my old class had this one image of one of our teachers where they tried to take a picture of the back of his head but he turned out the moment the photo was taken and he just stares dead into the camera and it haunts my soul but I still have to laugh just thinking about it
Undying sighed. “ you know. i was actually hoping for one of these today… it makes what i have to say… a little easier to start with.” Undying sat down, still a pandarin he laced his fuzzy black paws together and thought for a moment… before looking up at the camera.
“ It was fun.” His tone was icy as he stared into the camera. “It was fun, what i did. I used Wiseman, I used the idea of him to get what i wanted. What i was taught love was. and you lapped it up. You needed me. And i needed you just as much. more, in fact. Mother never taught me true love, as a matter of fact, she taught me to fear it. that it was a tool.” Undying tilts his head to one side.
“ and you loved me. even briefly. you came to me for everything, advice, tenderness, your well being. You depended on me for everything. For a time. and it was fun.”
Undying shifted uncomfortably. “ do you know why i started denying it? why i started the lies? i bet you don’t. i will bet, that bearing my soul before god this morning doesn’t matter to you. i bet you won’t even believe me now. And frankly… that doesn’t matter. What does… is that i throw the water on these bridges before it’s too late for all of us.” Undying sighed again.
“ what matters is the reason i began lying, was my own fear. a fear i have kept close to my heart for ten long years. afraid to admit that it was fun, that i loved the attention, that i loved being needed… the fact that i was raped when i was nine doesn’t matter. the fact that my mother abused my body and ganondorf when i was fourteen doesn’t matter. what matters here and now, is that i come clean about the fact that it was fun.”
the pandarin leaned forward. “ Yes. I did it. and i loved it. and now, i can’t look at anyone in that way without guilt. without feeling the shame i should have felt as i did those things to you. As long ago as it was, i have never fully atoned for it. and i never will be able to. it’s lead you on a path that’s put you further from where you were meant to be then anything your mother could have done.” Undying leaned back again and looked away.
“ and it’s put me in a very awkward position, between my remaining friends… and the rock i build of sin and lies. “ he might have been tearing up, but it was hard to tell from under all that black fur. “ What matters… is that i admit what i did, and admit that why i tried so hard to cover it up, is becayuse i am afraid of what i was back then. again and again i see it in the things i do, and it only makes it worse… that even after all this time, it’s still …. Fun. “
Undying looks back at the screen and reaches for the camera. “ …I don’t want it to be. Stop giving me the attention you are. Stop giving into the monster who hurt you. Stop attracting attention to that beast that hides under who i really want to be. just… live for you… not for me. “
Me entering the room with a glass of fresh ice tea:
every series in the star trek franchise has embraced radically progressive ideas. its simply that over time, mainstream ideals began to match theirs, until these radical ideas were nothing more than the standard. Every series from TOS to Enterprise has been met with conservative backlash and years from now, the new generation will look back at discovery and think how anyone could have possibly seen it as progressive, if not a little out-dated, the same way we look back at TOS.
Me, finishing my ice tea and leaving the room, but i look back and stare directly into the camera:
this struggle between old vs. new transcends all barriers and is rooted in the very core of human nature. Shifting new to be our old is part of progress, it is a cycle non of us can escape.
Queer Fandom: Ugh another straight man to ruin the show, ffs.
Straights: you guys are hating on the character just because they are straight and that’s so fucked up.
Show: *introduces a gay character along with 5 other straight ones*
Straights: Honestly this is getting out of hand, why does every show have to have a gay character, there’s enough of them. Stop pushing the gay agenda down our throats This is a family show! That character wasn’t even gay in the books. That’s it, I’ll never watch this show again!
Me: *stares into the camera like I’m on the office*
it’s never going to happen but please let the raven cycle series be filmed in parks & rec format. let ronan stare dead-eyed into the camera every time gansey starts talking. let blue go on 25 minute feminist rants that are cut in sporadically throughout the episode. let gansey ramble cheerfully to the camera about glendower until ronan inevitably yells at him to shut up. let the camera zoom in dramatically on adam’s face literally every time he speaks. we deserve this.