stark snark

Spring Cleaning

Since moving into the tower the Avengers have amassed a lot of stuff, which is why Steve has instituted Spring Cleaning, to get rid of all the useless stuff they’ve gathered and give them to charity. 

“We could sell this stuff and then give the money to charity, I’m pretty sure Captain America’s shirt is worth quite a bit of money.” Tony points out, Steve rolls his eyes.

“Fine set up an auction or something, either way we’re cleaning stuff out today. I already cleared it with Pepper so don’t even try to get out of it.” Steve says, Tony opens his mouth to protest.

“I checked with Fury, I know you’re not busy Stark, now get to work.” Natasha says, tossing a ripped blanket at him. “That one is garbage by the way.”  

“I was going to say that the suit-” Tony protests.

“Was finished with repairs approximately 18 hours ago Sir.” JARVIS says. Tony grabs his chest dramatically dropping back onto the couch. 

“Et tu JARVIS?” He whispers. “Et tu?” He gets his with three pillows and a dish towel.

“Get to work.” The other Avengers say simultaneously. Bruce is holding the old pre-modified toaster. Tony decides it’s best to get to work, seems the most likely to plan to keep a toaster from getting thrown at his very pretty face.


“So we have the kitchen, the bedrooms, and the living room done.” Steve says,  gesturing to the pile of bags and boxes in the corner of the living room. 

“I did the gym.” Clint says, getting a squinty eyed glare from Tony. There was nothing in the gym to get rid of, why didn’t he think of that.  He could have hidden in the gym.

“Thank you.” Steve says, clearly unaware of Clint’s genius avoidance tactic. “I think we’re ready to start dragging boxes into the elevator.” Tony looks at the pile of boxes and groans, wandering over to grab one marked kitchen. The others follow him and start lifting boxes. 

“Stop your groaning Stark, we’re almost done.” Natasha says, clapping a hand on his shoulder before grabbing one of the heavier boxes. She shoots Steve a glare when he goes to take it from her, and he backs off.

“It’s soo boring.” Tony groans, lifting his box and taking a step towards the elevator. 

“Don’t be so melodramatic.” Clint says, sticking his tongue out at Tony. Tony drops his box, and glares at Clint.

“I am not melodramatic!” He waves his arms in indignation and sits down on the box arms crossed. 

“Suuuure.” Clint draws the word out, and steps into the elevator. Tony’s glare intensifies. 

“Tony, just carry the boxes.” Steve says, grabbing two and heading for the elevator. Bruce follows behind him with a bag slung over his shoulder.

“But Steve it’s boring.”  Tony whines, kicking at the bottom of his box, Steve winces setting his own boxes down. 

“I don’t care Tony, we are cleaning as a team. Get off that box, and get to work.” Steve says, there’s a clanking noise from the window and Tony turns to see Rhodey.

“Honeybear!” Tony says, jumping up off his box to hug Rhodey. Rhodey steps out of the suit and sweeps him into a hug.

“Hey Tones, how you been?” Rhodey asks. Tony gestures to the pile of boxes.

“Steve has been torturing me.” He laments, Rhodey snorts. “He has! He asked me to clean, and now he wants me to carry things.” Tony whines. Rhodey laughs. “You laugh at my pain! First JARVIS betrays me, now you? What has my life come to.”

“Stop with the dramatics and grab a box.” Bruce says, clearly unimpressed. Tony sags against Rhodey’s side. 

“After these betrayals Bruce, how can you expect me to continue?” Tony asks. Rhodey shoves him back onto his feet.

“What? Are the boxes to heavy for you shorty?” Rhodey teases. Tony draws himself to his full height, and stomps over to the boxes.

“I’ll show you heavy.” He grumbles stacking four boxes, and lifting them. “Fucking shorty, who does he think he is? I can carry all of this shit. I can even take the stairs. Screw him. I am the strongest.” Tony says, storming into the stairwell with his stack of boxes.

“How did you?” Steve asks, turning to Rhodes. Rhodey just shrugs, taking a seat at the bar.

“I’m his best friend Rogers. I know what I’m doing.” Rhodey smirks at him, and Steve shrugs grabbing some more boxes as Tony storms back into the room and starts stacking things for easier carrying. 

“Fucking strongest Avenger, not even enhanced. Screw all of them. I’m the strongest.” Tony is muttering stalking back into the stairwell.

“Are you going to help?” Clint asks, gesturing to where Rhodey is sitting. Rhodey looks unimpressed with the question. 

“Well first of all, I just did. But, are you kidding half of you are super human, no way am I helping you lift things.” Rhodey rolls his eyes. Tony can be heard storming back up the stairs still muttering to himself.


Thank @dont-hurt-tony-stark for inspiring this. 

People who say Sansa is too uptight of a character need to read the books. Especially her Aylane Stone chapters, because as soon as that girl became a bastard in the eyes of people she abandoned all chill and embraced her inner snark

sansuhhhsnark  asked:

Sansa/Jaime, becoming friends (post S7?)

“The smallfolk are terrified of you,” Jaime says, conversationally, “almost as much as they love you.”

Sansa has no idea where he’s heard such a thing–perhaps on the road to Winterfell, where he traveled alone for so long–so she raises a brow and says archly, “Oh, are they?”

He nods, a smile twitching on his lip, “Aye. You’ve acquired quite a reputation, you know–people think you killed Joffrey, your late husband Ramsay eaten by his dogs in the dungeons…quite a reputation, my lady.”

Sansa finds she is smiling absently as she turns back to the ledgers, and that she suddenly does not mind Ser Jaime’s presence in Winterfell quite as much.

Send me a pairing and an action and I’ll write five sentences describing it.

coconutice22  asked:

Tony/Bucky - "I'm pretty sure you're not meant to put that there" (and ps sorry for messing up my first attempt at this <3)

No worries :)

“Oh, excuse me, Mr I-Know-So-Much-Better, who out of the two of us is the Master of Blowing Shit Up again?” Tony said testily.

Granted trying to defuse a bomb in under two minutes with half your teams’ lives on the line tended to sour a person’s mood. Even on a good day you had to be careful in how you pointed the genius in question to a possible mistake he made–he always took them so fucking personal–but right now they didn’t have the time to spare his feelings, and for the first time in seventy years Bucky really didn’t want to blow himself up.

“That how you wanna play this, Stark?” he snarked right back. “Do you really think the only thing HYDRA wanted me for was talent for sniping? Now pull the blue wire and maybe you won’t fucking get us killed.”

It got him a glare but Tony was stubborn, not stupid, and he did pull the wire. The countdown–what was a villain’s obsession with those anyways?–froze.

“Huh.” Tony blinked as though honestly surprised by the outcome. Then he smirked. “Well aren’t you the just full of surprises, sweetheart?”

And with Steve yelling into their earpiece to stop flirting and focus on the mission, Bucky really couldn’t do anything but lean forward and press a quick kiss onto his lips.

“You know it.” He winked. “Now lets go catch that mad-as-fuck-professor.”

“Aww, you always know just what to say!”

It’s Hard to Balance | Part vii

Description: After yelling at Steve and revealing a part of your relationship with your mother that you didn’t want to surface, you escape to the pool. Expecting Peter to come comfort you, you’re surprised when it’s someone else…

Words:

Notes: Ayyyy hi there you guys really like this series so I’m writing more because I love you guys!!! Expect some Peter fluff (and angst, maybe) next chapter!

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, Thor, Loki, Lady Sif, Nick Fury.

Ships: Avengers x Superpowered!Reader, Peter Parker x Superpowered!Reader

Masterlist

Warnings: parental abuse (mentioned)


The pool was public, which meant you couldn’t lock the door like you could in your room, but you doubted if anyone ran off to comfort you they wouldn’t find you; but for Peter, as you told him everything. You remember the look on his face when you yelled at Steve and winced at yourself. That was one thing you didn’t tell him, but it was implied. When you lived with your mother you had barely known Peter as you do now. He was just a crush, a boy to think about when the yelling got too loud.

You’re sitting at the bottom of the pool with your cheeks puffed with air, staring intently at the light glowing in your hands. It’s like a miniature sun underwater, edges flicking with flames as your powers interact with the water. Your concentration tilts at the distant sound of footsteps, and so the light evaporates. It’s incredibly hard to keep hold of it beneath the waves as the pressure of the liquid is often too strong.

Instead of playing with your powers you listen, trying to determine who has chased after you through the water. It can’t be Peter (which is kind of surprising) as the footfalls are too distanced and one step is heavier than the other. It can’t be Steve, because Steve walks like a dancer and despite his weight in muscle, he walks lightly. You can’t even hear Natasha’s steps, and Tony’s are quick and fast-paced. But every other step this person makes is weighted and heavier than the one before, and you take a wild guess and say it’s Bucky. His left side is heavier than his right, so the left leg has to press into the ground harder. But why would he come?

You rise to the surface and climb the ladder to exit, curious of his intentions. The only time you really spoke with Bucky was on missions (when Sam and Nat aren’t present, you, Steve, and Bucky work as a team) or through Steve. When you and Steve have movie nights, Bucky sits quietly and listens as you inform Steve of what’s happened while he was under. Even then, your other conversations are short and sorta… dull. You don’t blame Bucky for that, it’s only that he’s still adjusting and he’s probably just afraid he’ll hurt you. Which is impossible but you try not to dwell on it.

“Y’know,” Bucky starts,”You are like if Steve and Tony were combined into one person.” At your confused expression, Bucky shrugs,”You got the Stark-snark and the kindness and loyalty of Captain America. You’re a good kid.” He admits.

“Thanks, Buck.” You reply. In a burst of energy, you dry yourself off, settling down beside Bucky on his right. For a long moment you sit in silence, and you can tell he’s trying to remember something by the way he’s staring at the wall across the pool.”So…” You start daringly,”Did Stevie send you?”

Bucky gives a short nod of confirmation as you wipe away the last of your frustrated tears. His thoughts clear with your question and he cocks his head to the side,”I had a little sister, back then.” He nods to his left to indicate the past,” Her name was Rebecca Barnes. Three years younger. Brown hair, blue eyes, sweet girl.” Bucky’s eyes quiver with restrained emotion, and you can almost see her in the reflection of the light over his pupils.

“And you know how much Steve got in trouble back then. He had a chihuahua bite but a wolf’s bark. She was like that. Stood up for anyone and everything, even a fly.” Bucky’s voice got lower as he talked. You bring your knees to your chest, lay your ear against them and listen intently. You loved it when Steve told stories, but Bucky’s were just as good.

“She had so many guys chasing her tail,” Bucky laughed bittersweetly, shaking his head and closing his eyes,” Steve and I had to practically chase them off with a stick. Even then, she was still nice and polite to em’. I bet she’d like you.” He thought aloud. Bucky ran his tongue over his lips and blinked several times. Quietly, you replied,”I already like her.” He smiled shakily.

“Yeah.” The brunet turned his gaze to the clear water, watching the strips of light wiggle along the pool’s surface,” She was a lot like my ma. But ma got sick when she was real young, so Becca didn’t really remember much about her.”

“After ma… passed on, my pops got low. Something’ musta’ snapped in him, I guess.” Bucky shrugged, subconsciously rubbing his jaw,”And you know how it was back then. Wasn’t as bad to hit your kids, so he did. And I just couldn’t let im’ hurt Becca, I was her older brother, it was my job.” Buck nodded to himself.

Bucky finally looked at you, gaze deep and not as intimidating as it used to be. He nodded slowly again, narrowing his expression,”So I know what it’s like.” He whispers. As he does this you realize you’re nearly leaning on him. Bucky doesn’t comment, so neither do you.”How bad was it for you?” He murmured,”Because for me it was… every night. That’s why I loved Steve’s ma so much, she would let us have sleepover after sleepover.” This time he smiled, but it settled into a patient line.

“I don’t know,” You shrug, your voice just as strained as his,”She’d snap at me for little things. My step-dad didn’t really help, and if anything, my brother encouraged it.” Brows narrowed, you thinly smile and look up to Bucky,”He was an asshole.”

Bucky chuckles, patting his knee as he laughed and shaking his head. His smile lowers as your does, and you suddenly realize just how similar you and James Barnes were deep down. You made a mental note to talk to him more.

“It was… yeah, it was every night.” You nod slowly,”It’s why I really liked staying at the tower with the rest of the team…” With a second glance around the room, you decide that maybe you should tell a story too.

“I got my powers when I touched this… case, thing.” You shrugged,”It’s locked up somewhere in a S.H.I.E.L.D facility right now. After I touched it I passed out, and Nat brought me in without a fight. I was like… eight, then, and my mom really didn’t pay attention to where I went. So when I started training she didn’t ever get suspicious.” Bucky nods, smiling at you and gesturing for you to continue.

You bite your lip, trying to remember,”I was trained by a trio of agents. One was a biochemist, and the other two were field agents.” You refrained from telling him that one of them turned out to be HYDRA in the end,” Nat would come in sometimes and check on me, and it would be the best day of my life. She was so cool.” You smiled. Bucky laughed,”So that’s why you’re so close with her.”

“Well, she was the one that brought me into this mess.” You laughed, playing with your fingers in your lap,”When the Tesseract was taken and Loki was brought in, I was on the helicarrier at the time. I was delivering a gift for one of the agents when Nick noticed me and had Natasha brought me over.”

“I’d met Nick before. He had a few projects involving me, so I was pretty familiar with him. He must have wanted me in on the Initiative too, because he just let me lurk there and listen to the adults talk.” You chuckled,”That was when I met Tony.”

“Um, Nick, why is there a child within my presence?” Stark questioned, gesturing to the child standing beside Natasha’s chair.”I could ask you the same thing.” You retorted smoothly. Tony gasped, faking hurt and holding his chest. It evaporated into a smile,”Nevermind, I like her.”

“Y/N’s here to learn.” Nick says flatly, giving you a glance that either meant “stay out of this” or “nice comeback”. Natasha smirked at you when they turned away.”You train agents this young?” Bruce inquired, gesturing to you with a pen. You stepped a little further behind Natasha with all of the attention suddenly on you.

“Y/N’s a possible recruit,” Natasha speaks up in your defense. Tony steps around the table and crouches down, raising his eyebrows,”Recruit?” He echoes, examining your face. You smile at him politely, opening your palms. Within them glows a ball of light, hovering and bobbing gently over your hand,”You’re the Iron Man.” You say with a grin. Tony nods,”I am. And you are, little miss?”

“Y/N.” You tell him, closing your hands,”But my superhero name is Starling. I can fly, and lift buildings, catch bullets!” You can’t help that you’re trying to impress him. Tony’s your best way into the team, you can tell.”Lift buildings?” Tony gasps. Nick watches your interaction with Tony oddly. Wouldn’t expect Stark to be good with kids,”As much as I enjoy talking about Y/N’s abilities, we have another problem to deal with.”

“You and I are going to talk about lifting buildings later,” Tony assures, making you nod and smile.

“He was really one of the first people besides Nat to be nice to me.” You murmured,”I’d never had a figure in my life that was really my father, even with my step-dad around, so it was nice.” You nodded thoughtfully.

“I officially met Steve during the Battle of New York.” You told him,”I wanted in on the battle, because they were keeping me up on the helicarrier. Nick thought I could do it even if the Council didn’t think so, so he put me on the ship with Nat, Clint, and Steve and then everything started.”

“You did not tell me she could do that, Tasha.” Clint fired an arrow into the face of Chitauri soldier, looking down at you as you bulleted through a mass of Chitauri.” I didn’t know she could do that, Clint.” Natasha replied, glancing back as you flew passed her.

You landed on a car, watching as Steve’s shield struck the side. Before you could pull it from the glass, you looked up and witnessed Steve being cornered by a few soldiers. As fast as you could, you leaped off the car and into the dust in front of Steve. Closing your eyes tightly as they fired the blasts, you waited for the pain. When none came, you grinned and fired a trio of shots into the Chitauri.

“Nice work, kid.” Steve gaped slowly. Did that kid just deflect a bunch of electric blasts without a hitch? You gripped the edges of his shield and sharply pulled it from the glass of the car’s window. Smiling at him, you extended the shield outward, with only one hand despite its weight. Steve took it carefully,”How old are you, Starling?” He questioned, panting. You looked skyward as a few Chitauri ships flew past, steam blazing into the air as they flew,”12.” You answered simply, before taking off after them.

“Well, you don’t need to worry about her anymore,” Bucky assured. He looked to the Avenger’s “A” upon the wall,” You have us.”

You found yourself hugging him before you could debate it. Bucky’s flesh arm came around your back slowly, and he pats it once reassuringly. You were a lot like Becca, too. You snorted, taking his metal arm and putting it around you as well,”You know you can’t hurt me, right? Accidentally or purposefully.” You added.

Bucky nodded,”I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s kind of… weird.”

You shake your head, standing and wiping at your eyes despite the lack of tears,”Well, I think your arm is really cool.” You smiled. Bucky gave a nod of thanks. The way you crossed your arms was familiar… maybe that’s how Becca crossed hers.


“The Dream Well is the best way to find out your heritage, Lady Y/N.” Loki said, crossing his arms and scowling,”But it only appears in Asgard’s gardens every three Midgardian days. Thor imagined that if we were to bring you earlier, you may find something familiar there that may remind you… despite how imbecilic that is, it is possible.”

“You will love Asgard!” Thor grinned in contrast to his brother’s dark tone and appearance,”Our architecture is magnificent and our food is incomparable!” He beams. You smile at Thor’s eagerness, turning to glance at Loki,”And how will the Dream Well help me?”

“How do you think?” Loki sasses sharply. You don’t doubt he’ll be like this for the rest of the trip,” It is called a Dream Well because it gives you dreams or visions of your ancestors and past.” Loki looks sourly away from you. He must have bad memories with this dream well.

“It is not often used on Asgard because most already know their past,” Loki adds, crossing his arms and raising his nose. Lady Sif put her hand on your shoulder,”Do not let Loki ruin your imagery of this well. I recall fond memories of it, like staring into its depths and watching my father fight battles in his youth. I’m sure you will see something positive, Lady Y/N.” She assures. You give her a happy nod, turning back to the rest of the team.

Tony gave Peter a half-hug first. He would be traveling with you for moral support, or to see Asgard, which you were equally excited for. You’d been on alien planets before, but Asgard isn’t exactly a planet but a floating island in the dead of the realm. Tony whispers something in Peter’s ear, and your boyfriend nods determinedly and gives a swift nod.

“You better protect my kids, Thor. You may be a god, but I will not hesitate to kick your ass if they don’t come back in one piece.” Tony threatens. Thor pulls you to his side and wraps an arm around your shoulders,”Nonsense, Howardson! I promise they will be returned safely! I will protect them with my all.” Thor pledges, putting a hand over his heart and bowing.

He grins back at you,”Afterall, Lady Y/N is like my kin! A sister!” Thor laughs. He then cocks his head to the side in thought,” Or maybe a niece…”

“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Y/N.” Steve says as you embrace him.”Same here.” Sam and Bucky say together, and then proceed to glare at one another. You hug Natasha next,”I hope so too. Good luck with your mission.” You reply with a smile.

The pressure weighed on your shoulders dissipates as Peter holds you to his side. He smiles at you reassuringly,”We’ll figure this out.” He whispers. You kiss his cheek as Thor puts his hand on your shoulder and Sif does the same with Peter. The wind whips as Thor winds up, the air fluttering your hair. At once, your body lights with the tingles of static electricity, and the world goes blinding white and then gold.

Neighbors - Rafael Barba x Reader

Author’s Note: Um… I can explain. I’m a Spanish minor at NYU, and I’m latina, but I am far from fluent. So I made a little joke about getting extra credit hours for Rafael Barba fanfiction, and my best friend gave me a prompt. And now here we are. I’m not actually a writer or anything, and I’ve never posted original content on tumblr before, actually, but I spent an embarrassing chunk of my morning doing this. So… enjoy, I guess (I hope)! 

*Translations at the end! 

Warning: I am bad at formal commands. And Spanish. And English, a lot of the time.


“Mamí! Sé que está ahí!”

His knuckles rap against the wood of the apartment door for the third time. He huffs his cheeks, taps his foot and checks his watch, almost ritualistically at this point. 

You hear the noise from your own apartment, only one door down from sweet Mrs. Lucia Barba. Why would anybody be harassing that kind woman? 

 Your curiosity brings you to open your own door, to see this person for yourself. You swing it open and step out, finding an extremely regal, and frustrated, looking man. The bags under his eyes and his expensive looking three piece suggest to you that, whoever he is, he’s important.

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It makes me seethe how fandom likes to wrap their dislike and distrust of people of color up in pseudo-intellectual dribble that’s supposed to read like a cohesive and academic film analysis.

Hello!

Your use of coded academic language to basically state that you don’t trust men of color near your precious white superhero booties is played out and we can see you for what you are. If you can apply reason and logic to things like “parent assassination would keep superhero from joining the group that killed them” but not “black man would not join neo-nazi hate group because of his race but also the fact that the character isn’t like that”, there’s something wrong with you.

Full stop.

Just like there’s something wrong with everyone that attacks the actions and motivations of men of color in the MCU (because so far, there aren’t any WOC as far as I can tell in the MCU Proper) when they wouldn’t (and don’t) dare to do the same with the white heroes, villains, and sidecharacters in the series.

There’s something wrong with people who write fics, headcanons, and meta revolving around how shitty Rhodey is to Tony. How shitty a friend he is. How abusive he is. How he is less important to the narrative that Tony’s got than Bruce Banner of all the freaking people.

There’s something wrong with how there are only mere handfuls of fic that cast MCU Nick Fury as someone that isn’t a manipulative, scary, stereotype of a villain.

And there’s definitely something wrong with people trying to pretend that they are ~serious critics~ as they try to theorize that Sam Wilson could be a secret Hydra agent based on the fact that the directors/writers of Cap 2 didn’t want to have this movie feel like a multi-series comic crossover by not having Tony appear to snark where no Stark-snark was needed.

Go read a book damnit.

Maybe an actual comic book about these said MOC in comics or a book about race in film not written by a white person because this whole thing about “coded/hidden racist language presented as unbiased headcanon/exploration esp when slash ships are involved” is bullshit and people will come for you to make sure you know how wrong you are.

S.O.B get out of my kitchen

A/N: Another fic in the300challenge. This one is for my bad bitch @bitch-m-fabulous because even in the Marvel universe you would be wrangling men’s egos and dancing around the house. I know I should be in this to bake for you, but we can pretend for once you made the cake. ;) Anyway the song is SOB by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats.

Warning: Language

Tags: @courtneychicken, @thecupcakeconsumer

Originally posted by damngoodname

Son of a bitch give me a drink. One more night, This can’t be meee.” You belted at the top of your lungs into the end of the batter covered spoon.

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Anonymous said: Stony: Who’s more cuddly and when are they most liking wanting cuddles??


“It’s hard to say. We both like it.”

“May I know from where you got such information?”

“What? You mean you don’t like to cuddle with me?”

“That’s correct. I’m mostly being forced into it. And try escaping Captain America’s grip of justice - it’s not easy.”

“Oh, fine. I’m gonna say it. Tony doesn’t like to cuddle. Especially in the evenings when we are already in bed and I’m reading a book and Tony drapes himself over me demands back scratches. Or in the mornings, when he tries to keep me in bed as long as possible.”

“Steve’s not a fan of physical contact either. He hates when we cuddle during watching movies and in fact, we sit on opposite ends of the couch, under two separate blankets.”

“Yeah, who needs physical contact?!”

“Definitely not us.”