stay warm and safe


The next week was a blur. Thank God for my girls and Case, without them I don’t think I would still be here.  The girls made all the calls while case took care of the house and me.  He hadn’t left the house since we found out.  He made me do the basic life necessities, eat, get dressed and he forced me into the shower.  I was like a zombie, just wandering aimlessly. I missed him so much.

I was still sick, thank goodness Adie had gotten better after a couple days.  With everything that has happened, I haven’t even had time to think about it. I promised Case I would go to the doctor when the funeral was done with.  That kept him off my back for a few days.

The morning of the funeral came and I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay in bed where it was safe and warm; where I could pretend Bowen was just at work and not gone forever.  I could hear the girls come in to wake me. They were arguing whether to let me sleep a bit more or to get me up. They knew it would take forever for me to get ready. This was so unfair to them, I was the mother not them. This had to stop. The only thing I could do for Bowen now is live my life like he would want me to. Happy and full of family, not hiding in bed.  I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I made it easy on them and got up on my own. Bowen wouldn’t want this. If it had been the other way,if I had died, seeing him like this would have made me sick.  So , chin up. 

The funeral went well. I was able to make it through most of the eulogy without losing it.  I knew all of the faces there and that gave me the encouragement I needed. We laughed and talked about Bowen.  How awkward he was when we first met and what an incredible person he became.  How he was a wonderful father and husband; reliable police officer and friend.  As we talked, I just felt him slipping away.  Up until the funeral, all I had thought about was him, getting ready for this, wallowing in my pain.  But this was the last step in my life that included him.  From now on, everything would be just me.  I caught my breath.  I could feel the panic starting to rise, but as it did, I took a look around and saw my family.  They were a part of Bowen, he was there all around me.  He would never be truly gone, a part of him was always going to be with me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’m spending my day at home, having a tiny turkey with my brother— so nothing super special, but it’ll still be nice. The snow looks beautiful outside to say the least, and we’ll be putting a log on the fire after dinner and snuggling up on the couch together to watch A Christmas Carol like we always do every year.

Have a happy holiday, everyone! ^_^


• I still don’t think I’ve fully accepted the fact that I’ll have to be waking up tomorrow around 4:45.
• I got hungry but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to eat so I sampled a little bit of everything.
• Bow ties are basically the perfect accessory. Can you say adorable?
• I’m almost finished with the book I’m currently reading. It’s quite sad.
• Um..
• I’m having the missing feels.

anonymous asked:

Have you ever thought of proposing to your other half?

              The pleasant burn of a ray of sunlight falling across your face, patting your cheeks and tickling your nose with tiny, unseen hands. The coolness of the sheet as you move your arm for what seems the first time since last night, the thread count soft and luxurious beneath your skin – at least, when compared to those that come standard issue. A shock of blonde hair… no, a whole head, one that lays oh so perfectly upon the pillow beside your own. A tangle of limbs, two bodies ‘twined together beneath the sheets where you both fell last night and stayed. Something familiar. Something new. Something safe. Something terrifying.

              Something… warm.

              ❝ God morgon, Encke, ❞ he murmurs from only inches away. His gaze travels the lazy distance between your own eyes and the curve of your mouth, settling there. You oblige him all too happily with what he seeks.

              ❝ … Morning… ❞ Your voice sounds strange as it leaves your throat. Not your own, it seems. As though some other version of yourself stumbled through this beautiful dream and your own self lies somewhere else, some dimly lit bunk in a cold room beyond the sky, beyond the stars. Tremulous. A little hoarse from sleep. Softer than it ought to be, but he smooths all your rough edges. It’s just to be expected. 

              Bashful. It’s not a word you would often apply to him, and yet… here he is, all soft skin and tasteful angles and tousled hair and rosy cheeks with a coy glance and gentle smile. It’s so dazzling, and though it threatens to put out your eyes, you can’t tear your gaze away; better to be blinded than miss this moment. You must commit it to memory. There will never be a second first. You’re hardly aware of your hand until the pad of your thumb brushes the corner of his mouth, and before you can correct yourself, his hand rests atop your own and he’s turning his face to meet your touch.

              God, but how you love him. 

              His quiet suggestion of a breakfast in bed earns something akin to a coo of approval, and as he disentangles himself with a palpable reluctance, you cannot help but stare… but admire his figure all the while. The tone of his back, the muscles that shift and move as he sits up. The way his lips bump against the tip of your nose – he’s always loved your nose, and for the life of you you could never understand why, and how he giggles when it smushes down from the sheer weight of the kiss. How he always manages to look back at you over his shoulder, and for a moment you tell yourself that it’s because he doesn’t want to keep his eyes trained on anything but you… Could that be the truth, you wonder, as he finally tears himself away long enough to pick his way across the open space, stepping over a veritable sea of discarded clothing on his search for the room service menu.

              You watch him as he goes, and you find yourself wishing more than ever, in this singular moment, that you never want to watch him go anywhere ever again. That you want him to stay, to stay with you, selfish and ludicrous a notion it might be. That you, dull and disappointing as you may be, longing to bask in his light, to feel yourself illuminated and pulled along in the trail of his comet, wherever that may lead. The bones of his spine are a map you want to trace for the rest of eternity, hills and valleys, stars and empty space… all places of exploration. All places that have been considered home to you. You would build him constellations with nothing but a handful of stardust and all the love in your heart, and you know you could because one of those you could never fathom running out.

              Would he allow you to stay with him forever and call yourself his and only his if you asked him to?

              He asks you if everything is all right. You’ve been staring at him that entire time you lost yourself, and if only you had the courage to tell him in whom you had become lost. Because only he knows how to show you the way back to where you belong with his deep-sea eyes as beacons and arms the threshold; you want nothing more than to curl up against the hearth of his heart and listen to it beat, to lie there until the embers burn out and take you with them.

              You tell him that it’s better than that.

              That everything is as it should be… that after all these years of searching, of wandering, of waiting… that you’ve finally found your place. Where you belong.

              It’s here… with you, Keeler… if you’ll have me.

Things that Happen When You Organize Your Bookshelf

• You finally understand just how many books you really have.
• You have no idea how that many books managed to fit on your bookshelf.
• Your sister gets a forced donation to her bookshelf.
• Your mother walks in and sees the mountain of books all over the floor and has a heart attack. But then you reassure her you’ll clean it up and her face regains normal color.
• You contemplate how to artfully organize the books perfectly.
• You don’t have enough room for all of your books and need a new bookshelf.

everyone in the british columbia/vancouver area!!!! please stay safe; the wind is crazy strong today and trees are broken everywhere and i hear ambulances and it’s all super crazy!! stay safe and warm ! 💖☺️

chenerously asked:

hello! you haven't been posting much lately. i truly hope you are well and your definition of okay. you keep warm always and stay safe.

This just made me so warm inside, thank you so much. I have been going through some stuff at home lately but I’ll pull through. Spending time with the people closest to me helps a lot. I do miss this blog though!

anonymous asked:

i really want to come out as transgender and be open about my gender but my parents are transphobic and im afraid. how should i come out?

Im sorry to hear this also if your parents are transphobic coming out sounds like a bad plan. They are the one’s that pay your food and keep you in a warm house (well if you’re underaged) please stay safe dont get yourself in trouble okay :( i love u friend