Without You ~ Luke Imagine

Requested ~ Kinda 

Trigger warnings ~ talks and explains about a panic attack, and anxiety 

Back in November i wrote an Ashton imagine called Warm Showers. A lot of people messaged me asking me to write more like it and i intended to have one up a while ago but just never really got around to it. I started this a few months ago and since i have been putting a lot of smut up lately i decided i needed a break from writing smut so i finished this. :) please keep in mind i am not trying to romanticize anxiety on any level. I based this off of something that happened to me in the past with my anxiety and how i coped/cope with my anxiety. Please don’t read this if any of those warnings are trigging to you. Remember I’m always here if you guys ever need to talk. Love you guys :*

Master list

~ Krissy

Luke Imagine ~

“Babe you’re sure you’re alright with going out to lunch with me right?” Luke asked coming up from behind me, wrapping his long arms around me comfortingly.

“Yes Luke.” I smiled faintly.

Going out and doing things was never my strong suit. Struggling with anxiety was something i’d learned to deal with since i was young. I wasn’t quite sure what ever really triggered my anxiety but one day everything just became extremely bad. But luckily i had the most amazing boyfriend ever who was willing to help me in every way possible.

Together we’ve been working on me getting out of the house more. Just running some earns, going to the movies or even just to the grocery store. Every little thing i did without having a panic attack or melt down was a mini mountain i concurred. And concurring those things felt amazing.

Today Luke and the boys planned to meet up for lunch at the local diner. Each of them bringing their girlfriends, just a way everyone could catch up considering they were on break from touring for a while. Luke didn’t pressure me into going. In fact if anything he tried to talk me out of going. He didn’t want to push me, overwhelm me. But i felt it was important i went to this with him.

“It’s just lunch right?” I swallowed hard starting to feel panicked over having to go to anything else.

“Just lunch and then straight back here.” Luke whispered, kissing the side of my neck.

“Okay, i’m ready.” I exhaled shakily.

Taking my one hand in his Luke unwrapped his arms from around me. Twirling me like a little ballerina until i was facing him. He pulled me close and gently pressed his forehead to mine.

“You’ll be fine love.” He whispered before pecking my lips.


“It’s so good to see you [Y/N]!” Ashton cheered engulfing me in a massive hug.

“You too Ash.” I smiled melting into his hug. He was who i was closet to out of all the boys. Minus Luke that is.

“So how’s everything?” He asked placing a calming hand on my back as we walked into the diner.

“So, so it’s about the same.” I breathed out.

“You okay being here?” He asked genuinely.

“Um, yeah.” I nodded.

“That didn’t sound like a good yeah but i’m not gonna push it.” He giggled lightly making me join in. “Now lets go eat some food!”

The hostess brought us to our table. Telling us the waiter would be right over. Each of us grabbed a menu and began looking for what we wanted. The diner was crowded, a lot of chatter filling the air. I began to feel uneasy but tried pushing it aside.

My mouth felt dry and i felt like i had a lump in my throat. I tried taking a deep breath through my nose to relax me but it didn’t do much. Moving closer to Luke he noticed my movement and looked at me questioningly. I shot him a reassuring smile doing my best to cover up how i was already crumbling apart inside and we hadn’t even ordered yet.

I was in my own world. No longer even processing what was going on around me. I decided on a turkey sandwich figuring it’d just be the easiest thing to eat.

“[Y/N]?” Luke called causing me to jump letting out a yelp.

Looking up everyone was staring at me with concern on their faces. The waiter stood patiently at the end of the table. Tapping his pen against his notepad.

“What?” I asked.

“What would you like to eat ma'am?” The waiter asked.

“I’ll just have a turkey sandwich please.” I mumbled.

With the nod of his head he flipped his notepad shut and walked away. Seemingly semi annoyed i made him take longer to get the orders than he had expected. Sighing, i looked down and began fiddling with my thumbs.

“Baby are you okay?” Luke asked. My body lightly jerked at his words. “You seem a bit jumpy.”

“I’m fine it’s just a little hot in here.” I said straightening out.

“Do you want to go get some fresh air?”

“Lucas i’m fine.” I snapped.

“[Y/N] i just want to make sure you’re alright.” He sighed.

“I know i’m sorry.” I muttered.

Wrapping my arms around his torso i shut my eyes. Letting his sweet embrace relax me a bit. He rested his chin on my head and i could feel everyone’s eyes on me making me feel worse.

“It’s okay [Y/N].” Ashton soothed rubbing his hand over my back.

“Just please don’t let me go.” I whispered into Luke’s chest.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said.

I could feel his chin moving on top of my head but i couldn’t hear him talking. I assumed he was mouthing to act normal or something because right after that - even though i couldn’t see them - i didn’t feel watched anymore.

“So hows everyone’s break been so far?” Ashton asked trying to make this as normal as possible.

“Good, i think this is the first time i’ve left the house.” Michael snickered.

“That’s not a shock.” Luke laughed.

“Pretty laid back. I miss preforming though.” Calum said.

There was a collective hum amongst the boys. All of them loved to preform. It was one of the most important things to them. Even when they had time off they were always playing their instruments. Most nights i fell asleep to Luke strumming random calming tones on his acoustic.

After that i began to zone out. Focusing on the conversation only made me feel worse. The thought of having to be a part of it made me want to crawl under the table and never come out. My grip on Luke tightened slightly while he calmingly ran his hand up and down my arm.

“If there’s anything i can do to help let me know.” Luke whispered in my ear. “And if you just want to leave say the word and we can go.”

“Do you have your headphones?” I mumbled.

“Mm, hm.” He hummed.

Digging into his pocket he pulled out his headphones handing them over. I took them with a small thank you and plugged them into my phone turning on some music. Music was always my escape and sanity, there was nothing else like it.

Backing away from Luke i sat up in my seat. Michael’s girlfriend smiled softly at me as she caught my glance. Everyone there knew what i dealt with so they understood which was nice. Reaching over Luke brushed his finger over my cheek making me smile softly. He could tell i was already a little more relaxed.

“Whatcha listening to?” Ashton wrote out on his placemat.

“Vegas Skies by The Cab.” I wrote back.

Luke looked over at our written out conversation before reaching for his phone as he began typing.

“I like that song too.” Luke texted.

I smiled weakly at him, giving him a small nod.

Soon after that the waiter returned with our food. Everyone was quick to dig in since they were hungry but i was hesitant. Even though i knew no one was watching me. It felt like everyones eyes were on me.

Not wanting to be rude while we ate i took out the headphones placing them in my lap. I stared at the sandwich that had been placed in front of me and no longer felt hungry. The sight of it almost made me sick.

Pushing the plate forward a bit i slumped back in the seat closing me eyes while i messed with the corner of my placemat.

“Is there something wrong with your sandwich ma'am?” The waiters voice made me jump.

“N-no.” I stuttered.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Alright well if any of you need anything just let me know.” With that he walked off.

Sure it was stupid. Small general diner conflict anyone could have. But having to talk to the waiter pushed me over the edge i had already been teetering on.

My heart was pounding in my chest and it felt like someone was sat on my lungs. My hands began to shake and my body felt cold and tingly. All i wanted to do was cry. Tears welled in my eyes as i turned to Luke. His focus was on Michael across the table as they were mid conversation. I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out.

With my shaky hand i grabbed Luke’s arm bringing his attention from Michael to me and he immediately knew what was wrong. I was having a full blown panic attack at this point. Luke went right into fight mode wanting to help me.

“I can’t breathe.” I panted.

“Hey, hey, hey. Shh, i got you.” He held my shoulders. “Slow deep breaths in and out.”

“I-it’s not helping.” I cried. “P-people are staring.”

“Ignore them baby. Now breathe.” He inhaled deeply with me. “And let it out.”

“Luke.” I panicked.

Bringing his forehead to mine he stared into my eyes. His thumb rubbed over my cheek wiping away the tears. I could see the pain in his eyes. Every time this happened he felt so bad because he couldn’t just make it stop for me.

“Close yours eyes and focus on breathing.” He said.

Closing my eyes i took a deep breath in my nose and let it out my mouth. This continued for a few minutes which seemed to feel like years. At some points i felt worse and others i felt better. Luke’s touch never left mine and he kept whispering little encouragements to help me through it.

Once i could finally catch my breath and didn’t feel like my head was going to explode anymore i completely broke down crying into Luke’s chest. I wanted so badly to get through the day without a panic attack. But it didn’t happen.

“I think it’s over.” I breathed heavily. “I wanna go home.” I whispered.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Luke said.

“Are you okay?” Ashton asked as Luke and i started to get up.

“Yeah i just, i need to go home.” I smiled meekly. “I’m sorry for ruining lunch.”

“You didn’t ruin anything [Y/N]. As long as you’re okay that’s all that matters.” Michael smiled.


Once we got home i took a much needed shower and a nap. I had put on a pair of sweats and one of Luke’s T-shirts. I cuddled up under the blanket on our bed and passed out in no time considering i was extremely tired from the panic attack.

Luke had stayed in the room with me nervous of me having another panic attack. Sometimes after having one i had another one later. So he sat on the end of the bed playing FIFA while i slept.

Once i woke up i quietly sat there watching him. I felt bad we couldn’t stay and finish lunch with the boys. I knew it was important to Luke to see them and i didn’t want to stop him from that. But i also didn’t want to make him go alone, i wanted to go for him. I just couldn’t handle it.

Slinking down the bed i wrapped my arms around his waist. Resting my head between his shoulder blades. I nuzzled my cheek into his skin sighing at his touch.

“How are you feeling love?” Luke asked pausing his game.

“Better.” I said.

“Good,” he smiled turning to give me a kiss. “I’m not going to lie you had me pretty scared earlier. It seemed like a bad one.”

“It was…” I muttered. “I feel really bad; about lunch and all.”

“Don’t. As long as you’re okay that’s all that matters.” He said.

“But it was important to you and you had to leave early.” I mumbled playing with the tie of the sweatpants.

“You’re important to me. I can meet up with the boys another time. But you breathing normally is more important than anything else.” He assured running his fingers through my hair. “I’m proud of you though.”

“Why? I went out and had a panic attack. That’s not something to be proud of.” I asked confused.

“You went out. You were out around a lot of people for a long time before you got extremely overwhelmed. That’s good, it’s a step in the right direction. Sure you panicked, that doesn’t take away the victory of you leaving the house to do something.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Luke outstretched his long arms offering a hug. Which i couldn’t refuse. I mean who couldn’t?

I buried my face in his chest as he enveloped me in his arms. When i was in Luke’s arms it was like all the worries of the world left and i wished he could’ve held me forever.

“It’ll take time but everything will get better. I’ll be right by your side every step of the way.” Luke whispered.

“I don’t know what i’d do without you.”

You're What! (Gou/Mafia AU)

Like all the others, this is a sample of the story that could be written and at the end you get to decide which character it will continue with!

This is in no way connected to the Nagisa mafia story Don’t Remember, but the positions in the family will remain the same. This is completely different.

This is my take on the Mafia swimmers AU!

Excuse the mistakes, I started this out a while ago, but I finished off a good portion of this with the worst headache…but it’s pretty long, so I hope that makes up for it!!!!

“Table three is ready.” Nagisa called out.

“Coming!” Gou replied, placing the empty plates in the dirty dishes rack, before making her way to the counter and accepting the tray of coffee from the blond. She carried the tray to table three where some guys from her university were sitting. “Here you are, three regular coffees with side of cream and sugar.”

Keep reading


OK, so I know its been a long time since I shared any progress on my doll that I was working on but I have not given up!! I kinda hit a brick wall with motivation so I didn’t work on anything for a while, and then when I did feel like working on something I ended up starting something new or working on a different project(I have a new mask in the works and a new head/ body repaint for my Tir Mir body I got from Lithe-Fider’s a few years back. Also a commission that i keep putting off finishing as well as a silly little simple sheep doll. so that a total of like 7 projects sitting on my desk needing to be finished now….. ).

photo #1: original(modified) doll(started about 2 years ago) with her changes that i have been (not)working on, shes next to a junk cast that has the original leg and elbow joint designs. I swear I will finish her one day!

Photo #2: all 3 doll projects next to one another. This is the first time I have shared any photo of the two on the right. I wanted to do a trans/bi-gendered doll. the smaller one i started 6-8 months ago and the larger SD sized one i started about a month ago. 

Photo #3: Just a closer photo of doll #2 and the silly little wing I sculpted befor work the other day.   

Dad || Kinley & Mika
  • Kinley:sat looking at the piece of paper that sat in front of her filled with math problems. The math problems mocked her as they stared back at her. She had never been good at math and being homeschooled didn't make things easier like she hoped it would. Kelsie had finished her homework hours ago and was off somewhere with Juliet while she was still sitting at her desk with the horrid math problems. Kinley knew that Juliet would expect her to be done with her homework and ready for dance by the time she got home if she wanted to go. Her head was starting to hurt from trying to concentrate so much and tears quickly filled her eyes in frustration. "I CANT DO THIS!" She yelled hoping that Mika was outside and couldn't hear her. Out of frustration, she crumpled up the sheet of math problems and tossed them into the trash can that sat next to her desk. "Mika?!" She yelled somewhat hoping that he was somewhere near to calm her down.

((I, uh… Heheh… I actually had these started from a while ago, so I just decided to finish them during some dead time. These are based on the icon style from Gen III, but with lines similar to more recent iterations.

I can do more, but not this week. I am straight-up booked this week.))

anonymous asked:

Hi! I sent you an ask a little while ago about how I was studying to be a nursing assistant and nurse Indra from your fic was kicking me into gear, blah blah blah. Anyways, for an update; I finished in the top 5 of my class in written and practical skills, got really wonderful references from all of my teachers, have a job at a local hospital lined up and start my nursing training in a few weeks. Thank you for managing to spark my motivation when I really needed it.


Stuck in ED-land

So I finished IOP two weeks ago and I can tell that I did make some improvement in the program. I was doing really well for a while then started going back to what I was doing this last semester. There have been a few good days in these past few weeks, but mostly I’m still finding myself bound by ED rules and fears again. I’m not even really sure why, it just happened. It’s hard to not get frustrated with myself because I know I can’t keep this up and do well in school, but I’m still trying to figure out how to start fighting again and keep fighting. 😕 it’s like now I have this dual desire to recover but keep what I like from ED (which I logically know doesn’t work). Like I want to do better, but I’m especially struggling with the idea of body changes now.
I’m also afraid of majorly disappointing my support people at school who were hoping for me that I’d be in a better place by the time the new year starts in September. If I can’t get out of this current mess, I’ll likely be in the same (or even slightly worse) place than I was before. Ugh.

So I’m on season 3 of YGO. The dub, specifically, because I never got to watch the whole show through as a child because of several reasons, so I’m finishing what I started many years ago. 

So I’m about…fourteen episodes into s3. It’s been revealed that Gozaburo “ran away” after Kaiba took over the company, and I was thinking about how that actually opens itself up to interesting fanfic opportunities. Because while in actual canon Gozaburo offs himself, the watered down 4Kids version leaves itself open to…possibilities. 

I’m sure it’s probably been done.

Deadhouse Gates Liveblog: The Prologue

Here Ferner you old sow, it’s that itch I could never scratch. Look on, now, closely, see what becomes of your wayward son.

So I finally started reading Deadhouse Gates. I finished Gardens of the Moon months ago and I’ve been putting off this book for a while because the first one felt so emotionally draining, and I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready but what the fuck.

I’ll try liveblogging this book but if history is any indicator, I’ll probably give up after a couple of chapters.

Keep reading

get off the computer

there’s actually no reason why i can’t knock out simple hand-drawn loops very frequently. i was searching through old sketchbooks for a while, and grabbing imagery from there to animate. it was fun, and it produced some cool loops. (the dancing robot being one of them). i have some new robots that i have yet to list on etsy. i’d like to list them and animate a few of them. the same way i did the first.

very soon i need to put up some avengers stuff. i need to finish that captain america animation i started so long ago.

i need to draw as much of that as possible. get off the computer as much as possible. inevitably, things will end up digital, but it’s much easier to brainstorm and build momentum by sketching. it might be worth buying, or netflixing the other marvel movies and drawing screen-grabs for fun.


Finished this at 4 am last night. Wasn’t planning on doing it so soon since I have loads of work and exams but needed it.
I really love how it turned out, it was supposed to be an sketch !
The circles represent some of Nick songs, is up to you to guess wich ones (it’s easy)
I was really inspired while listening to his songs, started doing these sketches like two weeks ago in class, at the buss, at home, it’s so nice to being that much inspired, haven’t happend in a while!
I used faber castell polychromos, white pen, Caran d'ache, black pen and gold ink. The size is A4 and the paper I don’t know how to translate it haha

Instagram - Facebook

Grosjean apologises to Stevens for Canada collision

By Alan Baldwin
SPIELBERG, Austria (Reuters) - Lotus’s Romain Grosjean has apologised in person to Manor Marussia driver Will Stevens for colliding with the Formula One back marker while lapping him in Canada two weeks ago.
“I went to apologise because I messed up,” the Frenchman told reporters at the Austrian Grand Prix on Thursday.
“I killed a big part of my race but I broke his front wing as well and even though they are fighting at the back, they are still trying to do their best so it wasn’t very nice of me to turn into him.”
Grosjean, who finished 10th in Montreal after starting fifth, was handed a five-second penalty after the race for the incident that happened as he passed the Marussia with 20 laps remaining.
“It was just a failure of concentration,” said the Frenchman.
“That corner is a very tricky corner, a chicane with the wall at the exit, and I was just focussing on the apex and didn’t even realise I was turning left. When I saw the replay I thought ‘that was bad’.
"It’s something you learn and try not to do again.”
Stevens appreciated the gesture.
“It was good of him because it was just a racing incident that should never have happened. He obviously thought I was more out of the way than I was but I was as far over as I could possibly get,” said the Briton.
“It’s good that he came over and apologised and I respect him for that a lot and we can move on and forget about it.”
Grosjean’s apology showed that he was willing to do as he would be done by, having criticised 17-year-old Dutch rookie Max Verstappen for failing to show remorse after the Toro Rosso driver smashed into the back of him in Monaco in May.
The teenager accused Grosjean of 'brake testing’ him and said he was not to blame.
“I said it would have been nice for Max to apologise, I didn’t say I wanted an apology,” said Grosjean. “We are 20 people in the world doing Formula One and I think respect is one of the biggest things in this sport.
"When you do a mistake and you admit and learn from it, that’s fine.”

(Editing by Tony Jimenez)

anonymous asked:

O. M. G. I stumbled upon your blog two days ago while searching for pics of Nikki Sixx. I started reading a little bit of TYTFIL and HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. I HAVE BEEN ADDICTED TO THIS FIC FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS, I SPENT MY EVERY FREE MOMENT READING IT, AND I EVEN FOUND MYSELF TRYING TO SNEAK AWAY TO BE ALONE FOR A BIT AT WORK SO I COULD GO ON TUMBLR TO READ ANOTHER CHAPTER. I even stayed up until FIVE AM (too bad it wasn't sixx am hehe) last night JUST TO FINISH IT BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD (cont.)

WHOA! That’s one of the most awesome comments I’ve got on my work, thank you! ^^

post grad life

In the words of Andy Bernard …

Originally posted by misomeru

Its the saddest truth there is. I graduated over a month ago and those last few weeks were straight up torture. Special shout out to all my friends for moving home and leaving me alone in Tucson to dwell on every single emotion while I finished three weeks of summer school.

At the start of my senior year I made it a point to take photos and videos of every possible moment so that at the end of the year I could create an incredible memory for myself and my friends.

In case you were wondering, I watched that video countless times in those three weeks. I still watch it thinking maybe I’ll turn it off in a minute or so, but ultimately I end up finishing it every time. Its like being lost in a dream that was my four years at Arizona.

If you’ve ever talked to someone who has just graduated from college then you can probably guess what the rest of this post will be about. Also, I finished The Office this summer so we’re gonna go with that theme today.

To start, the day my roommates ALL moved out I received the news that I was not chosen for my dream job at the company I had been interviewing with for months. Best. day. ever.

And so I said to God…

When I finally moved home the postgrad depression officially sunk in. I’ve spent the majority of my days applying endlessly to jobs and trying to lose the ten trillion pounds I gained in the last semester.

Day after day of countless application submissions with little-to-no responses can start to take its toll.

And the even better part is that I have all this free time to do anything and yet my bank account continues to laugh in my face.

Thankfully I’m leaving the valley of hell this weekend to celebrate the 4th in California, empty wallet in hand.  

And honestly…

What more could you ask for?

And in breaking news, Mondays aren’t always bad. 


I may not be doomed after all.

anonymous asked:

i just started the game a few days ago and i noticed if i miss a note or two in the hard songs the song instantly ends for me, can getting better cards prevent this so i can finish the song?

Yes, of course. A higher soul means you take less damage. Also level up your bands to increase the tension.

If it seems a bit confusing, think of soul as both attack and defense points, while tension is the HP.

Starting tomorrow I’m going to go to my old daily routine I had a few years ago before starting college.

- So in the morning I’d fix myself a fruit salad for breakfast and something else while watching Gilmore Girls on ABCFamily and then at 9 maybe Full House or something on MTV and at 10 I’d be getting ready to work out.
- By 11:30 I’d be finishing up and going to shower.
- Noon I’d eat a sandwich, cucumbers, or some sort of veggies/soup and watch TV again.
- Sometime before 3-4 I’d clean the house, bathe the dogs, and pay bills or so whatever needs to be done.
- By 5 when my mom and Alex sometimes would get home the house would be nice, clean, and presentable.
- Around 6-7ish I’d prep a salad for myself with all kinds of veggies and boiled chicken on top with a dash of lemon pepper.
And I had a strict rule that after 9 I wouldn’t eat anything and limit my water intake.

I had an 80/20 diet because there were some days where I’d eat pizza, wings, or whatever my mom cooked that night or I’d skip a work out or two. But I had a good system. Now I don’t know if I can fully go into that schedule considering that I now have the baby to incorporate (as well as nosey Alex) but it needs to be done. Yeah.. starting tomorr–errr, later today.

We had the privilege of meeting Dave. Before we met Dave, Kyle had challenged us to not be “machines” and force the conversation in some programmed way, but just love and listen. As we saw Dave, he looked very happy walking his beautiful dog. We struck up a conversation. We talked about everything under the sun! I thought to myself, “Why would I ask a man that is so happy for prayer? Won’t it just be awkward after?” 

So, I went against the FEELING of awkwardness. I ask Dave if there was anything that we could pray for him about. Tears started swelling in His eyes and he told me, “I just spent the night in Union hospital last night finishing my detox. I’m an alcoholic. A couple days ago, while in the hospital at the start of my episode, my wife of 46 years said she is leaving me. He continued to tell me about his life. We, as a group, walked Dave through the Gospel and handed him a Bible and bracelet, which he immediately put on. With tears in his voice, he brokenly accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior! He not only received Jesus, but he wanted to have 52 weeks of discipleship as well! God is taking the broken pieces of this man’s life and making something beautiful! To God be the glory! Oh yea, it was all TEENS who made up my group!!!

welcome to the shitstorm

ok hi hello!! so me (katj) and bree made this rad ass blog because we really like this kinda stuff like gemstones, palmistry, herbs and astrology. they’re really cool so i couldnt resist and dragged bree along im sorry

i started studying astrology not long ago so until i finish i wont make posts of my own, but Buckle Up because when i do im gonna go on a rampage bro
Hello! I’m Bree! Katj here pulled me into astrology and now I’m obsessed oh no. But I’ve been a big fan of Wiccan herbs and healing gemstones for a while now so I bring that to the table.