The next week was a blur. Thank God for my girls and Case, without them I don’t think I would still be here. The girls made all the calls while case took care of the house and me. He hadn’t left the house since we found out. He made me do the basic life necessities, eat, get dressed and he forced me into the shower. I was like a zombie, just wandering aimlessly. I missed him so much.
I was still sick, thank goodness Adie had gotten better after a couple days. With everything that has happened, I haven’t even had time to think about it. I promised Case I would go to the doctor when the funeral was done with. That kept him off my back for a few days.
The morning of the funeral came and I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay in bed where it was safe and warm; where I could pretend Bowen was just at work and not gone forever. I could hear the girls come in to wake me. They were arguing whether to let me sleep a bit more or to get me up. They knew it would take forever for me to get ready. This was so unfair to them, I was the mother not them. This had to stop. The only thing I could do for Bowen now is live my life like he would want me to. Happy and full of family, not hiding in bed. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I made it easy on them and got up on my own. Bowen wouldn’t want this. If it had been the other way,if I had died, seeing him like this would have made me sick. So , chin up.
The funeral went well. I was able to make it through most of the eulogy without losing it. I knew all of the faces there and that gave me the encouragement I needed. We laughed and talked about Bowen. How awkward he was when we first met and what an incredible person he became. How he was a wonderful father and husband; reliable police officer and friend. As we talked, I just felt him slipping away. Up until the funeral, all I had thought about was him, getting ready for this, wallowing in my pain. But this was the last step in my life that included him. From now on, everything would be just me. I caught my breath. I could feel the panic starting to rise, but as it did, I took a look around and saw my family. They were a part of Bowen, he was there all around me. He would never be truly gone, a part of him was always going to be with me.