steel hearts

3

“You wanted hearts and flowers,” he murmurs.
I blink at him, not quite believing what I’m seeing.
“You have my heart.” And he waves toward the room.
“And here are the flowers”

SO! I did this quite some time ago, but forgot to post it for ages >w< This is a gift pic for @jarofloosescrews‘s birthday! It was made to become part of a present zine called FootyBootyWingyBlingy :D

@ephdraws edited this pic into this sweet, sweet, awesomesauce bucket of a cover (and the rest of the zine, too. Thanks for the great work >u<):

Gosh this was such an excellent project TTuTT Thanks a bunch @krinsyn for organizing it, and to everyone else who participated, too! ^ w ^

4

“Soooo Shockwave…you decided to give a bunch of stranded amnesiac Eukarians the memories and identities of known Autobots and Decepticons and then leave them to fight each other down to last spiritually broken, nihilistic, suicidal steampunk scout why exactly?”

Shockwave: I’m Shockwave.

August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this night was going to be your last.  

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t we together? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Why are you with her?
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
Or if I should keep waiting for you. 
Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 

Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.

Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.
But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with that. 

You know me…
You know I always have so much to say to you.
You know I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

Because I still haven’t got over how shitty Amanda’s “friends” were treating her so:

Emma R’s the one that’s been coercing everyone else to avoid and exclude Amanda because she knew that Noah actually used to have a crush on Amanda, and Emma R felt threatened, so she’d told Noah that Amanda thought he was a creep and instead convinced him to go out with her instead.

So after Amanda has that big argument with Emma R-

(”Well if you think I’m so terrible then just stop being my friend!”

“okay!”)

-she just completely stops talking to them, and Emma R. starts feeling kinda guilty, because this is her best friend after all, and they’ve known each other since they were 7, and she kinda misses her.

So one day, she’s sitting at their usual lunch table with the rest of their friends, and she’s waiting for Amanda to come in so she can apologize.

But then.

The cafeteria door opens, and in walks the school badboy, Lucien Bloodmarch, and the rest of his clique.

And he’s got an arm around Amanda’s shoulder, and she’s laughing at something he must’ve said, and she’s joking around with the others in the group, and they’re all looking at her as if she were the sun, and she fits in so well with them, like a missing piece of their puzzle.

And Emma R feels an unexpected spike of jealousy. Because that’s her best friend.

She’s so caught up in her own thoughts that she almost doesn’t hear Noah’s snide comment to Amanda as she and Lucien walk by with the rest of her group.

“Never would’ve thought badboys were your type, Amanda.”

And the group of 5 just stops short.

Amanda is confused and has no idea what Noah is talking about.

Lucien understands, but doesn’t bother to correct the guy despite how horrendously wrong he is.

(Ever since their fathers had started dating, he and Amanda had started spending more time together, and they ended up bonding over their shared rebellious streaks, problems with authority, and utter adoration of their dads.

She’s like the cool older sister he’d never wanted. He couldn’t see her in a romantic light if he wanted to.

And not to mention he’s gay.)

Lucien just smirks down at Noah.

“What, like it’s any of your business who she dates?”

Noah bristles at that, and looks like he’s about to start a fight right then and there.

But Emma R stops the fight before it can happen by getting up and asking Amanda if they can talk.

Amanda looks skeptical for a moment, before telling he others to go ahead.

Lucien, who’s having so much fun riling up Noah, smirks and says, “Sure thing, Panda,” before ruffling her hair and walking off with the others.

“Hey! You know dad’s the only one who can call me that!” she yells good-naturedly.

“You keep telling yourself that, Panda,” Ernest chimes in with a snicker as they walk away.

Amanda rolls her eyes and turns back to Emma R, her smile immediately slipping off her face to be replaced with an aloof expression.

“Well?” she asks, arms crossed, eyebrow raised.

Emma R is a little stunned, a little out of her depth. She’s not used to Amanda having inside jokes without her.

Emma R swallows her pride, apologizes to Amanda, asks if they can be friends again.

Amanda thinks it over for a long moment. She’s so tempted to say yes, to leave it all in the past and have her best friend back again.

But her father’s words echo in her mind, and she steels her heart.

“No,” she says.

Emma R looks taken aback.

“I don’t want to surround myself with people who would alienate me for absolutely no reason at all, people who would avoid me and talk behind my back. Real friends don’t do that. I deserve better.”

And with that, she turns around and stomps off after the rest of her new friends.

Emma R watches in astonishment.

Ernest gives Amanda a quick, one-armed hug as she rejoins the group.

Lucien says something too quiet for them to hear from so far away, before slinging an arm around Amanda’s neck and turning to smirk smugly at Emma R.

cuil-chan  asked:

Can I also point out that when Mila said "Come on yuri, Otabek's probably real upset about losing against you" I just imagined an intercut scene where Otabek is in the club, gradually turning the music up and banging his head to rock music like the real champ he is, finger banging free shots for customers who dance like they mean it, while Mila keeps saying stuff like "He's probably real sad, just leave him some space, honey"

it’s so fcking hilarious that everyone goes all rom com tryna reunite yuri with otabek so they can “fix” things, meanwhile beka is jus chilling doing his thing & thinking abt what late night takeout he can bring yuri to make it up to him