A cry for help: The Arch of Steven’s Mental Health.
Brace people, this is kind of dark. Honestly, the only wild ride I’ve been seeing in SU is Steven’s deteriorating mental health and self perception. He’s only 14, he’s been asked to be way too mature for his age, and some insane expectations are placed upon him- most likely accidentally- by his elders. That he’s in some way the person fated to continue his mother’s work (even if no one has told him what it was, exactly), that he is his mother, and therefore he’s to blame for all the shit she did, and no one has told him otherwise (i mean, Bismuth did, but we all know what happened there). Of course Steven’s not to blame on this. As much as I love Greg and the Gems, a lot of Steven’s current mental caos is on them too. They did the best they could with what they had, but when raising a kid and dealing with a teen, that’s often not enough.
So, we can examine Steven’s character AS IT IS NOW, with some specific factors:
Teenagerhood: We’ve all been- some of you are- there. Steven is 14, as I said, those years are chaotic, confusing and weird, you’re figuring yourself and your identity, slowly coming to terms with the changes in your life and body and starting to discover what you want of life. And that’s without being your own mother and having the impending end of the world on your shoulders, just imagine what teenager years will do to someone as kind and traumatized as Steve(v.Book 7 Harry). Of course he’s bottling everything up and not trusting anyone, he’s in a confusing period while the world is demanding him to keep a straight face and a clear mind, of course he developed unhealthy coping mechanis, which brings me to:
Missplaced guilt and Individuality: The big, mayor issue I see here is Steven subconsciously crying for help in the form of “this mess is all my (my mother’s) fault, it’s my sole responsability to fix it haha”, and NO ONE is fucking correcting him. Steven developed this fixation with self sacrificing because he lost himself at some poin. Not hard to do being a teen with horrible expectations hanging over you, but somewhere along the road, Steven kind of gave up trying to assert his own identity actively and settled for being a less messy extention of his mother. He seems to have embraced the whole “i’m my mom” narrative, and thinks the only way to repair his mom’s awful mistakes(hang on with that one) is to offer himself as a scape goat for all the pain she has caused. That way, he kills two birds with a stone: Offers reparations and saves the earth, AND puts and end to Roses’ existence and shenanigans. The Steven we’ve been seeing lately is packed with self blaming and self loathing, between thinking of himself as a less-than version of his mother, and the heir to all of her consequences. He knows he isn’t like her in the good ways, but he’s started to think he is like her in all the bad ones.
Distorted Perception: Steven’s judgement is clouded. He’s his own unreliable narrator. He’s not being able to process things objectively (or as close as one can get to actual objectivity), and I think the gems really should step in here. He keeps getting bits of the story, and Steven’s already traumatized mind can will fill those gaps with worse-case scnearios. He’s an optimistic at heart, but he has seen too much dark shit already, and too many of his childhood perceptions of the world have been shattered (Monsters are really gems; gems can get corrupted; his Mom started a war; his Mom hurt other gems in said war; Betrayed her friends; allegedly killed a living being; etc.) for him to even know what to think anymore.
He can’t stand the fact that his mother betrayed Bismuth and “killed” Pink Diamond, he can’t even process new information because of the disgust he’s feeling for his mother’s actions. In the trial, he was provided with evidence that Rose in fact didn’t shatter Pink Diamond, and it went ollimpically over his head. He’s confusing facts and time periods (Rose never used The Breaking Point) without stopping o rethink it, he’s fixated in the version of the story he put together and again, no one is fucking challenging that view.
His family: Steven’s journey with Identity and self assertion is coming to a halt, he’s forgotten th fact that he is loved, wanted, and worthy. Beyond Rose Quartz, the gems, or his powers. Steven, along the way, has forgotten that he is an individual and not an exchange coin, even though he knows deep down that his family loves him, he’s keeping these feelings to himself because he doesn’t feel like he deserves any of it. And that’s truly heartbreaking. I’m surprised at how absent they’ve been of Steven’s emotional world lately, but more than that, I think they have to let go of Rose Quartz, and breack the vow of secrecy. They are painful memories, I get it, but their kid is tearing himself appart here. I think is long overdue that this family just sit down, and has a serious conversation.
So pease somebody sit him down, make him spill the beans, and fucking hug him because he needs to get out his head, and can’t do it alone.
This was just suppose to be some random human AU where Peridot is tall but became an amputee because I never drew her in that case before. Until I drew a mermaid Lapis and became @treker402‘s PoC AU. (And two chibi doodles, one being Miraculous Ladybug cross over. I’m not that creative you know.)
I had too, he just rocks that skirt so well!! Im gonna make another one
really shortly of him in a different dress. then maybe I’ll do all the
gems in dresses XD (lemme know if you’d be interested in seeing that!) I
just love how Sadie’s song turned out!! we seem to be getting quite a
bit of Parent and Child situations. It’s an interesting mini-arch!