Jon is so extra, he once managed to catch 500+ crows (with a lot of help, of course) and one day as he was delivering a fear toxin threat live on Gotham news stations, he released them all at once and cackled as they harassed people on the streets.
i can’t imagine what she’s going through right now…..a fan did an interview with a news station just now and talked about how ariana’s mom literally pulled fans that were in the first few rows backstage along with security to get them to safety. her family and team saved fans lives tonight. absolutely nobody deserves this and i just know ariana’s taking it all to heart. she’s going to be traumatized by all of this. i feel so terrible for everybody involved i don’t even know how to begin to put it into words
sm entertainment has revealed that, after releasing the “final” station single this week, they will be preparing for a second “season” of the project. it is said that the project will possibly come back under a different name with the intention to expand to collaborations with overseas artists. (source)
Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.
So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.
Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.
Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.
Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).
So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.
His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.
So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.
And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.
There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.
So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.
And then quietly gasped.
And then furiously started typing into their phones.
And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-
Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.
EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.
So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.
So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.
We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.
A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂
Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.
This is an incomplete list of what TV stations around the world will broadcast the ‘One Love Manchester’ event on sunday.If you know a news station that isn’t on here, please reblog and add it or let us know.
there will also be several livestreams online for those who don’t have cable and have internet. I’ll be posting a few when they’re available.
Genre: Angst/fluff || soulmate!au / street performer!tae
Pairing: Taehyung x Reader
Summary: Place two strangers together and give them seven days to fall in love, and they will be soulmates for the rest of eternity, otherwise, neither of the two will come to love anyone ever again; The Seven Days Countdown has always been an old wives tale to you and nothing more, but all of that changes once you meet Kim Taehyung in the midst of a crowd of thousands. From then on, your life is thrown into a race against time, not only on a mission to beat the clock in falling in love with the renowned heartthrob, but also on a quest to make him fall in love with you.
chat noir will
drape himself over ladybug’s lap during the downtime on their nightly patrols and
moan about how awful plagg is just for some head scratches from ladybug (let’s
be honest, plagg taught the kitty well; complain and receive cheese/ladybug)
they once spent
an afternoon atop the notre dame after an akuma attack critiquing civilian’s
fashion choices. both learned that their partner has excellent taste in fashion.
ladybug: “oh my
god is that a man bun? those things should be burned.”
chat noir: “who
the hell wears crocs anymore? they look like shit, and they make your feel
smell. god, shoes have three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. crocs
have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and being ugly. it’s
quite a feat for one shoe to suck this much. i will judge anyone who wears crocs.”
ladybug uses chat noir as a mannequin to measure some of her designs during their downtime.
frequent arguments over akuma names because some are too stupid to say aloud. ladybug
believes in creativity and free will and vows to let the akumas keep the names
they declare themselves with. chat noir files petitions to change many of them
because he absolutely refuses to admit he nearly got beat by a Mr. Pigeon.
if ladybug and
chat noir are literally anywhere
together outside in public without an akuma, someone’ll always ask, “are you
two together? are you on a date?”. chat has to hold ladybug back from
stakeouts, chat noir sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” and has gotten to 1
before, even though it usually ends up with him getting pitched off a roof.
morning, there was an akuma battle, and chat noir learned that ladybug has bad
bed head. he makes sure to keep a comb in his pocket now at all times for
whenever there’s an early battle, and ladybug doesn’t have time to fix her hair
before going to school. she doesn’t say it, but she’s really thankful. (also
really jealous because tikki, pockets,
give me pockets, god fucking damn it)
one time there
was a mermaid akuma in the seine and chat noir fell in the water and revealed
he couldn’t swim. ladybug saved him and made him take swimming lessons. nothing
beats coming to sunday morning swimming lessons and finding one of paris’s
famous superheros with floaties and a kick board.
you can bet your
ass that ladybug constantly makes “a cat to water” jokes every second she can.
ladybug keeps a
tally of how many puns chat noir makes. his gets to 162 in one night before she
sets a limit of 10 puns per day. he breaks it all the time and has to wear the
Collar of Shame™ for the rest of the day, which is black collar with a huge
pink bow. (ladybug thinks he secretly likes it).
actually hates ladybug’s puns and buys her the “Punning for Dummies” book for Christmas.
she gets him “31
Ways Not To Be A Douchebag”.
actually know how to use a real yo-yo. chat noir laughs for two weeks.
ladybug and chat
noir regularly attend movies as themselves because no one really knows why the
superheroes are going to the movies, but it probably means there’s an akuma or
something equally bad so let’s just not
go. it just means they get the best seats every time.
they’re really tired and stressed out, and ladybug is being bossy and chat noir
is fed up with hearing it, he’ll say, “okay, deborah” which causes her to pitch him off the eiffel tower.
chat noir can
never get into a hammock. he always flips over every time he tries to get on
one time ladybug
flubbed a back handspring, and the news stations got it live. chat noir plays
it on repeat for a week.
Summary – You are house-sitting
for some friends on the Chesapeake Bay in the middle of a hurricane.
Unbeknownst to you, you’re not alone. Takes place immediately following the
events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
Warnings – Storms,
power outages, knives
Word Count – 1,909
Notes – I
actually do a lot of house-sitting on the side, and let me tell you, if this
ever happened to me, I would lose it!!
The house in this story is actually based of one of the places I stay
at. It’s absolutely gorgeous, the only
difference is, it’s on a farm whereas the house in this fic is by the Bay. As always, I appreciate all of your feedback
You stood on the front porch and
waved goodbye to your friends, Aaron and Olivia, as they drove off on their
two-week road trip to the Grand Canyon.
Although you loved your friends dearly, you also loved when they went
out of town. They always asked you to
stay at their house on the Chesapeake Bay.
It was a gorgeous two-story loft-style home with a wall of windows on
the back half of the house that overlooked the Bay. There was a small dock leading out over the
water, and you loved nothing more than to sit out there with a good book and a
glass of wine. This was more of a
vacation than a side job for you, but you weren’t going to tell anyone that!
when the lalbum comes out you BEST belive im gonna stand on the street corners w fliers. im gonna tape posters up on every public surface in all of the city. gonna get on every single subway line and tell everyone to buy and stream lt1. ill paint a fuckng mural in times square . ill pay a flash mob to spell out his name , pay a helicopter to take a picture of it from the sky, and then broadcast it on every news station in the country . i will do watever it takes to get louis to #1 on every corner of the earth we’re gonna have the penguins in antarctica blasting lt1 we’re gonna have fuckng nasty ass spiders in australia dancin to lt1 everybody is gonna live and breathe lt1