steal the vote

Probably the funniest thing about The Discourse to me is that some of the “worst” things aces have “”done”” is steal things that literally can’t be stolen. We stole the moon apparently. We stole memes. We stole resources (even if the resources were specifically for aces, nope, stolen.) We stole characters, we stole words that we created, we stole our own experiences, like, golly gee what are we going to steal next? I await The Great Ace Caper of 2017. 

So for the lot of you who are still blissfully unaware of French presidential elections:

Here are our main candidats:

- Marine Lepen: candidate of the nationalist/white pride party. Believed to be at the head of the election for the first round. Looks like Donald Trump if he was a ‘competent’ politician. Literally the antichrist, because her father is definitively Satan and we should have drown her in the village pond when we had the chance. We didn’t, now she will bring the apocalypse upon us. (is accused to have stolen 300 000€ from the European parlement)

- François Fillon: Margaret Tatcher with worse hair and eyebrows. Candidate of the catholic pride and the anti-gay. Is Harassed by a duck which accuses him of having stolen 900 000€ to the French parlement and of having too many sugar daddies. Uses to be the leader of the election, it was before the duck business. (he is now official charged for fictitious employments).

- Emmanuel Macron: Populist for bobos (bourgeois who think themselves of the left but not to the point of actually doing something for others). As just given is program two weeks ago. Doesn’t seem confident on foreign policy. Thinks that forbidding smartphone in middle school will put an end to social reproduction. Thinks that labour code doesn’t apply to young people. Thinks anti-gay have been humiliated when gay marriage was established. Is supported by NM Rothschild & Sons. Is believed the be second in the first round of the election.

- Benoit Hamon: Lying hobbit. No seriously he really looks like a hobbit (ask @onestenrepublique) and is already withdrawing some of his promises. Socialist party candidat but his party isn’t really supporting him. Will probably not win.

Jean-Luc Mélenchon: Angry socialist that passes for an angry communist. Is against the European Union. Will appear to the masses through holograms to teach them about Marx and the working class’ struggle. Populist too. Is stealing votes from Hamon.

If you want to have even worse nightmare just let me add that the closest constitution to the French one is the Russian one…

Things that would be memes if the new albion fandom were bigger

- “[insert self-deprecating depression joke about loving death and wanting to die]” - jasper, probably
- alternately, “ELYSIUUUUUM” used as a replacement for [insert self-deprecating depression joke about loving death and wanting to die
- lime pie
- edgar responding “ONE DAY YOU WILL LEARN AND YOU WILL BURN LIKE MY HEART BURNS” to minor inconveniences
- sillof randomly being a popular character with jokes about him being “mr. steal yo girl”
- “Vote for Jasper”/“#Jasper[election year]”
- byron wearing shirts to the effect of “I love my grandpa”
- jasper making some kermit the frog meme face in response to byron wearing “i love my grandpa” shirts
- “hello police?”
- P A P A V E R C I G A R E T T E S
- awful jokes about john taking the red pill
- awful people calling john “daddy”/calling him “daddy” ironically
- people pairing that time Constance’s mark suggest she bring her dad back from the dead with Jasper making some kermit the frog meme face
- people wanting Jackie to step on them
- thomas hate
- fuck you, lloyd
- mascot 3000 is a cinnamon roll/pure/did nothing wrong
- adrien being a terrible liar but connor believing him anyway
- making fun of the people who would inevitably insist that adrien is totally cis
- “…Lee?”
- Mary, that random badass lady from Elysium I, would randomly be a popular character, and people would also want her to step on them
- discourse about whether lee was an asshole or racheal overreacted to his response to her
- Mascot 3000 is sick of your shit
- Mascot 3000 reaction images to uneccessary romance plotlines
- “this is just like in my magazines!!!!”

Feel free to add more!

Honestly, I thought nothing could even surprise me any longer, but Kellyanne Conway’s little stunt just - floored me. Seriously - this is how we discuss politics now? Really? My God

Current Political Mood (Past 24h)


All Issues Are Wedge Issues

Years ago, a government minister was asked why he proposed to increase welfare while raising taxes at the same times. The welfare money did not actually help to the people in need. He answered on an accidentally hot mic “You see, Iwan, wages and pensions have been stagnant for two years. This scheme will raise average wages on paper and divert welfare money into pension funds. Retirees are our base. We can’t not raise pension in an election year. It would be political suicide!“

I have a friend who sometimes volunteers for a left-wing party. He’s friends with many activists and left-wing think tank pilots. I asked his party friends at his birthday party: “Why don’t you support the elimination of welfare cliffs, or simplifying tax law, or a version of the paperwork reduction act, or a version of FOIA?“ They agreed that all of these were sensible ideas with potentially broad popular and multi-partisan parliamentary support. That was precisely the problem: “Why would anybody vote for us specifically if we just did the same shit as everybody else. Why not let the conservatives spend their political capital on bureaucracy? What if we make a big deal out of this and then moderates agree and steal our votes? If conservatives or moderates proposed this, we would have to oppose on principle. If social democrats proposed this maybe we would support it. If Marxists come out against bureaucracy we will be surprised. But why waste time on this instead of minimum wage? Our constituents are all poor people anyway. The middle class and self-employed people are affected by complicated taxes. They don’t vote for us anyway. It would be political suicide!“

* hissing sounds *

We will CRUSH the pathetic legislature and their traitorous, kakistocratic political parties by rolling over them with a column of actual tanks 

think-tanks nerf bats redundant unpruned regulations 

We will REPLACE the treacherous legislature with voter-delegate think-tanks that are funded according to their percentile standing on a legislative prediction market times their number of votes! DEATH TO THE TREASONOUS INCENTIVE SYSTEMS!  LONG LIVE THE UNION!

honest to god if i ever get married and have even the option of inviting harold i’m not gonna do it. he and his gorgeous tiddies can rot at home. i don’t need some binch trying to show up my cleavage game at my own damn wedding

Gyro Zeppeli, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run

  • Italian Cowboy Doctor Executioner
  • He does not execute Italians, Cowboys, or Doctors
  • Best jokes this side of the continent (They’re not)
  • 1880′s memer
  • Wear’s grilles that say GO! GO! ZEPPELI! on them. They’re gold.
  • Voted most likely to steal your fries
  • Voted most likely to hit you with Steel Balls
  • Yare Yare Daze
  • There’s a conspiracy theory behind him.
  • Seriously, feed him and he’ll probably do anything.
  • Ask him about the Cheese Song.
  • That hat never comes off his head, good luck.

the red party is doing so well in the polls now that the neoliberal labour party has started their extreme redscaremongering. the red party is now “The communist party”, because scary communism needs to be avoided at all costs. “voting for the commie party is stealing votes from the [demsoc] socialist left party!”, “red party voters should vote tactically for the socialist party instead so that they get over the electoral threshold” (even though the labour party is the largest party in norway and he refuses to ask HIS voters to vote for the socialist party to get them over the threshold). the labour party is afraid of a red party over the electoral threshold because we WILL force it to move leftwards

Meanwhile in Sweden, the big annual political meeting week (think festival except instead of bands it’s debates and speeches from the party leaders) in the picturesqe medieval town of Visby is coming to an end. I haven’t kept up, but this year the big news was that some resurrected nazi party was allowed to attend because freedom of speech. Several other political organizations threatened to boycott. Supposedly their game plan right now is to steal votes from the more moderate cryptofascist, totally-not-racist-you-guys party Sweden Democrats.

Meanwhile, the leader of the SD’s took a leaf out of mr Fart’s book and argued that Sweden should leave the Paris climate agreement because something something xenophobia probably. I’d say good luck with that, but these guys are getting 20% in polls nowadays (in a system with like 10 parties, that’s a lot). Unfortunately his second-in-command couldn’t attend this year since he was in court being charged with assault again.

Shockingly, the prime minister actually did boycot the whole thing (although he probably didn’t call it that) and is touring the countryside instead, taking selfies with angry white men in a bid to get them to refrain from voting for either the moderate or the regular fascists in the election next year. Whether it will work remains to be seen. Also apparently he fell out of a hammock at some point.