stare down contest

The Joker x Reader - “Daddy”

Imagine The Joker as a first time dad. He soooo got this!

(First time ever kind of praying):  “Please don’t be sassy like your mom, please don’t be sassy like your mom, please don’t be sassy like your mom.”

(Pokes tummy when baby cries):  “I think you’re broken, you won’t stop. Princess, can we get a refund?”

(Baby starts crying and screaming in the middle of the night):  “What triggered the alarm? Is Batsy here?”

(Proud of himself):  “Doll, me and the baby had a stare down contest and I won.”

“What do you mean now you have two kids, Y/N?”

“Why can’t you give a newborn grape juice?!”

(Breaks your favorite vase while babysitting alone for the first time):  “You’re taking the blame for this one, kid.”

(Suspiciously glares at the baby):   “Why don’t you have green hair?”

(Has serious talk with newborn):  “Stop trying to get your mom’s attention all the time, I saw her first!”

“Hey, Pumpkin, do you think Batsy would like a picture with our baby?”

(Googles Hardships of Fatherhood):  “Holy shit! Hey, Princess, can we put the baby back where it came from?…  …No?… Dammit!!!… … Why are you looking at me like this? Wait, am I sleeping on the couch?!”

“You can’t call me Daddy, only your mom can.”

“Are you gonna be expensive? Wait, we don’t pay for anything.”

“What’s wrong with naming our baby The Joker’s kid?!”

(Pouts and points at your boobs while you’re breastfeeding):  “Those are mine!”
“Can we at least give the baby a temporary Property of Joker tattoo?… Why not????!!!!”

(Proud): “You’re definitely my kid, you already have better temper tantrums than me.”

(Slowly rocking the newborn):  “Please have my swag, please have my swag, please have my swag.”

“What do you mean we should have three more, Y/N?”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not the one that stinks. Oh, no, I’m The Joker, I don’t change diapers… … There’s nothing you can do to… Why are you looking at me like this, Doll? Wait, am I sleeping on the couch?”

(Carefully studies the baby’s face):  “I think I’m still the better looking one here.”

(Whispers):  “Help your dad out: what’s your secret? How come your mom runs over to you every time you make a sound but she never listens to me?”

“Would you please stop interrupting my fun time with your mom? I can’t walk straight anymore.”

(Struggles to put the onesie on for 20 minutes and ends up being the wrong way):  “I’m a natural.”

(Baby barfs on his new Versace jacket):   “You’re grounded until you’re 12 ! ”

(Sighs):  ‘Why can’t you hold a gun yet?”

“I’m such a stellar dad!” J keeps on thinking walking towards the Lamborghini with the baby car sit. Gets to the car and realizes he left the baby upstairs at the penthouse. Runs back in a heartbeat:

“Don’t tell your mom or it’s the couch for me again.”

(Frowns):  “You’re getting cuter, kid. I don’t need more competition.”

After a year and a half:

“What do you mean you’re pregnant again, Pumpkin?”

Also read- MASTERLIST:

Tythan thing that no one asked for

(Let’s just pretend Ethan wasn’t a manager at a restaurant while I write this, okay?) (Also this is kind of made up from my experiences while at work, not completely but some of it is)(I’ll put stars next to the ones that happened to me I guess)

- Tyler is the manager at some chain restaurant that Ethan just got hired at

- Ethan is really slow with learning everything but Tyler calms him down and tells him to take as much time as he needs

- “Tyler, we’re out of lemons” “Fuck” *****

- Tyler going out of his way to talk to Ethan but making it seem like he’s making sure Ethan is actually doing his job

- Ethan freaking out because it gets really busy and Tyler tells him to sit in the back to calm down *****

- Random staring contests throughout the day *****

- “Hey, Tyler, it’s 3, am I good to go for the day?” “Ask Mark” *****

- “Hey, Mark, it’s 3 can I go home?” “Ask Tyler” “Fucking fuck” *****

- Long text messages back and forth after work until Tyler finally asks him out

- Going to the restaurant on a date because they get half off on meals.

Chubby Bunny

Character(s): Dean Winchester

Warning: None

Word Count: 905

Story Type: Sister!Reader


   There is no doubt in your mind that Sam could hold his own in an eating contest against his brother. Sam’s only setback is his lack of desire to engage in such an activity, and Dean finds that his attempts to initiate a competition are pointless. Sam bores him in this regard, and that leaves you, his only sister, youngest sibling, and professed favorite. You are “the fun one” who doesn’t really pay any mind to calorie count and sugar content, who basks in the title of ‘Fits Most M&M’s in Mouth’.

   “I’m bored.” He announces as he procures a bag of large marshmallows from a cupboard.

   “Chubby bunny?” You ask.

   “Hell yes.”

Keep reading

Black Sheep Part 7

I fell to the floor, choking on the smoke that was filling the house, I could see the flames getting closer. A set of arms pulled me up, I could hear sirens out front. “Come on love, let’s get you out of here.”

L sagged against Chibs’ body, coughing on the fresh air, he lifted my body up, carrying me towards an ambulance. An oxygen mask was put over my mouth, I started to breath in slowly.

I could see Happy sitting on another gurney, his dark eyes staring at me. I couldn’t read his expression, closing my eyes, I laid back, trying to relax.


I watched as David paced the exam room, he ran his hand through his short hair. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Someone tried to kill you!” He was in his uniform, I could see that he felt helpless. “I can’t protect you, I’m your big brother, that’s my job!”

“Davey…” He stopped pacing, turning to look at me. “You are doing a great job at protecting me.” He sat back down beside me, taking my hand.

“I’m just thankful that you and Lowman got out safely.” I didn’t know how to tell him that our own brother was trying to kill me. I’m not sure he’d even believe me if I told him.

“How is Happy?” I hadn’t heard anything about his condition. 

“He’s fine. What were you thinking, trying to drag him out of the house? He’s twice your size?”

“I was thinking that I wasn’t going to leave him there to die…” The door opened, the nurse came in with my discharge papers. I signed them, so I could hurry up and leave.

David looked at me, frowning. “I think you should stay with dad. The house is gated, you’ll be protected..”

“Hell no….” I would end up six feet under if I stated at Hale Manor. Jacob Jr., would walk in and kill me, and walk out. The door swung opened, Happy stood in the door.

“She can stay at the clubhouse with me.” Happy stared at me, then at David.

“No, she’s not staying at the clubhouse.” David spoke up for me. I frowned at him, wondering if I got a say in any of it. “She can stay with me.”

“David, you have to work and can’t be with me all the time. It would be better if I stayed at the clubhouse. At least until you figure out who is responsible.” 

He glared at Happy. “Don’t let anything else happen to her.” He leaned down kissing my forehead, then left the room. Happy came to stand beside the gurney, looking down at me.

“Ready to go?” I nodded my head, he helped me up.


Gemma and Tara had gone shopping and bought me some clothes and a few other things I needed waiting for me at the clubhouse. When Happy and I walked in several cheers went up.

Chibs walked up to me pulling me into a hug. “Glad to see that you’re okay.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at him, several other men came up to me. Welcoming to the clubhouse. Telling me they were glad I was fine, and if I needed anything to let them know.

Happy guided me towards the back, down the hallway, stopping at a door. He pulled out a key, unlocking it, opening the door, he showed me inside. Closing the door, he pulled me into his arms. His lips capturing mine, my back was pushed up against the door.

Happy broke off the kiss, his dark eyes full of emotions. “Why didn’t you get out of the house?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you unconscious and helpless on the floor.”

“You could have been killed trying to get me out…”

“You could have died if I would have left you!” We had a stare down contest, I couldn’t figure out why he was so upset with me. I grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back down for a kiss. Picking me up, he carried me to the bed, laying me down, I stared to pull off my clothes.

He smiled down at me, as he started to undress, laying down next to me, he pulled me on top of him.


“What do you mean she got out?” Jacob could feel his blood pressure rising. (Y/N) dying in a house fire, would get him sympathy votes, he’d win his campaign for Mayor. “You had one job, make sure she didn’t get out!”

“I’m sorry Sir. She had a Son in the house protecting her, he must have called for help.”

“If you want the rest of your money, then make sure she dies. Very publicly, I need it to be soon” He ended the call. His sister had been a pain in his ass long enough. 

dean/cas // ‘red means i love you’ 

“Flowers have meanings for humans, don’t they?”
Dean raised an eyebrow at the question. Cas was looking over the long line of roses growing around the garden.
  “Sure thing they do,” The old gardener Mrs Anderson laughed. Clearly, she hadn’t taken Cas’s expression seriously. Dean sighed: they were there to work a case, not to discuss cheesy botanical pickup lines. But once something caught Cas’s interest, there was no walking away.
  “What do the white ones mean?” Cas asked, pointing towards the most prominent bush of roses.
  “Purity in general, but if you give them to someone they mean reverence, devotion, sometimes even the desire for a new start,” Mrs Anderson explained.
Cas nodded, fascinated.
  “What about the pink ones?”
  “Pink is gratitude.”
   “Passion, desire. Yellow ones, instead, symbolise friendship, companionship. It’s a ‘thanks for being you’ kinda thing.”
Against his will, Dean grew rather fond of watching Cas brush the roses. He felt a smile curl up his lips. Then Cas stopped, struck by something Dean couldn’t quite make out, since Cas was standing in front of it.
  “What about a red rose?”
  “Come on, Cas. Red means ‘I love you’, even I know that.”
Dean immediately regretted having spoken. Cas turned towards him, his mouth slightly open in surprise, and revealed the one single red rose of the garden.
  “That’s exactly it,” Mrs Anderson confirmed with a smile.
Dean stared and Cas stared back, until Mrs Anderson found it suitable to clear her throat and break their staring contest.
Tone down the gay, Winchester, Dean thought, although he knew by then that when Cas was around, his heterosexual facade would take a trip to Haiti.
He couldn’t stop looking at Cas for the rest of their visit, his heart clutching in a way it hadn’t done in a long time. Red, it was screaming. Red, red, red.

When Dean walked into the room that night, he stopped dead on his feet.
A corpse would have been less of a surprise. Which was a weird thought, but still. Hunting life and all.
On top of his bed laid a bunch of roses. There must have been at least twenty. He gulped and stepped closer: white ones, pink ones, yellow ones. Even a couple orange ones, although Mrs Anderson had explained it wasn’t exactly their season.
His stomach felt completely messed up. In a kinda positive way.
  “I couldn’t pick just one meaning,” Cas’s voice explained behind him. “So I got all of them.”
Dean turned around, well aware that his face was probably going through all those colours itself.
  “Thanks Cas, this is… Well, weird, but good weird.”
He glanced at the bed again. He had to say it. Cas got him freaking roses. Sure, Cas wasn’t completely accustomed with human habits but he had to know you don’t just buy flowers for anyone.
  “You didn’t get all the colours.”
The hell with it.
A little happy smile lighted up Cas’s face.
   “I wasn’t sure you’d want this one.” Cas took one single red rose from his back pocket. Until then, Dean could have sworn he would have laughed his ass off if anybody bought him roses. But with Cas… Cas screwed up pretty much all of Dean’s beliefs.
  “I couldn’t convince Mrs Anderson’s to give me hers, so I took a trip to Colombia. Mrs Anderson said it’s the country with the best roses. That’s why I didn’t come home in the car with you - sorry.”
Dean didn’t quite know what to say, so he settled for a snark remark.
  “That’s because you’re not a good negotiator.”
He reached for the bag he forgot by the door and took out the red rose from earlier in the garden.
  “I paid Mrs Anderson sixty bucks for this.”
Fuck the cheesiness, it was worth it. Cas’s face was completely, a hundred percent worth it.
  “It’s red,” Cas pointed out.
  “No shit, Sherlock.”
  “Does that mean you… love me?” Cas tilted his head, smiling in a much more confident way.
Dean wanted to say it. But the whole love thing… It wasn’t one he was ready to speak out loud. Yet.
  “Let’s just say it’s red for me.”
Cas closed the distance between them and gave Dean a soft, almost teasing peck on the lips.
  “Because it’s red for me too.”

Step By Step Guide To The Best Eye F*cking (gulp) On TWD

*By 5 Season Veterans - Carol Peletier and Daryl Dixon 

Step 1. 

Catch the object of your affection gazing or sneaking glances at you 

*Which just happens to be Daryls favorite past time when he’s around Carol. 

Step 2. 

If the occasion is a low-key ‘happy’ one then engage the slow motion goggly eye mode. 

Bonus points for a sly-half smirk 

*Both Carol and Daryl happen to be excellent in the art of smirking. 

Step 3. 

If the occasion is one of sexually charged angst (like 90% of the time) then scrap the slow motion gazing and give them your very best long, hard but emotionally softened direct stare 

*You know to add even MORE mind-blowing tension!

Step 4. 

Once eye contact is locked in, engage the stare down contest mode. 

The challenge only enhances the emotional…and um hotness of the whole exchange 

*Carol stumps Daryl with this quite regularly! 

Step 5. 

If proximity allows employ brief physical contact and once your target is distracted, change the emotion in your eyes to something else. 

 Keep your partner guessing and always remember that variety is the spice of life! 

 *Carol loves to 'distract’ Daryl and then watch him get flustered. 

Step 6. 

For extra special occasions or when you want to go for the full impact, couple the 'eye f*cking’ with a bit if teasing or a riskee line. 

Stand back and watch the hilarity! 

*Nobody is better at this than Carol…just ask Daryl, he knows what I am talking about! 

Step 7. 

When things get a little 'too intense’ and the action needs to 'stop’ for some reason (why Gimple, why?), nothing punctuates a round of 'eye sex’ like a humorous line to diffuse all that sexual chemistry. 

*Again Kirkman why?

*Daryl I believe that’s your cue!

Step 8

Practice 'eye f*cking’ to perfection by watching your partner repeatedly when they aren’t looking at you! 

*Daryl please demonstrate… 

Step 9. 

After an especially successful round of 'eye f*ucking’ make sure to congratulate each other with a good chuckle as you marvel at just how great you are getting to be at it. 

 *Snort and pffft are also acceptable! 

Step 10. 

Continue repeating steps 1-9 until REAL SEX is achieved! 

Bonus points for having many talks with Gimple to discuss the transition from 'eye f*cking’ to the real thing. 

*Thank you Norman…

For volunteering to have a lot of talks with Gimple about CARYL getting there!