static the singing television

NOTE: These are headcanons that we as a network came up with together are from our Discord #headcanons channel, recorded here as written by us in the chat, which is why they may sound more like chats/conversations than headcanons as headcanons are typically written. Check out our other headcanons here!
  • pitch perfect au where ransom and holster have matching pitch pipes that they wear around their necks skdjghfdk like mini harmonicas but not at all and equally as loud and annoying sjdhgkjfd
  • They fuckening match pitch to random sounds and sing them back
    someone: TV STATIC DOESNT HAVE A PITCH
    rans: EEEEEEEE 
  • I swear to god if you match pitch to my oven timer again I am not feeding you 
  • matching pitch to the fire alarm shgfjkdg 
  • Both Nursey and Bitty have watched their YouTube videos back and very faintly hear a pitch pipe in the distance
  • matching pitch to burps JKHGJKS 
  • Their shower head screams when you turn the hot water on first thing in the morning, they match pitch to that 
  • They also sing everything remotely melodic back to people Like burps and giggles 
  • SNEEZES 
  • Nursey gets the brunt of this bc his voice is just naturally kind of melodic
    except coughs they’re like, NO IM NOT GETTING SICK nah nah brah 
  • melodic voice derek nurse im love this 
  • Nursey: I really need to go to the store I’m out of paper
    Rans: I really need to go to the store I’m out of paaaaapeeerr
    nursey: no seriously and my printer is dead
    rans: it smellllls your feEEEEaaaar
    Holster: this boy needs a chargeeeeeer 
  • omg harmonizing with the radio or like at the gym working out? like people wanna work out near rans bc they can hear him 
  • Chowder is just so done one day and stomps up to the and just gently removes the pipes from their necks. He’s got goalie face and and they’re so stunned they don’t even stop him 
  • Also yeeees it helps none of the poor souls with crushes on Rans 
  • holster: this blows
    chowder, turns around: BLOWS INTO BOTH PITCH PIPES MAKING UGLY SQUEAK 
  • And when Nursey works out with him and they sing together ppl just start arriving??? At the gym? In plainclothes like obviously not working out 
  • Barf girl is there 
  • One boy just passes out 
  • all good in the gym
The dark thing at the bottom that wears her skin

Once, the bad thing was formless
something that snuck and wormed and fed
it got everywhere, there on the shore.
Crests and troughs crashing on spilled red
sand and ground glass

She abandoned herself there, insidious sussurus
singing to complete the TV static stretch of silica

Once, it would surround me, unseen, and
whisper its version of things.
Leak in. fill up. spill over.
Mouth pouring black under sunken eyes
cracks sucking up light.
But I learned.
It learned too.

Sliding over her perfect skin, it hid in the
fingerprints and wrinkles
everything that she was

Once, I made her in her image
I saw everything that she was
I hid in her fingerprints, her wrinkles.
slid my hands over her skin
perfect

It follows me now, barking blasphemy
from her throat. Bending her voice to a cruelty
it should be incapable of.
No more whispering.
I can’t hear the waves, so far am I
coasting
car-crash windshield carpeting as far as I can see
no bloody prints
her.
her perfect skin, never cracking
perfect throat never dry
did I even move?
I don’t remember moving.
You’re not the ocean.
Right?
It’s so cold at night
Life’s a beach and I can’t die
All I need to know is why.

Describing the Ultimate Storytime Actors' Voices

Thomas: melted rich chocolate, prank calls at midnight, stifled giggles, your favorite childhood stuffed animal, going on an roadtrip with friends

Nicole: singing in an empty theatre, static from an old tv, seeing a play for the first time, passing a quiz you studied hard for, seeing an old friend again

Terrence: the wind rustling through autumn leaves, crickets chirping on a warm summer night, the feeling of meeting someone new, feeling the warmth from the sun

Jay: waves crashing on a beach, the smash of breaking glass, the feeling of keeping a secret, a flickering flame in the wind, the revving of a car

Leo: smooth honey, sleeping in silk sheets, the sound of flipping through old pages in a book, an owl hooting in the distance, the dial tone from a phone