yes the place that has been gutted and paved over
to get rid of all the nasty memories so a new family can start their lives
fresh… If I where to make a suggestion, I would tell them never to live
in that house, no matter how temporary.
when I drive by home I see a dog and laughing kids
but when that was my home, it was a crack house
and cops where always on the look out
what was scarier than the cops in my home, was the man
this crack beast, flippant attacks at the drop of a hat
and for nothing more than a slight in convenience.
I moved out of home and so did all of my family except for the Man
and one time, when I was quite immobile I road a bike past my old
it was staring me down casting hideous shadows of overcast- memories and oppression
and there the Man walks by with his gardening tools and his tattered
metal band shirts and jeans.. and he just looks me down as I ride my
bike by.. my
natural tendency is anxiety and fear so I speed up and as I look back he
is still looking at me.. still staring me down. and this fleeting moment
couldn’t go by any sooner cause I have been trying to rid myself of this
for the past twenty years.
our front door was bolted shut at a point so that the cops wouldn’t see
us come and go. friends where afraid to come over, and when I left I
was in constant scrutiny. when I finally had a chance to slip away
to college things got really bad..
I couldn’t help but think, daily, why such a terrible human being
would make a seven year old witness crack deals or violence.
of yours.. yeah we’ll call friends.. how are friends happy when the
moneys there but then the next minute the siblings have to hide in the
closet because you and your friends are at each others neck..?
a kid shouldn’t have to come “home” to a trashed house, and listen
to your violent stories “the glory days” about how you had never
lost a fight…
but the most fucked up thing of all is that you where so dissilusioned
that thought that you where a
good father.. a healthy family provider.. milking disability. letting mom
do the cooking, cleaning, and the working? what is this?
egging on you step son
and trying to catch your self on fire
to win your wife back….
Sometimes thats home for you.
And sometimes a despicable human being will teach you a lesson