Fuck. I actually feel sorry for you two.
I’m sorry that whatever you two had didn’t work out. I’m sorry that my husband, nor you couldn’t find happiness in each others arms.
All I wanted was for him to be happy and I begged God that he did find his happiness with you. I could see it in his eyes when he took photos with you, how happy he was… not like the look he had in his eyes with his wife, but a look of… I don’t know, teenage love.. maybe even lust. I loved him, and more than you ever will. More than anyone ever has.
And it was real. Why would I of married him if I had a single doubt in my mind?
Sending those papers was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but looking at him with you was easy because I knew.. I really knew that he was happy. Maybe you saw all of his issues and it was too much for you? Or his libra personality wasn’t enough? I don’t want to know the dynamics of your relationship with him, I don’t even want to know what happened.
But try for him again, work for it, let him show you his scars and let him open up to you like he did with me. Know his secrets, know every groove and every mark on his body like I do. Memorize him, etch him into your brain and never let him go because once he is gone… it’s very hard to get him back.
It was easy for me to go back home when I saw him with you, it wasn’t easy not having any answers though. And that’s all that kills me now. Things I want to know… like, why is our baby stuff on your wall? Why is my makeup and my belongings in your bathroom? Where are my clothes and where are my treasured items? My journals? My ovulation strips when we got pregnant? The baby book? Where is everything?
I just want him happy, and you happy too. And you made him happy so please, work it out together. As a team.
steps to moving on:
step 1: stop telling people about them. i know you want to tell the world how they broke your entire being. your reason for existing and now you have to exist without them, but stop telling people. it helps i promise. it helps you forget. and though you don’t want to forget. you have to. you’re getting there. keep your head up.
step 2: cut ties off, talk to them less. don’t check their social media everyday. just try to distance yourself. i know you’ll miss them. but it will get easier as time goes on.
step 3: don’t think they are coming back, they most likely aren’t, even if they say they are. don’t let them rule over you when in your heart you know they don’t even want you. you have to accept that they are not coming back. im sorry. this is one of the hardest steps.
step 4: don’t tell them things. i know when something happens they are the first person you wanna tell it to. i know when you’re breaking you wanna call them and hear them say it’s okay, but don’t. you can do this on your own.
step 5: if they tell you they miss you, DON’T SAY YOU MISS THEM. let them miss you. let them see what they lost.
step 6: stop arguing w them, i know it gives you a chance to talk to them and that’s all you want but stop. nothing you can say will bring them back. if they want to come back, they will.
step 7: don’t let them call you baby or babe. the false hope will hurt so much in the end. be strong. say no. i get it if your heart leaped out of your chest when they said it, but your hearts gonna crush again if you believe they love you and much as you love them. honey, if they loved you. they would be with you, case closed.
step 8: hang with friends. getting out and being productive will put your mind off the fact that they aren’t there anymore. & if your friends are busy, take a you day or week or as long as you need. get some snacks, turn on your old favorite movie you haven’t seen in forever, turn off your phone, and enjoy the present.
step 9: get rid of it, you know what im talking about. the stuff that reminds you of them. the stuff you cry over or lock away hidden. throw it away, burn it, rip it to shreds if you can. just let it go. let the memory of them go, sweetie.
step 10: make yourself your main priority, look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself “it’s their loss, im amazing.” because you are. learn from their absence. learn how strong you are for getting through this.
When she tells you she’s scared, that she doesn’t want to lose you, kiss her. Wrap your arms around her waist and pull her so close that there isn’t any room between her bodies. Hold onto her like she is the answer to every question. Don’t let go. Leave her breathless.
When she tells you she’s scared, tell her she doesn’t have to be. Tell her you’re going to stay.