starbuck's secret menu

i know most of y'all wouldn’t pull this but like if u go to starbucks and ask for “"secret menu”“ drinks please remember to bring the recipe for the drink. if u come up to the counter and order , like, a Tinkerbell Frappuccino, no one is gonna know what ur talking about.

the ”“secret menu”“ isn’t a real menu, it’s drinks that ppl came up with and spread on the internet. we’re not hiding a menu from you

Adventures at Starbucks
  • Customer: Can you make a pumpkin cheesecake frappuccino?
  • Me: ...Let me look up the recipe. (Internally screaming)
  • Customer: (Goes on and on about how delicious the frappuccino is, how she's had it before but half the baristas won't make it)
  • Me: It's no trouble (FUCK THE SECRET MENU)
  • Customer: (Takes drink) OMG IT'S PERFECT, THANK YOU SO MUCH! (Leaves)
  • Me: (pours leftover in cup and tries it) Fuck. This really is delicious.
5 Starbucks Drinks You Didn't Know Existed!

1. The “Secret Menu” Shitlord

How to order this drink: Approach your barista with your chest puffed out like a confident, caffeinated middle-class peacock. Say “I’d like a snickerdoodle cookie dough ferrero rocher macchiatoccino. Quaranta-grande size, please. Easy on the low-fat foam.” When the barista begins, with a pained expression on their face, to try and understand what drink you want - be enraged! They KNOW about the secret menu and its number 1 drink, The Quarante-Grande Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Ferrerro Rocher Machiotoccino, better known by its simplistic moniker QuaraGraSnickerCookieFerRocherMaCiCino. It may take you twenty minutes and a considerable amount of cash to get this holy grail of SBUX beverages, but you won’t be disappointed at the taste. Don’t be fooled by anyone who takes a sip and says it’s just a liquidy mocha caramel frappuccino - their taste buds are destroyed by ordering from the normy menu.

2. The Roughin’ It Cowboy Style

Ask for a tall black coffee. Don’t even specify which blend they should use. Just a tall, black coffee. They’ll hand you a cup filled with this black liquid that may be foreign to you. It’s bitterness may shock and appall you. It will be like nothing you’ve ever tasted before. What is this strange beverage? They serve something like this at Starbucks, of all places? And did the barista just say TWO dollars? Does money even come in denominations that small anymore? This drink is the true enigma of all drinks.

3. The Transmogrificcino

Enter your local Starbucks and ask for a cup of water for your very thirsty dog waiting outside. This drink order does not require you have an actual dog, just say that you do. They will give you a free cup of water in the classic Starbucks Original cup. Take this cup outside. Secretly dump the water out onto the street (or drink it, if you’re a rebel). Take the cup to your home. Pour some of your lowly homebrewed coffee into the Godly cup. Make your coffee the way you would normally take it in a Starbucks establishment. Sip the coffee - lo and behold! The cup has transmogrified your coffee into coffee that tastes like Starbucks coffee! You know this coffee is better than your regular coffee because it comes in a Starbucks orignal plastic cup. Walk about town with your renewed, rebirthed magic coffee and everyone will know that you have a TRUE coffee in that cup, not some cheapo homemade shabby drip press. 

4. The Cadbury Creme Egg Latte

With a Cadbury Creme Egg in hand, order a caramel latte from your charming barista. Sit down at a wonderfully designed Starbucks Original Table, unwrap your creme egg, and drop it directly into the latte. Slug that puppy back with Gusto knowing you have outwitted the average customer who is unaware of how easy it is to order a magnificent Cadbury Creme Egg Latte. You have won. You are a God.

5. The Non-fat Doppio Cuil-o Theory

Walk up to your hamburger. They hand you a barista. You eat the barista. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. They hand you a coffee.

You drink the hamburger. Why are we speaking German?

A woman comes into my store with her husband and 2 or 3 kids. 
She asks me, “Can you do the Skittles frappuccino?”
“I don’t know the recipe for that one. If you have the recipe I can make it.” I tell her.
“What about the Willy Wonka frappuccino?” 
*resists the urge to give her my “are you fucking kidding me” face* “Do. You. Have. The. Recipe.?”
“Then no. We aren’t trained to know the secret menu drinks.”
She ended up ordering cotton candy frappuccinos, which is the only secret menu recipe that I DO know by heart.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: If you try to order off the “secret menu” and don’t have the recipe, don’t expect me to know it. Baristas are not trained to memorize the thousands of made-up recipes people come up with and post to pinterest. 

heart is where the home is | kth

alternative title: ‘from new york to la, you flew right to my heart’

summary: somehow, when you woke up this morning, you didn’t really picture yourself falling in love with the attractive, well-read traveller sitting next to you on the plane, but a missed connection and an alarming amount of hand-holding later, you find that you both get a lot more than what you paid for.

{airport au with the friends to lovers trope sort of???? i guess??}

pairing: taehyung x female reader
word count: 16k
warnings: mild overstimulation, sensual sex, hotel sex because i couldn’t figure out how they could have sex in an airport
genre: fluff, smut
a/n: this is entirely based on an actual real life experience i had when i went on vacation last month, except i didn’t get to meet a cute aesthetic boy and fall in love with him :’( can’t win ‘em all, eh? for the record, i love eating fries dipped in mayo.

You’re such a dad, honestly. It’s three hours before your first flight—to none other than LA, the city of angels (and dead dreams, and Starbucks secret menus, and no water), mind you—and the taxi you’re sitting in is only now just pulling into JFK airport. And it’s stressing you out a little, because you read on some awful Buzzfeed article that you should actually show up four hours in advance when you’re taking a day flight, since airports are usually busier and therefore tend to have longer waiting times. It’s kind of ridiculous, actually, showing up practically a quarter of the day before you need to be there, but you’ve never flown on such a long flight before, and if you’re not one-hundred-and-ten percent prepared, what’s the damn point?

You pay the taxi driver the hefty bill he requires—fuck you, morning rush hour New York City traffic—and grab your things, breathing in the ever-so-pleasant air of thousands of cars, vans, and buses lined up to transport people to and fro around the airport. All airports smell the exact same the moment you set foot in them, and it’s the scent of gasoline, over-cleaned marble, and misbehaving, tantrum-throwing children. It’s somewhat refreshing, actually, all part of the journey. A reminder that you won’t be trapped in the same old town any longer.

Sure enough, the airport is decently packed when you walk inside, pulling your large four-wheel suitcase—they are infinitely better to handle than two-wheelers—and your carry-on one next to you, a backpack hugging your shoulders. The line for check-in is not astronomically long, like you would expect it to be on a typical Saturday in JFK, but the line for those ticket kiosks certainly is. You roll your way up to the end of the line and wait, tapping your foot impatiently because the fear of not allowing yourself enough time still sits in your brain, only able to be resolved once you sit down at your gate.

When you finally reach an open kiosk, it’s all fumbling for your papers in your backpack that have your flight information on them, shuffling through the travel folder you store to find all of your flight times and numbers and whatnot. You’re a bit… anxious, to say the least, desperate to speed through the process as fast as you can so you waste no time, but the only thing you manage to accomplish is dropping all of your flight information on the cold marble floor of JFK in a flurry of A4.

Keep reading

Holy heaven above ! ! ! This tea is called the “medicine ball” aka a creation on the “secret” Starbucks menu! If you have a sore throat/cold I HIGHLY recommend; this was exactly what Josh & I needed after feeling crappy all week 🙌🏻☕️

The “medicine ball” contains:
1 jade citrus mint tea bag
1 peach tranquility tea bag
½ water ½ steamed lemonade
+ honey!

Secret Menu Fuckery

Gather round children, for I am about to drop some goddamn knowledge.

I am a Starbucks Barista. I toil around a espresso machine the size of a fucking car, I go into battle with temperamental blenders and customers alike, I burn my self and cut myself daily, all so I can deliver you delicious handcrafted beverages.

Let’s start by saying this - I love my job. I love you customers. I love the smell of freshly poured espresso shots and green tea frappachinos. I love the distressing hiss of an empty whipped cream can, the sticky chai and mocha I wear like scars, the wobble of milk foam, the dinky cups, the coffee grinder, the slow registers and gold cards.  I love it all.

But if there’s one thing I hate, it’s the fucking Secret Menu.

Let’s start with this: despite the website having the name Starbucks in the URL, Starbucks wants nothing to do with this bullshit. In fact, they don’t even recognize it as having anything to do with Starbucks. Because it’s not. To them, it doesn’t exist. The drinks on the ‘secret’ menu are sugar-infused diabetic fucking nightmares that cost approximately 8-fucking-dollars and have the calorie count of a whole Thanksgiving Dinner.

Stop, just stop. 

I don’t know who you think you are when you walk up to my register and have the nerve to order a goddamn Ferrero Rocher Frappachino. The conversation will sound something like this:

Customer: Hi, can I please get a Ven-tayyy Ferrero Rocher Frappe?
Me: Yeah, sure. Can I see the recipe?
Customer: -uncomfortable laugh- It’s on the -shifty eyes- secret menu.
Me: I understand that! It’s not a menu we actually have access to, so if you ever want to get a secret menu drink, we need you to bring in a recipe from the website. We don’t have any way of knowing them.
Customer: -loud sigh- Fiiiiiiine. In THAT case, can I get a Pumpkin Spice Frappe with extra caramel drizzle and java chips?
Me: Of course. That will be 300 dollars. 

Jokes aside, if you absolutely cannot resist the tempting lure of a Smores frappachino, fucking fine. I don’t give a shit if your goal is to be instagram-famous and 700 pounds. 
This is pretty much everything you need to know about these things.

  • We’ll start with ordering. You will start by ordering it by name, a glimmer of hope in your eyes. If you’re lucky, it might be one we already know. YES, I said that we don’t know them, but there are some that are so common, it’s easy to pick them up. The Cotton Candy is the most universal one, and the easiest. My coworkers and I have a conglomerate of combined secret-menu knowledge, but it isn’t a magical dictionary you can crack open. How many pumps of Toffee Nut does a Capn Crunch Frap get - fuck if I know.
  • We will tell you we need a recipe. Never fear, you pinned this baby on your recipe board in a fit of period-induced cravings at about 1 in the morning three weeks ago. You take out your phone, you are madly trying you find it. There’s a line, and not only do I think you’re an asshole, so does everyone else. A woman three people behind you just wants her grande Pikes with room - is anything easy?
  • AHA. The Raspberry Caramel Cheesecake Bites Frappachino is now just on the horizon. You read the recipe out loud.
    • I add all of the extra syrup and various ingredients to the tally. The price goes up. You look annoyed. Good, now we’re on the same fucking page. You want 4 dollars of extra syrup in your frap, you can pay for it.
    I wince at every extra pump and hope you don’t throw up from the sugar intake inside the store, where we would be responsible for it.
  • Frappachinos (and most Starbucks Specialty Beverages) already have a shitton of calories in them. Each secret drink is an original drink with extra flavoring. On it’s own, The Double Chocolatey Chip in a Venti clocks in at about 700 calories. The sugar count is in a Caffe Vanilla Frappachino is 83 grams of sugar. That’s about 20 teaspoons. Yep, 20 teaspoons. Go measure that out in your kitchen. I’ll wait.
    I get that these aren’t health foods. I get that everyone should get a drink once in a while - Frappachinos are excellent treats, and I won’t judge you for getting them - EVER. However, expect some hard core judging if you want a Secret Menu Frap.
  • So take this already sugar-calorie fest and add about 6 extra pumps of sugar or other ingredients. You just added a good 300 calories to your disgusting concoction. Way to go. 
  • On to the next step, I set it on my bar. The side of the cup is blackened with a paragraph of extra ingredients. The person working cold-bar gives me a woeful look. That’s right, we’ve all been there. 
  • Frappachinos already take a fucking century to make, and now here’s one with 30 extra steps and ingredients. Fucking fantastic.
  • We do everything except for adding our own lock of hair into your potion.  10 minutes later, after the smoke clears from our overworked blender and your drink is bubbling within it, our job is done. It is a fucking mess. It smells like pure sugar. 
  • You smile, your eyes dazed as the phone materializes in your hand. You will capture this moment, share it with the world. “My name is Stacy and I think I’ll be a size 2 and 13 for the rest of my life.” Not at this fucking rate, Stacy.
  • You take a sip. Huh. Not as good as you were hoping. Now, Stacy, was that worth 7 dollars?

In conclusion, stop. 

Frappuccinos for the signs

Aries: Chai Crème

Taurus: Red Velvet

Gemini: Butterbeer

Cancer: Birthday Cake

Leo: Cookie Dough

Virgo: Green Tea

Libra: Cinnamon Roll

Scorpio: Midnight Mint Mocha

Sagittarius: S’mores

Capricorn: Lemon Bar Crème

Aquarius: Oreo

Pisces: Unicorn

anonymous asked:

Has the crows and their regular starbucks order already been done?

probably, but we’re going to do another.

  • kaz: black, one sugar. was once convinced by nina to try smth fancy and threw it in the server’s face when it came out with whipped cream. was honestly so insulted that someone would look at him and think ‘this bitch would love whipped cream’.
  • inej: imo she drinks tea. loves spicy black teas with cinnamon. 
  • jesper: a quadruple espresso with kvas and whipped cream
  • wylan: a cappuccino, from his very own cappuccino maker probably
  • nina: the fanciest drinks with as much whipped cream as you can fit (likes to swipe some on matthias’ nose and take a picture before he can wipe it off). a ho for starbucks’ secret menu. loves frappes.
  • matthias: starbucks? no. would rather make his coffee own at home than pay for an overpriced coffee and have his name called and spelled wrong. his idea of a fancy drink is using hazelnut creamer.
  • kuwei: “i’ll have whatever you’re having jesper 😏 he says but is too much of a wimp to drink as much caffeine as jesper does and “accidentally” pours half of it on wylan. 

talk to me abt soc!

Dangerous Woman Tour Sacramento Soundcheck Highlights

Outfit: Ariana was wearing her yellow “Pizza rolls not gender roles” sweatshirt and had her hair in a short ponytail.

- Ariana said it feels way longer than 4 years of The Way and after a fan yelled, “It feels like 40!”, she laughed and said, “I was gonna say more like 10.”

- Someone asked if Ariana could do a livestream and tease new music but she said she isn’t ready yet, because she has a big surprise with this album and that it is something she has never done before, which is why she is taking her time with it.

- Ariana said she would never order the Starbucks secret menu drink that is named after her

- A fan yelled, “Toulouse let’s see your wink!” and Ariana said, “He’s so confused, he can’t understand you. He’s only a dog!”

- She said her favorite Sam & Cat episode is the ATM one because Cat breaks the law

- When a fan was shocked that Ari answered her question, Ari laughed with her crew, “Did your soul leave your body?”

- A fan yelled, “Justice for Focus!!” and Scott said, “Yeah!” and all the dancers laughed.

- The dancers said it was the loudest soundcheck they have ever had.

- Jones Crow was at Soundcheck.

[and now for a few non-soundcheck moments]

- During M&G, a fan told her to “belt her dick off” and instead of laughing like they expected, she just said “I don’t have one but okay,” so they responded, “Oh my god, I fucked it up I’m sorry,” and she said, “Nah you’re good,” and then the fan had to leave so the next person could go. Afterwards, that fan talked to Joan because they were so upset and Joan hugged them and said “Honey, I’m her mother. Believe me that she thought it was funny. She was just replying like that because that’s how she is with her sense of humor,” and then hugged them again and told them to stop crying.

- A fan mentioned during M&G that they had tweeted at her saying they would love to see a DWT rehearsal and she said “Oh my gosh that’s right! That was you? I wish we could have done something like that. Maybe in the future!”

- Joan told a fan that she doesn’t let Ariana look at Twitter sometimes because some people are so mean and it really affects Ariana even though she tries not to pay attention to it

Today at work some dudebro tried to quiz me about how to make a drink. At Starbucks. I am a fully qualified barista. At Starbucks. In fact I’m so qualified that I train OTHER people to be qualified baristas. And this guy, this neckbeard asshole, wearing a walking dead t-shirt has the AUDACITY to come into my store, my dojo, order a ‘tuxedo mocha’ and ask me to tell him ‘how i think it’s made’. And then, AND THEN, has the nerve to tell me that he’s, and I quote, ‘surprised you know what it is, most baristas don’t know the secret menu’ !!!???!!!!!? Like, listen here Ezekiel, you come into my cafe, my coffee kingdom, and insult my expansive coffee knowledge because you think no one knows what your basic ass half white mocha half regular mocha princess drink is? Like I’m some fake gamer girl but with coffee??? Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.