So after the girls visited me at the library, Brandon took them to Home Depot.

Because Kinsie is 4, she didn’t say, “father, darling, I would like to go to the potty at some point in the future.” She said, “DADDY DADDY DADDY I’m gonna poop my pants! I gotta potty RIGHT NOW!”

So Brandon brought her full speed to the Home Depot men’s bathroom. Both stalls on either side of Kins were full. I admit it’s a stereotype but since this was HD, I’m imagining big brawny types in said potties.

Anyway, Kins starts shouting, “I’M TRYING TO POOP BUT I CAN’T! I’M TRYING TO POOP! C'MON POOP!”

Apparently both gentlemen could not stop laughing.
Ask Susan: My Sister-in-Law Pulled Some STFU Parent Moves at Brunch. How Do I Stop It?: Susan

At a brunch I held with a mixed group of ladies (about half and half single and married and only a couple with children), I had an interesting etiquette breach that I’d love to hear your opinions on. My sister-in-law brought her baby, whom I love since I’m baby’s aunt and all. So, totally cool. As the group sat and discussed things, had seconds, etc., she whipped out the boob and latched baby on for a feeding. Most of the ladies were okay with this (most of the uncomfortableness was because they didn’t really know her) and the conversation carried on.

Then… there was a smell. Baby needed to be changed and I told sister-in-law that I had cleared some space in another room for that purpose (what a good, thoughtful, thinking ahead hostess, right?). She said that it was all right and proceeded to open up a changing pad on the floor and change him in the middle of the room where everyone was still sitting. The smell was terrible and I could see the shocked looks on everyone’s faces as I tried to mouth “Sorry!” to everyone. I feel like it’s reduced attendance at my subsequent brunches, even though she hasn’t been at them. It’s a somewhat moot point for the time being, but how should I address it with her to avoid it happening again in the future?”

See Susan’s answer at Persephone Magazine

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Facebook mothers and my gag reflex.

There’s this girl I grew up with, she’s a few months younger than me and she got knocked up & now she’s married with a baby.

Her latest status is: Maddie drank from a straw for the first time yay!!!

I would hate to live a life where I’m not even 21 and the most exciting thing that happened in my day was a kid using a straw. So exciting that I needed to tell the world.

Use a condom, folks. LEST THIS BE YOUR FUTURE.

STFUParents AND earthquake mockery!

So, this happened on my Facebook feed earlier.

Lest we forget, though I don’t know how because I swear to god she never talks about anything else, she gave birth to male children. And they eclipse natural disasters with their destructiveness.

I’m trying not to be a dick because she’s been through some awful things over the past few years and I don’t think she’s the most stable person, but I really want to respond with pictures of the National Cathedral and say, “Orly? But did they break Jesus?” Or something equally douchey.

Presumably this gal doesn’t understand that it’s not a parental requirement to do an elaborate photo shoot for the first 12 months of your baby’s life.

I mean, if you like doing that, great! But if you hate it….just snap a pic with your phone if you want a photo of them at each month of the first year.

I worry for what FB/Pinterest pissing contests are going to do to this world.

I read this comment while reading about the new "Unbaby Me" option for Facebook

“If you find pictures of children offensive, then don’t join Facebook at all. Facebook is a social networking site. Children are part of the social network, if you resent their existence then you have serious personal problems. How would you feel if people did not want to see pictures of you, or your pets on Facebook? Or felt disgusted looking at pictures of your elderly family members? I don’t see how that’s any different from being disgusted at seeing pictures of children or babies.”

My response went like this:

Because people who have children tend to over share. If people would occasionally post about their “bundle of joy” here and there that would be one thing, but as for my news feed,  as soon as you see the pic of the positive piss stick people go fucking crazy. And it’s the same thing with every “friend.” I have a little over 400 friends on Facebook and at least 40 or so of them have had a baby within the past 3 years. So needless to say my news feed is FULL of sappy shit, unnecessary minute details, and pictures of babies. We don’t need to know every single little detail about your little one or  need 50 pics a week of their face. Of course people can put whatever the want on Facebook but it’d be nice if people would think before they post. Perhaps ask your self: “does everyone care about this as much as I do?” The answer is no, that’s why “Unbaby Me” was created. It’s a cute and witty way to  avoid something some of us happen to dislike.

Over sharing is annoying no matter what it is. I don’t care if it’s pets, food, hobbies, a significant other, whatever. The truth is though, that the reoccurring trend happens to be babies. It’s annoying to me and I don’t like seeing it.  

No one is saying or trying to suggest that anyone should be able to dictate the content you put on YOUR Facebook. You can do whatever the hell you want. We just don’t want to see them. So someone came up with a solution. Got a problem? Unfriend.