steve jobs is dead

how is apple charging people a whole fucking grand to buy an apple galaxy s8??


the specs (like every year) are damn near the same and their screens are going to be supplied by samsung display smh bring steve jobs back from the dead they not eve trying at this point.

Every Episode of The Dead Files Ever
  • Amy: I THINK SOMEONE WAS MURDERED HERE
  • Steve: SOMEONE WAS MURDERED HERE, HERE'S THEIR PICTURE
  • Amy: OMG I SKETCHED THEM
  • Steve: OMG IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THEM
  • Amy: OMG
  • Client: OMG WHAT DO WE DO?
  • Amy: YOU GOTTA CLEANSE THIS BITCH AND DO AN EXORCISM
  • Steve: YOU GONNA GET SHIT DONE?
  • Client: WE GONNA GET SHIT DONE
  • Client: (*doesn't get shit done*)
  • Amy: MOTHERFUCKERS YOU HAD ONE JOB

steve jobs: yes hello i came back from the dead to speak to mr. wild wings


me, mr. wild wings: yes fine but you must speak w/ my associate first

6

So, today it’s Saint Patrick Day..and I celebrate it with my favourite Irish crushes <3<3<3

God bless Ireland!!!!

an incomplete list of my favorite demo disk quotes

“i know when that demo bling, that can only mean one thing”

“all right, let’s put this eastern european disk right in our computer!”

“I don’t think Ron Perlman knows about the internet”

“when you’re trying to find a fairy flash game to fuck, to - to jerk off to, that’s the red line, man. you’re in it”

“let’s play some more PERIOD GAAAAAAMMMEESS”

“queen of valhalla, sit on my face”

“steve jobs is dead, doesn’t matter”

“lumnerjack”

“KP PLUS! KP PLUS!”

“there’s gonna be a jacked dude with no face - and a stword - instead you get - this shit. two frames of an old man walking.”

“do you think this is our free cruise?”

“hey, gabor. it’s james. i just wanted to say…we just played seed…and we’re not really sure what it is. but it was pretty awesome. thank you for your art…thank you for for your time.”

“NO NO NO DON’T INSTALL GAMESPY ARCADE” - “remember MEEEE?”

“I WANT TO DRAW PICTURES OF BOYS THAT I LIKE. I AM NOT IMPROVING AS AN ARTIST.”

“can we do that one more time, only this time drive like you would normally drive as a woman.” - “could you drive like my bitch of a wife, kathryn bigelow?”

“remember, two arrows to the side means up. up arrow means left”

“J.J. Ayyerrrrs”

“this is like when you get a boner, and you push a button to get a boner”

“wow, wrestlers have a lot of twitter followers. and pictures of them with Hootie Ffthan Blowfish”

“okay, auto guided laser cannon and………a net”

“why are the minions yelling at us?”

“we own soldier of fortune, and we’re not allowed to play it. we’re being discriminated against”

“that’s good form, though. doing squats up on your toes?”

“tom clancy’s rainbow sixty-three”

“OH NO, YOUR POTATO”

“but sometimes the frame rate drops in the games that i play where i’m playing as batman” - “shut the fuck up”

“10 for 10 clive barker”

“OH NO IT’S A FULL BLOWN VAMPIRE! oh, no. he died even quicker.”

“guys, you ever hear of a little boy…” “yes. where?”

“just lie in your shit, it’s too late for you!”

“the next time i see a spider that DOESN’T have a machine gun on every arm, i’m gonna be like….whatever”

“MY BODY IS MY CANVAS”

“i heard…that andy williams was a racist.” - “ANDY WILLIAMS  WAS A RACIST” - “confirmed by jon risinger.”

“oh look at the eagle, that represents freedom! wait, i can give these guys $500 and then i get a card?” - “you get a card, and you’re a member of the NRA, and you got an eagle on your truck.” 

“oh yeah, charge a bunch for that mineral water”

“good lord, justin bieber has a really beautiful penis” - “i wrote this article”

“once again, we used to play video games. now we just sing and break things. we’re officially G4″

“STAR WARS PIT DROOOOOIDS”

“it’s supposed to be dark, turn the lights, maybe i could terrk my pants off…”

“stop killing yourself by touching that thing and losing life!”

“what game is this again?” - “rayman 2: the great escape”

“oh yo bro”

“what the hell. ARE THESE GAMES???”


BONUS ROUND: Lawrence 

“FUCKIN’ LOVE TRON”

“GREATEST GAME EVER MADE!!”

“PAINKILLER!”

“IT’S A CANONICAL SEQUEL TO THE HIT MOVIE TROOOooooOOOOoN”

“It’s the same sex doll for everyone. It’s a Bieber Bot.”

“I HAVE THE IP TATTOOED ON THE BACK OF MY NECK!”

“YOU GOT A GUN *AND* A SWORD!!!”

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
—  Steve Jobs

steve jobs isnt dead, i just saw the silly old miser selling ipods from 2001 in a big black tent on the side of a road, i tried to buy one but he would not take my money, the only way i would be going off with 10 gb of pure musical power in that tiny little package was if i sold him the rare amulet that i kept around my neck at all times. i refused, and he put a curse on me and my familys crops

funhaus quotes rp meme.
  • "can you own a fuckboy?"
  • "either you burn out, or fade away. i did both."
  • "i've seen the video; you become someone's bitch."
  • "grab me the butt-plug."
  • "we come bringing disease!"
  • "mom, my dads are fighting again."
  • "you have to revel in the trash to appreciate the better."
  • "we don't have to live in sin anymore!"
  • "yes, it's garbage, but it knows that it's garbage."
  • "i'm a dick. i'm moving to the moon."
  • "it was extremely flattering, if not very confusing."
  • "what a move!"
  • "i wanna be an actor."
  • "my eyebrows are the source of my power."
  • "why is it always gay porn?"
  • "shit in a box and send it to his family."
  • "there's no room for modesty!"
  • "it's like digging through a dumpster."
  • "i want to be a gynecologist for supermodels."
  • "steve jobs is dead, it doesn't matter."
  • "where's the free coffee?"
  • "it's like a student art film."
  • "i wanted to simulate the smell of the african sahara."
  • "a dude, another dude, some chick, and a bear."
  • "i used this dildo, and it feels great."
  • "they don't own my asshole."

Captain America AU where Steve never gets the serum, and instead of joining the army he goes into politics to try to make a difference in the war and bring Bucky home.

Fast forward, Bucky is captured and presumed dead, and Steve throws himself into his job and rises high on the political chain. He becomes an important figure, nicknamed Captain America by his advocates. He rises so high on that ladder that when the Cold War rolls around, the KGB or hydra send the Winter Soldier after him.

And this is the early years for the winter soldier, there are still glitches, still bits of memory. And when he sees Steve, a little less scrawny, a little more grown up but still his Stevie, the winter soldier snaps out of his training.

I don’t know what happened from there but damn

The Night Before Christmas (Mayday One Shot)

(((I promised you all a Mayday one shot at the holidays!!!)))

You and Bucky spend the evening before Christmas at home; you learn more about his past and he gives you a surprise gift.

Bucky Barnes x Reader (Mayday)

*read my Mayday Series HERE*


Christmas Eve, Brooklyn, New York

I lay in bed, reading a book, my long legs stretched out under the blankets. The space heater buzzed on the floor beside the bed. It was a little past ten pm the night before Christmas. Bucky had banished me from the living room about an hour before, so he could wrap my gifts. He’d been shopping with Steve last week while Six was off doing whatever it was she did, and had kept everything at his friends apartment until this evening. Why he hadn’t wrapped them there, I didn’t know; those two men could save the world no problem, but figuring out the semantics of holiday preparation wasn’t a strong suit of either one.


I heard the music in the other room turn off, and the faint glow of the lamps also went out. Bucky’s large frame appeared in the doorway; I set down my book. “You all done babe?” I asked, stretching. He nodded, closing the door most of the way, the same way it was every night when we went to sleep. We’d been living in this apartment for a few months now, and it was beginning to feel like home. Really though, wherever he was felt like home to me.

Keep reading