Like I screamed at that cinema worker (and later the judge at my trial for disturbing the peace): Despicable Me is blatantly false advertising. It teaches you no real-life ways of stealing the Moon, which totally ruined my business plan. And you might be asking: Why would I watch Despicable Me for Moon-nabbing strategies? Also: Why would I want the Moon in the first place? In order: 1) The movie’s Polish title is How To Steal The Moon so I’m clearly in the right on this one. 2) Two words: Lunar Porn, motherfuckers. Not only would I corner the market, the movie titles basically write themselves: Houston, We Have A Boner, Apollo 11 Inches, One Giant Lick For Mankind, etc.
But even though the entire movie revolves around Gru, a supervillain voiced by Steve Carell, trying to steal the Moon, it doesn’t really go into the specifics of such an operation. All it says is: Steal a shrink ray (from where?!), fly to the Moon (how?!)
Worst of all, the whole thing irresponsibly glosses over the dangers of having the shrunken Moon in Earth’s atmosphere, and it suddenly going back to its original size, exactly like in the movie finale. But where Despicable Me has failed, science stepped in to address that question, and the answer they came up with is: “Oh God, oh Jesus Almighty, they’re all dead! My whole family … so many bodies!”