stepping into the fire

Fairview & Portland
2009-2010

too nice for our mismatched furniture

had a space for my writing desk in the bay window where the floors slanted down

left a carved pumpkin on the front porch for 7 months to watch his expression change

lit a strand of my hair on fire by accident on front steps

i’ve been wanting to do FE x animal crossing for years and it has happened at last dkjfldf

also have some variants!

Let’s get this straight for all the people spouting inaccuracies. I wanted to just celebrate Jodie, but I can’t stomach the misinformation.

1. Steven Moffat was not fired from Doctor Who. He is stepping down from the show if his own volition.
2. Steven Moffat has been paving the way for a woman Doctor for ages, writing passages in support of it in official Who content as early as the 90s. He has since cast the first woman Master and shown a white man regenerate into a black woman, as well as has written Doctor-like women leads like River Song and Clara Oswald, the latter of whom even got her own TARDIS.
3. His writing of this has had a tangible impact on increasing support for a woman Doctor. In the aftermath of the reveal if Michelle Gomez as the Master in 2014, for example, fan site DoctorWhoTV found support for a woman as the Doctor increase from 13% to 46.47%. Subsequent use of Missy and other characters fitting that subtext has further increased support over the past few years.

Jodie Whittaker as the Doctor is an absolute triumph. Seriously, huge kudos to Chris Chibnall for that. But don’t act like Moffat has been getting in the way of this. No matter how you feel about him as a writer, he played an important role in getting us to this point.

How to Flirt with a Queen like Jon Snow -Finale Update 

Step 1) Challenge her: Whatever you do, don’t bend the knee. Be defiant & irrational as hell! 

Step 2) Casually drop BDSM subtext into conversation

Step 3) Be Mysterious : Just when your wingmam builds up your backstory, stop him as he is about to disclose the most intriguing information about you. A little something for her to think about when you’re not around.

Step 4) Casually throw in your man-pain into the mix during casual chit chat as you brood and sombrely stare in the distance. Sun setting over the sea in the backdrop helps the aesthetic.

Step 5) Take her to a pretty cave. Girls love dimly lit caves for first dates.

Step 6) Introduce her to your hobbies and interests, which in your case is white walkers and white walkers alone. Couples who nerd out together stay together.

Step 7) Establish non-sexual physical contact to make sure that you’re welcome in her personal space. 

Step 8) Tell her you believe in her when she comes to you with a problem. She wants someone to listen, not to problem solve.

Step 9) The key to every single mother’s heart is, gain your future step childrens’ trust. Since her kids are literal fire breathing dragons who could kill you, it’s high risk, high reward. But if you succeed…Boom Overies! 

Step 10) When your competition tries to steal your thunder to impress your girl, activate full alpha male irrational mode.  It’s a bad plan but it’s worth it because you found out that she fears for your life more. 

Step 11) Leave her with a fearless warrior’s goodbye, like the smooth talking bastard you are and hope that she misses you half as much as you did when you waited for her at the cliff daily hoping she would return safely from battle.

Step 12) Oh shit she flirted back. Shit…shit…shit…you weren’t prepared for this. Be cool, Jon! Quick, say something normal and Kingly. 

Step 13) No situation is too dire to not check in and send a raven to bae, even when a hoard of ice zombies are chasing you. Especially, when a hoard of ice zombies is chasing you, because now that your jealous alpha male daze has passed, you can see that your plan sucks and only bae can save the day.

Step 14) Admire her badassery when she literally descends from the sky on a firebreathing dragon like the angel of death here to save you in your most hopeless moment. Congratulations! You now know how much she loves you. If you are the shortest person in the squad, shove them aside to check out  bae.

Step 15) Don’t miss the opportunity to put your heroics on display. If you swing your sword like a total badass, maybe she’ll want to hold your other sword later.

Step 16) Even while dying of hypothermia flex your chest and abs when she’s looking. Gotta be hot and mysterious with those scars until your dying breath.

Step 17) Comfort her as she grieves, apologise for the plan that caused her great loss and most of all now that she’s all in, bend the fucking knee already.

Step 18) Come up with a cute an endearing nickname for her and casually slip it into conversation.

Step 19) Now that you know she has triggering memories of that nickname, settle for her greatest kink instead.

Step 20) Did she just hold your hand? Yes! It really is her greatest kink! Now that you are on on a winning streak like the smooth bastard you are and there’s solid hand holding action going on, don’t let go. Hold on tighter and look at her with those longing direwolf puppy eyes and beg her to stay. You might be at the brink of death but you’ve died before, no big deal, you can muster the strength to bone.

Step 21) Well how about that you horny idiot? You read all the signs wrong! Now is not the time, she’s grieving. Close your eyes to escape this awkward situation before you die of embarrassment and pretend to sleep. You’re doing great sweetie.

Step 22) Declare your loyalty to her at the least opportune time. It might seem ill advised, but you’re not here for politics, you’re here to look sexy in your furcoat & turn on your woman.

Step 23) Now that she’s completely onboard with your zombie killing interests, learn more about her heritage & culture. ‘Couples who nerd out together, stay together’ is a two way street. Gotta learn everything about Dragons & High Valarian quotes.

Step 24) You’ve been a defiant & unimpressed bad boy all this time but in her most hopeless moment, confess how amazing she is in your eyes. 

Step 25) As someone who has come back to life even though the witch performing the ritual didn’t believe she could do it, you dont buy into magic birth control setup by low level witches. Slip your ability to impregnate her casually into conversation.

Step 26) Invite her on your boat, nothing sets the room like a romantic cruise.

Step 27) Come on Jon, you’ve fought zombies! Don’t be afraid to ride the dragon…knock on her door already & just barge in like the smooth & take charge bastard you are.

Step 28) Take a moment to really appreciate & let it sink in that you actually are balls deep in your Queen. You did it Jonny boy! You do know some things ;)

Dany’s version - How to flirt with a King like Daenerys Targaryen 

Ancient wisdom from the neural network

What happens when really old advice meets really new technology?

A recurrent neural network (like the open-source char-rnn framework used here) can teach itself to imitate recipes, paint colors, band names, and even guinea pig names. By examining a dataset, it learns to formulate its own rules about it, and can use these rules to generate new text that - according to the neural network - resembles the dataset. But since the neural network is doing all this without cultural context, or any knowledge of what the words really mean, the results are often a bit bizarre.

In this example, the dataset is a list of more than 2000 ancient proverbs, collected by reader Anthony Mandelli. Some of these are well-known, such as “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” and “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Others are frankly a bit strange: “Where there’s muck there’s brass.” and “A curst cow has short horns.” and “Be not a baker if your head is made of butter.”

What will a neural network make of this ancient wisdom?

If you answered “Really really weird proverbs”, you are correct.

A fox smells it better than a fool’s for a day.
No songer in a teacuper.
A fool in a teacup is a silent for a needle in the sale.
No man is the better pan on the hunder.
A mouse is a good bound to receive.
Do not come to the cow.

Some of them almost make sense:

A good wine makes the best sermon.
A good fear is never known till needed.
Death when it comes will have no sheep.
An ounce of the heart comes without an exception.
A good face is a letter to get out of the fire.
No wise man ever wishes to be sick.
A good excuse is as good as a rest.
There is no smoke without the best sin.
A good man is worth doing well.
A good anvil does not make the most noise.

While others would be more difficult to pass off as real proverbs:

We can serve no smort.
A good face is a letter like a dog.
A good earse makes a good ending.
Gnow will not go out.
Ung.
A fox smeep is the horse of the best sermon.
No sweet is half the barn door after the cat.
There is not fire and step on your dog and stains the best sermon.
An ox is a new dogn not sing in a haystar.

One of the oddest things to emerge from the proverb-trained neural network is a strange obsession with oxen. I checked, and there were only three oxen-related proverbs in the dataset, yet they appear frequently in the neural network’s version, and usually as rather powerful creatures.

An ox can lever an enemies are dangerous and restens at home.
An ox is not to be given with a single stone.
An ox is never known till needed.
An ox is as good as a best.
An ox is not to be that wound is hot.
An ox is a silent for the gain of the bush.
An ox is not fill when he will eat forever.

Whatever the internal mythos the neural network has learned from these ancient proverbs, oxen are mysteriously important.

Great Balls of Fucking Fire!

(Title because everyone titles their shit ‘humans are weird’ and telling these posts apart is a pain in the ass!) So, saw a post about aliens not being all that great with human swearing. (Wish I’d saved the damn post!) And my first thought was ‘Ah, yes, good! Go with that! That is awesome!” They pointed out that aliens wouldn’t understand swearing such as “Fuck!” or “Asshole!”. I thought “Motherfucker” would be another great one to add to the list. But what about the more um…inventive swears? For example (these are all ones that I use or have heard used):


Human: “Jesus Christ on a crutch!”

Alien: “Where? And how was your deity hurt? For that matter, how did your deity board the ship?”


Human: “Well fuck me sideways!”

Alien: “I do not think that is anatomically possible for either of us…”


Human: “I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you fine sir are the fucking cactus!”

Alien: “Fucking…cactus? Why would you wish to engage in coitus with a dessert plant? Wouldn’t it hurt?!”


Human: “Son of a biscuit eating bull dog!”

Alien: ?????


(Damnit, now I’m on a roll.) But consider some of these other things. What about human name calling? Like, the original post touched on that a bit with the ‘asshole’ comment. But again, what about the more inventive name calling? Children call each other ‘meanie’, ‘poopoo head’, and ‘meanie head’. Those would be confusing enough. Now picture an alien having to deal with adult name calling. Some of my friends have been known to use the following:

  • Twat waffle
  • Cunt biscuit
  • Shitlet
  • Douchebag
  • Ass goblin
  • Fuckwit
  • Ass clown
  • Captain Obvious (and their partner, Sergeant Sarcasm)
  • Butt Munch
  • Fucktard
  • Dick face
  • Shit nibbler (or nibblet)
  • Cheeky dickwaffle
  • Pecker head
  • Dingleberry

Can you picture an alien reacting to THOSE? And what about colloquialisms? What about those stupid sayings that don’t entirely make sense, but we use them anyway? Like, check out some of these beauties, and just imagine the alien’s glorious confusion over some of these:

 Human: “I am dragging so much ass that I am wiping out the tracks behind me!”

Alien: “Human you can’t leave tracks on a spaceship, nor is you posterior currently touching the ground.”


Human: (doesn’t trust some space pirate) “You can shake his hand, but you’ll have to count your fingers afterward.”

Alien: Promptly hides human’s hands, he didn’t know that that space pirate was a finger stealer! Or that finger stealers were a thing! Are their own tentacles close enough to count? Should they be worried? Don’t worry, I will protect your fingers my human!


Human: “We better dock soon, because I’ve got to pee like a motherfucker/ racehorse/ mother racehorse (that last is my families fusion of the two. Dont ask).

Alien: ???? (doesn’t compute) ?????


Human: “I’m so hungry I could eat a (insert large animal or item of choice. Such as ‘Spaceship’)!”

Alien: Races off to warn captain that they need to up the human’s food intake before it eats the ship right out from under them!!!!


Human: “He’s slicker than owl shit!” 

Alien: ?????


Human: “I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!”

Alien: Gets migraine trying to picture how a human with one leg could kick anything, much less as a competitor.


Human: “Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off! Your hair is not on fire!”

Alien: Freezes mid-step to stare at human. “W-what?”


Just picture all of these guys!

anonymous asked:

So like it's pretty cool how humans figured out how to bake. Like we made edible chemistry, we like mixed all of theese reactions together to make a delicious cake. Imagine an alien seeing this for the first time.

Oh my goodness!! My first prompt! Thank you!

Hruk’ib didn’t understand why everyone was so concerned about the humans. For the most part, they were polite and friendly, they followed the orders of their superiors, and they didn’t hesitate when it came to tossing protocol out the airlock in dire times. Hruk’ib respected them and had known from Day One that these members of their crew were not just allies but assets.

So it was that when Hruk’ib smelled strange smells coming from the food preparation bay, he wasn’t too upset; a couple of the humans - Konani and Frederik - loved to work with food and did so regularly. Still, curiosity drove him to enter the bay, and it was when he entered, the doors’ hydraulics hissing open and then closed, that he sensed the excess heat.

FIRE!

He froze where he stood, every instinct of his species urging him to flee yet conflicting with the ingrained training of the fleet to make sure his crewmates were safe and away and not near fire! He couldn’t see it, there was no smoke, but he felt it – hot enough to reduce flesh to nothing more than charred ashes.

“Oh, hey, Hruk’ib!”

Hruk’ib’s head snapped around to find the two humans hovering around one of the many stovetops. In his peripherals, however (and it was a miracle in the first place that he noticed at all), he spotted the most unholy mess: white dust coating a prep table, glob-like splatters of what looked like sticky excrement in bowls and dripping onto the tabletop, and at least four or five of what looked like some kind of metal mesh trays on various nearby counters. The trays bore small, round objects that appeared solid and gave off a most enticing scent.

Then his eyes drifted back to the humans who stood uncertainly. Konani had heavy, cloth gloves on her hands and held a long, thin tray. Her brown eyes flicked from him to Frederik beside her and back again. “Um, this batch has to cool but if you want a cookie, there are some fresh ones, uh, everywhere.” She gestured with her elbow to the counters.

The humans were calm. Why were they calm in the face of fire? They weren’t that stupid. They were determinedly foolhardy at times, especially when ethanol was involved, but even humans got worried when fire threatened.

Hruk’ib forced himself to take a deep breath. The heat rushed down his throat and into his lungs – no ash, no smoke, just heat. It was a different heat, similar to when they passed too close to a star and the very ship felt like an… an oven.

The oven was not designed to give off this much heat!

“What is it that you are doing?” he asked, trying to calm down.

Konani busied herself with the…cookies, leaving Frederik to explain. “Ve are baking,” he said. “Ve asked Yensen to tveak ze oven settings because zey vere too low for baking cookies.”

“We asked permission first,” Konani added. “Captain K’alo said we could but only if we did it to one. We made a notice and everything so other crew won’t accidentally set fire to their food.”

Frederik stepped out of the way and Hruk’ib spotted the massive note tacked to the wall above the stove in question. The bright red sign was impossible to miss and the white letters were clear in both Earth’s English, as well as Hruk’ib’s native language of Jubri.

Hruk’ib nodded his head in the humans’ agreement signal. “Very well. I was afraid you had set the room on fire. We usually do not encounter this kind of heat outside of the engine cores,” he explained.

“Ah,” said Konani. “That makes sense.”

“Ve apologise for startling you, Hruk’ib,” Frederik added, pressing his palms together.

Hruk’ib smiled at the human displaying the sign for formal apology among his species. He lifted his left hand, palm turning inward and then upward to accept it, and Frederik smiled in turn.

With her hands still full, Konani simply inclined her head to him, also apologising.

“What is baking?” Hruk’ib asked.

“In a word, chemistry.” Shedding the gloves, Konani faced him fully, leaning against the counter. “It’s different from cooking because the ingredients in baking react to the heat and, if you get the recipe right, work together to create something else. It’s not like we’re roasting meat where we have to cook it to eat it safely. You can eat an unbaked cookie without much threat.”

“Alzough, zere are many people who zink you can get salmonella - zat is food poisoning - from eating ze dough because of ze raw eggs,” Frederik put in.

“Oh,” said Hruk’ib. “Then, you are conducting a chemical experiment.”

“In essence, yes. Want one?” Konani held a mesh tray out to him.

Now Hruk’ib drifted forward, purposefully ignoring the mess, and bee-lined for the tantalising aroma wafting from these strange, dark-brown discs.

“They’re a friend’s recipe,” Konani explained. “She made sure I had enough cocoa powder to last me ten solar cycles, though I’m not sure I’ll use it all.”

Hruk’ib chuckled, sensing the humour, and picked up a cookie. It was still warm between his appendages. It was solid yet somehow soft, almost moist… He flicked his tongue out, sampling, and was rewarded with a burst of flavour. He took a bite. Barely hard on the outside, it was luxuriously soft on the inside. He had never eaten one of these things in his entire life and yet something about eating it and the smell of it reminded him of home, of blankets and coziness and something that was better than camaraderie: family.

Science. This rapturous product was one of science. May the humans and their ingenuity never die out.

Hruk’ib licked his fingers before turning to the two humans who watched him with mixed expressions of humour and curiosity. “May I have another, please?” he asked.

Konani grinned while Frederik laughed.

“Of course!” she answered while Frederik continued to chortle. “But it is a universally acknowledged truth that a glass of cold milk always accompanies the eating of cookies.”

Hruk’ib took the glass Frederik gave him, interchangeably eating and drinking. Milk and cookies, together: a universally acknowledged truth, indeed.

Skyline {IV}

Originally posted by tomhollandisdaddy

Warnings: None

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 4k

A/N: Guys, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you all (all 900 of you [!!!!!!]) for all the kindness and support I’ve received for this story.  You guys are so great, and I love each and every one of you.  Thank you for all that you’ve done, and will hopefully continue to do, as there will be a skyline pt. 5!!!!

{part I} {part II} {part III}

Three days.  You were kept in the hospital for three days. Three days of IV’s, probing, blood pressure being taken, bad hospital beds, worse hospital food, and no access to news about whether or not Spider-Man made it out of the collapsed bank.

At first, you didn’t even remember the bank hold up.  You had woken up after passing out from a concussion and blood loss in a white hospital room, beeping all around you.  Fear had raced down your spine; was there an accident?  Why was there an IV in your arm?  What had happened?  It wasn’t until you saw the dirt covered, tear streaked face of Alex sitting in the chair next to your bed that it all came back to you.

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