Because the response to 13 Reasons Why has been so controversial, I’d just like to point out some things.
As explained in 13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons, the suicide scene was shown BECAUSE they wanted it to be painful for the audience to watch, as well as the rape scenes. Not because they wanted to be gruesome or inconsiderate, but because it is REALITY for so many people in the world and a lot of people like to pretend these things don’t exist or shield themselves from the reality of it; they ignore it because they’ve never gone through it, so they don’t care so much. So then when they see these scenes, they will be made uncomfortable and see what people are really truly experiencing and that it is not something that should at all be sugarcoated or ignored. IT IS REAL.
Secondly, for those saying it’s disgusting for them to show these scenes, THERE ARE WARNINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODES THAT SHOW RAPE AND/OR SUICIDE TO NOT WATCH IF IT WILL AFFECT THE VIEWER IN ANY WAY. These warnings are given specifically so that if you are not comfortable watching or believe it would cause a trigger, you should not even watch. So the fact that people are bashing the show for showing these scenes in relation to them being a trigger, the warnings are already made very clear in the beginning. They did take this step to make sure it wouldn’t just pop up and be any sort of triggers. The producers knew very well to be wary of that. The show also worked with a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists, and leading experts in teen-suicide prevention. Though this still may not be enough for you to think they did everything right, they again did have the warnings. They are very aware that it could cause triggers and put some people in danger, but THAT IS WHAT THE WARNINGS ARE FOR. DO NOT WATCH IF IT COULD DANGER YOU. VIEWER’S DISCRETION IS ALWAYS ADVISED.
THE SHOW WAS NOT CREATED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. IT IS TO SPREAD AWARENESS FOR ALL THE ISSUES (suicide, rape, bullying) AND POINT OUT HOW LITTLE THE SIGNS CAN BE AND HOW MUCH MORE CAREFUL AND HELPFUL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD NEEDS TO BE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US. As also talked about in Beyond the Reasons, they want to promote teaching boys the proper ways to approach a girl and gain permission to become intimate with her, always getting the YES to teach boys respect for women. This is very important because as most people know, it has always been extremely hard for rape victims to get help because of the “what were you wearing” “were you flirting” “did you lead him on” “did you directly say no” arguments that are so wrongfully executed—instead, 13 Reasons Why knows that this is an issue, as somewhat shown in the scene with Mr. Porter as he questions Hannah. So in the after show, they speak about how parents need to be teaching their children more about consent and less about just protecting yourself, covering up, etc. They are aware that the real issue is with proper consent, and that is a very important message to get across.
Coming from someone who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts, I must also point out that EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EXPERIENCES, THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, ETC ARE DIFFERENT. What one person suffering depression thinks may be different than another. Hannah Baker’s story is very unique in many ways yet also extremely relatable in many ways to many, many people and girls around the world. JUST BECAUSE YOUR STORY MAY BE DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN HERS IS INCORRECT OR LESS/MORE THAN ANOTHER’S. There are a lot of people who can relate to feeling as though you are NOTHING and of no worth to the people around you, just a burden that only disappoints everyone and makes their lives worse. This is a very real state of being and depression and feeling of complete worthlessness that people can reach in their lives, especially some young teenage girls, like Hannah Baker, and even myself, that will lead to suicidal thoughts, attempts, or completely following through with, like Hannah. They believe the world and their loved ones would be better off without them. Again, as someone who has attempted suicide as a teenager and worked for years to fight depression and overcome it, I can say that while the suicide scene did make me uncomfortable and was extremely painful to watch, I was not offended. I knew of the warning at the beginning of the episode, read it, and continued to watch because EVERYONE HANDLES THESE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. I UNDERSTOOD the purpose of including the scene and making it so graphic and realistic. IT’S REALITY, THIS IS HAPPENING TO PEOPLE EVERYDAY AND IT SHOULD NOT BE SUGARCOATED OR SHIELDED FROM THE WORLD; it needs to be made more AWARE OF by those who like to turn a blind eye to it, but it is exposed WITH WARNING. So again, if some feel as though a scene like this would be a trigger, IT IS ADVISED YOU DO NOT WATCH. Everyone is affected differently and they did not just insert it with no consideration for the affect it could have on those battling the same wars as Hannah.
To say Clay was an easy solution and could have saved Hannah by loving her—no, he could not have saved her by just loving her, that is not what this story is even saying. Hannah does explain at the end of her last tape as she exits the school that some people cared, but she felt it was only mediocre, not enough for her to want to stay and feel NEEDED and truly LOVED. So no, they are not saying Clay could have kept her alive by simply loving her, or that love can save someone, it is much more complex than that. What they are saying is that people can care, but not showing how much they truly care can affect someone in the ways it affected Hannah. It was not just one boy’s love that could have saved her, but the love and care of many people, for them to show that they truly cared about her being alive and DID NOT see her as worthless, an object, just another person on earth. She needed to feel as though they NEEDED her to stay, that they genuinely cared about her as a person and that her life was truly worth something, because she did not feel it was. When Clay says he could have kept her alive if he wasn’t so afraid to tell her he loved her, he simply means he could have given her a sense of hope, a sense of belonging on the earth, that someone truly, whole-heartedly valued her life and her as a human being, not an object.
The actress who plays Jessica also explained that she reached out to a family member who is an actual rape survivor, and she stated that she was pleased that the show was “not shying away from the ugliness” of these scenes because viewers will see what these people really go through–again, another topic that is usually sugarcoated and instead needs to be addressed.
13 Reasons Why is a unique way of telling the story of a teenage girl who committed suicide, and the reasoning for bringing it to screen was MOSTLY to promote awareness and shine light on things that are not talked about enough that the youth suffers every single day, things adults see as “normal teenager struggles,” “small stuff,” “it only feels like the end of the world and really isn’t,” etc. This show is being spread more than even expected, and that is a very good thing for those who are in need of help and have parents or peers that once ignored their problems and will now tend to them.
**an issue cannot be tended to/made aware of/more properly prevented if it is just sugarcoated rather than slapped in people’s faces (those who don’t realize how severe it is) like this show does. it can really change things and leave an impact.
**if you are at risk for triggers and do not feel you are currently healthy enough to watch this show, please take care of yourself and do not watch. or, skip episodes 9, 12, and 13 and read up on them instead. these are the episodes that can be triggers for those at risk, if you weren’t yet aware.
**also feel free to stop by my inbox and talk to me if you need someone to talk to, or just would like to speak more on the subject.
Ajax have confirmed that Abdelhak Nouri (20) has suffered “serious and permanent brain damage”. It is expected Nouri will soon travel to Amsterdam for further treatment, but the chances of recovery are very low.
“Abdelhak is such a great talent, but unfortunately we will never know how far his star would have reached if this wouldn’t have happened to him” - Edwin van der Sar [CEO of Ajax]
pre calamity: zelda said that his father was a knight and he was raised from a very young age to be a swordsman, so i imagine he comes from a military family. he’s extremely disciplined, serious, and polite to the point of being super intense. he doesn’t slip up his posture in the slightest around the royal family, which bothered zelda before she got to know him. he was always so stiff and cold around her. she thought he was just another brainwashed soldier sent by the king to babysit her; he thought that keeping at attention and never dropping his guard was the best way to keep her safe, and what she would have wanted
post calamity, before regaining his memories: the memories of all his military training goes out the fuckin window!! link wakes up and stumbles around the world for a while, confused, until he finally gets a sense of what the hell is going on. most of what he does in battle is just instinct and muscle memory. since he cant even remember who he is much less how he was trained, he is a lot friendlier, warm, and playful. he loves food and he loves cooking and he absolutely adores animals, especially horses. he also tends to be a lot more naive and easily trusting, which makes him an easy target for yiga spies early on. but the confidence he had in his abilities is gone too. he finds it hard to believe that he was some legendary hero. but everyone tells him that zelda and the 4 champions, whoever they are, were his very best friends, and he just doesn’t want to let anyone down
post calamity, after regaining his memories: he can now remember who he was, but that doesn’t matter. he’s his true self, for the first time. zelda returns to him after they defeat ganon together. she asks if he can really remember her, and he does, and he’s so overjoyed that he can’t help but embrace her and cry; a physical touch and a show of emotion he wouldn’t dream of showing her 100 years ago. the warmth, playfulness, and the genuineness stays as they travel hyrule together. even though zelda had been watching him, shes surprised to see this change as he excitedly wants to show her all the horses he’s tamed, all the recipes he’s learned, and introduce her to sidon, riju, yunobo, teba, and all the other friends he’s made. for once, he seems happy and comfortable
I cannot stress enough how toxic this fandom is. A person shouldn’t have to have so much anxiety in a fandom everyday over whether or not they are shipping what the others deem “okay” or if they colored the skin dark enough to please the people who hound everyone’s art.
And death threats over this? Seriously? You’re going to sit there and tell me you want someone to END THEIR LIFE over a goddamn ship or drawing?? Are you fucking kidding me?
There is a VERY fine line between wanting to prevent certain stuff and doing it in a good, healthy way, and taking it too far.
Okay you may be wondering why I think starco is more likely happen more than ever. For instance in the first part of episode 11. there were so many stark references. For instance
To me this symbolizes how her heart is in two different places at the same time. One is with Tom and the other is With Marco. Then soon after
This is the third time we have seen captain blanches sugar seeds. Let’s not forget how captains seem to only appear when it comes to Starco, as in captain of a ship. This episode shows more than one captain though. Because I believe this symbolizes that both of their hearts are in the same place, Star is just scared to get hurt. The reason I think this, is because this is the first time we have seen both captains in the same episode. And they both winked. look
and then a few shot milliseconds later,
I think the delay is intentional, because Star is now the one delaying the ship because of her lingering feelings for Tom. Also This refers to Eclipsa shipping starco.
Also notice how Marco and Star look like a couple that is meeting the parents for the first time. Marco, trying not to mess up. Bonus
I just thought this was really cute.
Another starco thing that might not beset first hand, is theft that they are very honest with each other and do not keep secrets. Whereas, star specifically asks Marco not to tell Tom. And says
no problem. Like he does not want to eat with it. Also honesty is brought up a gain later in the end of the episode a Star says she does not have the dreaming portals under control. and then he also disobeys her and stay anyway,
He is genuinely worried about his future wife. And he an Glossaryk become buddies. It’s as if he approves of Marco.
Now onto Lava Lake Beach
This is the scene where Marco sees that Tom is wearing his hoodie. This is not just some scene to brush off. There is more to it than just it looking like Marco is being replaced. It is also a scene that actually represents the strength of Starco and how it is inevitable. That is because this is not Marco being replaced by Tom. It is actually star trying to replace Marco ad his place in her heat. The hoodie itself represents a lot of things. or instance it is torn. This is not just a fashion choice, it is also representative of how Marco feels seeing him wear his clothes that star so willingly gave to him. It is also how star feels because she is trying to fill the hole in her heart that is Marco and thinks that Tom can do it. But the fact that its torn also shows that it isn’t really doing the trick. Therefore, Tom is a rebound for Star. But her love for Marco is too strong. Also remember, when Pomny head mentioned how the memory of Marco’s scent was in her heart. This is most likely subconscious, but Star is trying to keep Marco close to her by Tom wearing Maco’s hoodie. To her it is probably like having Marco there, but not really. This scene was necessary for Marco to help him realize that the does in fact have feelings for Star. But, Tad forces hi to confront his feelings.
Tad is the entire fandom. He is like “dude it’s so obvious to everyone but yourself.” and Marco is like
No?!? The fact that he says no is not him rejecting his feelings for Star. It is actually
him saying “No! How could I not see this?” He is saying “No! my best friend” “No, I can’t be in love with my best friend, she has a boyfriend.” It him saying “No! I can’t believe this is happening!” But most importantly
It’s him saying “No! I am in love with my best friend and…
I’m too late
this is the face of him realizing the truth. This is the face of heartbreak. 💔
This scene might seem romantic one thecae of it. But to me is just lookalike to lonely people in search for comfort and found it in eachother. Also When Kelly says “They don’t need this. They haven’t earned it.” She re grading the fact that they are still hiding things from themselves. For star it is her love for Marco that she is suppressing by using Tom as a rebound. And for Tom it is him still living in denial about Star and how she truly feels.
This is them finding comfort in each other. It is also pretty clear to Kelly knows how he feels about Star and how star felt/still feels about him. So she and him will most likely use each other for comfort which will likely make star jealous and realize that her feelings for Marco can’t just go away. These two are both heartbroken using each other as a safe place to just be sad and true to themselves.
This final shot is not just to sol rise or his birthday, but the rise of Marco’s feelings for Star. And that is probably theist birthday present he could ever receive.
“Not to talk about any other group, but they’re just different. BTS has so much to offer … People were like ‘Look up BAP, look up EXO, or G-Dragon,’ and all these groups. I checked them all out, and it wasn’t the same for me, you know.”
“Rap Mon can rap really good … but the fact that he wears makeup shouldn’t take away from it or the fact that he dances shouldn’t take away from it because that’s his culture.”
my favorite track is ‘Hip Hop Lover.’ It’s amazing- the rapping, the hook. I was really amazed.”
“My boy Suga pulled his phone out and said, “Hey I produced this track. Do you wanna listen?” So I heard [‘Let Me Know’] before but when I could hear it in speakers, that was a beast. Suga is amazing. He made that record. He produced the track, the hook, and everything.”
“It will happen eventually, whether I get Jimin to sing a hook or Rap Monster to rap or something. Something will happen in the future.”
“They’re so dedicated, always dancing, always practicing. It’s not all forced- they don’t have to do that. They just want to be good at what they do because they’re going to get so much flak for wearing makeup and for dancing.”
“When he’s rapping on ‘Hip Hop Lover,’ you hear greatness in Rap Mon.”
“The most talented one of them all, even though they’re all super talented, is Jungkook who is the youngest. He can do all three. He can really rap, he can really sing, he can really dance as you saw in ‘Bulletproof.’”
the subtitles do absolutely no justice to the way he says this, it’s far more of a:
be careful near the edge! the… uh… Brotherhood doesn’t want to lose you. definitely the Brotherhood as a whole. not just me. I think it would be a solid strategic decision right now to head to the ground floor. slowly! by the stairs. please. soldier. *cough*
“Why did you stay?” “Why didn’t you leave?” “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
These are the questions that are fired at a survivor of gaslighting.
So what is gaslighting?
It is one of the most manipulative form of emotional abuse. It is when the victim blames themselves and has lost the faith in their own abilities. It is when you start to question your own ability to make decisions or even think. It is when someone that you are emotionally attached to becomes the person who causes you immense distress and pain.
The victims stay because they genuinely believe that they may be the cause for the distress. They stay because when it comes to someone you trust, it isn’t someone who you’d give up on that easily. They stay longer than they should because it is painful to watch someone that you love and care about (in any form be it friendship, relationship or otherwise) turn into someone that you hate. They stay out of genuine concern for the abuser’s well being.
As for why they don’t leave, it’s because they believe that they wouldn’t be able to make it without their abuser. To put it dramatically, they think that they wouldn’t be able to live without them. They believe (as they have been made to) that they are incapable of doing anything without the abuser. Sometimes, they don’t leave out of fear of the abuser spreading false information about them or maybe because he/she has threatened to reveal the victim’s weaknesses.
They don’t tell anyone the full extent of damage being inflicted because isn’t it a human tendency to protect the people that you care about? Regardless of the type of behavior, when it comes to someone you trust, you’d tend to be protective of them and wouldn’t want anything that you say to hurt them. So they don’t tell anyone about this sick form of demagoguery fearing whether they would even be believed or whether they would in turn be questioned about their willingness to submit to the oppressor’s wishes.
How did you let it get so bad?
What people don’t seem to understand is that the changes are so subtly done and the manipulation is so carefully implemented that the victims don’t even know what they’re falling into. These are people you trust so at first they believe that maybe they have some hidden agenda which would lead to the betterment of themselves when in reality they are falling face flat into an emotional trap.
Then, the victims start questioning the very facts that have been presented to them because the oppressor would have made slight changes to the version of the truth which in turn would result everything being the fault of the victim.
They cut off the attachment with them only when it reaches a point where they have been hurt so badly or the abuser does something so morally wrong that no amount of excuses could pardon their behavior and they run out of instances to defend the manipulator.
This isn’t something that the survivor can “move on” from or just “get over”. It takes time to heal the wounds that have been cast on their minds. They have been through a mental trauma, an emotional rollercoaster and a psychological assault on their very mind and these aren’t the type of scars that can be healed very soon.
It is a battle with themselves and their mind that follows in their path to recovery.
It is enough to drive anyone to the point of insanity and requires and immense amount of grit and emotional strength on their part to overcome such an ordeal.
These abusers may actually be someone who may have cared for them, or someone who may have been dealing with their own issues in such negative way or just a manipulative piece of shit who cares only themselves and don’t give a damn about how their words and actions have destroyed someone that they may have claimed to care for.
The process of healing is slow and painful. There may or may not be any physical injuries but the degree of hurt that has been cast on their minds takes a different duration for different people depending on the extent of trauma, the support from genuine well-wishers and their own strength.
Okay so Cinderella went down REALLY well and I’m pretty sure I would be skinned alive if I didn’t do a part 2 so HERE YA GO. THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG SERIES WITH SOME CHEEKY CLIFFHANGERS!!! Feel free to send me feedback/suggestions!
Warnings: Description of cuts (not self inflicted) and violence / Swearing galore
Jagged cuts, twisting like vines up your arms from shards of bottle glass. Red eyes, dried up from fallen tears. You looked like a mess.
Last night had been the most free night of your life since your Mother died. You’d danced with a boy who made your insides flutter and for the first time in forever you finally felt as if you were worth something. Of course, that feeling couldn’t last forever. It had taken the strike of a clock at midnight to remind you of your fate, awaiting you at home. A reminder that you weren’t free, and probably never would be.
The second you had stepped in the front door, you’d felt a rough fist grab you, pulling you by the hair, as you screamed, into the kitchen. Your step-mum, in all her drunken glory, shouting swears and profanities at you. She wouldn’t stop throwing stuff either, carelessly, not really worried if whatever she was throwing hit you or didn’t hit you. You managed to escape, with a palette of bruises, small scars and a deep gash on your leg from where your step-mum had picked up a whole box of empty bottles and smashed them at your feet. Anna and Drew had decided to stay at Cheryl’s house, so you didn’t see them for the rest of the night.
Once the assault had finally ended, you had used the little energy you had left to go upstairs and tend to your wounds in the bathroom. You liked to think of them as battle scars. That’s what your Mother would say…
“(Y/N)! What on earth have you done you silly goose,” Your Mother, in all her radiant beauty, picked a tearful 5 year old you off the gravel pavement of your driveway and sat you down on a bench. She wiped away your tears, seating you on her lap as she brushed down your dress affectionately.
“I fell over,” You pouted, pointing to your knee. A barely visisble red cut had formed and your Mother chuckled under her breath, before leaning down and kissing it gently.
“Oh no darling, how did you manage that?” She played along with your exaggeration, putting on a fake frown.
“I was playing princesses, because I’ve always wanted to be a princess! We were being attacked by trolls, so I was leading my kingdom into battle, but I tripped! I’m an awful princess,” You shook your head, wiping away any stray tears with your clenched fists. Your mother took your hands and uncurled your fingers from their tight ball, one by one. She held them close to her heart before bending down so she was on eye level with you. She smiled at you, her eyes filled with love.
“You are a beautiful princess. A princess doesn’t have to be graceful, she has to be strong, and that’s just what you showed by braving a deadly fight with the trolls! But perhaps, maybe nobody would have to get hurt if you would talk to the trolls. Make a peace. Where there is kindness, there is goodness and where there is goodness, there is magic. Have courage my little princess, and be kind.”
Memories of your mother consumed you for the rest of the night, as you curled up tight, crying softly to yourself as nobody else could listen.
You wanted to be the princess that she always wanted you to be.
But it was so hard to be kind when people spat at your feet and showered you in hate.
You woke up in the morning, feeling tired and weighed down by the events of last night. Your mind drifted towards Jughead. What did he think of you after what you did? He probably thought you were some kind of selfish bitch, although you were used to that opinion. The thought of someone you really liked thinking about you that way bothered you. Was this the name you would make for yourself?
You had to pick yourself up and carry on. The likely situation, would be that Jughead and his friends would never speak to you again, and you would spend the rest of your high school days alone as you did before.
You were such a wallflower that you couldn’t even be bothered to make an effort with your appearance. You threw on a comfy, oversized grey sweater, black leggings and matching converse. You tied your hair up in a messy bun and only touched up with light makeup, especially around the eyes to conceal their puffy and red exterior.
The house was quiet and you didn’t dare make a sound. Your step-mother was probably crashed on the couch. She wouldn’t be as angry as yesterday if you woke her up but it would give her enough reason to scream profanities and you didn’t have the energy to deal with her this early in the morning.
You slung your backpack over your shoulder, preparing to leave for the walk to school, considering your bike had been vandalised. Something caught your eye on the way out your bedroom though, and you turned around to look at the hook on the back of the door. Your mask from last night, still in perfect condition along with a zipped bag that contained your dress. A haunting reminder of Cheryl’s party. You were of course, missing some components of your outfit, including the bejewelled necklace and shoes. The shoes were probably back in Veronica’s closet but you couldn’t imagine the look on her face if you told her that you’d thrown away the necklace. Another hit-list you would be added to.
You shook your head, leaving the outfit untouched as you managed to creep your way downstairs and out the front door, heading for school.
The school hallways were the same as ever. Jocks pressing cheerleaders up against the lockers for impromptu make-out sessions, public arguments, people who were too loud for their own good, people who wanted to get out of the crowded hallway as soon as possible, popular kids, non-popular kids, normal kids. And then you, so bland to an outsider that you couldn’t be placed in a category. Too naive and pretty, the perfect girl next door with good looks and good grades.
You were so much more. If only people knew.
“Chin up princess or your crown will slip”
Your mother would say to you. Don’t let people put you down. Those who put you down only feel bad about themselves, and you should try and reach out to them.
Your thoughts clouded your head, so you didn’t realise when an arm reached out to grab you. You let out a tiny yelp, that was drowned by the noise of the hallway, as the person latched onto your arm, pulling you into the Janitor’s closet. You managed to push them off of you before stepping back to look at your kidnapper. Kidnappers.
Betty and Veronica, arms crossed, staring at you so intensely they could start a fire. They stepped to the side, to reveal that behind them was the boy you’d danced with the night before. You felt your face flush crimson as he stared at you with a similar intensity before stepping forward.
“(Y/N)…” he began but you cut him off quick.
“I’m so sorry, I’ll work days on end to pay for the necklace, and anything else I damaged. I didn’t mean to leave like that it’s just, my step-mo-” It was now Jughead’s turn to interrupt you as he pulled you in to a warm embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing soothing circles where his hands lay. You were stiff with surprise, before melting into his arms and letting out a small sob. It was so relieving to finally have someone to lean on. You couldn’t help but feel weak though.
When the two of you finally broke apart, Veronica and Betty went in for a reassuring hug, before linking arms and leaving the tight closet, so you two could spend the time alone together.
“Bets and Ronnie told me about your home life,” He confessed and you hung your head in shame. “You should have told someone,” His voice was now a whisper, and when you looked up to meet his eyes, they were drowning in concern and that one helpless look that you knew too well.
“I couldn’t. She’d kill me,” You bit your lip, trying to stop the tear dam from overflowing for the 80th time since last night. You couldn’t help but cling to him again, desperately searching for something to hold onto. He let you, soothingly rubbing your back as you buried your head in his shoulder. He froze, and you realised the sleeves of your sweater had rode up during the hug. You tried to play it off but he had already seen the bottle cuts.
“Were these…did you?” Jughead was speechless and you shook your head rapidly.
“No no no. They’re from bottles that she threw at me when I got home late,” You sounded like you were reassuring him but this really wasn’t any better than what he thought you had done in the first place.
“My god (Y/N)” He traced his fingers up them at a slow pace, causing you to feel waves of shivers. “We have to tell someone, anyone.”
You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping you. “Please Jug, don’t you think I’ve tried to reach out once or twice? Nobody will listen to me. I’m not worth people’s time. Especially with Anna and Drew now on Cheryl’s side and no proof of what they do to me. If I tried to reach out, I would be labelled as an attention seeking whore,” You choked out, your voice raw from the sobbing. You were so done with tears. You made to leave but Jughead grasped your wrist, pulling you so hard that you stumbled into him, hands pushing into his chest. You felt embarrassed all over again, and when you looked up at him he was smirking and wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. You jumped back, hiding your face in your baggy sweater so he couldn’t see your overwhelming tomato blush.
“Seriously though, don’t go, not yet,” He whispered. “Stay.”
He sounded so genuine and vulnerable. You sighed, before pulling up a small stool that the Janitor used to reach higher windows on tall walls and sitting down, waiting for what Jughead had to say.
“What if I told you I did have proof?”
“I would say you’re lying to me and this is some kind of sick joke but I guess that gives you an insight in to how low my expectations have fallen at this point.”
He rolled his eyes and you chuckled in response.
“Me and Betty were at the party to interrogate certain people on Jason Blossom’s murder for the Blue and Gold, we carried around a voice recorder. I couldn’t stand how sociable it was, being an antisocial myself, so I gave Betty the recorder and sulked off for the rest of the party until you found me. Long story short, she recorded your sisters recording me and you but they ended up saying shitty things about you and how they were going to expose you so Bob’s your uncle, there’s your proof! This could change everything,” Jughead paced back and forth, pausing every now and then so you could take things in. He looked excited at the end for your reaction, but you looked deadly pale.
“Anna and Drew know I was at the party?” You whispered, eyes widening in fear. This clearly wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for and he bent down so he was eye level for you, resting his warm hands over your shaking ones.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We have weapon on our side here, we could use this to our advantage!” He rubbed your hands together. You hated how he talked about this as if it were some kind of huge game or war.
“And they have huge dirt on me. They could show my step-mum. She’d skin me alive. Find a way to frame me for stealing the outfit, beat me to death no matter what counter evidence you have,” You picture her face, her rage. Your whole body was violently shaking now.
“We could gather more against your step-mum overtime, this will just stop your sisters in the mean time. They’ve built themselves a reputation over the past couple of weeks and they wouldn’t dare spoilt it,” He pulled you off of the stool and into another tight hug. Your head rested on his lap as you tried to calm yourself. Think happy thoughts.
Words that wouldn’t stop repeating and ringing in your ear.
You’d left the closet, Jughead at your side. He’d tried to reassure you and although you felt better than before, you still doubted this whole muddle that you were caught up in. You wished that the ground would open up, devouring you into the darkness below.
You made it through most of the day without an issue. Sadly, just after lunch you ended up running into the people you wanted to avoid the most. You were walking down the hall towards the water fountain, throat parched from the outdoor heat.
“(Y/N) is it?” A voice called your name and you froze. You were never acknowledged in these halls. You turned around and met face to face with the demon queen of high school herself, Cheryl Blossom.
You nodded your head as a response, over analysing all of her movements and gestures in your head. Why was she talking to you? Why did she care? “Honey, you can speak. I don’t bite,” She giggled sickeningly, before linking her arm in yours. The two of you continued to walk down the corridors, not really going anywhere, you just let Cheryl lead you.
“Umm Cheryl, what… what do you want?” You asked, fearing the worst.
“I just wanted to walk and talk. According to your sisters, my newest henchmen, you were killing it at my party last night. They showed me a picture,” Cheryl’s overly sweet voice made you feel sick to your stomach, as you just tried to go along with what she was saying.
“Thank you,” You mumbled and Cheryl flipped back her long, ruby locks.
“Honestly I don’t know why you don’t come to my parties more often when you strut around wearing dresses like this,” She stopped, pulling out her phone and showing you a screenshot. It was a screenshot of the video. Did Anna and Drew send this to her? You were holding Jughead’s hands, your dress exposed to the moonlight, basking in it’s intricate and elegant design with pride. You couldn’t help but think you actually looked beautiful. When you looked back to Cheryl with a soft smile on your face, your mood was shattered by her sudden cold, piercing eyes. “Where did you get it?” Her tone sounded mocking and you instantly ripped your arm away from hers.
Cheryl tilted her head in feign hurt and bewilderment as you backed away from her. She was giving you disturbing vibes and you didn’t want to be alone with her in this hallway anymore. You rushed down the stairs, merging in with the now crowded ground floor hallways now that lunch was over. You thought you were safe, leaning against your locker and taking in deep breaths.
Two arms slammed down at either side of your head, but they were from different people. You were trapped once again, the sense of freedom flying even further away. You suddenly missed not mattering at all, to anyone. You shouldn’t have gone to that stupid party.
Anna and Drew loomed over you and although they weren’t that taller than you, you couldn’t feel any more small. Drew dug her nails into your wrist, so different to how Jughead had handled you. She dragged you into an empty classroom before slamming you up against a whiteboard, Anna hot on her tail.
“Listen fat freak,” Drew hissed and you winced. “Did you really think you could just skip back into school like nothing happened? Did you not get wasted as you grinded on that boy last night?” She spat the words, spewing lava that burned you.
The way she twisted the romance, the happiness that you had felt made everything so much worse. As if they were taking away your safe haven.
“I didn-” You began but your step-sisters simultaneously slammed their hands down at your sides again and you jolted, stopping dead in your tracks.
“We have video evidence of everything that happened. Imagine if we were to leak this to a certain someone. We could twist the story, innocent girl gone rogue,” Drew continued to jeer. Anna didn’t say much, she just nodded every now and then.
“My-my friends.. they have audio evidence of you. It could ruin you,” You mustered up your confidence, chin help up in defiance.
Keep your head up Princess.
“Your friends? Pfft! Anyone can be bribed princess,” Drew mocked. “They’re not your friends. Besides, what will it do? What we said about you, Mummy would agree with and you know it. Us being a bit bitchy won’t stop her from beating you to a bloody pulp.”
You closed your eyes, trying to block out the images that were forming in your mind. The bottles. The boxes of empty bottles.
“What do you want from me?” Your voice cracked, head down, tears spilling.
“A lot, but you’ll learn soon enough. You have a debt to pay if you want to keep this under lock and key (Y/N)” She toyed with her phone, the video tauntingly paused on the screen.
“D, that’s enough, she gets the point,” Anna sighed, grabbing her sisters hand and pulling her off of you and out of the room. Drew wouldn’t stop glaring at you.
“The game has begun bitch,” Was the last thing you heard, and you slumped down, head in your hands.
Here lies Celia (Y/L/N)
Loving wife of Thomas (Y/L/N)
And Mother of (Y/N) (Y/L/N)
A Queen in other’s eyes, she will be missed.
You read the epitaph over and over again every time you visited her grave. Beside it, you lay down another bouquet of white lilies. You just stood there, staring. You would look like a creep to a bystander but you didn’t care. You found comfort in talking to your Mother. She would always listen.
“I can’t do it Mum,” You shook your head, kicking the ground with frustration, accidentally shovelling earth with the heels of your feet. “My whole life I’ve dedicated to kindness, to tolerance and to resilience and to patience and all the values you taught me. You taught me to keep my head up strong and to believe in myself. You taught me that kindness is the route of all good magic. How am I supposed to believe in myself when nobody else does?”
You would always let everything go here, this was your time away from home, from school, from the drama to scream out loud and just let it all go.
“I want to Mother, I want to be the princess that you want me to be. But how can I be graceful if I just keep falling down. How can I be pretty when I’m decorated in scars. These aren’t battle scars, these are just reminders that I’M WEAK, THAT’S ALL I AM. I’M WEAK AND I’M ALONE AND…. and… I’m afraid,” You felt yourself crumple into a pile on the floor sobbing into the mud. You didn’t care how crazy or dirty you looked. The only time people noticed you is when you were flawed. You did good things for others all the time but people only cared about when you fucked up.
You felt so fake. Like a Barbie doll. Other people were pulling the puppet strings and you felt so weak and vulnerable. So fake.
A WEEK LATER
“I can’t believe you’ve never had a burger before,” Jughead’s mouth was full of food as he talked and you almost choked with laughter. He had invited you to study at Pop’s after school. When he found out you had never tried a burger before in your life, her forgot about studying and made it his mission to get you to try one of Pop’s very own. ‘Why not start with the best’ he’d said and you had to admit, it was pretty damn delicious.
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just the queen of microwave dinners,” You laughed and he smirked, shaking his head. It had been a week since the incident with Drew and Anna. You had confided in Betty and Veronica about what happened. You told Jughead about Cheryl, but not about your stepsisters because you really didn’t want to worry him. Especially now that you were spending time together like this, times where you felt happy. You couldn’t dream of ruining that.
Besides, it didn’t prove to be that much of an issue. It had been a week and their threats had not fallen through, which gave you some hope that this would all be over before you knew it. Juggie and Betty had accepted you into the Blue & Gold, so you had an excuse to spend a lot of time at Betty’s house. You could also focus your mind on something else and it was really helping your fragile mental state.
You’d gained confidence through hanging out with the SBC and you were beginning to finally see the positive outcome of that fateful night at the party.
But when something is going right for you, it’s just not allowed to last for long is it?
You were currently having a “Pop’s Fries Scoffing Competition” with Jughead and were winning by a mile when Jughead’s phone began to buzz, violently. As in, it wouldn’t stop buzzing. It wasn’t a phone call though, just someone who seemed very eager to text him. He ended up getting so distracted that he had to stop ‘scoffing’ and check his notifications, a look of clear annoyance plastered on his face.
You were busy gloating about your glory, doing a victory dance. Jughead’s eyes were wide, with fear and shock as he dropped his phone on the table, the loud bang stirring you from your imaginary victory parade.
“What’s wrong sourpuss? Sad you lost?” You smirked, reaching over to steal his food, the prize of the bet. Another reason the two of you got on so well was your shared love of food, specifically trashy junk food which did not in any way treat your body like a temple.
“The voice recording,” He slowly rose from his side of the booth. You tensed, putting a fry which was on it’s way to your mouth back down again.
“What about it?” You were afraid to ask, because judging by his expression, it wasn’t positive news.
Here lies Celia (Y/L/N)
Loving wife of Thomas (Y/L/N)
And Mother of -
The only remaining evidence left of the now destroyed gravestone.
IT’S ABOUT TO GET FULL PLL UP IN HERE FOLKS? WHO DELETED THE RECORDING? WHO SMASHED THE GRAVE UP? OH SNAP FOLKS IT’S ALL GOING DOWN NOW eheuheuheu! Anyways here’s part 2 :3 Let me know if you want part3!
DISCLAIMER: I spell Mum as Mum because I’m British and it’s just a habit, although i did use the word ‘candy’ in a fic once rather than ‘sweets’. I apologise for my inconsistency :3