dragon age mod where you don’t have to see the weird sex cut scenes in Origins. Instead, you see the rest of the party all sitting around looking really uncomfortable, while the Warden and their LI go at it a few feet away. Leliana is singing to try to distract everyone. (If Leliana is the LI, Sten is singing in a perfect Leliana impression.)

Here are all the Dragon Age companions in a nutshell: 

Origins:

Alistair: Your senior officer who is so scared of taking charge that he pretends you’re the senior officer. You can make him king. 

Morrigan: Antisocial witch who totally turns into a spider just to fuck with Alistair. Will probably hold her nose and boink him later. 

Leliana: Ex-nun that murders people and tells you bedtime stories.

Sten: Murders a whole family. One of your more reliable companions.  

Shale: A fashion-conscious, bird-hating rock. 

Wynne: Magical possessed Grandma. <3

Zevran: Failed to kill you. Tries to seduce you instead. 

Oghren: Drinks so much that you forget he has other personality traits. You probably made him kill his wife. 

Dog: Who’s a good boy?! You are! Yes, you are!

Loghain: Doesn’t know why he’s here and frankly kind of wishing you just killed him.

Awakening:

Anders: All he wanted was to leave the giant tower he was trapped in and not be murdered. Jury’s out on how well that worked out. 

Oghren: Still drunk. He left his new wife so he could kill more things with you. 

Nathaniel: He’s forced into the club because ‘some of your best friends have tried to kill you,’ and frankly he’s concerned. 

Velanna: Fuck all you shem. She’s only here because she’s looking for her sister. Also her ears aren’t that big. 

Justice: He doesn’t know what he’s doing but you seem like a good sort so he’ll follow you like a confused and rotting spirit puppy. 

Sigrun: For a dead woman, she is the peppiest of the bunch. Will set Justice’s corpse spasms to music. 

Dragon Age 2:

Carver: Fuck you. Oh wait… maybe less fuck you. Or maybe he’s the fucker all along. 

Bethany: She loves you. Oh wait… no, she still loves you, even if you’re a prick. 

Aveline: Please follow the law. Please stop dragging her into your illegal messes. She just wants to be a good guard captain. 

Varric: He is writing all this shit down to tell embarrassing stories later. 

Anders: VIVE LA RÉSISTANCE! Also, Fenris can go fuck himself. 

Fenris: Murder ALL the mages. Also, Anders can go fuck himself. 

Merrill: The naive fish out of water from every romantic comedy, except she makes blood pacts with demons.

Isabela: FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT runs away with life-saving relic FLIRT SOME MORE. 

Sebastian: A priest who accidentally joined a gang. 

Inquisition: 

Cassandra: Best tank. Could probably have a faith spirit in her head and you couldn’t tell the difference. 

Blackwall: Liar liar beard on fire.

Solas: Liar liar egg on fire. Plus racism.

Iron Bull: Is literally called ‘liar’ and doesn’t lie to you for the whole main game.

Varric: He has finally reached a point where even if he tells this story honestly, no one will ever believe him. 

Vivienne: She will make you classy or so help her–

Dorian: Someone stop his country from embarrassing itself again please.

Sera: Down with the bourgeoisie, except not so far down that we can’t steal from them. 

Cole: Is even worse that this than Justice. You love your weirdo spirit puppy anyway.

Leliana: Someone said something mean? Cut out their tongue.

Josephine: Please just talk to people. Her life would be so much easier if you did.

Cullen: Can’t escape this franchise no matter how far he runs.

ok but tents

in da2 and inquisition everyone had a home to go back to, but in origins they literally only had their camp for like a year

thing is, everyone was joining one after another, weeks and sometimes months apart (im looking at u oghren)

how come all the tents look the same? they should be all mismatched

and sometimes it could take a while to actually find a tent for new party members

just imagine, wynne joins the party and shares a tent with leliana for a while and everything is lovely, they both are clean and sweet and just the loveliest tent mates

in contrast, imagine the first night after zevran joined in and neither alistair nor zevran in their shared tent even shutting their eyes in fear that the other will stab them

or oghren joining and the party actually has a fight over who’s going to share their tent with him bc holy shit that guy’s smell is powerful (actual canon, sorry oghren)

and also imagine the possibilities of what each tent would look like

zevran and leliana and morrigan choosing tents that actually look good bc not a chance they will sleep in something that looks like rags hanging on sticks

loghain choosing the most patriotic thing as possible and just glaring at lelianas tent

sten going with practicality but also having some tiny detail, maybe a pattern or an embroidery of some flower that reminds him of par vollen

alistair sometimes looking up at the roof of his tent and feeling sad bc he sees the grey warden griffon embroidered and he remembers when duncan handed him the tent

anyway, tents

anonymous asked:

Origin companions react to a dwarf warden seeing a bird and screaming

Alistair: It takes him a moment to realize where their fear is stemming from, but once it registers with him he is a little confused. It is only when another companion points out that they’ve likely seen few if any surface dwelling creatures that he apologizes sheepishly and promises to keep them safe.

“After all, we wardens have to flock together. Get it, because birds of a feather? I’ll…just go away now.”

Morrigan: Her disinterest is clear, but unlike Alistair she at least has a quick grasp of the cause of their reaction. 

“Tis merely a creature of the air, warden, and of which you will see many in your time here on the surface. Now come– we have more important matters.”

Leliana: Immediately she is alert, looking around for enemies, but once the source of their fear is uncovered she cannot help but laugh. Leliana feel’s terrible about it afterwards, of course -she was amused, not cruel- and promises to keep them safe from avian threats in the future.

“If we require a songbird I am here, What sparrow can outsing a nightengale?”

Sten: He is not impressed. Even a dwarf is many times bigger than one small songbird, and they have bigger issues to face. They are above Orzammar now– it is time to face those threats.

“Vashedan, there is no time for such foolishness. Control yourself.”

Wynne: For someone who has also lived in a controlled society for most of her life the mage understands how new sights can be frightening. Of all the companions she is the most sympatheitc, and moves to comfort without chiding.

“There now, no harm done. Just a song bird on her way to her nest. She won’t hurt you, any more than you might fall into the sky. It’s all right.”

Zevran: He finds the situation amusing, most of all because this is the Warden he could not assassinate. If any of this ever gets out he will never find work again.

“Truly, my dear warden, you continue to astonish. Darkspawn and bandits do not phase you, but a robin is fear itself. Only a shame you are not so frightened of Crows.”

Ohgren: He’s screamed right along with them, the haze of alcohol making the bird seem as frightening as the arch demon, and so is of little help.

“Damn surface vermin! By the Stone why can’t things stay rooted where they belong?!”

Loghain: He has very little comment to make, but a part of his mind is both amused and infuriated that this is what brought him down.

Dog:

Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom

Shale:

Time freezes, the sun ceases it’s journey, and for the first time in so many, many years, Shale finds someone who understands them. A connection is forged then, one that shall never be sundered, and with surprising gentleness the golem places their hand on the Warden’s head.

“Do not fear, warden. Someday all the birds shall die.”

–Mod Fereldone