I may have actually figured out where this scene went wrong!
Every time I came back to it I’ve been getting a vague feeling that the conversation had somehow gone off course. The whole feeling just wasn’t right anymore and I couldn’t seem to get to the point I was trying to build to.
So today I went back to the start of the section and started taking things apart and rearranging and I think… I actually found the spot where it went wrong. Even better, instead of rewriting a bunch of it, I think all that was really needed is to change the order of some of it, leaving only a little section in the middle to actually redo.
I may finish this tonight yet. \o/