state of ut

ya know what. since im already on the “talking about shit that bothers me” train i might as well bring up something else. im getting kinda cheesed off abt the current state of ut fandom’s Sans Angst. like, dont get me wrong, sans is a sad dude. dude has a lot to be sad about. and i like that! to me hes a very realistic portrayal of a depressed person that i can relate to in a way i dont see very often. but thaaaaaaat’s the shit that bothers me in fandom. the fact that i dont feel like im getting that. ppl tend to just, focus on papyrus’s potential death or timeline angst or on the more “romantic” aspects of sans’s depression in general, which is like, fine, whatever, but i want to see the gross stuff too. i want people to remember that depression has a lot of ugly aspects too and it tends to make us really, really suck at being alive. i want to see sans sitting in grillby’s for an entire day just because he cant work up the motivation to walk home. i want to see sans with every opportunity to save papyrus from being killed but just watching from the sidelines instead, because does it really matter, anyway? i want to see sans failing to pick up frisk from a playdate because he’s just too sad about nothing to leave the house but too guilty to ask for help. because like, that happens. that’s me every day (ok not the second one but you get it). so…. when i joke about like “lol sans kinda sucks” or whatever im not doing that because i dont like him or think hes a bad person. its just because like, i kinda feel like this actually good representation of my mental illness and the effects it has on my life is being glossed over or shoved away. i dunno. i need sans to be self-pitying and overwhelmed and bad at being a person in general. give me that.