steak toss

Father’s Day: A Markiplier Egos One Shot

“It’s called ‘Father’s Day,’” Host explains. “The idea is that it’s a day to honor father’s. It’s really not that complicated.”

“But what do we do?” Wilford asks, stretching out his suspenders and quirking an eyebrow at the Host as they lounge in the library.

“Well, as figments, we don’t actually have a father. We just… exist,” Host says with a shrug. “This day doesn’t really apply to us.”

“Isn’t Ed a father?” Wilford’s face screws up in confusion. “How did that happen?”

Host pauses. “I… don’t know.”

Wilford shrugs and claps his hands together suddenly, startling the Host. “Oh, sorry, Hosty, but hear me out, what if we did something for Mark? He’s kind of like a father to us, right?”

“You have a very skewed definition of what a father is, Will.” Host takes a sip of his coffee and makes a face. It’s gone cold. Conversations with Wilford are not good for hot drinks. “Lewis?” the Host asks softly, and the dragon obliges, breathing a stream of fire towards the cup and heating the liquid inside. “Thank you,” and then back to Wilford, “What would we even do? Grill steaks? Toss around a football? That would be plenty of fun for me.”

Wilford shakes his head. “No, Host. You’re thinking about this all wrong! This is the Markiplier, we’re talking about here.” Wilford playfully nudges the Host. “And we’re the Markiplier Egos. If we’re going to do something…” Wilford’s eyes get very devious. “We’re going to do it our way.”


Mark finishes up recording for the day and flops down onto the couch. Chica jumps up, stepping all over him, before settling down beside him, her tail wagging happily. “Hey, bub,” Mark laughs, petting the pupper and feeling the muscles in his shoulders relax. They always get tense after playing horror games.

When he hears the doorbell ring, he assumes it’s one of the gang. Amy or Ethan or someone, but when he checks his phone, which he always neglects to do while recording, none of them have tried to contact him. Mark gently pushes Chica off of him, hops up, and goes to check who’s at the door. To say what he sees surprises him is probably the understatement of the millennium.

Most of the Egos are on his doorstep, arms full of gifts and video games and food. Mark opens the door slowly, poking his head out and trying to give them a convincing smile as he worriedly asks, “Um, hey guys. Wh-what are you doing here?”

“It’s Father’s Day!” Wilford screams in his face, tossing a fistful of glitter at Mark.

“Uh, yeah?” Mark blinks the glitter out of his eyes and surveys the others: Bim, Host, Doc, Silver, and even Google have all shown up for… whatever this is.

“You’re the closest thing we’ve got to a father, so here we are!” Wilford waves his hands in the air, eyes and mouth wide with excitement.

Google steps up. “We have brought gifts of chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel, the video games of your liking, and…” Google pauses, looking at the Host. “Host and I designed a little gift for you.”

Mark is baffled. They all stand there for a few more awkward moments before Mark finally snaps back to himself and invites them all inside before the neighbors start to stare. They already think he’s insane. Mark doesn’t want to prove their point. Bim gives Mark a quick hug as he enters, and Mark can’t help but smile. “Ed would’ve come, but he’s with his son, which is… weird. And Dark… well, I don’t guess you’d want him here anyway.”

Mark shakes his head and watches as they all stand around inside like they have no idea what to do. “Um, did you bring enough food for everyone?” Mark asks.

Wilford looks at the single order of chicken and dumplings that he’s holding and makes a face. “Oh, I guess we didn’t think about that.”

“Well, I can’t just eat this all by myself while the rest of you starve,” Mark says, walking towards the kitchen. “Come on, I’ll make some of my world famous chicken and dumps for all of us!”

They spend the next few hours watching Mark make the food—he even lets Wilford debone the chicken which he seems to enjoy way too much—and playing video games afterwards. At the end of the night, Google hands Mark a wrapped box with a sad looking bow on top.

“Silver sat on it,” Google accuses the hero.

“I didn’t mean to! How many times do I have to say that I’m sorry?”

Mark laughs and waves them off. “Guys, you shouldn’t have gotten me anything.” He unwraps the box and opens it to find… another box. “Um…” Mark takes the box out of the box and looks at it carefully.

“Speak to it,” Google says simply, and Mark shrugs. Host smiles to himself and listens carefully for Mark’s reaction.

“Um, hi?” Mark watches in awe as the box blinks open two blue eyes and yawns open a tiny, pink mouth.

“Hi, Mark! I’m your little biscuit, Tiny Box Tim!” Mark almost has a heart attack, and the Egos, after Dr. Iplier assures them that he’s not dying, are very proud of themselves for a successful, if unconventional, Father’s Day.


“Y/N is still coming right?” Dean asked, popping the top on his beer.

“Yep,” Bobby answered, tossing the steaks into the marinade. “Just got off the phone with her.” Bobby gave Dean a strange look, the corners of his mouth turning down in a slight frown.

“What?” Dean didn’t like that look. “What is it?”

“She’s bringing somebody with,” Bobby said, his eyebrows lifting at the end of the sentence.

Dean took a swig of his beer and shrugged. “Okay. So?” He scoffed.

Bobby shook his head and turned away. “So nothin’. Just thought I’d give you a heads up that she won’t be coming alone.”

“Why would I need a heads up? That’s fine. Y/N can bring whoever she wants,” Dean said, getting to his feet and taking another long swig of beer. “That’s great. Perfect.”

Bobby glanced back over his shoulder at Dean, giving him a knowing look. “Perfect?” Bobby repeated. Dean’s jaw only tensed. 

“I’ll be in the garage,” he said. He walked out, the front door slamming much harder than necessary behind him.

Lap Khmer – Beef with Lime and Lemongrass

Excited for a forthcoming trip to Cambodia I tried one of the country’s signature dishes – a brilliant salad of seared beef, with a dressing of lemongrass, fish sauce, lime juice, coriander, mint and chilli.

In addition to those ingredients for the sauce, you’ll need steak (I used a small ribeye per person), green beans, shallots and tomatoes.

Marinade the steak in a few tablespoons of fish sauce and some lemongrass – for at least an hour and preferably overnight.

Cook the beans and plunge into cold water to refresh. Finely slice the shallots and pour over some boiling water and let them sit for ten minutes. 

The dressing uses equal parts lime juice and fish sauce, with finely minced lemongrass and a small amount of palm sugar to balance it. When you have a good sour-salty-slightly sweet balance, add finely chopped chilli, and chopped coriander and mint (in a ratio of three parts coriander to one part mint).

Drain the shallots and beans, and chop the tomatoes. When you’re ready, pat the steaks dry and sear them so they’re still very pink in the middle. Slice up the steak and toss with the vegetables and the dressing.

Kept, Chapter 9 : Overnight

The saga is here  AO3 here

Carmilla and Laura spend the night with Sheridan after getting some bad news. Laura tries her best to make it a good night for everyone.

(see end for notes)

Carmilla wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting in front of Sheridan’s holding cage. The inside of the building had no windows to see if the sun had set or not, and it seemed all her time had narrowed to looking into Sheridan’s big yellow eyes.

He was lying on his side in the cage, panting slightly, his tail flicking up and down. Carmilla felt she had failed him as a keeper – she should have known he was sick, should have detected some small sign or change. But there was nothing she could do now.

She might have cried herself out, because when she felt the tears coming, her cheeks stayed dry. Sheridan let out a sigh, and a few inches of his tail slipped between the bars. Carmilla stroked the tip of it gently.

The door creaked open behind her. When she turned around, she let out a ridiculously loud laugh that startled some of the cats.

“Odin’s Raven, did you bring an entire camp site?“ 

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