steampunk helmet

A Steampunk Helmet Made for a Cat Tells his Grandchildren About the Time Someone Baked his Likeness as a Cake.

     Gather ‘round young Steampunk Helmets Made for Cats I have a story to tell you. You know I wasn’t always this dusty relic resting on top of this unopened Mountain Dew Game Fuel bottle. Nope, there was a time when I was famous.

     It’s true.

     It all started during a carefree time when people were crocheting hooded sweaters that made their wearers look like Jabba the Hutt. Talented artists were spending their time painting Pee-Wee Hermans riding that monster thing from Neverending story. The art of mustache waxing had returned for some reason. And the same people who happily and voluntarily gave the entirety of their personal information to corporations were spending a lot of time complaining that the government was becoming a lot like big brother. It was a wonderful time to be born, or rather created in someone’s creepy killing basement. And that was when I, Steampunk Helmut Made for a Cat came into being.

     The day of my unveiling, sitting atop little Tauntaun the cat’s head, was one I will always remember. I was everywhere. I was on boingboing. I was on tumblr. Flickr. Neatorama. You name it, I was there. I was the king of the Internet. I felt like nothing could stop me. I felt like a regular “David after Dentist.”

     But then, the worst thing that can ever happen to a king of the Internet happened. The next day came. As fast as I had risen to the level of Internet cream, I was gone. I was ancient history like “Star Wars Kid”. A forgotten memory. I was yesterday’s tweet.

     Or so I thought.

     Not two weeks later, the Internet’s greatest honor was about to be bestowed upon me, a once and former king of the Internet. Because at that very moment, rising in the oven of someone’s ironically decorated kitchen was a creation so spectacular, so meta, so much of a waste of energy and flour that the internet would have imploded in on itself rather than not spread this jewel of culinary geekary around.

      Someone baked a cake in my likeness!

      That’s right you little father-wondering-where-he-went-wrong inducing pieces of plastic modeling material. My likeness. The very Steampunk Helmut Made for a Cat likeness you see before you was baked as a cake by none other than mastercaker69!    

     Pics were uploaded, comments were made, and I was back on top. People were referencing the original pic of me when they posted the Steampunk Helmut Made for Cat Cake pic. I was everywhere once again. I was Internet king for a day for the second time. Forever canonized in cake. What a glorious day that was. And even though the very next day I was gone again like Webvan, I learned something important about myself. And that was; when the stars are aligned just perfectly and twitter isn’t overcapacity, I CAN HAS IT ALL.