Bully rant

Smol Mom: The worst thing someone ever said to me was probably… 

Smol Mom: Well I was drawing myself in the future for a class assignment 

Smol Mom: And some jerks like “Oh, did you go on a diet? Try to draw a little more realistically, scribble-scrabble.” And I started crying and they said “Jeez what a crybaby” and some other people were like “She’s so full of herself” “oh wow she’s throwing another tantrum” and shit like that 

Smol Mom: it hurt 

Smol Mom: a lot

You know that friend who is in a really shitty relationship but just refuses to see it? It’s not necessarily abusive, but it’s not good either and all you can do is sit there and watch them fuck up their life with their stupid partner? And they come to you all the time with their RelationShit and you really want to tell them to shut up because their problems would be over if they would just end it but you can’t because it’s like beating a dead horse….

That’s basically EVERYONE AROUND ME right now.


                                          CUT IT OUT! 

A STFU Spell for Noisy Neighbours and other Troublemakers

What you need:

  • candles black, red and white
  • red string
  • knife
  • matches
  • black pepper, salt, chili powder, ginger, nutmeg
  • rage. lots and lots of rrrrrage!

1) Bind your three candles together with the red string. The red candle is your anger. While tying the knot, you concentrate on chanelling your anger in the direction of your Noisy Neighbour or other Annoying Person. This will be a powerful spell, the more rage you got, the better. 

2) While tying the knot of the black candle, envision it swallowing all the noise, all the annoying little things that drive you mad. Black will cancel out everything negative. Don’t be afraid of the colour black, it’s your ally. 

3) Tie the last knot over the white candle. Envision the peace this spell will bring you. Imagine the calm after the Noisy Neighbour has shut up or turned their music down. 

4). Cut the string with a sharp knife. Say “Cut it out!” and picture your troublemaker.

5) Put your herbs over the candles. Grind chili, ginger and black pepper for rage. Feel your anger pouring out of you and giving this spell its power. Say “I will set your ass on fire!” and picture in your mind your troublemaker. Grind sea salt (or table salt) over your candles to help you get rid of the troublemaker. The nutmeg - I don’t even know why. I’m an intuitive witch. Nutmeg is essential. Grind it over the candles. It stands for luck, usually, I think in this case it strengthens the spell.

6) Light the candles. Light one match for each candle. Repeat whatever phrase you choose (stfu, cut it out, etc - I’m not very classy when it comes to my spells, you can find one of your own… it should come from the heart though). Put the knife and the three burnt matches next to the candle. 

I just performed this spell about 10 minutes ago. My next door neighbour will play music loudly and he won’t stop (I have tried everything, from asking nicely to threatening). The music stopped after about 2 minutes.