steve is hilarious

theauraking  asked:

So it seems Clint and Steve both seem to be a bit lacking? Yeah lacking in intelligence. But who's done the dumbest thing since being thawed out

i am not even gonna consider this question, because if i start thinking through all the stupid nonsense clint and steve get up to i will hurl myself out a window purely in self defense. 

none of the avengers should ever spend time together. separately, theyre reckless to the point of idiocy; together, they fight crime. and cause massive amounts of property damage, and have reduced several psychologists to tears. it wasnt pretty.

but you know, fate of the world and all that nonsense. 

(to be fair to them, none of the avengers are stupid. they just get sucked into each others bad-decision vortexes)

in the interests of preserving that most blessed of coping methods, denial, i will only consider what steve and clint have gotten up to in the past two weeks. 

which still gives me a horrifying wealth of options.

dumbest thing steve has done? accepted clint’s challenge to a spicy-food-eating contest. captain triangle torso has enhanced senses. he takes his NORMAL food underseasoned, because his taste buds are extra-sensitive, and he took a spiciness challenge from clint, who spent his developmental years eating literally anything. last week i watched him pour pineapple juice into his hot chocolate. it was terrifying. i have seen clint drench jalapenos in ghost pepper sauce and eat them.  i have seen him put chocolate on pizza. there is nothing that man will not eat. 

nothing.

steve got one bite in to one of clint’s ghost pepper chicken wings and his whole face swelled up and turned red. he kept eating. his eyes and nose were running. he got three bites in and was leaking from his whole face. he looked like he was gonna die. he drank a gallon of milk and was in bed for over a day. his fancy supermojo can fight off toxins but not ghost peppers, apparently. he said it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt, the supersoldier easy bake experience included. 

clint finished his bucket of ghost pepper hot wings and played mario kart for three hours. which is what he usually does on wednesdays. 

dumbest thing clint has done lately? “borrowed” natashas favorite dagger set. her vengence was swift, brutal, and left clint sans eyebrows and with tony’s goatee drawn in sharpie, refreshed nightly for a week. talk about shame.

she is a ruthless woman.

as to which of these was stupider? i honestly cant say, and thinking about it makes me regret so many decisions. 

so many. when did my life become this nonsense

I bring to you: Steve/Tony betime/sleepy headcanons that nobody asked for :D

  • Tony is really clingy when he sleeps, he latches onto Steve like a limpet and doesn’t let go until Steve wakes up in the morning. And if he can’t physically hold on to Steve, some part of him is always touching Steve
  • Steve has this weird military training protective thing where he has to sleep on the side closest to the door so he can stop any “intruders” from harming them in their sleep. Tony rolls his eyes but plays along anyway
  • Tony is a super heavy sleeper, once he is asleep he is gone at least for the first couple of hours. Not even the Hulk could wake him. But he’ll only fall asleep in places/around people he feels comfortable with/trusts.
  • Steve disapproves of when Tony stays awake working for days at a time. But he also finds it incredibly amusing when Tony comes into the bedroom at the end of a bender, all stumbling and incoherent. It’s only 7 or 8 and Steve’s just laying in bed reading a book or watching TV, but Tony will shower quickly, put on sleep clothes, climb into bed with Steve and lay in his lap, burying his face in Steve’s stomach. Sometimes he’ll even pick up Steve’s hand and hold it in his hair until Steve starts running his fingers through it. Tony just relaxes right down and falls fast asleep and Steve is perfectly content to sit there and just hold him for a couple hours.
  • When they lie in bed at the end of a long day and cuddle, Tony likes to be the little spoon. He likes the feeling of Steve’s arms around him holding him tight. It makes him feel safe and protected.
  • Steve likes to be the big spoon because he loves holding Tony close to him. He loves when Tony buries his face in Steve’s chest so he can bury his face in Tony’s hair. He likes holding Tony because he feels like he can shield him from the cruelty of the outside world, and maybe even from Tony’s own demons.
  • Everyone assumes Steve is a morning person and Tony is very much not but it’s actually the other way around
  • Steve hates waking up early but because of the serum and his military training his body will wake him up at 5 AM
  • He’ll get up and go for a run but he’ll bitch and moan about it in his head the whole time, and he’s basically a grumpy old man until he eats breakfast and gets his morning kiss from his still sleepy Tony
  • Tony (when he actually goes to bed at a normal time - or at all) will wake up naturally pretty early - the Avengers were shocked that first morning together in the tower when Tony walked in at 8 AM with a smile, grabbed a cup of coffee, and asked Steve for the business section of the paper he had grabbed that morning.
  • Tony in the morning is also Steve’s favorite because he wakes up but he’s not fully awake. He looks so cute in the mornings, half-lidded eyes, pillow creases on his cheek, hair a mess, drowning in Steve’s t-shirts. He smiles at everyone and leans into Steve’s touch and everyone agrees that he looks so cute and cuddly and adorable in the mornings.
  • Though once he’s had some food and a couple cups of coffee he’s back to his usual obnoxious self.
arm wrestled dum-e today. does it count as arm wrestling when his whole body is an arm? or is it just wrestling then

steve drew me, and then tony added dum-e to the sketch. nice to see them getting along.

this is just before the table snapped under us. that red stuff is blood from the nosebleed i got, and that white is when dum-e decided that spraying me down with the fire extinguisher would help with the nosebleed

it did not.

You can get Bucky’s shirt on Redbubble!

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chrishemsworth: Just stumbled across a little secret Avengers rehearsal by the @therussobrothers

😂😂😂😂 Chris, you huge dork!!!

Oh well, at least he likes Bucky and Sam… So Steve probably wouldn’t mind that you smacked him down 😜