star trek: original

Yo alright so i wasnt in the discourse, and i dont normally talk too much on this blog, but just. I really hope we can use this as a growing experience. Whoever OP was did the right thing pointing them out, and im sad to say i was following several of them.

One of the people affected is one of my favorite artists and im sad to hear how upset they are. Its funny because the DAY BEFORE all this stuff broke out i came out as ace (and now i guess to you guys, hello) for the first time to one of my ace friends, and i was feelin real nice about it, then this happens. I want y'all to know my blog is always a safe space and if anyone wants to talk to me they can do so.

Always be kind always be open. LLAP.

My favourite fact about Star Trek TOS is that, because automatic doors weren’t invented yet, the ‘automatic doors’ in TOS were really just some guy yanking a rope and pulley system to make them slide open. Problem was the person was far enough away that they couldn’t see when exactly the doors needed to be open, and relied on a signal from somebody just off set. The actors, however, had to act as if they were 100% confident the doors were going to open at the exact time and moment despite the fact that they occasionally did not which lead to multiple occasions in which the actors walked directly into the doors while they were opening. 

“The way they defeated the aliens in Star Trek Beyond is unrealistic!”

For your convenience, here is a list of some other ways Star Trek villains have been defeated:

  • By Kirk reciting the Declaration of Independence really passionately
  • Kirk literally fighting himself
  • Kirk fighting himself again (this time while Spock watched)
  • Fat tribbles eating the problem away
  • Dr. McCoy applying mortar to an acidic rock creature
  • Spock mind-melding with a probe
  • Literal whales
  • The power of love defeating V’ger
  • Spock killing Kirk instead of having sex (Kirk got better)
  • An omnipotent being got his ass grounded by his parents
  • By doing literally nothing and history happened the way it would have anyway (plus there was a cat who turned into a hot lady)
  • The crew dressed up in suits and threatened to shoot gangsters
  • Kirk explaining birth control to an overpopulated planet
  • By making children cry

So you see, Beyond is actually well within the Star Trek tradition of ridiculousness. 

Humans in spaaaaace

Had this thought last night as I lay falling asleep. We have all these space-exploration-ensemble shows with a bunch of aliens each of which has some sort of super-human power, more or less. And humans are always given ~leadership~ as their special power. The ability to bring people together, to organize shit, and I always thought, like…what a shitty power. What a shitty colonial “you were a mess until we came in and saved you” power. Drives me nuts. Seems like if an alien species builds a got-damn ship that can fly through got-damn space they probably have their shit together, right? At least somewhat?

So then I figure, what is humanity got to contribute to all these super-beings? We’re just nonsense reckless critters careening through space. Seems like we’d be more trouble than we’re worth.

But what if…I mean, what if that’s us. We’re the universe’s huckleberries. We’ll run headlong into danger, and we’ll *laugh*. And what if…what if we survive and a weirdly abnormally high rate. Like any alien with two bits of math can put together that we should have wiped ourselves out a long time ago with the first set of “hold my beer, and watch this.” So what the shit, how are we still banging around the universe building shit and flying off solar ramps into the sun while doing some spaceship equivalent of an ollie while crushing beer cans on our forehead. Why. Why do we exist.

And then it hits me. We survive. We’re super good at it. Uncannily good at it. So much so that we…I mean, we actually bend probability in our favor. It’s absurd. And it totally falls flat if you actually tell us this (“Never tell me the odds,” said Solo, knowing full well that knowing the odds kills a human’s chances of survival).

So there we are. Careening around the universe. Joining alien crews because they know that with a human on board, especially a cocky human in some kind of leadership position, can warp probability to stretch success in their favor. And they can never ever tell us this. So instead they just pat our heads and tell us we’re just so good at ~leadership~ and that’s what makes humans special

But really…we’re just a bunch of space dinguses.