And it makes me go crazy... I feel like I was faking it the whole time, even tho I had mental breakdowns over my weight, cried so much about it, starved myself, obsessed over calories and the scale but since I seem to be getting better so quickly now I feel so fake and like a fraud and that I don't deserve the support I'm getting bc if I'm getting better so fast I can't have been sick at all... idk I'm sorry for rambling I just needed to get this out idk (2/2)
You are so not alone.
When I started recovery, I started feeling better about food almost two to three weeks in and- I’m not going to lie- I did question my disorder too. I saw people around me coming into inpatient feeling terrible even after being there for over two months.
However, even now when I feel completely okay around food, I can have moments when my disordered thoughts pop back in for a visit, but I’ve learnt to get over them, like “I’m not fat and I’m gonna eat the damn chips anyway Deborah” if you get what I mean.
You are not a fraud. Remember, eating disorders aren’t about your weight, their mental illnesses. The fact that you stress, calorie count and have fear foods show that you still have your disordered thoughts there, even if they aren’t constant. Think of the lack of restriction as progress rather than failure- that is amazing, however far you are into your recovery.
And remember, recovery isn’t linear. Some people make slow progress with recovery, some do it faster. You and I probably fall into the “faster” category but that doesn’t make us any less valid than those who are really struggling. here is no such thing as “recovering too fast”- that’s your pace, and that’s okay.
If you have any other worries or you just need someone I’m always here for a chat, whether that’s via ask or message. Stay strong and keep going.