oh my god stimming is the greatest?! yesterday i rocked while kneading my super-soft blanket and oh my god?! it was so incredibly relaxing?! and afterward I was so much more relaxed and more in touch with nice sensory things?
i get the sense that it is unusual for an autistic person to get to adulthood and THEN discover stimming.
a lot of us do get forcibly trained out of it, and later reclaim it.
my problem, i think, has been that my abuse history made me dissociate so hard from all sensations and emotions… plus part of my autism is alexithymia, not knowing what you’re feeling… so i never got to be like, “this feels good, i’m gonna do it more!!!!”
the only stimming i did was “AAAAA I’M SO STRESSED OUT MUST BOUNCE LEG AND BITE PENCIL IN HALF” which was never going to be enough to really even touch the stress.
but also there’s some truth to the idea that i got forcibly trained out of it, because i WAS well-trained not to do a lot of things I knew people would perceive as Weird.
so i only did the things that i had seen some kind of representation of. like, bouncing, and chewing and clicking pens, and foot-tapping or leg-bouncing, and banging your head on the wall or desk. none of which were relaxing stims for me.
(actually, the head-banging kind of was. i didn’t do it hard enough to hurt, so it was more a pressure stim, and the only way i could express how intense things were.
it was very confusing to me that eventually, when i got to college, i met people who were horrified by it and begged me not to. because in star trek novelizations and such, it seemed to be a normal thing people did, as a faux-comical expression of stress or despair. i was like, if it freaks people out in real life, then why do people do it in books?)
(probably bc the books are written by autistic people but anyway)
i need to do so much more intentional stimming. i have the technology: i have soft blankets, and squishy stim tools, and a fidget cube, and rocking.
i know, now, that when i do it, it’s like turning up the volume on good sensations for hours afterward.
but i do it so little, that that connection isn’t really something my brain notices enough, or thinks of when i’m not doing it.
it makes me think of what i used to think I’d get out of mediation. my brain is not good at the “sit still and just be” kind of meditation. it’s fine at the “sit still and just notice what comes up” kind, which can be very useful for seeing what to do in a given day.
but it’s not like, “ahhhhh, I just meditated and now I’m at peace.” it’s like, “ok i made it through the whole time and now I get to actually do shit.”
but this! this is my autistic meditation. this is what gets me into my body and at peace.
and i can’t wait to share different kinds of stimming with our baby when it’s born. i want to pet it with the soft blanket, and show it all the stimmy baby toys it’s been given, and see what its favorite textures and rhythms are.
i want an autistic baby book that has spaces for Baby’s First Stim, and Baby’s Favorite Stim Tool, and Baby’s First Special Interest. And “Baby is now one year old! What’s their favorite texture? What’s their favorite echolalia? What echolalia do they use to communicate?”
Soooo I’ve had the same SD for 8 months and counting.
I get $2k to spend time with him, kiss on him…no sex 😭
Yea I said it. No sex.
Keep in mind this is rare.
Girls ask me all the time where to find platonic daddies….
You don’t. You make them.
He wanted all the goods. They all do 🌚 but I’ve been holding out and so far survey says….
Now here’s the ugly truth…
I’ve had to kiss a lot of frogs. 🤢 [i mean they’re all frogs right?]
But I mean is that I’ve had to deliver the cookie with many SDs. I’ve only had 2 that didn’t get much from me.
#1 [we will call him Eli….no not Pope….see what I did there? 😏]
Met him at the strip club back in the day…
Lmao who am I?
Met him 5 years ago in the club. He came to see one of my friends…well I don’t really have friends but you know…more on that later.
She didn’t come in that day. Neither did the other girl he came to see. The sugar gods were smiling down on my that day y'all…
So I convinced him that he needed to dance with me. He was a Scorpio so that’s an accomplishment in and of itself…Scorpios stick to what they know [YES SIGNS MATTER….more on that in my members only tell all 💓]
So I get him to dance with me. He tells me he eats the other girls out. [🤢🤢🤢] But in the back of my mind I’m pep talking myself bc I know he racks out.
Defining moment for me…I let him do it. Pretend the fuck out of that for 20 mins and walk out with 1500
Keep in mind that I knew the place I worked at very well and since we had specials I would count each dance instead of doing the special.
So I get his digits.
We go out and he gives me like $500 or something….🤔📝
So fast forward to me hanging with my “friend” she gets to talking about how her SDs stopped fucking with her….
She calls him and he makes up excuses about why he can’t see her….
Well…I told him to cut her off.
He spent 1500 every week for like 2-3 months 🤔📝
Then I convince him that I need to replace his admin for his business. At that point I’m making 1700 every 2 weeks doing paperwork in his office. He would pay for every expense I had…car, nails, phone, my house….everything.
I didn’t have to do not a thing with this man after I left the club 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
That lasted 2 years. 🤔📝 yep 2 years of living comfortably raking in that dinero, the yen, them pounds….
Now that I think about it, I’m about to teach y'all about finances. I blew every red scent 😭😒
Now 4 years later [last winter] I find #2….I moved from LA to NY.
Keep in mind I had gone through a few SDs that wanted me to deliver.
#2 [we will call him Mr.] It’s been 8 months and all I’ve done is kiss him. I get $2k a month…he’s also taken me shopping and spent a substantial amount each time…[receipts are my recent money posts]
I went MIA bc I thought I was transitioning into a spoiled gf but let me tell y'all…
I WANT ALL THE COIN 🗣
So recently he bought me a new AC unit and an expensive ass camera for my creative ventures.
I’ve still done nothing.
He’s currently on amazon ordering me new beats bc mine “broke” 🙄 [my sister wants a pair]
1. I’m ruthless and nobodies sugar daddy is safe. Adopt this thought process. Be ruthless.
2. No one is your friend. No one. Benjamin will never do you dirty.
3. You can’t “find a platonic daddy”. They are home grown and not everyone can do it.
4. I’m not the rule. I’m the exception. [Let this soak in]Don’t think you’re going to pop into the bowl and get the same results. Most don’t. I’ve been at this for a min. My natural personality allows me to be crafty, witty, calculated etc. I didn’t read some book. I tested my own theories and they worked. Sometimes they didn’t.
5. I’m old school. I may have found Mr. on tinder but for the most part I have rich men falling over me every where I go. I can teach you the game, but it’s up to you to apply it. In some cases, personality is what trips you up. Things I have naturally are things you’ll have to learn. It takes time to find a good SD and sink your claws in. [notice the time difference between the 2?]
That’s all for now cuz I’m at the gym but stay tuned!
We’ve gotten a lot of questions about the baby, particularly what it’s like when a djinni is pregnant. All this week we’ll be posting a new page a day about it in a new series we like to call THE SCIENCE OF MAGIC! Stay tuned!
Springlocks Page 13 (Warning! Explicit scene starts)
As I said before, like 10 times, I cannot stress this enough: This comic is rated M. If you can’t handle mature themes, then don’t read! This part is censored but there will still be explicit themes going on. Look on the 18+ blog for uncensored, explicit pages.
OK, so since my last post was so popular I’ve decided on another set of tips I want to put together for you babes 😊.
💋After washing your face and what not try applying a more lightweight moisturizer than usual. Less grease makes it easier for products on top to cling onto. ( try: Clinique dramatically different moisturizing gel)
💋Always prime! Foundation primer (try: NIVEA mens post-shave balm), eyeshadow primer (try: NYX proof-it) or just use your concealer all over your eyelid and set with a power, and moisturize your lips (try: L’Occataine lip balm) as lip products stick better to lips that aren’t chapped.
💋OK SO THIS IS MY FAVE TRICK SO LISTEN UP!!! 👂After applying your foundation primer, go in with a translucent powder (try: Laura Mercier translucent setting powder) and dust a generous amount on any spots that get particularly oily (nose and centre of forehead for me). DON’T WORRY YOUR MAKEUP WILL NOT LOOK CAKE-Y ONTOP!!!!!
💋Find a foundation thats right for your skin type. THEN MIX IT! If you have oily skin feel free to use a mattifying foundation, but if you’re like me and mattes look too flat/drying on you; mix your dry skin foundation with a matte one 👌, best of both worlds 🌎. I usually mix L’Oreal infallible pro glow with Urban Decay All Nighter.
💋Blend, Blend, Stipple, Stipple, Pat, Pat. WOORRK that foundation into your skin. Blend it in for at least a solid 2-3 minutes.
💋BAKE!!! If you don’t know how go on YouTube theres so many tutorials.
💋Use thin layers. Rather than globbing on foundation or heavily applying powders, use thin layers and build up. Allowing each layer to dry slightly will significantly effect how your makeup sticks.
💋Setting spray!! So helpful, sometimes I’ll apply it in layers throughout my makeup process just to set every level of makeup. Spray some onto your brush before blending in your foundation for bonus marks 😇
Ok so that’s all for tonight. Tomorrow I’ll write up the one for brows/eyes/lips. Hope you hoes learned something new & stay tuned 😍😍😍😍😍
Okay guys so just imagine Midam after hell and Michael singing Adam hymns meant to honor war heroes and calling him his little soldier in Enochian because he was on the front line of the biggest war ever to happen an and was nearly ripped apart because of that so the least he can do is honor him
UNAPOLOGETICALLY ask for what they want and when you’re not happy with it, they proceed to belittle you for it.
So nod, smile, agree and also UNAPOLOGETICALLY ask for what you want.
If they have any type of issue or even hesitation, LEAVE.
There are TOO many men. Far too many men on this earth for you to ever ever seem beneath them.
The pussy is yours, the cute laugh is yours, your elegance is yours, your smile is yours, the aura is yours and so is your body. The fact that other men are drooling because he has you is all YOU, not him. You should be damned if any man puts you second.
Side Note: Don’t be an asshole either.. also stay gracious :)