stare down contest

The Joker x Reader - “Daddy”

Imagine The Joker as a first time dad. He soooo got this!

(First time ever kind of praying):  “Please don’t be sassy like your mom, please don’t be sassy like your mom, please don’t be sassy like your mom.”

(Pokes tummy when baby cries):  “I think you’re broken, you won’t stop. Princess, can we get a refund?”

(Baby starts crying and screaming in the middle of the night):  “What triggered the alarm? Is Batsy here?”

(Proud of himself):  “Doll, me and the baby had a stare down contest and I won.”

“What do you mean now you have two kids, Y/N?”

“Why can’t you give a newborn grape juice?!”

(Breaks your favorite vase while babysitting alone for the first time):  “You’re taking the blame for this one, kid.”

(Suspiciously glares at the baby):   “Why don’t you have green hair?”

(Has serious talk with newborn):  “Stop trying to get your mom’s attention all the time, I saw her first!”

“Hey, Pumpkin, do you think Batsy would like a picture with our baby?”

(Googles Hardships of Fatherhood):  “Holy shit! Hey, Princess, can we put the baby back where it came from?…  …No?… Dammit!!!… … Why are you looking at me like this? Wait, am I sleeping on the couch?!”

“You can’t call me Daddy, only your mom can.”

“Are you gonna be expensive? Wait, we don’t pay for anything.”

“What’s wrong with naming our baby The Joker’s kid?!”

(Pouts and points at your boobs while you’re breastfeeding):  “Those are mine!”
“Can we at least give the baby a temporary Property of Joker tattoo?… Why not????!!!!”

(Proud): “You’re definitely my kid, you already have better temper tantrums than me.”

(Slowly rocking the newborn):  “Please have my swag, please have my swag, please have my swag.”

“What do you mean we should have three more, Y/N?”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not the one that stinks. Oh, no, I’m The Joker, I don’t change diapers… … There’s nothing you can do to… Why are you looking at me like this, Doll? Wait, am I sleeping on the couch?”

(Carefully studies the baby’s face):  “I think I’m still the better looking one here.”

(Whispers):  “Help your dad out: what’s your secret? How come your mom runs over to you every time you make a sound but she never listens to me?”

“Would you please stop interrupting my fun time with your mom? I can’t walk straight anymore.”

(Struggles to put the onesie on for 20 minutes and ends up being the wrong way):  “I’m a natural.”

(Baby barfs on his new Versace jacket):   “You’re grounded until you’re 12 ! ”

(Sighs):  ‘Why can’t you hold a gun yet?”

“I’m such a stellar dad!” J keeps on thinking walking towards the Lamborghini with the baby car sit. Gets to the car and realizes he left the baby upstairs at the penthouse. Runs back in a heartbeat:

“Don’t tell your mom or it’s the couch for me again.”

(Frowns):  “You’re getting cuter, kid. I don’t need more competition.”

After a year and a half:

“What do you mean you’re pregnant again, Pumpkin?”


Also read- MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Here we have a li’l crossover where Iris and a rather high-class Mogall (not to be confused with an Arch Mogall) are engaged in a staring contest! This fantastic piece of work was done for me by one of my best friends: animecreator. She takes commissions as long as they’re safe for work.