“Could you stop that?!” You snapped, making Bucky swing his head towards you, smiling obnoxiously.
“Nope.” He said, popping the ‘P’, and proceeded to crack his knuckles once more.
The rest of the team had been gone for a couple of days on a mission in Jordan. Whilst trying to avoid Barnes, (and coincidentally, your feelings for Barnes), he seemed to have actively seemed you out to annoy you; almost as if your last encounter never occurred.
“I find you intensely irritating.” You grit out, pressing your fingers into your temple, trying to release the ache that had appeared there.
“And intensely sexy.” He smirked.
“You wish Barnes.” You shuddered, the exaggerated look of disgust on your face making him chuckle, and turn back towards 10 Things I Hate About You.
But that’s just what it was.
An elaborate façade to ensure Bucky never found out how you felt. You dread to think of the endless teasing that would ensue should he discover you were in love with him and his stupid face.
You side glanced at him again, and scoffed inwardly.
How can you be in love with him? Every single features of his stupid face made you want to punch him. His stupid beautiful eyes. His stupid dark stubble. His stupid sharp jawline. His stupid soft hair. His stupid face in general.
“Y'know, it’s rude to stare doll.”
Your eyes flickered back to the television immediately, staring so intensely at Heath Ledger, it looked like you were trying to set him on fire from afar.
“I was not staring.”
Let’s not forget his stupid personality.
“Don’t call me doll.” You said emotionlessly, trying to not swallow too hard, knowing his enhanced senses would immediately notice.
“I think you like it.” Bucky said smugly.
“I think I like you when you leave.” You shot back.
“Awwww, did you just say you liked me? Doll! I’m flattered!” Bucky mockingly gushed, pretending to swoon, and you rolled your eyes, but had to fight the blush unhelpfully gracing your cheeks.
Bucky shuffled up the couch, and fake yawned, allowing his arm to stretch above our head and wrap around the back of the couch. His head swung towards you, his gaze finding your side profile, jaw clenched and eyes staring into space, almost glacial and certainly not paying attention to your favourite film.
Your breath hitches as his breath hit your neck, sending goosebumps, his head tilting to fix his eyes on you.
“And here I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.” He spoke lowly. He leaned closer, and you could feel the shiver that ran down your spine like hot ice.
“That really hurt Doll.” He pulled a small pout, his eyebrows pulling together to give the impression of heartbreak. A heartbreak he had felt, but you didn’t need to know that. You turned your head, your glassy eyes looking wild and vulnerable at the same time, and they were fixed on him with a delicate wariness that made his head spin, not that he’d tell anyone that. You focused on his pouty lips. They looked so soft and you wondered how they’d feel gently pressed against your cheek.
“Now why would you wanna hurt me Doll?” He whispered, his nose pressing into your jawline softly.
“You hurt me.” You croaked out.
“I really am sorry about that Doll, I didn’t mean it, honest.” He spoke sincerely, dragging his nose up your neck. “I think I was just trying to hide my feelings for you.”
Looking him straight on, his eyes seemed dark and predatory, pupils blown teasingly wide. When you turned, your mouths almost collided, and his lips missed each other by a millimetre. Your breaths mingled, and you both remained there, your mouths ghosting over each other.
“And how do you feel about me?” You whispered into his mouth.
“Like this.” And those were his final words before he closed the gap.
You felt like you were floating.
You were floating in the sea, and your only anchor to shore, to reality, was Bucky. The feeling of his supple lips, the gentle caresses of his fingers, the contrast between his hands, the searing heat of his tongue. You were floating, and you wanted to float away.
He moaned slightly, and lay you down on the couch, slotting himself between your legs. The weight of his body against yours was pleasant, but not overwhelming. Your fingers tangled in his dark tresses, lightly tugging and scratching his scalp, earning a breathy groan from his lips.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He said, kissing and sucking down your neck, leaving his mark for everyone to see, to show you were his. Only his. You moaned gently, pulling his face back up to yours only to smash your lips against his, warranting a wanton moan to fall in the form of your name.
“I can’t believe you feel the same, I, I didn’t know you loved me to-” you stopped, taken aback by his sudden pause in your passionate moment. His head hung above yours, eyes closed, a grin on his face. You smiled back, he was just as happy as you were, finally having admitted how much he wanted you, and oh how you wanted him back.
Your rosy smile slipped off of your face as his eyes opened. They didn’t seem loving, but taunting, teasing, pitiful.
“I can’t believe you thought I was serious.” He exhaled through his nose slightly, chuckling inwardly at how taken in you were by his act, how gullible you were.
It all started like a chain reaction.
First, your mouth went dry, not being able to conjure a response as he climbed off of you, honestly just trying to process what he had said.
Next, you sat up, as Bucky smoothed his hair down on the other side of the couch, looking at ease and content, simply reaching for the remote. He was so calm, he could have been knitting before they came in.
Then, you straightened the crease from your shirt where Bucky had lay. It still felt warm. Bucky looked completely engrossed in the film now, although you knew it wasn’t true. And the first one stepped through the doorway.
Because then, enter the Avengers.
One by one, they came in, chatting about the recent mission, throwing their bags down, and slumping into chairs. Sam sat down next to you, wrapping his arm around you. The action felt all too familiar to the very same move Bucky had pulled not half an hour ago. You pulled his wrist from around your shoulders, setting it into his lap. He simply frowned slightly at your actions but turned to Bucky.
“Yo Tin Man, what’re we watching?”
Bucky scowled at the nickname, but answers nonetheless.
“Ten Things I Hate About You.” He answered in a voice that could’ve fooled even you into thinking he hadn’t just crumpled your heart like it was origami.
“That’s your favourite, isn’t it Y/N?” Same asked, looking at you.
“Erm, yeah.” You mumbled quietly, not quiet trusting your voice at the moment. You discreetly tried to smooth your hair down from your make out session with the Soldier, but of course, Sam noticed.
“Wild night?” Sam wiggled his eyebrows playfully, not realising that you were no longer playing a game.
“No.” You answered plainly, hoping he’d consider the matter closed from your sharp tone of voice and the rapid accumulation of tears in your eyes.
“Your hickeys say something different.” Sam teased, brushing your messy hair away to examine your neck.
By now, you’d drawn the attention of the team, one by one their conversations trailed off and came to abrupt ends, seeing tears spill from your betrayal filled eyes as Sam looked at the dark lovebites that adorned your skin.
“It’s nothing. Can we leave it please?” You whispered, feeling the lump in your throat grow and swell like a tumor, stopping you from speaking, thinking, breathing.
Sam recognised the symptoms.
Tense muscles. He could see it in your shoulders and back.
Clammy hands. Tightly clasped together.
Trembling. He felt pitiful for your trembling frame, trying desperately to hold onto the control of your body.
The symptoms of a nervous breakdown.
“Y/N, would you like to leave?” Same said gently.
No wonder he was a councillor.
“If I leave, they’re all going to wonder why.” You mumbled, not looking at him.
“They’re already wondering why, honey. You can leave whenever you want.” He reminded softly.
You stood up quickly, your knees almost giving out. But they didn’t, and you managed to make it out of the door, leaving each Avenger silently wondering what was wrong and knowing better than to ask anyone else.
Upon watching your leave, Bucky’s stomach twisted in the most sickening way possible, and he didn’t quite know why.
You walked away, trying to get away as fast as you could, yet strangely your pace remained slow, like you were stuck in honey.
Of course he didn’t mean it. How could he want you?
How could you be so goddamn stupid?!
People don’t change. He didn’t want to be your friend. He didn’t want to reach out for you. He was still the same old soldier that couldn’t stand you. You were still the Avenger that didn’t make sense. Everything he had ever said had been a lie, when he said you were beautiful, when he said you could be friends, when he said he had feelings for you.
It was all a lie.
You just wished you could say the same.
You wished you’d never believed a goddamn word James Barnes ever spoke to you.
The flaw of belief is you can’t choose who or what to place your faith in.