standup quotes

It is very easy to conform to what your society or your parents and teachers tell you. That is a safe and easy way of existing; but that is not living. To live is to find out for yourself what is true.
—  Jiddu Krishnamurti

My parents didn’t love me less because I was born a daughter.

When I was eight I was confused about being called bossy because I wanted to direct the plays that we would put on for our parents, but the boys were not.

When at 14, I started to be sexualized by certain elements of the media.

When at 15, my girlfriend’s started dropping out of their beloved sports teams because they didn’t want to appear muscley.

When at 18, my male friends were unable to express their feelings.

I decided that I was a feminist.

For the record, feminism by definition is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

How can we affect change in the world when only half of it is invited or feel welcomed to participate in the conversation?

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive.

Both men and women should feel free to be strong.

It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals.

All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for good men and women to do nothing.

If not me, who?

If not now, when?

If you still hate the word it is not the word that is important.

It is the idea and the ambition behind it.

If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer.

—  Emma Watson
Do not allow anyone to emotionally manipulate you. You are allowed to have feelings, opinions and wants, and express them. You are allowed to want to be respected. You are allowed to say “no”. You are allowed to defend yourself when you feel you aren’t being treated fairly. You are allowed to have standards. These are your rights as a human. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for exercising your human rights. Stand up for yourself. Hold these type of people accountable for their actions.
—  Srgraham
I think that the withdrawal of the grant and the implication of student loans necessarily limits people that want vocational careers and produces a generation of people who feel that only the purpose of education is to earn money. And you already see it happening, right? It’s changed the vibe of campus and it changes the kind of people that want to go to college and I think it was done deliberately.

I think it was done deliberately to rid us of all these troublesome thinkers and artists, and of conscientious people. And I think that if Thatcher could have done it she would have done, because I remember a really famous bit of television—well I don’t think it was famous, but it was famous to me:

It was in about 1988 and she was being shown around a women’s college in Oxford, and she said to this girl, ‘What are you studying?’ And it was just broadcast as just a bit of like, filler footage. Thatcher went, 'What are you studying?’ and the girl said, 'Ancient Norse literature.’ And Mrs. Thatcher went: 'Ooh, what a luxury.’

And this wasn’t pointed up as meaning anything, but it does mean something. What it means is that the Prime Minister attached no intrinsic value to knowledge of another culture, or of the past, or of its language. And its a cliché to say, but you understand the modern world through its echoes in the past.

And obviously, there’s not a huge financial future in studying ancient Norse literature, but we do need people that know about these things, and the 'trickle-down’ effect of their knowledge enriches a culture and the people in it. And to say that, what she said—'What a luxury'—indicates that if she didn’t believe there was a direct financial value to it, that it was of no value and the pursuit of that information should not be subsidised by the state, and that’s wrong and I think it was done deliberately.

In the end, [Lord of the Rings, a film trilogy that wouldn’t exist without Tolkien who studied English literature at Oxford on scholarship funds,] that made a lot of money, didn’t it? But you know what, the problem with that is then you’re being drawn into fighting the war on their terms:

When Battersea Arts Centre was threatened with closure because of its withdrawal of funding from Wandsworth Council and when the Bush Theatre was threatened with closure because of the withdrawal of its grant from the Arts Council, the bigwigs from both those places engaged with their detractors by saying, 'But look, we developed Jerry Springer: The Opera and that went on to the West End and made loads of money for businesses,’ and the Bush went, 'We developed this play about whatsit, and so-and-so’s in it,’ and whatever.

But actually, what they should have said was: 'Look, we put on, for a week, a bloke blowing into a balloon and dragging it around on the floor and making funny sounds. And that didn’t transfer to the West End because it has no commercial future, but it is inherently worthwhile.’ That’s what they should have said: 'And that’s why it needs funding.’

But instead they engage on their [detractors’] terms and they’ve already lost because they talk to these people as if the only point of the art were to make money for shops in the West End because people on the way to the theatre were buying crisps. It’s like you’ve already lost because instead of going, 'Well we feel this has an inherent value in and of itself,’ you’ve gone: 'Yes, but look, it made loads of money!’ So it’s a problem.
— 

British writer and comedian Stewart Lee, creator of Jerry Springer: The Opera, discusses current levels of student debt and how it is affecting the careers of potential comedians and other writers/artists/performers. He also discusses the importance of arts funding and grants and the need to defend art for art’s sake.

Lee studied English at St. Edmund Hall in Oxford on a full grant between 1986 and 1989. The Lord of the Rings mention comes from the fact that Tolkien himself studied English at Oxford under a scholarship.

My mother taught me to walk by letting her hand go. I fell, stood up and walked a while alone, but ended with running back towards her.
My father taught me to ride a bike by letting his hand go. I fell, stood up and cycled a while alone, but ended with cycling back towards him.
God taught me to find peace by letting His hand go. I fell, stood up and haunted myself for a while but ended with coming back towards Him.
—  twentytries
My point is, for a guy your age wouldn’t even know the pain, because in your generation, it’s like a space shuttle blows up every fucking day. How can you care about anything when you know every goddamn thing? I’m getting over one cop shooting, and then another one happens, and then another one happens, and another one happens. I’m crying about Paris, and then Brussels happens. I can’t keep track of all this shit. So you just give the fuck up. That’s the hallmark of your generation, and that’s fucked up, because your generation lives in the most difficult time in human history. This is the age of spin. The age where nobody knows what the fuck they’re even looking at.
—  The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle Live at The Hollywood Palladium