steampunk artifacts

When you think of Henry VIII, you probably picture Dom DeLuise in a dress. It’s a fair picture.

Turkey drumstick in one hand, lady parts in the other – that’s how we like our H8. But Henry didn’t start out as a house-shaped humping machine. Before he lost the battle with tautness, Henry was as athletic and handsome as an NBA pool party. He wasn’t just a monarch sitting on a throne; he ruled jousting tournaments and tennis courts and won Mr. Sexy Legs of 1525. Yet none of those endeavors explain this incredible … thing.

Sometime around 1511, the Holy Roman Emperor commissioned master armor craftsman Konrad Seusenhofer to create this steampunk amalgamation of fear and awesome as a gift for young King Henry. This is real. You are not dreaming. King Henry VIII once wore the mask above in all seriousness, probably at court pageants and as a way to shock a male heir out of his wife’s womb. It eventually worked. Probably because of those baby tombstones posing as teeth.

5 Artifacts That Will Shatter Your Image of the Middle Ages

I want to start a museum of alternate history.

Stock it with steampunk artifacts and exhibits devoted to the “Third Great Pan-Pangean Civil War”

Ask which alternate timeline people are from if they act confused.

Treat the word “Dipthong” as the worst profanity

Accuse Presidential Dictator Howard Kennedy the Eigth of murdering his clone successor.

Make sure that the majority of employees are left handed.

Act like the color blue doesn’t exist. Refer to it as “wine dark” and change every national anthem to fit this fact.

vertigo-jones  asked:

Dmitri, Make me summadem brass nails. They be fucking awesome.

YOU WANT SUMMADEM BRASS NAILS? 

You mean thesebrass nails right here? 

You think you got the chutzpah to wield the might of a hundred steampunk serial killers distilled down into ten sharp-hooked talons? (Yes, ten killes per claw. We made sure. No, you don’t want to know how.)

THEN GO FORTH AND ORDER YOURSELF A SET, AND YE SHALL HAVE THEM. Just follow the clicky-link RIGHT HERE

4

Hybrid Steam / Cyber Punk Time traveler cog amulet .

Take a brass clock cog , remove the sharp points and then hammer harden and etch in copper rich ferric chloride .

Then add double sided Cyalume Cyflect  reflective glint and glow and a brass eyelet .

Tie off with a natural 3 strand braided and dyed sinew to complete .

Custom knives sheaths and gear from rtknives@hotmail.com