steve's guilt

Me finding fanfictions, a summary.
  • Me: Oh wow look at this new fanfic
  • Fanfic summary: These two mother fuckers are gonna fuck. thats all ive gotta say.
  • Me: *CLICK*
  • -After Reading-
  • Me: ...I SIGNED UP FOR READING PORN NOT CRYING EVERY SINGLE CHAPTE-
  • Fanfic Author: BITCH THERES A SEQUEL!
  • Me: *Click*

Also, just throwing this out there to make people sad, but…

When he’s thawed out he’s laying down. He was frozen laying down. And the plane hit the water when he was in the pilot seat- we saw that.

Which means he wasn’t knocked out by the initial impact. And it doesn’t look like he drowned, either. He had time to see his expected death coming, after the impact, and lay himself down. My guess is some internal injuries from the crash, followed by freezing to death inside the plane.

So just go ahead an add a little scene in your head of Steve surviving the crash, but knowing that wet and isolated on a field of ice, in a plane that’s still sinking, nobody would get to him in time. But he knows he’s done his job. So he lays down, and closes his eyes, and maybe wonders if anyone will ever find his body, and bring it back to be buried by his mom and dad, since Bucky never was buried. But either way they’ll have a service for him, and that will be nice, and the priest will say the words and he’ll be at rest. And he feels bad, leaving his men, and he regrets everything he never told Peggy, and that he won’t be there for her now, but at least he did his part, right? He got the job done, and that’s what counts. If he dies alone, bleeding out and freezing, that’s all that Bucky got, to. So that’s all right.

Get Out.

Originally posted by tess453

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Deciding to stay in for a date, Peter and the Reader are faced with annoying and embarrassing comments from the whole team, who are unaware of their relationship.

Word Count: 2,428

Warnings: language, fluff, annoying avengers (??), embarrassed!Peter, embarrassed!Reader, cuteness, LOTR trilogy. (Let me know if I missed any)

A/N: Alright homies, I apologize it has taken me so long to upload something. I’ve been reaally stressed. So hopefully this is okay? For the anon that requested this, I hope you like it. I’d love some feedback, as always. Enjoy reading!


Dark, gray clouds blocked any source of light from shining through the big, thick glass windows surrounding every inch of the building.

The entire tower was filled with a solemn mood that spread into every corner and room.

Most of the team dreaded days like these, since it put a damper on their mood, (especially Steve).

You, however, cherished days like these the most.

It’s where you find your peace and inner self, no matter how depressing that may sound.

It helps you relax and release any stresses that corrupt your thoughts.

But the best reason of all is that you don’t have to leave the house, even if you had a date with Peter tonight.

However, thinking that idea through, you realized something.

The whole team would be here.

With Peter and you.

During your date.

Well, fuck.

Keep reading

But must it always be a tragedy?
Maybe suns are meant to love
boys who fall into seas.
—  Dear poets, it’s time to rewrite Icarus | p.d

Why does everyone forget that Steve Rogers can draw?

Like

Why is this fact so neglected like think about the possibilities??

  • Natasha peeking over his shoulder and then begging for days on end to see his sketchbook after he gets embarrassed and slams it shut
  • Nostalgic drawings of that carnival booth that Bucky spent a bunch of money on to attempt impressing a girl
  • Also drawings of the first time he saw Bucky in uniform, all happy and proud
  • He has definitely gotten angry/annoyed with people and drawn out his frustrations via making them silly animals or giving them caricature-like features
  • Typically he throws them out after he cools down
  • Doodles of places he finds peaceful, like Clint’s farm or the woods surrounding the compound
  • This is the same little book that holds lists and lists of things people tell him to try, so he carries it with him everywhere
  • He goes through a phase where he can’t stop drawing the infinity stones he has seen thus far, and the objects that held them, in hopes that it’d give him some sort of epiphany
  • Tony mentioning being stumped on designs for his new suit, and by the time he’s done talking, Steve is already handing him a rough sketch with some ideas
  • He has definitely drawn each Avenger at least once
  • And Coulson 
  • He has also drawn some of his favorite memories of everyone together. The shawarma restaurant. The time they sat around, laughing as everyone tried to lift Thor’s hammer. Tony proudly handing each of them their new uniforms
  • Sometimes he likes to go to restaurants or parks on his own and just doodle his surroundings
  • Eventually everyone manages to get a peek at his book, but Wanda is the only one to ask why he never includes himself in his drawings of the group
  • Everyone gets emotional af over the way he draws them, because he either perfectly captures the way they feel on the inside (and think they do a good job of hiding) or he interprets them in a positive light, which is oftentimes the exact opposite of how they see themselves
  • Except Thor because one of Thor’s god-powers is self confidence, but even so, he still gets super lit at his drawing
  • Vision is especially shook since he’s still trying to figure out what he is, and this gives him a bit more clarity
  • Naturally they all ask to keep their respective sketches and Steve has a small guilt crisis because he always uses both sides of the page and doesn’t want to lose any notes he’s taken/not everyone could get the their original drawing
  • Tony comes to the rescue and makes high quality copies which all end up being hung in their rooms or being carried with them wherever they go
2

Two heroes caught lying to someone they consider a friend for years. Matt is full of Catholic guilt as a general rule, and he’s feeling damn guilty here. He doesn’t insult Foggy’s intelligence by trying to pretend he doesn’t have the powers he has. He sees how many fingers Foggy is holding up and acknowledges his right to anger.

Steve on the other hand, attempts to double down on the lie. “I didn’t know it was him.” When he’s forced to admit the truth he does so, but there isn’t a lot of guilt on his face. A little fear for Bucky maybe, but not a lot of guilt.

Fic: Down to Zero

After a battle against the Controller goes awry, Steve is bewildered and guilt-ridden when Tony begins to treat him exactly the same as he treats everyone else.

@spaceliondad had a post asking for a fic where Tony gets temporary amnesia and treats Steve like he treats everyone and Steve realizes the extent to which Tony had previously been giving him special treatment. This is my take on that prompt. Also features (unrequited) Spideytorch.

This is also a fill for Cap-IM Bingo, the square “remote control.” Ha.

Read Down to Zero on AO3 (18,336 words).

My best friend’s girl (Chapter 6)

(Steve Rogers x Reader) (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

This story is nearing it’s end, I think the next chapter might be the last one (7 often seems to be my magical number for some reason)

Thank you all for reading this fic and giving it so much love. This will not be the last story I write that involves Steve and Bucky ;)

Story: Bucky’s been in cryo for a year now, during that time you and Steve have grown closer together. You both want more but are scared to give into your feelings, until one night…

You and Steve arrive home after the party, both crippled by guilt when you find Bucky in the kitchen waiting for you.

No warnings for this chapter, this is just one big Angst fest. I’m sorry…

*****

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

*****

My best friend’s girl (chapter 6)


You hadn’t spoken a word since Steve had abruptly pushed you out of his arms after your close encounter in the elevator.

It was a gentle but firm push and it cast you both back into reality and wishing there was a way to turn back the clock.

But there was no way to take back what you did.

Steve had been giving you the silent treatment ever since. He opened the car door to let you step outside and followed you up to his apartment.

When you were close to his door you slowed down your steps.

‘Maybe I should…maybe I should just spend tonight at my place,’ you hesitated.

‘No,’ Steve insisted,’ If I know Bucky at all he will be up waiting for you.’

You knew Steve was right. And for a second the thought of Bucky waiting up to see you brought a smile to your face, but then reality hit and suddenly you were fighting tears.

‘Steve,’ your voice broke.

‘Hey, stop it, okay,’ he turned to face you and carefully took your hand in his,’ You can do this, everything will be fine.’

You nodded your head firmly. You wanted to believe him so badly, believe everything could still go back to normal and all three of you could come out of this unharmed. But how could it?

You slept with Bucky’s best friend, not once but twice now. There was no excuse for the second time.

Nothing would ever be fine again.

Keep reading

Imagine Steve busting you out

Part 1- Imagine seeing Bucky pull Steve from the water   

Part 2 - Imagine waiting for Steve to wake up

Part 3- Imagine being there when Steve finally talks to Bucky

Part 4- Imagine being in the car with Bucky and Sam

Part 5 - Imagine helping Steve & Bucky escape the airport

Part 6 Imagine telling Tony where Steve was

Part 7 - Imagine Steve busting you out

Part 8 Imagine finding out about Tony’s parents

Part 9 - Imagine being in Wakanda with Steve and Bucky

Keep reading

Our Kind Of Love (Part 7/12)

By: ProMarvelFanGirl

Pairing: Steve x Plus Size!Reader

Summary:  You and Steve have a special kind of love.   One that many may not understand.  After all what would a super soldier who looked like that, want with a girl who looked like you?

A/n: Saw This post and was inspired!  If you would like to be tagged please let me know!  

OKOL MASTERLIST


a “baby did you eat today?” kind of love.

You had been sitting in the day room wedged between Charlie and Bucky, watching the baseball game.  Steve was currently signing autographs for a boy scout group that had come to help out at the hospital.  Sam who was suppose to be watching the game, was at the reception desk speaking with Clara, the new receptionist.

The sound of Bucky, Steve, and Sam’s phones going off at the same moment drew your attention.  If all three were going off, it was going to be something work related.  You tried not to show your disappoint and slight fear.  You were always nervous when the boys left.  Steve meant the world to you and every time he left a piece of your heart broke and followed him out the door.  

After some shared glances Sam and Steve made their way to where you and Bucky were on the couch.  You refused to look at Steve’s face knowing if you did, he would see right through you.  A light squeeze on your leg had you looking at Bucky, by the look on his face you could tell he knew what you were thinking.

“Y/n…..Darlin’ we have to-”

“Go. I know. It’s okay, be careful, all of you.”  Steve gave you a grateful smile and pulled you from the couch wrapping his arms around you.  

“Gonna miss ya every minute.” You smile at him, Bucky was right you were turning him into a softy.

Before you could open your mouth a silky female voice filled the room.  “There you boys are we have to go.  I have your bags packed and ready.”

You glance behind Steve to find two gorgeous women, both with perfect bodies.  Steve turned leaving one arm wrapped around you.  “Nat, Wanda come meet Y/n.”

Looking at the two women you suddenly felt completely under dressed and plain.  These were the girls your boyfriend spent time with?!  What the hell is he doing with you if he could have them?!  Is this why you hadn’t been introduced to them till this moment?

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you know. sometimes i think. in the face of tony’s obvious trauma and ptsd. in the face of the more obvious pain that bucky has suffered. we forget that steve’s motivation in the film isn’t just his tendency to hold stubbornly fast to his ideals, to do what he feels is right and damn the rest. 

steve’s hurting too.

like. guys. we are so ready to give weight to tony’s emotional boiling over point at the end of the film, to say “this is why he tried to kill bucky, and it’s not right but it’s understandable.” we are so ready to acknowledge the fact that bucky was a victim and motivated to run by his fear of further persecution and hurt from nefarious forces. what about steve, though? when do we acknowledge that steve’s not just acting with righteous arrogance, but a deep anger, isolation, fear, loneliness, sadness, and hope?

steve died. like, his last memory before waking up seventy years in the future is a few days after watching his best friend fall from a train and he was unable to stop it he willingly flies a plane into the fucking Arctic, ostensibly to his death.

guys. guys. tony was fucked up for years because of untreated ptsd after falling from space and thinking he was dead. why is it so hard to remember that steve probably is fucked up, too? 

this dude, he wakes up seventy years in the future and he has to make his way without really anyone or anything familiar, and the only person who is familiar is suffering from memory loss, and he’s now operating under the thumb of shadowy organization that he’s not 100 percent does good things and that continuously lies to him. there’s no war to fight, but that’s all this body is good for. it’s all he knows. 

he doesn’t know what makes him happy. guys.

and so he goes through another trauma when he discovers this villain who is trying to kill him is in fact the dead best friend who—surprise!—was actually captured after falling and losing an arm and his brains were scrambled to turn him into a murder assassin. we know for a fact steve feels tremendous guilt over this. but imagine beyond guilt, the sorrow, the nightmarish possibilities, that are turning over in steve’s head. the idea of what his friend suffered. remember when rhodey fell from the sky and tony blasted sam in the chest? imagine the anger in steve’s heart at the idea of what bucky’s suffered and the unwillingness to let that go unchecked and unsaved.

oh, plus. that shadowy organization he’s been fighting for? the people he’s been taking orders from? the top dog in the neat little hierarchy that’s arranged his world? yeah. hydra. everything steve has known turns upside down. he can’t trust anything. imagine the paranoia. the suspicion. imagine the fear that must take seed at that betrayal.

and then! of course, then he begins fighting these battles with the avengers where the collateral damage is on such a bigger scale than it was at war. where there are aliens. aliens, you guys. and he’s tasked with leading this motley crew of superheroes in a world he’s still getting used to and people die, lots of people die, and we know that even if it doesnt visibly affect him like it affects tony (who always seems shocked when he’s confronted with loss, because it’s presented to him on a personal, individual level) it does affect him. that steve feels the guilt of lives lost. imagine that burden. imagine the weight of the shield, the mask, the responsibility. imagine the loneliness. the fear.

so then. then. in the space of a few days. steve deals with more guilt from the deaths in lagos. he shoulders that burden. then he deals with the moral quandary of signing the accords. he wrestles with that decision. peggy dies. he grieves, oh goodness does he grieve. vienna fuckin blows up and that elusive best friend is now the suspect. so steve is grieving, he is confused and conflicted, and now he feels doubly guilty—that’s the person he has been looking for, should he have already caught him? did he do it? he couldn’t have. does he bring him in? does he shoulder this responsibility too? what will they make him do when he catches up to bucky? what should he do? steve might act like he always knows what’s right, but a decision like this isn’t easy. it messes with a person. and when you’re dealing with all that mess in your head, sometimes you don’t think. sometimes…you act.

like when bucky is triggered, when steve stops a helicopter with his bare fucking hands, you can feel the desperation. that’s not ordinary heroics. that’s not steve just trying to stop bucky from escaping and possibly hurting others. it’s steve fighting for bucky. for this piece of his past. for the possibility of an end to loneliness. for the possibility of redemption for letting him fall. 

and when they go on the run, when they know they have to stop the supersoldiers, when they clash with tony’s team, can you imagine steve’s sheer frustration that no one gets what is at stake? that no one is willing to listen? and yes, he didn’t even try—but why is that, you think? is it possibly because steve is used to institutions and those in power ignoring what he thinks is right and causing disaster anyway?

when steve says, “pal, so are we.” when steve acknowledges to natasha that he’s 90 not dead, when he openly references the fact that he and bucky are 100, can you imagine knowing that? adjusting to that? being 20-something in body and memory but 100 in actuality? living in a body that people perceive as a weapon so strongly that you’ve become a weapon when you are still longing to rediscover the man you were? steve’s not just cap. steve’s steve, and he doesn’t know what makes him happy you guys. he’s a guy, he’s a human, and he’s dealing with A Lot.

i get that he makes some bad calls in the movie. so does tony. my beef is that while tony’s decisions are often supported by his very obvious trauma and emotional burden, we rarely seem to give enough weight to the very real and very similar turmoil that is going on inside of steve.

when tony is fighting him in siberia. when steve says, “he’s my friend,” so simply, so sadly, without any righteousness, just clean tired truth, that’s steve as steve. when he hid the truth from tony, that’s steve as steve. when he drops the shield, that’s steve reclaiming himself as steve. we expect cap all the time, because often, steve is cap. it’s easy to see him as the moral police that way, if reductionist.

but we forget to see steve as steve. that he is a kid, in some ways. and a grieving, lost, lonely kid with a lot of anger, sadness, confusion, and power boiling under the placid-seeming surface.

331.

Clint stood on the back of his shopping cart, scooting with one foot past the New Fall Fashions in ugly mustard yellow, reaching out at the last second to snag some leering pumpkin socks that’d honestly look hilarious with Steve’s old man pants. One of the wonderful things about Steve was how polite he was, how any initial outlay on appalling items was more than repaid by how earnestly he’d wear ‘em. 

Tempting as it was to find something uglier - to find lots of things uglier and get Steve to guilt them onto the team - Clint had a destination in mind and rolled cheerfully onward toward the towering monsterpiece of black and white and orange balloons that guarded the entrance to Hallowe’en. 

Hallowe’en’s gotta be a favorite when you’re a kid who’d never managed quite enough to eat. Barney’d always half-assed his costumes, practiced looking pitiful; Clint’d always gone as overboard as his budget would allow. One year he’d cooked up so much fake blood that he’d even got a new pair of sneakers out of the deal when he was still leaving bloody footprints the day after, and the hours scrubbing carpet had been more than worth it for the winter of dry feet. 

He lingered at the entrance to the aisle for a few minutes, earnestly comparing prices on a set of scary-light skulls to go around the door, ‘cos he was never gonna quite be used to having money. After a moment, after a movement, after the hair started to stand on the back of his neck, Clint smiled. 

“You can join me, y’know,” he said, casual, carefully hiding his pleased. 

There was another pause - long enough for Clint to decide, to toss the more expensive set into his cart with a little thrill of now he could do that, of now he was buying for years to come - and then Bucky appeared behind him, looking as casual as it was possible to look clad head to toe in black leather. 

“We should get you a motorbike,” Clint said, thoughtful. “Or at least a helmet, help you blend in.” 

“You’re not supposed to be out alone,” Bucky said, annoyed and intent, and Clint rolled his eyes. 

“Look,” he said, “so far you don’t know me so well. It’s important you know that if someone’s threatening my life that pretty much just means it’s Thursday. No one else would be willing to come shopping for inflatable skeletons -” holy crap, inflatable skeletons, Clint grabbed two to guard his door - “and I ain’t exactly helpless myself.” 

“You didn’t ask me.” Bucky’s beautiful mouth was edging into something that definitely couldn’t be termed as a pout, not without a trick of the light and a world of wishful thinking. Clint was up to the challenge. 

“I didn’t ask anyone,” he said, ‘cos rejection wasn’t exactly his thing.

“So, what, you just assumed that no one wanted to come?” 

“Honestly? The train of thought didn’t even stop at that station,” Clint said, staring intently at packets of fake web. “I mean, who’s gonna?” 

Bucky reached over his shoulder, grabbed an oversized fake spider, studied it thoughtfully. 

“Me,” he said, simple statement, settling into Clint’s stomach. 

“Yeah,” he said, “to protect me,” and Bucky edged around until he could make earnest eye contact of beautiful fuckin’ blue. 

“Every Thursday,” he said, intent. 

Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask a creative person how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something…they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.
—  Steve Jobs 
after the war

Reposting this on here since I will be continuing it on this blog! 

Word Count: 1,063

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (friendship), Bucky Barnes x Reader (eventually)

As soon as Steve Rogers pulled up to the small cabin in the woods, he knew that he shouldn’t have come. There was an inkling in his stomach. But, he didn’t have a choice. He didn’t have anywhere else to go. Being on the run was rough.

“Are you sure your friend will help us?” Sam Wilson asked from the passenger seat. He could tell that something was bothering his friend but didn’t want to bring it up at the moment. Steve, like himself, had been stressed and paranoid those last few weeks.

“I don’t know, but we don’t have a choice but to ask.” Steve cut off the engine and opened the door to the small car that he had been driving for the last few hours. Being able to stretch felt like heaven. The tension in his shoulders didn’t go away. That was due to constant stress.

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Okay, so I just saw a Tony and music headcanon which I absolutely and totally respect, because a classical music Tony is an awesome Tony that is a valid way of viewing the character.  However, I also completely and totally disagree with it and didn’t want to highjack that post to disagree.  Basically, fellow writer, you’re awesome and so is your headcanon which is totally valid and legit, but I’m gonna rift off it because I keep arguing with the post in my head.  

Maria started Tony on the piano at a young age.  Howard yelled and complained about how the kid could never keep still, so Maria taught him cords and basic piano warms ups.  She told him if he couldn’t keep still, he could go over the piano fingering in his mind.  He could even move his fingers if he needed to, going through the motions with his hands at his side as Howard ranted at him about how his latest robot was a failure, and keeping him still enough for photographers to take pictures of the engine while Howard put on his fake smile.

Tony would often hang in the doorway as his mother played and sang, hesitant to come in and interrupt her.  Music was numbers and frequencies and all sorts of things that were fascinating to Tony, but he couldn’t quite manage to fit them together into a song.  

It wasn’t until Maria came upon Tony struggling through “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel that she teaches him how to play music.  Maria the brilliant scientist who loved show tunes could explain to a young Tony Stark how to make music from the notes.  

From then on, Tony was a quick study.  He would often play as Maria sat by his side and sang along, from My Fair Lady to Evita, he would play and sometimes hesitantly sing along.  He fell in love with the quick wit of Cole Porter, often playing a quick bar or two and sing in a sarcastic tone when Howard railed on him for his failures.  Maria was always more fond of Irving Berlin, and he’d play “Blue Skies” whenever she was tired or angry.  

He always liked it when she played Rodgers and Hammerstein.  Sometimes she’d play “Impossible” from Cinderella when Tony felt like he couldn’t meet Howard’s high standards.  He was always mesmerized when she sang “Some Enchanted Evening” or “Something Good”. 

He sometimes thought about running away and working on Broadway.  He never had a way with lyrics, but he could compose a tune.  Surely he could find a partner and they’d create loads of shows that would become world famous.  But Howard would surely find him, so close to home, and the one time he tried to sneak off to the West End while visiting Aunt Peggy in London ended with her taking out a man who had been following Tony for nefarious purposes.  She was kind about it, but she had to take him home.  

Soon enough, he gave up on that dream and entered MIT, but he still couldn’t shake stealing away into one of the music shops and playing the occasional tune.  Some of the others found out about it and bullied him until he stopped.  But Rhodey could sometimes pull him away and ask him to play a song from The Wiz or some of the old Ella Fitzgerald jazz standards.  He also started to branch out at this time, coming up with piano versions of rock songs that he would play to make Rhodey laugh.

“Try to Remember” was the last song he heard her play before she died, and was always one of his favorites.  It was years before he could listen to the song again, much less play it.  Rhodey was the one who sat with him when he finally managed it, softly singing along even though he was never much of a singer because Tony couldn’t quite manage the words.  

Steve was shocked to hear old familiar songs coming from the Avengers common room one night when he couldn’t sleep.  He walked in to see Tony at the piano, singing some of the old Cole Porter songs.  Tony switched over to his own piano rendition of Highway to Hell as soon as he realized Steve was listening, but Steve had already found out.  After that, he’d sometimes join Tony, sitting at the piano and listening to the old tunes.  

It was during one of those times Tony admitted his mother had taught him, and he played “Try to Remember” for Steve.  It wasn’t one he recognized, but it had a soothing melody that made him think of Bucky, who he was still trying to find.  It was then Steve decided he could never tell Tony about what the Winter Soldier had done.  `Tony was finally in a place where he could play the song as a fond memory, and learning the truth would only cause more pain.  

After everything burned down, Steve only felt guilt when he heard the song or looked at a piano.  There were a lot of things he would never do differently, but not telling Tony the truth was a mistake.

After everything burned down, Tony sat at the piano, but couldn’t play.  He stared at the keys, but couldn’t will his hands to move.  When Rhodey would ask him to play, Tony would smile and say he was fine.

He’s always fine.

Sometimes Peter would hear haunting melodies of songs he had never heard before when he visited Avengers Tower.  He never found out where they came from, but he kind of liked listening to the old melancholy tunes before Tony finally showed up and gave him the latest upgrades for his suit.

5

Marvel vs Ao3 tags  Part 10/??