steve from crossings took this

theauraking  asked:

So it seems Clint and Steve both seem to be a bit lacking? Yeah lacking in intelligence. But who's done the dumbest thing since being thawed out

i am not even gonna consider this question, because if i start thinking through all the stupid nonsense clint and steve get up to i will hurl myself out a window purely in self defense. 

none of the avengers should ever spend time together. separately, theyre reckless to the point of idiocy; together, they fight crime. and cause massive amounts of property damage, and have reduced several psychologists to tears. it wasnt pretty.

but you know, fate of the world and all that nonsense. 

(to be fair to them, none of the avengers are stupid. they just get sucked into each others bad-decision vortexes)

in the interests of preserving that most blessed of coping methods, denial, i will only consider what steve and clint have gotten up to in the past two weeks. 

which still gives me a horrifying wealth of options.

dumbest thing steve has done? accepted clint’s challenge to a spicy-food-eating contest. captain triangle torso has enhanced senses. he takes his NORMAL food underseasoned, because his taste buds are extra-sensitive, and he took a spiciness challenge from clint, who spent his developmental years eating literally anything. last week i watched him pour pineapple juice into his hot chocolate. it was terrifying. i have seen clint drench jalapenos in ghost pepper sauce and eat them.  i have seen him put chocolate on pizza. there is nothing that man will not eat. 

nothing.

steve got one bite in to one of clint’s ghost pepper chicken wings and his whole face swelled up and turned red. he kept eating. his eyes and nose were running. he got three bites in and was leaking from his whole face. he looked like he was gonna die. he drank a gallon of milk and was in bed for over a day. his fancy supermojo can fight off toxins but not ghost peppers, apparently. he said it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt, the supersoldier easy bake experience included. 

clint finished his bucket of ghost pepper hot wings and played mario kart for three hours. which is what he usually does on wednesdays. 

dumbest thing clint has done lately? “borrowed” natashas favorite dagger set. her vengence was swift, brutal, and left clint sans eyebrows and with tony’s goatee drawn in sharpie, refreshed nightly for a week. talk about shame.

she is a ruthless woman.

as to which of these was stupider? i honestly cant say, and thinking about it makes me regret so many decisions. 

so many. when did my life become this nonsense

stucky and kid fluff--- extremely fluffy this was more fluffy than anticipated

“Papa, papa, papa!” Bucky woke up to a tiny voice and a small body jumping on him. 

“Good morning, baby girl.” Bucky opened his eyes and smiled at the little girl.

“Make pancakes, Papa! Please!” Charlie begged, landing beside Bucky and making puppy eyes. She pouted her lower lip out and stared at Bucky with big blue eyes, and Bucky knew exactly where she’d learned how to do that. He also knew he had no choice in this matter.

“Okay, what kind?” He asked, sitting up.

“Chocolate! Chocolate, chocolate!” Charlie sang, and Bucky couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face.

“Let’s go, kiddo.” Bucky grabbed his daughter and scooped her into his arms. Charlie wrapped her skinny little arms around his neck and giggled.

“Daddy said I had to wake you up ‘cause he made breakfast yesterday. He said you can’t be lazy and sleep in too late.” Charlie said.

“Oh he did, did he?” Bucky teasingly asked Steve, who was sitting at the kitchen counter with a coffee and a crossword. 

“Yes, he did,” Steve said, getting up and crossing the room. He took Charlie from Bucky’s arms and kissed Bucky lightly. “Your coffee’s on the counter, in your blue mug. We’re gonna watch Sesame Street, right Charlie?”

“Yay!” Charlie exclaimed, wiggling around in Steve’s arms.

“Who’s your favorite, again?” Bucky asked, knowing full well the answer but loving the way Charlie told him.

“Cookie monster! Om nom nom nom nom!” Charlie pretended to shove cookies in her mouth and shrieked with laughter when Steve tickled her.

“Wait, Daddy, we have to tell Papa!” Charlie said as Steve turned to carry her into the family room.

“Tell me what?” Bucky asked.

“Can you come to my tea party later with Daddy?” Charlie asked, grinning. “And can you braid my hair first?”

“Of course baby girl!” Bucky replied, and he shared a happy smile with Steve when Charlie stretched forward and kissed him on the cheek.

Two hours later, Bucky was braiding Charlie’s dark brown hair. 

“Can you make it like you braided Uncle Thor’s hair last week, please?” Charlie asked, a hopeful look on her face.

“Sure, kiddo.” Bucky said, and set to work on the braid Nat had insisted on teaching him as soon as she found out he and Steve were getting a daughter. Steve sat on the couch opposite them and sketched Bucky braiding Charlie’s hair as the ten o’clock sunlight filtered into the room. 

“Hey, Charlie, do you want me to put some flowers in your braid?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah!” She agreed, and Bucky reached for the little blue and purple flowers he and Steve had gotten for this very purpose.

“Thanks, Papa.” Charlie said when Bucky had finished, and flung her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek again. “I love you, Papa.”

“I love you more.” Bucky said, tapping her nose.

“I love you this much!” She said, spreading her arms all the way out.

“I love you this much,” Bucky smiled, spreading his arms out. “See, it’s bigger.” He wrapped his giggling little girl in a hug. He heard a noise, and looked up to see Steve holding a camera and smiling the way he often did when Bucky and Charlie were together.

"You hafta get ready! You and Daddy have to dress up! It’s a fancy tea party!” Charlie said. “I’m the princess! And you guys are the princes. And Mr. Bear is the duke. But you hafta dress up!” She ran off to her room to go get a dress. Steve took Bucky’s hand and helped him up.

“Shall we, Prince James?” Steve asked.

“We shall, Prince Steven.” Bucky rolled his eyes but kept a hold on Steve’s hand.

At the end of the day, Bucky and Steve were cuddling on the couch while Charlie drew with her markers. 

“Daddy, Papa, I made you something.” Charlie brought over two pieces of paper with hearts all over them and a big circle in the middle, and they said, ‘I love you to the moon and back’. Bucky almost cried. 

Bucky came to Charlie’s room with a glass of water while Steve read her favorite story, Guess How Much I Love You, to her. She was in the Minnie Mouse pajamas Tony and Pepper had gotten her the time they took her shopping at the mall, and she was completely entranced by the words Steve was reading to her. Bucky stood in the doorway, smiling, and watched. Charlie grew more tired as the story went on, and soon she was barely keeping her eyes open.

“Nothing could be farther than the sky. "I love you right up to the moon.” Little Nutbrown Hare said, and closed his eyes. “Oh that’s far,” Said Big Nutbrown Hare. “That’s very very far.” Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare onto his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him goodnight.“ Steve read, and Charlie was almost asleep.

"I love you all the way to the moon-and back.” Bucky chorused with Steve as he came into the room. He set the water down and kissed Charlie’s forehead. Steve did the same, and, hand in hand, the two happy fathers went to bed.