kind of hell. When Allison returned with a name tag, Lydia raised an eyebrow and turned away, headed for the bar. 

“Come on, Lydia, can you at least try to look approachable? It’s been almost a year since you broke up with Aiden, and you’ve spent more time huddled in your office than anywhere else.”

As she settled herself into one of the high stools, she gestured to the bartender before turning to Allison.

“There’s a very simple explanation for that. Math won’t cheat on me with a girl it met at a bar.”

Allison slumped into the seat next to her, and a few minutes later, a bell rang, signaling that the even was about to start. Thinking quickly, she ordered another round for both of them before giving Lydia her best begging face. With a huff, Lydia stood up and stomped over to her designated table, still refusing to stick the name tag anywhere on her person. 

Putting all her focus on the lime in her drink, she stirred it slowly, watching as the ice melted around it. She was vaguely aware of someone ringing a bell at the front of the room, and a few seconds later, someone lowered themselves into the seat across from her, and before she even looked up, the overpowering smell of cologne hit her. Wrinkling her nose, Lydia held up a hand and shook her head.

“No.”

“But-”

“Uh-uh. Don’t waste your breath.”

Keeping her eyes fixed on her drink, she heard the man grumbling under his breath, but couldn’t find it in her to care, or know what he looked like.

The bell rang after perhaps the longest three minutes of her life, and she took a deep breath, reveling in the scent free air. 

The next half hour was filled with men who bored her within seconds, reminded her far too much of Jackson and Aiden, and a particularly brazen one who seemed content to stare at her boobs for 5 minutes. It had taken everything in her not to storm out, but she knew that Allison would be disappointed, and no matter how much she detested her friend for dragging her here, she didn’t want to do that.

Judging from the laughter Lydia had heard coming from her friend a few rounds ago, Allison was having much better luck, at least with one of the men. 

The woman in charge of the event announced that this would be the last round, and Lydia let out a sigh of relief, just as someone in an incredibly offensive plaid shirt settled into the seat across from her. 

“Did I miss something and get transported back to the 1990’s?”

The man looked up from where he’d been doing something on his phone, and his eyes widened, at the same time Lydia’s breath caught in her throat. His eyes were gorgeous, amber surrounded by thick, dark lashes. 

“Woah.” Shaking his head slightly, he attempted a smile.

“Is your name Kurt?”

Raising an eyebrow he shook his head once more. 

“No, it’s Stiles, why?”

“Well, I was just trying to understand why anyone in this day and age would wear plaid.”

Stiles spluttered, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Well-” He paused for a moment, staring at her, and after a moment she understood what he was looking for. 

“Lydia.”

“Well, Lydia,” He paused for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll have you know the woman who sold me this shirt thought it was very fashionable.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s exactly what she was doing, selling it.”

Huffing, he narrowed his eyes.

“You’re not a very nice person, are you?”

“I can be if I need to, I just don’t see the point in being nice to people who don’t deserve it, or haven’t earned it.”

Stiles stared at her for a few seconds, seemingly dumbfounded.

“Well, it might help if you’re nice to me. I feel as if we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, very soon.”

Lydia raised an eyebrow.

“And why is that, Stiles?”

He could hear the disdain in her voice, and rolled his eyes.

“Because I’m pretty sure our best friends have successfully fallen in love in less than five minutes.” Stiles gestured to where Allison and a dark haired man were huddled by the bar, clearing breaking the speed dating pattern.

“How do you know she’s my best friend?”

“I’m a detective. It’s my job to know.”

“Is that some kind of pickup line?”

Stiles flailed a bit in his seat, digging into his back pocket and holding something out to her. She found herself staring down at a badge.

“It literally is my job. For instance, the man in the striped shirt by the door still lives with his mother, the girl two tables down is married, and the guy who spent his time staring at your chest tried to take a picture as he walked away.”

Lydia’s jaw dropped a little.

“Don’t worry though, I managed to trip and knock his phone into a glass of water.”

Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned closer, inexplicably drawn to the twitchy man across the table from her.

“Tell me more.”