Barbara: “If you eat that piece of bacon I swear to god this friendship is over"
Dick: *sneaks up on unsuspecting sibling* *randomly drops and crushes said sibling with all their weight* "HUMPBACK WHALE!!!"
Jason: "Hey come here, I have to tell you a secret. Closer. Little closer.” *sticks tongue in their ear*
Cass: “I’m sorry but I really don’t like you and I want you to stay outside of my house or maybe just be dead and burn in the darkest pits of hell please"
Tim: *loses battery for the remote* "WHY WON’T GOD JUST FREAKING LET ME DIE I THINK I’VE EARNED IT BY NOW"
Stephanie: *accidentally sets fire to counter* "You know, maybe you shouldn’t play with fire anymore” “Yeah, maybe-” *lights match* “-but not today"
Damian: "You know once a kid dared me to stick up the middle finger in kindergarten and I did and the second I did it he called the teacher and she made me sit out recess that day and this is why I have trust issues"
Alfred: *banging pots and pans* "GET THE FRICK DOWNSTAIRS YOU PEASANTS I MADE CUPCAKES AND NEED VALIDATION ON MY BAKING ABILITIES"
Bruce: "hOw DaRe YoU dIsReSpEct mE!!! i aM tHe KiNg Of tHiS LiViNg RoOm!!!"
@nickyhaunter-blog don’t know if this is what you wanted, it ended up more silly than cute ^^’ maybe something more coming up when i got time though because @allumetterouge gave me many ideas for steph and dami stories <3
Headcanon that the batkids hide under Bruce’s cape ALL the time. When they get cold on patrol, when they’re scared of a particularly creepy villain, when they get tired and need a warm, dark place to hide, they can always be found in Bruce’s cape, hanging onto his back like a koala. One time Hal and Barry were at the watchtower just hanging out when they saw something move under Batman’s cape. Assuming it was an alien parasite out to kill the dark knight by sucking his brains out, Barry pulled off the cape to reveal not one, not two, but three of Bruce’s kids huddled under there playing a game of Uno. It was a mystifying experience.
Due to recent events, I lost a ton of inspiration and motivation. Thankfully, working on commissions and this fun series helped me get centered again and ready for whatever may come in the new week. Also, for anyone wondering, Barbara’s suit is based on the Young Justice one. SEASON 3 IS COMIIIING
This mostly wraps up the main set, but I maaaay have got some more on the way…
- In school when they ask for the emergency contact, all the boys put Alfred down because let’s be honest he is more liekly to get there before Bruce.
- Duke learned quickly that Alfred is quicker to reach for problems then Bruce. At least for Alfred theres only one number to call.
- For Dick at the BHPD Alfred is his number one contact. Bruce wasn’t added till later. Note says to call Alfred first though.
- Somehow he landed on as extra emergency contacts for Stephanie and Harper. He has Stephanie’s mom number saved in case as well.
- Tim has his number in speed dial for his own phone and his office at WE.
- In Jason’s phone Alfred in the number listed. Under relationship it says grandfather.
- The only numbers most of them have memorized is Alfreds and the manors.
- This means he gets the calls for fights in school and if one lands in jail. Those calls he kindly tells Bruce about.
- Damian also results in getting calls from zoos and other places filled with animals.
- Most go to see him instead of a doctor. This usually results in him dragging them to Leslie’s if its bad enough.
- When Dick first came to live with him, Bruce purchased a bunch of parent help books. He buys new ones with each kid he adopts, and no matter how much he studies he’s always unprepared for his psychotic children and their antics.
- Everyone assumes Stephanie is his daughter and every time someone mentions it he and Steph are both thoroughly grossed out by the thought.
- Damian shows Bruce his drawings sometimes, and every time, much to Damian’s embarrassment, Bruce insists on hanging them on the fridge.
- The cabinets at Wayne Manor are filled to the brim with World’s Best Dad mugs.
- Jason owns a Dad’s Little Stinker t-shirt.
- When they were younger, Bruce used to let his Robins ride on his back if they got tired on patrol.
- Tim falls asleep in random places when he’s particularly sleep-deprived, and each time Bruce will sigh tiredly before picking him up and carrying him up to his room, planning on drugging his coffee to get him to sleep more often.
- Once he had to tie Damian to a post when he was misbehaving on patrol.
- The first time Jason called him “Dad”, (on accident, mind you), he legit cried and hugged him for ten minutes straight.
- He rarely has a bed to himself because his kids always invade his room at night and insist on sleeping with him.
- He brags about Tim all the time to his coworkers, and it only got worse after Tim actually started working at Wayne Enterprises. At least once a day Bruce will go to Tim’s office and ask how his “little slugger” is doing.
- He lets Cass paint his nails and isn’t afraid to leave the nail polish on because he’s so proud of how good of a job she did. Everyone is too intimidated to make fun of him for it.
- Even though he’s in his twenties and has an apartment of his own, Dick will still drive all the way to Gotham and sleep in Bruce’s bed when he has nightmares.
- Bruce attends every single one of his kids’ graduations and award ceremonies, even the pointless ones that nobody really cares about. He will be there cheering in the front row every time.
- Bruce was surprised that Barbara gave a Father’s Day gift to him in addition to her own father.
- He carries around a bunch of pictures of his children in his batbelt and likes showing them to the criminals he arrests. Poison Ivy makes sure he keeps her up to date on how Nightwing is doing, and Two Face loves hearing about Red Robin’s whereabouts.