steven gantt

Gigolos Recap: The Customer is Always Right, Unless Jimmy is Depressed

Our favorite sex workers are back. The second season premiere was not as titilating as the first. Maybe there wasn’t enough Steven? Too much of Jimmy whining that his life sucks?

Let’s take this date by date.

1) Brace vs. The House-Sitter

Ok - this woman is babysitting some one else’s house - and she is fucking Brace everywhere? On the bed, on the sofa, and on the god damn kitchen counters. I hope she had the courtesy to Clorox the hell out of the kitchen. What we learned about Brace - he takes himself way too seriously. House sitter made a joke about a facial - and Brace couldn’t even giggle. Come one, man. Us ladies like when you can take (and give) a joke. Lighten up!

2) Jimmy vs. Big Black and Tatted

I thought I was going to like this one. She said that “most guys are dumber than shit.” Amen, Monet. However, it seemed like Jimmy wasn’t into it at all. Hell,  he seemed more comfortable having his junk put in the a cage than discussing his hair styling routine. One note for the producers: please edit out all use of lube. Not sexy.

3) Vin vs. Boring Chick

I feel bad for checking out of this one. But Vin talks a lot about sex. We get it - these ladies are paying for you to perform, but your cohorts have the courtesy to talk to them about things other than their need to get fucked. And I don’t think they even fucked. They just talked about her dead boyfriend and then made out. To each their own.

Quotes of the episode:

Steven: “I’ve been on a million first dates.” ((One million?? Someone’s exaggerating their resume)).
Nick: “I felt bad for beating her ass.” ((This was slightly overshadowed by Nick jumping rope while wearing Vibram Five Fingers on his feet))
Brace: “vomiting? What are these young people into?” ((Brace - i assure you - not all young people are into vomiting. That’s gross)).
Jimmy spent the entire episode complaining that his life sucks. Then he basically told a bank loan officer that he’s an escort and has no verifiable income. We think Jimmy may realize his life really sucks when the IRS comes knocking on his door for undeclared income. Just sayin’.

We hope next episode involves Jimmy manning up (owning a home is overrated) and Steven getting his dick wet.

Gigolos Finale:  You look like you need a spanking.  We’re talking to you Jimmy.

I’m still a little emotional after last night’s finale.  Will any of our gigolos find love (the emotionally monogamous kind; not the silly physical monogamous kind)?  I’m hoping for another season just to see if the gigolo fairy tale comes true.

Jimmy was our favorite from the beginning, but just like any relationship that starts off too good to be true, a few weeks in and his faults are finally revealed.  The boy is a terrible roommate….seriously. I’ve had some bad ones, but nobody ever left their dirty peanut butter spoon in my wine glass.  Filthy hampster.  Note: EuroHunter was not offended by the status of Jimmy/Nick’s apartment.  This is why I don’t hang at her place.

Steven didn’t get any action but did offer some solid life guru-type advice.  Something like:  Everybody’s life sucked at one time or another and you can either muscle through it or curl up and pretend to be dead and let someone fuck you.  Well, not really….I made that last part up.  We did get to see Jimmy and Steven take didgeridoo lessons – that’s a pretty large horn thing with either African/Australian origins.  I’m too lazy too google at the moment.  Point is:  Steven likened this to having a giant dick in his mouth.  If he was “four shades of gay and aboriginal” he be down for the didgeridoo.  Since he’s not (?), he didn’t likey.

Brace is Brace.  Even after all the colonics and supplements, he hasn’t found clarity.

Nick is misunderstood or so Brace says.  He’s just driven.  We should like him and give him another chance.  And we will…..if there’s a season 2 and he stops visiting his tattoo artist. 

Poor Vin.  He starred in an amateur porn directed by a man with the worst hair ever. He told his hot girlfriend he loved her while they banged in front of the camera.  She didn’t say it back.  But she did ask him to move to Arizona with her.  He declined.  I teared up.