another tea time story for @erwinsalive. her prompt was “grocery shopping”.
they have a list. well, levi has a list. levi has the aisles memorized, has it sorted so they start in produce and move through to frozen foods before checking out. normally, his handwriting is around average, but on grocery day, it’s fucking perfect. it’s his fine print. his unofficial contract with his big oaf of a husband.
it’d be admissible in court. sorry your honor, but as you can see here on this list, chocolates were not there. can you honestly blame me for having to stab him in the middle of the candy aisle? i rest my case.
it’s hange’s birthday this weekend, and levi promised to bring a cake to their party. levi hates going down the baking aisle. it’s the hardest aisle to keep erwin focused in. but he loves baking from scratch, so it takes him several minutes to fill his arms with the ingredients for a chocolate wine cake before returning to their cart.
“what the fuck is that.” levi hisses. there’s a big bag of dove chocolates sitting on top of a head of broccoli.
erwin hums. “what?”
“don’t you ‘what’ me.” levi drops the ingredients into the cart and pulls the list out and shoves it into erwin’s hands. “read it.”
erwin nods as he reads the list. “broccoli, celery, potatoes, green peppers…”
“to yourself!” levi’s temper is flaring as he turns to put the chocolates back on the shelf.
they make it through the rest of the store without incident. at check out, they pile the groceries on the conveyer belt, sorted by product type to avoid crushing anything on the ride home. that’s when levi sees them.
“erwin! are you shitting me right now?!” levi grabs the bag of chocolates from the belt and squeezes them in his fist. the clerk stops mid-scan, wide eyed and unsure if she should continue.
erwin shrugs, a sly smile tugging at his lips.
“we have a budget for a reason. four fucking dollars is four dollars less that goes toward your future children’s college fund!”
“just one bag a month, darling.”
“one bag a month for 10 years is…” levi stops to calculate, can’t seem to carry the two in his head, and shakes out his agitation through his limbs. “a lot of fucking money! and that doesn’t include inflation!”
“i can put it back…” the clerk says softly.
“that’s not the point!” levi snaps at her.
“darling, it’s not her fault. i’m sorry.” erwin nods an acknowledgement and goes to give the bag of sweets to the clerk. levi snatches the bag back and slams it on the belt.
“no, if you want it so bad, you can have it.”
levi crosses his arms and doesn’t say anything else until they’re in the parking lot and filling the back of erwin’s suv with their purchases.
“i’m sorry.” erwin says. levi doesn’t respond. “i’m just playing around. i didn’t mean to piss you off so much.”
levi stops, brings a hand to the bridge of his nose and huffs out a sigh. “i hate grocery shopping with you.”
“you hate grocery shopping.”
“yeah, i know.”
“i make it interesting, though.”
levi shakes his head.
“it’s only going to be worse when we have kids.” erwin says, a smile on his voice as he loads the last bag into the back.
“am i suppose to practice on you, then?”
erwin chuckles. “at least i can handle being yelled at.”
levi looks around the parking lot quickly before grabbing a big handful of erwin’s ass and squeezing. “you won’t be able to handle what i do to you when we get home.”
“oh, a threat?”
erwin gets into the drivers seat, his cheeks and the tips of his ears red and hot, another successful grocery day completed.