My heart is a bar and you tend to it. Or you don’t, but you might have if I let you. My heart is in a bar and you left yours there too for a while. Yesterday, I woke up from a nap to a world without you in it. I thought it was a joke, but there was very little setup. Man walks into a bar, stays for eight years, dies in his sleep at thirty-seven. I’m never going to get the punchline, but I keep trying to. Once, you made me throw up Fireball whisky on my birthday. Once, you sobbed on my shoulder and I didn’t tell you to move. Once, I wrote a poem about kissing you and wishing it was someone else. I don’t have a working list of things I regret, but I think I’m going to. My heart is a bar and someone else works there now. My heart is in a bar that feels like someone else’s home when I walk into it. If I never go back there, does it mean everything’s okay? Does it mean you’re still waiting for me to agree to that date? Does it mean nothing changes if I stop looking back at it? Will you still save me a seat?
“CLOSING TIME” BY SEMISONIC PLAYS AT LAST CALL by Trista Mateer
After cleaning diet from bad stuff (starting a real cleansing later this week though) and sleeping LITERALLY the whole Tuesday (I’m not kidding; I woke properly up at 9pm) I’m already feeling A LOT better. I was getting angry for not feeling like my own self and after I consulted my cards the message was that I was exhausted and needed to rest. Apparently while really not being that busy I’ve emotionally exhausted myself (plus the wrong diet, PMS starting and allergies) and I need to rest more. As the cards never lie, I try to sleep this week as much as I can.
April Fools Day sucks to anybody like me who doesn’t understand most pranks, feels victimized by pranks and has always been the weakling that got picked on all through school on that hellish day. I have some very bad memories of April Fools in grade school. Honestly, screw whoever invented the day because it seems illogical and ridiculous to me that people can spend hours, lots of money and precision just to make another person’s day miserable, or publicly humiliate them just for a prank on that one ‘very special day’. People can already be jerks and pull pranks on unsuspecting people the other 364 days of the year, why make it an international thing?
Sometimes its easier to go out than to stay home and lay on your couch, because when you stay home and lay on your couch and drink chamomile tea, you have to face the facts. That there are people in this world that you cannot have, but that you still want. That even though your want is selective, when you do select to want that person it feels like you have wanted them forever and will want them forever. This, therein lies the difficulty.