Barbara: “If you eat that piece of bacon I swear to god this friendship is over"
Dick: *sneaks up on unsuspecting sibling* *randomly drops and crushes said sibling with all their weight* "HUMPBACK WHALE!!!"
Jason: "Hey come here, I have to tell you a secret. Closer. Little closer.” *sticks tongue in their ear*
Cass: “I’m sorry but I really don’t like you and I want you to stay outside of my house or maybe just be dead and burn in the darkest pits of hell please"
Tim: *loses battery for the remote* "WHY WON’T GOD JUST FREAKING LET ME DIE I THINK I’VE EARNED IT BY NOW"
Stephanie: *accidentally sets fire to counter* "You know, maybe you shouldn’t play with fire anymore” “Yeah, maybe-” *lights match* “-but not today"
Damian: "You know once a kid dared me to stick up the middle finger in kindergarten and I did and the second I did it he called the teacher and she made me sit out recess that day and this is why I have trust issues"
Alfred: *banging pots and pans* "GET THE FRICK DOWNSTAIRS YOU PEASANTS I MADE CUPCAKES AND NEED VALIDATION ON MY BAKING ABILITIES"
Bruce: "hOw DaRe YoU dIsReSpEct mE!!! i aM tHe KiNg Of tHiS LiViNg RoOm!!!"
- fell down the stairs in the batcave and manor.
- Argued that life forms existed on other planets all while Kon was next to him…
- Put the milk in the cupboard to Alfred’s horror.
- Almost fell off a few buildings. The boy just need bubble wrap around him.
- Tried driving a car but had no keys. He was still able to hot wire it though.
- Got convinced that Jason was still dead and he was seeing a ghost. Jason might have thought of that one.
- Slipped on a banana peel. Stephanie just wanted to see if it actually worked.
- Ate many questionable food items. His nacho and m&m creation still brings others nightmares.
- Referred to Dick as the fashion diaster.
- Chugged a whole pot of coffee like it was water.
- Fell asleep in Titus’s dog bed.
Headcanon that the batkids hide under Bruce’s cape ALL the time. When they get cold on patrol, when they’re scared of a particularly creepy villain, when they get tired and need a warm, dark place to hide, they can always be found in Bruce’s cape, hanging onto his back like a koala. One time Hal and Barry were at the watchtower just hanging out when they saw something move under Batman’s cape. Assuming it was an alien parasite out to kill the dark knight by sucking his brains out, Barry pulled off the cape to reveal not one, not two, but three of Bruce’s kids huddled under there playing a game of Uno. It was a mystifying experience.