• Steve : So, Barton and his wife are going out of town this weekend and wanted to know if we could take care of the kids.
  • Tony : Whoa, whoa, whoa, that is a big responsibility. What do we know about children?
  • Peter : I am leaving. Spider suit?
  • Tony : (hands Peter the suit) I swear you'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on. (To Steve) I don't know the first thing about taking care of a child. (To Peter) Where is your jacket? It's cold outside.
  • Peter : Forgot.
  • Tony : Here take mine. (To Steve) Kids are a lot of work.
  • Peter: [going out on a date with Wade]
  • Steve: Where are you going to be?
  • Peter: The library.
  • Tony: Make sure the "library" uses a condom.

Tony: *utterly shameless flirting and teasing with the sole purpose of flustering steve*

Steve: *actually flirts back*

Tony: *oh shit, fuck, abort abort abort*

  • Tony: Spidey, honey, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Cap that I'm no longer speaking to him.
  • Peter: Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark is no longer...
  • Steve: ... I get it. Thank you, Peter.
  • Tony: Punch me in the face.
  • Steve: What?
  • Tony: Didn't you hear me, I said punch me in the face.
  • Steve: I mean, I usually hear 'punch me in the face' when you talk but it's usually subtext.
  • Tony: [holds up leg] Feel my leg I shaved.
  • Bucky: [gently stokes] Holy shit...
  • Steve: Guys. We. Are. Under. Attack. This Is Not The Time.

Tony: No one is judging you. It’s understandable. Barnes is strong, mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. 

Steve: I’m not having sex with Buck, but I’m starting to think that you might be.

How to flirt with Tony Stark; a guide by Steve Rogers:

1) .

2) Who knows

3) Certainly not me

4) Compliment his…robots?

5) ??? 

6) Blush a lot 

7) Splutter like a fool when Tony says anything even slightly inappropriate

8) !!!!???

9) Why is there not a manual for this

10) God I need to find Natasha she knows about this stuff right-

4

Imagine - Spiders scare you, some avengers care more than others