steal the vote

Probably the funniest thing about The Discourse to me is that some of the “worst” things aces have “”done”” is steal things that literally can’t be stolen. We stole the moon apparently. We stole memes. We stole resources (even if the resources were specifically for aces, nope, stolen.) We stole characters, we stole words that we created, we stole our own experiences, like, golly gee what are we going to steal next? I await The Great Ace Caper of 2017. 


December 3rd, 2017.

10,000 musicians create a huge orchestra in the middle of the streets of Barcelona as a sign of protest. We demand that Spain frees the Catalan political prisoners.

The political prisoners are 2 activists (Jordi Cuixart and Jordi Sànchez) for having organised peaceful protests in favour of Catalonia’s independence, and many members of the democratically elected Government of Catalonia. The politicians promised that if they got elected they would organise a referendum so the citizens of Catalonia could vote on their future, but the Spanish Government said that “Catalonia belongs to Spain” and Catalan citizens have no say in their future, and so declared the referendum illegal, sent thousands of military policemen to steal voting boxes and hit all those trying to vote, and persecuted the organisers and media who reports it. 90% of the votes went to yes for independence.

If the Batfamily Had to Describe Each Other

Bruce: Voted most likely to end up having over 100 great grandchildren.

Dick: Voted most needy.

Jason: Voted most unpredictable.

Tim: Voted most gay.

Damian: Voted most likely to end up having over 100 pets.

Duke: Voted most likely to have mental stability.

Cass: Voted most likeable.

Steph: Voted most likely to steal a food truck.

Alfred: Voted most likely to be immortal.

So for the lot of you who are still blissfully unaware of French presidential elections:

Here are our main candidats:

- Marine Lepen: candidate of the nationalist/white pride party. Believed to be at the head of the election for the first round. Looks like Donald Trump if he was a ‘competent’ politician. Literally the antichrist, because her father is definitively Satan and we should have drown her in the village pond when we had the chance. We didn’t, now she will bring the apocalypse upon us. (is accused to have stolen 300 000€ from the European parlement)

- François Fillon: Margaret Tatcher with worse hair and eyebrows. Candidate of the catholic pride and the anti-gay. Is Harassed by a duck which accuses him of having stolen 900 000€ to the French parlement and of having too many sugar daddies. Uses to be the leader of the election, it was before the duck business. (he is now official charged for fictitious employments).

- Emmanuel Macron: Populist for bobos (bourgeois who think themselves of the left but not to the point of actually doing something for others). As just given is program two weeks ago. Doesn’t seem confident on foreign policy. Thinks that forbidding smartphone in middle school will put an end to social reproduction. Thinks that labour code doesn’t apply to young people. Thinks anti-gay have been humiliated when gay marriage was established. Is supported by NM Rothschild & Sons. Is believed the be second in the first round of the election.

- Benoit Hamon: Lying hobbit. No seriously he really looks like a hobbit (ask @onestenrepublique) and is already withdrawing some of his promises. Socialist party candidat but his party isn’t really supporting him. Will probably not win.

Jean-Luc Mélenchon: Angry socialist that passes for an angry communist. Is against the European Union. Will appear to the masses through holograms to teach them about Marx and the working class’ struggle. Populist too. Is stealing votes from Hamon.

If you want to have even worse nightmare just let me add that the closest constitution to the French one is the Russian one…

You know what my problem is with all this “the election was hacked!” business is?

The election wasn’t hacked.  Russia didn’t steal anything.  There are two ways, and really only two, to actually rig an election.  You either add votes that shouldn’t be added or you steal votes that should be added.  That’s it.  You stuff ballot boxes or you steal ballots.

Nobody is alleging Russian secretly added votes to Trump’s tallies.

What people are alleging is that somebody (Russia, the GOP, men’s rights activists, whatever) put ads on Facebook that they shouldn’t have been allowed to put.  Or circulated articles that people shouldn’t have been able to read.  Or publicly stated an opinion that nobody should be allowed to hear.  And that is super uncool.

Let’s be clear.  I am not a fan of Trump.  At all.  But the idea that if only we restrict people’s access to information they should not have, then none of this would have happened!!!1! is totally unsupportable.  Who could we possibly trust to decide which ideas people are allowed to read about?  Not even agree with, just read about?  How could we ever trust anyone to curate what information you are allowed to interact with?

Sorry folks.  Not okay.

Russia didn’t steal the election because the election wasn’t stolen.  People just voted for a dumb candidate.  It happens.  You don’t get to curate public information because of it.

Things that would be memes if the new albion fandom were bigger

- “[insert self-deprecating depression joke about loving death and wanting to die]” - jasper, probably
- alternately, “ELYSIUUUUUM” used as a replacement for [insert self-deprecating depression joke about loving death and wanting to die
- lime pie
- edgar responding “ONE DAY YOU WILL LEARN AND YOU WILL BURN LIKE MY HEART BURNS” to minor inconveniences
- sillof randomly being a popular character with jokes about him being “mr. steal yo girl”
- “Vote for Jasper”/“#Jasper[election year]”
- byron wearing shirts to the effect of “I love my grandpa”
- jasper making some kermit the frog meme face in response to byron wearing “i love my grandpa” shirts
- “hello police?”
- P A P A V E R C I G A R E T T E S
- awful jokes about john taking the red pill
- awful people calling john “daddy”/calling him “daddy” ironically
- people pairing that time Constance’s mark suggest she bring her dad back from the dead with Jasper making some kermit the frog meme face
- people wanting Jackie to step on them
- thomas hate
- fuck you, lloyd
- mascot 3000 is a cinnamon roll/pure/did nothing wrong
- adrien being a terrible liar but connor believing him anyway
- making fun of the people who would inevitably insist that adrien is totally cis
- “…Lee?”
- Mary, that random badass lady from Elysium I, would randomly be a popular character, and people would also want her to step on them
- discourse about whether lee was an asshole or racheal overreacted to his response to her
- Mascot 3000 is sick of your shit
- Mascot 3000 reaction images to uneccessary romance plotlines
- “this is just like in my magazines!!!!”

Feel free to add more!

you know what i loved about rosas coming out in b99 what i hate in other comedy shows (as far as ive seen at least)
there were no snappy one liners that suddenly make someone see the wrong of their ways or whatever. or everything was magically okay. like. thats just not how real life works, my homophobic alt-right uncle isnt gonna suddenly love and accept me bc i made some witty metaphorical remark that hit him right in that surprisingly soft center of his heart. if were lucky the topic just wont come up and we can get through a family celebration without me spitting at his feet or him coping with his trauma by being disgusting and violent.
so yea idk im  big fan of giving queer people happy endings but every now and then seeing it done realistically is pretty good too. 

Current Political Mood (Past 24h)


All Issues Are Wedge Issues

Years ago, a government minister was asked why he proposed to increase welfare while raising taxes at the same times. The welfare money did not actually help to the people in need. He answered on an accidentally hot mic “You see, Iwan, wages and pensions have been stagnant for two years. This scheme will raise average wages on paper and divert welfare money into pension funds. Retirees are our base. We can’t not raise pension in an election year. It would be political suicide!“

I have a friend who sometimes volunteers for a left-wing party. He’s friends with many activists and left-wing think tank pilots. I asked his party friends at his birthday party: “Why don’t you support the elimination of welfare cliffs, or simplifying tax law, or a version of the paperwork reduction act, or a version of FOIA?“ They agreed that all of these were sensible ideas with potentially broad popular and multi-partisan parliamentary support. That was precisely the problem: “Why would anybody vote for us specifically if we just did the same shit as everybody else. Why not let the conservatives spend their political capital on bureaucracy? What if we make a big deal out of this and then moderates agree and steal our votes? If conservatives or moderates proposed this, we would have to oppose on principle. If social democrats proposed this maybe we would support it. If Marxists come out against bureaucracy we will be surprised. But why waste time on this instead of minimum wage? Our constituents are all poor people anyway. The middle class and self-employed people are affected by complicated taxes. They don’t vote for us anyway. It would be political suicide!“

* hissing sounds *

We will CRUSH the pathetic legislature and their traitorous, kakistocratic political parties by rolling over them with a column of actual tanks 

think-tanks nerf bats redundant unpruned regulations 

We will REPLACE the treacherous legislature with voter-delegate think-tanks that are funded according to their percentile standing on a legislative prediction market times their number of votes! DEATH TO THE TREASONOUS INCENTIVE SYSTEMS!  LONG LIVE THE UNION!

Remember Sarah Palin? How she seemingly came out nowhere and lit up the political grid? How easily she grabbed national headlines for the combination of her gender, looks and bullish personality? How John McCain and the right basically used her as a prop to counteract the excitement of President Obama and potentially steal some women votes from the embittered Hillary brigade? How she brazenly trotted out her special needs son as a testimony to the pro-life movement? How it was so easy, natural and accepted for the media to critique her anti-intellectual “real talk”, aggressive bullying and obvious pandering? Remember how the infamous “I can see Russia from my window” interview basically led to her national humiliation and downfall?

Nearly ten years later and Republicans aren’t even pretending to give a shit about the female vote as sexual predators are free game and healthcare and social services are under attack. Our “president” mocks a news reporter with a disability, and the loudest critique is that the world is too triggered and politically correct. Collusion with Russia would be the downfall of any administration, but it doesn’t even crack the top 5 national nightmares and pending pieces of legislation we have to counteract.

God. It all seems so quaint compared to now. Just run of the mill sexism, stupid candidate selections and politics as usual. Oh, if only Trump had been a too ambitious, too incompetent, too ill-prepared, too cocky, too loud, too divisive and too hateful woman. Sadly and devistatingly, Hillary had to fall on that sword.