Frank: You’d most likely have an advantage if you fought Frank, because chances are he’d be drunk. Just watch out for head butting.
• If you’re losing, go with a simple tactic and kick him in the balls.
Monica: If you want to win, make sure you’re in an empty area. Moni will grab anything in arms reach and use it against you. There’s a chance she could also manipulate you into not fighting her.
• If you’re losing, she is kinda light so you can easily use shoving or kicking as a plan B.
Fiona: Make her mad enough and she’ll pop you right in the nose. She’s not much for hair pulling, but will result in it if she’s helpless. She doesn’t take loss easily.
• If you’re losing, flail your body all around recklessly to hopefully get a good blow in.
Lip: Lip thinks too much when he fights, so there are good times when he’s off guard to slam him into a wall.
• If you’re losing, just slip your hand in his pants and you’ll be in charge from there on out.
Ian: Due to military and JROTC training, Ian could probably pull out some moves to beat you up with. If he isn’t feeling too fancy, he might just whip up a few punches, but that’ll be enough to hurt you pretty badly.
• If you’re losing, just take that fucking L. There’s no hope for you.
Carl: Also being in military school, he has skills, but it’s unlikely that he’ll use them. Most likely, you’ll be grabbed and slammed into a few things, then bruised and battered.
• If you’re losing, bite your lip or slide your tongue to seduce him. 9/10 chance this will lead to incredible sex.
Debbie: Debbie will not hesitate to do something if there’s a legitimate reason. If you happen to do something stupid, you better swing your head around like Beyoncé so she doesn’t snatch your weave, seeing that it’s her main attack.
• If you’re losing, grab Neil and run. Then, when she chases after you, just dip into an alleyway.
Liam: Why the fuck- Okay, well, if you happen to fight a fucking second grader, you’re going to win and then feel terrible.
• You won’t lose against Liam, but you will lose against all of the Gallaghers when they find out some dipshit tried to fight a fucking SECOND GRADER. Why would you fight a second grader?!
Kev: He’s kindhearted, so there’s a good chance you can talk it out and he’ll let you off. But, if you hurt V, you’re literally dead.
• If you’re losing, that means that you’re also losing your life.
Veronica: V is feisty, so unless you can match her attitude, then there’s not much hope for you. She will take off a heel and gouge your eye out with it if she has to.
• If you’re losing, you better shape the fuck up real quick because you have 2 seconds to get creative.
Mickey: He looks small and easy to fight, but one blow and you’re down. Two hits, and you’re out cold. Mickey has been fighting since he was a sperm, he knows where to hit you so it really hurts. And, if you bring a weapon, best believe that he won’t hesitate to pull one out of his ass.
• If you’re losing, tell him that something happened to Ian. He’ll either go attack whoever hurt his OrangeBoy, or tears will form in his eyes. If the second one occurs, FUCKING APOLOGIZE AND GIVE HIM A HUG, YOU MONSTER.
Mandy: Mandy is small but mean. She’ll pull you down by your hair, and hit you 1,000 times until she’s almost out of anger. Key word being almost. Then she’ll throw your helpless body into the street and hit you with her car.
• If you’re losing, DO NOT TRY TO HURT HER. You will have the Milkovich brothers on your ass, and you will not come out of that alive. Just try to run and hope you’ll get lucky?
Terry: Terry is drunk 11/10 of the time, so just shoot him. Hit him with a barstool. Smash a bottle over his head.
• If you’re losing, pull a dildo out of your pocket (I know you carry one, your secret is safe with me) and shove it up his ass. That will cause him to kill himself.
Svetlana: She’s a Russian badass. You’re so fucked.
• You’ve already lost.
Karen: She’s small and fragile and you can literally flick her and she’ll break. Best part is, you’ll feel no remorse.
• If you’re losing, you’re pathetic because this is KAREN we’re talking about. Just shove a long object in her mouth as a distraction and she’ll be busy sucking on it.
Sheila: You’re a very bad person for even considering fighting this angel.